Nothing Left To Love
by ReddTwilight
Summary: When all you're hanging on to life and love by is a thread, what do you do when it snaps? AH. Rated M for future chapters.
1. Evacuation Drill

A/N: Here's my new AU!!

Bella Swan has lost her family, her mother, step-father, and her father. Now she must try and live as much of a normal life as she can. Working two jobs to support herself and pay bills and completing her senior year of high school barely leaves her any time for herself, let alone time to actually live her life. She has no plans for her future after high school; she figures it'll just be easier to keep going the way she has been now for the last two months. She's completely alone in the world except for her small circle of friends including an ex-boyfriend. She has nothing left to love, save one person.

Edward Cullen is the most wanted guy in the school. He and his sister, Alice, are the epitome of the "in-crowd". She's been voted most artistic and well-rounded, and he's the star and pride and joy of the track team. Alice is comfortable in her social situation flitting from group to group, but Edward prefers to be alone, doesn't want the emotional hassle that comes with a girlfriend, and therefore avoids girls all together. Whenever one gets too close he just casts them off. But a spur of the moment decision during a monotonous school routine is about to change that.

When all you're hanging on to life by is a thread, what do you do when it snaps?

*Nothing Left To Love*

ENJOY!!!!!!

ReddTwilight

~*~*~*~*~*

Chapter 1: Evacuation Drill

Edward's Point of View

One word to describe this stupid, boring, and unfortunate biannual school year routine… Ugh. Ok, maybe that's not a real word. I'll check my Scrabble dictionary when I get home. At least this is happening on a Friday morning. These drills usually killed off the first three classes, so there was always that to be thankful for. We all still had to go to homeroom then walk outside and cross the soccer/field hockey field, football field/track field, and the baseball field to get to the middle school so we could all sit on our asses in the gym and twiddle our thumbs for an hour while we were counted. Because God forbid any one of us misses an evacuation drill.

"I'm bored," I mumbled and leaned against my sister's side. She shoved me away and told me to piss off.

"Go lean on someone else." Alice said throwing my backpack at me and going back to the sketch she was currently engrossed in creating.

"No, you make a better pillow, you're softer." And I went about leaning back against her, my head on her shoulder. Alice just sighed and put her sketch to the side and drew my head down onto her leg.

"What's wrong, big brother? You're melancholy this morning."

"I'm fucking bored!" I exclaimed quietly.

"You're also in my spot." Alice's boyfriend Jasper said as he appeared suddenly. I sat up forfeiting my comfortable position and Jasper was quick to lay his head in Alice's lap. The two stared goo-goo eyed at each other as Alice stroked his hair and both acted as if I no longer existed.

I looked around, leaving the happy couple to their moment, taking in all of my classmates and the underclassmen. I saw a couple of my friends but they were too engrossed in playing football with a folded paper triangle. There were separate groups of girls staring at me while pretending not to. I looked past them continuing to move my eyes around the gym. They fell finally on a group of three girls who were sitting together laughing as they played with a handmade fortune-teller. The girl pinching it open and closed as she counted had dark, dark brown hair, so dark it was almost black. She was pale and kept pushing her hair behind her right ear.

I assumed the two girls sitting with her were her friends. I recognized them as Jessica Stanley and Angela Weber. I didn't know them personally, but I knew Angela was dating Ben Cheney from the soccer team, and Jessica was part of my "fan club" around the school. The girl with the dark brown hair looked familiar, I was pretty sure I recognized her. I'd seen her at the NHS meetings Alice, Jasper, and I attended. But id always thought her hair had been a little redder. When did it get so dark? And when did she become so pale? And if this was the girl I thought she was, when did she become so thin? I mean, she was always skinny, but now…

"I'm gonna go over there." I said to Alice. I didn't get a response, whatever. I picked up my backpack and walked a couple steps in the girls' direction but some of my friends stopped me and I sat down with them for a minute to toss some bullshit back and forth. Every couple of seconds I looked over at the three girls. Eventually I saw Jessica and Angela get up, gather their bags, and walk off after saying bye to their friend. I told my friends I'd see them later and got up and walked over to the lone brunette.

"Hi," I said sitting down next to her. She jumped and looked at me, the book in her hand nearly flying."Sorry," I apologized. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's ok." She laughed nervously, "Can I help you?"

"Yeah, I'm bored." I said and set my backpack behind me, "so I came over to sit with you since you look bored, too. I figured we could be bored together." I stretched out lying on my back and rested my head against my backpack crossing my arms over my chest.

"Ok?" She said watching me. "There's not much I can do if you're going to lay there and sleep. I mean, we'll only be here for another twenty minutes." She glanced at her watch.

"Well, that's another twenty minutes of sleep I didn't get this morning." I shut my eyes.

"Why did you really come over here, Edward?"

I looked up at her, "You know who I am?"

"Of course I do. You're Edward Cullen. Who doesn't know you? You're the hottest guy in school, pride and joy of the track team, and you're single by choice, completely untouchable. Need I say more? Oh, and your family's loaded."

"Those are just superficialities."

"Well, considering you don't let people get too close I can't really say much about you as a person. I don't know you that way."

"So tell me about yourself instead." I glanced up at her and smirked.

Bella sighed and rolled her eyes throwing me a frustrated glare."Do you even know my name?"

"Yes, Isabella."

"Bella," She corrected me.

"Bella," I repeated with a smile. It evoked one from her along with a nervous laugh. She looked around seeming like she was uncomfortable. "What?" I asked.

"I'm hungry." She admitted looking at me sheepishly.

I started to sit up. "I have an apple in my bag, you want it?"

Bella held her hand up in a polite manner of refusal. "No, I'll wait till lunch."

"Ok," I said settling back down. I leaned against my backpack once more and crossed my arm back over my chest. "So tell me about yourself."

"What do you want to know?" Bella asked her tone a little on the sarcastic side.

I shrugged. "Whatever."

"Ok… Uh," She put her book down and drew her knees up to her chest locking her arms around them. "I'm an only child. I've never had any pets. I used to live in Phoenix with my mom and then I moved up here two years ago to live my dad. I work two jobs…"

"Wait," I said stopping her for a moment, "you work two jobs?" I was shocked. I hadn't heard of anyone in this town working two jobs. My curiosity got the better of me. "Why?" I asked, hoping it didn't come out sounding criticizing or rude.

"I need the money, and its long hours. I waitress at the diner Monday through Friday three to one, and I work at the sports outlet on the weekends nine to seven."

"Are the weekday hours PM to AM?"

"Yeah, but I get to keep all of my tips. I make below minimum wage at the diner and just above at the outlet so it all evens out." Bella took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I don't like to be home a lot. I like to keep busy."

"Too crowded at home?"

Bella sighed again, this time sadly her eyes becoming distant. "Sometimes," she said quietly.

I watched her for a moment and found myself sitting up next to her. Bella looked at me apologetically, but I shook my head at her, trying to convey that she didn't need to apologize. "You need to take an afternoon off and just hang out."

Bella looked at me again, this time surprised. "With you?" She asked giving me a doubtful expression.

"Sure, why not? I don't have anything to do." I said casually, my tone easy, lying back down. Bella scoffed and glanced around the gym for a minute. "What?"

"Are you serious?" She asked looking back to me, her expression and her tone both just a touch cynical. "You really want to hang out? With me?"

"Sure," I smiled at her and watched as she slowly broke into her own bright grin. I couldn't believe the difference a smile made in her face. All of her features lit up and she practically glowed with happiness. For a moment the thought crossed my mind, what had she gone through to make all of this brilliant glee become so dormant?

Just then our "trusty" principal made the announcement through a megaphone what we would all be heading back to class now. I got up collecting my backpack and slung it over my shoulder. I smiled at Bella once more before walking off back over to Alice and Jasper.

~*~*~*~*~*~*

Bella's Point of View

~*~*~*~*~*~*

Had that just happened? Did Edward Cullen just say he'd hang out with me? The man I'd been pining after for years now had just agreed, initiated even, an afternoon together. Oh my God. When he smiled at me I felt my heart melt and couldn't help but smile back. The same routine every time I saw him smile or heard him laugh. It warmed my heart, but I'd hidden it for two years. Not even Jessica, whose hormonal crazy for him, knows that I'm in love. No on does. And no one ever will, except me.

Edward and I run in completely different social circles. I had a better chance with Eric Yorkie, at least we were in science club together, and that met more much often than NHS. But I had absolutely no interest in Eric, and I knew he was into Angela anyway.

I watched as Edward walked off trying my best not to stare at him too long, and trying even harder to ignore the daggers being thrown at me by every other girl around. They were all probably wondering the same thing I was.

What made me so special all of a sudden?


	2. Rejection

A/N: First and foremost and most importantly,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROB!!!!!!!!!! I'm having a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch this morning for you, I know it's your fave. And whatever my mom and I bake tonight for the church yard sale, I will save a piece and stick a candle in it for you. Keep up the fantastic work, we all love and support you!!!! (It's just SO obvious how I feel about him, right?)

Thank you everyone for the reviews on the previous chapter!!! I love receiving feedback and knowing what everyone thinks. I so glad that you're all enjoying everything so far. Hey guess what, today's the last day of the semester. I'm officially graduating and getting my Associate's Degree. SO drinking Friday night!!!! Woo Hoo!!!! That also means I won't have any class work tying me done so now I can focus on my stories, Yeah!!! I know that will make a lot of people (myself included) happy.

ENJOY!!!

ReddTwilight

~*~*~*~*~*

Chapter 2: Rejection

Bella's Point of View

I barely made it out the front door of the middle school before Jessica was attacking me with an onslaught of questions. I was still reeling from the fact that Edward Cullen had even spoken to me, forget sitting with me, the fact that he had even wanted to waste his breathe talking to me had left me completely dazzled.

"What was that?" Jessica beamed at me.

"What was what?"

"Duh, Edward Cullen! Oh my God, I am _so_ jealous right now."

I sighed heavily to myself. "Jess, it was nothing. He was just bored."

"You seemed pretty elated." Jessica pried.

"Did I?" I asked, intentionally avoiding her impeccable observation.

"Do you have a thing for him? If you do I'm willing to share."

I stopped and looked at Jess as the other students kept walking past us. "He's no even your boyfriend, Jess. There would be no sharing."

Jess grabbed my arm and pushed me forward with an eager. "But I _so_ want him to be, Bella!"

"Yeah, you and every other girl in the school, Jess."

She looked at me, not amused by sarcastic cynicism. "Oh come on, don't act like you don't want him. He's the hottest thing on two legs this school has to offer, and he's _single_. Come on, you can't _beat_ that!" Jess whispered excitedly.

"He's single by choice. Not because no one wants to be with." I looked around awkwardly; making sure no one could overhear us. I gasped to myself. Maybe fifteen feet from me was Edward, walking with this sister and her boyfriend. I bowed my head to avoid meeting his gaze accidently and smiled brightly to myself. Jess didn't notice. She just kept going on and on about him. How beautiful his green eyes were, and I couldn't argue with her there, but I continued to keep my mouth shut.

She talked about his so-called "sex hair". I loved his unruly auburn locks more than anything, except maybe his smile, and wished I could just bury my hands in them and pull him to me. But I kept my fantasies to myself. As we neared the school I was so lost in my own daydreams of Edward that I was only catching bits and pieces of Jess's rant here and there.

At this point she was so far into her tirade that there was no point in trying to get a word in edgewise. I didn't want to give anything away about myself anyway. I was shocked that she wasn't pressing for more details about my brief, but wonderful, conversation with Edward. I wouldn't instigate that particular conversation.

Jess didn't stop even as we walked into third period English together. She took her normal seat next to me and I watched as Edward's sister took her seat three rows down from me. She smiled at me and waved politely. I waved back. Alice was a nice girl, tiny and pixie like with her cropped, spiky dark hair and round angelic face. She was one of the most fashion forward girls in the school; second only to Rosalie Hale, her boyfriend's older sister.

Alice and I have only two classes together, English and Creative Writing. I hated both classes. In fact I hate all but one of my classes. The only one I actually enjoy is my AP biology class. I actually felt smart in that class. I had stopped liking English as soon as we were done with the classic novels and moved on to more contemporary work. I don't know why, but the more modern novels we were forced to read just bored me.

As I sat there listening to Jess drone on for the first three minutes of class while our teacher passed around old papers and quizzes that he had graded I had the deep desire to bow my head, pretend to be reading, and actually take a nap. But I had to pay attention. We had an exam on Monday, and I was absolutely positive that whatever we covered today would be on the exam.

My stomach rumbled halfway through class and I suddenly wished I had taken that apple that Edward ad offered me. Only the rest of this class, fourth and fifth period and I could go to lunch.

~*~*~*~

I was halfway to my fifth period class when I realized I'd left all of my books in my locker and I desperately needed them. I let my mind wander as I rushed back across the school thinking abut this morning and remembering the way Edward had smiled at me. I felt my heart grow warm as it usually did and I smiled brightly to myself.

When I reached my locker I spun the dial on the lock so fast I impressed myself with my speed and the fact that I was doing this without hurting myself. I was known throughout my grade as "clumsy" or "klutzy" Bella Swan. I had no grace or sense of equilibrium, let alone any balance. I am the most uncoordinated person you will ever meet. I always tried to get myself placed in the back of any team when we played sports in gym that required them.

I grabbed everything I needed and slammed my locker shut so loud the sound reverberated down the hall. I turned the corner a little sharp hoping to cut it and slice a half second from my time and crashed right into somebody. I fell down on my bottom dropping everything in my arms and immediately felt embarrassment flush my face.

I looked up and my embarrassment only worsened when I saw Edward Cullen smiling down at me and shaking his head. He looked to be completely unaffected by the crash and now that I thought about it, when I smacked into him it had been like hitting a wall of marble.

"You don't pay attention much to where you walk do you?" He asked offering me his hand. "Or should I say run?" I took it and he pulled me to my feet. I reveled for a moment in the feel of my hand in his before pulling it back.

"Thanks," I said quietly, and I bent down to start collecting my things. Edward crouched down as well and picked up the two books closer to him. "Thanks," I muttered again as he handed them to me.

"You ok?" He asked genuinely.

"Yeah, fine. No doubt there'll still be a bruise. You're solid as a rock." I teased. Edward laughed and shook his head again running his hand through his always tussled hair auburn hair. I felt my heart skip a few beats as I watched this simple movement and momentarily forgot how to breathe. The bell rang just then and I cursed to myself. My classroom was on the other side of the school.

"I gotta go." Edward said looking around. "Try and be more careful, Swan." He smiled at me and started to walk off toward a classroom.

"Edward, wait." I called. He turned on his heel, hands in pockets and looked at me. I'd only done that because I didn't want to end my time with him yet. What was I supposed to say? "Uh…" I stood there feeling like such an idiot. "Um… When did you want to hang out?" I asked the first thing that came to mind.

Edward looked around nervously and his eyes landed on the open door of the classroom he had been walking toward. He looked back to me with a sigh. "Oh, I forgot about that…I can't, Bella, sorry." And he turned back toward the room.

I was immediately stung and took a step toward him. "But you said you wanted to."

"I didn't really mean it." Edward said turning back to me momentarily. "I was just saying the first thing that came to mind and I wasn't really paying attention to the conversation, I was tired. I have to go, Bella."

Edward turned and walked toward the classroom once more. I took another step toward him but he discreetly dropped his hand and gestured for me to stop. I did, feeling utterly frozen. I watched as he shut the door behind him loudly. It sounded so unnaturally final. I felt my face go blank and stood there for a moment just staring at the closed door but not seeing it.

Eventually I came out of my trance, the latent feeling of rejection washing over me as an icy wave as moisture filled my eyes. I had better control over my emotions than this, I know I did, but his dismissal tore through me and stabbed at my heart. It ripped holes in the tough skin I'd worked so hard to build. I took a couple breaths to steady myself and then a deep one to swallow back my tears just as they threatened to spill. I turned down the hall and headed for class…

…But I never made it. I stopped at the first bathroom I found and locked myself in the handicap stall. My books tumbled from me arms as I fell into a crumpled heap against the cool wall, my head falling to my knees as I let myself cry. Strangled, wrenching sobs that I barely recognized as my own wracked my body. I could feel my it shaking from the force of them.

I didn't care if anyone heard me and I could care even less if I was ignored. I was used to it. I'd never felt so small and insignificant in my entire life. I'd never felt so alone before. I'd been alone for months, but I'd never felt the actual void this intensely. Raw pain pulled at my heart tearing it in two. I felt it break. This wasn't happening. The last thing I had been holding on to was gone. I had nothing left now, nothing but this emptiness that was filling me from the inside out.


	3. Alice Explains

A/N: Thank for the reviews so far, keep them coming.

Ok, I made Rob a birthday cookie, candle and everything. We're all going to sing Happy Birthday on the count of three

1…2…3

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday Rob, we love you!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!!!

And yes I am making a wish for him… Hehehe…

Chapter coming up shortly!!!

ENJOY!!!

ReddTwilight

~*~*~*~*~

Chapter 3: Alice Explains

Edward's Point of View

After a very confusing tortuous three class periods I could finally go to lunch. Alice and Jasper were already at our usual table waiting for me. Jasper was tearing into a slice of pizza while Alice held a red apple in her hands glaring at me as I approached. I shrugged as I sat down.

"What?" I asked. Alice just continued to stare at me. "What did I do now?" I asked turning to look at Jasper. He just shrugged and continued eating his pizza. Alice sighed angrily and looked away from me biting into her apple.

"Your usual fan club's not here today." Jasper said looking over my shoulder. I turned. All that stood out to me was that one of the long tables in the cafeteria was half empty.

"Who?"

"You know that brownish-blonde girl, Jessica… something. She sits with those two other girls, Angela and uh…"

"Bella," Alice snapped glaring at me again.

"That's it, Bella Swan. Where are they?"

"Upstairs," Alice said sharply, "with Bella."

"Is she still in the bathroom?" Jasper asked picking at his pizza. Alice nodded.

I felt completely lost. "Why are they in the bathroom?"

"Because Bella's been in there all morning crying, Edward." Alice snapped at me.

"What is with the attitude, Alice?" I asked as I got up to go get food.

Alice sighed again, looking sad this time. "Edward, sit." She said quietly. "Look, I saw what happened between you and Bella this morning in the hallway. You said something to her and then turned around so quickly you didn't see the look on her face." Alice took a slow, quiet breath before continuing. "Edward, it was beyond pain. But she just took a deep breath and walked away. Bella's had to build up a very tough skin over the past year, but whatever you said to her managed to rip a gaping hole in her shield. I went into the bathroom at the end of fifth period and she was in there crying so hard she was making herself sick. She just kept repeating over and over, 'I have nothing left to love,'."

I didn't have a response to that, just a question. "What do you mean she's had to build a tough skin?"

"She's been through a lot in the past ten months, Edward. Her mother died ten months ago along with her step-father in a car accident in Phoenix." Alice continued.

"Wait," I said holing up my hand, "did you say Bella Swan?" I asked looking at Jasper. He nodded looking to Alice, "Chief Swan's daughter?"

"Yeah, that's her." Jasper confirmed.

I sat back in my chair feeling like someone had just knocked the wind out of me. Now I knew why Bella had seemed so familiar this morning. I didn't know her personally, but everyone knew about Bella Swan. She was the daughter of the police chief who'd been shot while on duty two months ago. All of Forks had been at the funeral. I remember seeing Bella sitting at the front, her two friends on either side of her holding her hands. Next to Jessica had been an older man in a wheelchair I recognized from the La Push reservation outside of town, and a younger man who appeared to be his son was standing behind Bella, hands on her shoulders. Bella had just sat there staring at the coffin with a blank expression on her face, no tears, just a dazed expression. Like she couldn't believe what she was seeing was real.

I couldn't blame her. I was sure she'd done enough crying by then that she didn't have any tears left. At the same time I had thought it unfair that someone so young had lost both of her parents in less than a year. Then I remembered that hundreds of other children had lost their parents even younger, sometimes too young to even know them. But Bella had known her parents and, albeit they were divorced, she had had a strong relationship with them both. Both had raised her in their own way, and I knew that made it ten times harder losing them.

I ran my hand down my face and breathed. Wow, what a reality check. That was sobering if nothing else. I could firmly say that I had lost my appetite. I sat there staring at Alice as she stared back. Her eyes flicked to the door and I followed her gaze.

"Wow, she's brave." Alice whispered as Bella walked in. Jessica and Angela were on either side of her. Alice turned back to me.

"Don't blame me." I hissed at her.

"I won't, but I can guarantee you whatever it was you said to her was what set her off."

I chanced a glance over my shoulder to look at Bella. She was sitting facing away from me, but I saw Jessica looking at me. She leaned in to Bella to say something as her eyes turned to her friend. Bella was still for several long moments and then she abruptly rose from her chair and rushed out of the cafeteria tripping through the door in her hurry. I didn't laugh. I was suddenly more concerned if she was hurt. I wanted to get up and rush after her, but the coward that I was stayed glued in his seat. I turned back to Alice. She was staring daggers at me again.

"Why are you so pissed at me?" I demanded.

"She's my friend, Edward. Or at least I consider her to be. We have a couple classes together and I've gotten to know her. You hurt one of my friends. That's why I'm pissed at you." Alice got up and grabbed her tray to walk off and throw everything out. She then stormed gracefully out of the cafeteria slamming open the door in her fury. I was sure she was going after Bella.

But after this awkward conversation I couldn't be sure of anything anymore.

I walked to my AP biology class alone. Typically Alice and Jasper walked with m, but today Jasper had sauntered off to find her leaving me by myself. That was fine; I didn't want the fucking company. I didn't need Alice making me feel any guiltier than I already did. I was mad, too. I was mad at Alice or her little temper tantrum. She had no quantifiable proof that what I said had "set Bella off" in her opinion. But I was madder with myself than I was at my pixie sister.

What kind of person was I? Hadn't Bella Swan been through enough? No mater how I denied to Alice that my words had had nothing to do with Bell's reaction, I knew deep down that they did. They had everything to do with it. I knew exactly what I had said to the poor girl. I had rejected her, and worst still, I had done it to her face. That took balls and I was severely regretting it now.

Why did I have to be so damn selfish about my privacy that I had to hurt someone else in the process? That had definitely not been my intent. I just hoped that maybe Bella would forget about what I had proposed this morning; but she hadn't, and she had even sounded so…delighted, elated when she reminded me of it.

That's what had turned me off more than the fact that I didn't want anyone passing by to know that I was possibly "dating" again. Yes, tons of girls want me, but I don't want them. They're shallow, vain, and hormonally charged. I can't deal with that kind of drama, and frankly, I don't need it right now, Being Varsity was one thing, but add a girlfriend to that an suddenly you're shoved into the limelight and everyone has to know every detail of your private life.

But when Bella had asked when I wanted to hang out, I didn't hear an underlying suggestive tone, and when I looked at her, her expression was innocent, not seductive. In fact she had looked just as bright as she had this morning, smiling softly at me waiting for my response.

I had felt something inside me stir. Bella was pretty, that much was obvious. But she wasn't my type and what had turned me ff was the fact that she seemed to _want_ to be with me. That was a first. Most girls wanted to be with me for one thing. S.E.X. But I could hear in Bella's voice that she just wanted the pleasure of my company, nothing else. And if I'm being insanely honest with myself…

I wanted hers.

I _wanted_ to hang out with someone who wasn't obsessed with me. I wanted someone focused, down-to-earth. Albeit, she was depressed, but sometimes all you needed was company to help with that. And Bella was smart _and_ deep. I could tell from our conversation this morning, her vocabulary usage…was impressive. I caught a quick glance at the book she was reading. I would never have pegged Bella as an Austen girl; I had always imagined her to read books more along my father's personal venue.

And then I just had to be an utter asshole and brought all of her hopes crashing down because I had no desire to be thrust into the limelight right now. I had been skimming under the dating radar for almost two years now, since my last breakup which had ended on very amicable terms, and I just wanted to finish high school without any emotional hassles and get the hell out of Forks.

I wanted to wait until college before I got serious about a girl again. Bu my own selfishness had gotten in the way once again, and this time it had hurt someone. I was too much of a gentleman to let that slide. It would be unacceptable behavior in my mother's eyes, and it was inexcusable by my own personal standards.

I had AP biology this hour and if I was right Bella was in this class with. However, she wasn't my lab partner, Angels Webber was. Bella was partnered with fucking Mike Newton. I felt a stab of jealousy as I walked in, and that made me internally reel. I didn't even know Bella Swan, nor was I interested in her, and I felt jealous that Newton was sitting to her, enjoying her company and not me.

I glanced around the room as I walked to my seat. Mike was at their desk but Bella wasn't. Angela was already at our lab bench as well. I guess I'd have to wait until after class to apologize. But Bella never showed. Angela raised her hand next to me and explained that Bella had gone home early because she wasn't feeling well. Our teacher made note of that and then called the class to order.

I felt like a complete ass now. I heard my name called and looked up to see almost every student standing around the room. Some were still in their seats. Our teacher had a glass jar with strips of paper in it and the class seating diagram in front of him. Oh no, time to change lab partners for the rest of the year.

"Edward, you can stay at that desk. Your new lab partner is…" And the teacher reached into the jar to pick a name. I started praying furiously to myself, wishing with all my might that He heard me up there. Oh please, please don't pick her. Please, spare me, please don't pick Bella. I'll never be able to face her, please, please don't say-

"Bella Swan." He said, and nodded at me.

Great, just fucking great.

But at the same moment I felt a flicker, a spark, an ember even; starting to grow. I was…excited; excited because now I was going to be sitting next to Bella for the remainder of the year. Ha, take that Newton! I knew he had a secret crush on her. It was SO obvious in the way he hung on to every word. But then I dashed my own hopes and daydreams.

Would Bella actually forgive me? Or would she realize on Monday what had happened and immediately request a seat change? No, I couldn't let that happen. I wanted to get to know this girl. She was a real anomaly to me, in a good way. And I just couldn't let myself get away with hurting her. Not so viciously. I would find a way to earn Bella's forgiveness.


	4. Visit

A/N: Hey, thank you all for the reviews on the previous chapter, I love that you all take a moment to give feedback its always so nice to hear from everyone. I take no credit for the lyrics of "Easier to Run" in this chapter, and give all credit to Linkin Park. Also, chapter "ILR II" will be up shortly. Yes Alice and Jasper have come to the college; they will be making a very entertaining appearance in the second chapter. And I received a review about having them get together and just chill, (or something like that), well that's exactly what they're doing!!!

ENJOY!!!

ReddTwilight

~*~*~*~*~*~

Chapter 4: Visit

Bella's Point of View

I walked around my kitchen sniffing to myself as I went about making a pot of coffee. A large pot. I had never been a coffee drinker before my dad died. But now I can't seem to get through the day without at least one cup. Right now it was just a source of comfort. Something hot and liquid that tasted good and warmed you from the inside because I felt so utterly cold.

But I should know better that caffeine and I don't get along very well and that apples are better (and healthier) for getting your energy started in the morning, but I just didn't care. Once I got the coffee started I went through my bag until I dug out my iPod and set it in its cradle on the counter and turned the speakers on. I put the music on shuffle kept the volume low.

I had barely eaten all day. I had a bit of an appetite right now, but not for anything too heavy. I still felt sick to my core from…I let my thoughts drop off and busied myself with warming up some vegetable broth and locating a box of crackers. I just couldn't see myself managing to keep down more than that right now.

The broth was just starting to steam on the stove when I heard a knock on the front door. I turned the gas burner off and walked out f the kitchen. I really didn't feel like being bothered right now, but it could've been Jessica or Angela checking on me. My friends were loyal enough, and close enough, that they would come over to see me instead of just calling. I didn't bother to check my face or hair in the hallway mirror and just opened the door tired face, sloppy ponytail and all.

I immediately regretted two things: First and foremost opening the door; and second, not stopping at the damned mirror. Edward Cullen stood there looking both awkward and uncomfortable as he shuffled on his feet. I was struck completely speechless. Despite the slight grimace that initially crossed his face and twisted his lovely features into a frown, his entirely beautiful. I once again regretted not stopping at the mirror. I was so overwhelmed by his perfection.

Silence continued to pass between us and I was ready to tell him to go away, not right now, when he broke the silence. "Uh…look,"

Here we go, an excuse for this morning. All right, lets hear it. Let's see how much smaller you can make the pieces of my already broken heart. But what he said next stopped me dead in emo, pessimistic tracks.

"I know a simple 'sorry' isn't going to cover it, but I wanted to at least _try_ to apologize."

I gaped at him. His was tone was perfectly straight and sincere, and he just continued to gaze into my eyes. I didn't have a coherent response. I wasn't expecting that particular statement from him. I looked him up and down for a minute, taking in his straight stance although it hinted just a tiny bit at the awkwardness he was feeling. I noticed then that he was holding three things in his hands. In his right was a white cardboard soup cup. Obviously store bought. But it smelled tantalizing from here, and if I was right it was chicken soup. My favorite. In his left hand were two roses, white and yellow. Long stem roses. Shit, they were expensive even when they were _in_ season.

"Come in," I breathed. Edward walked past me into the entryway and stood there as I shut the door.

"I was expecting you to be at work, but I saw your truck in the driveway, so…" He shuffled uncomfortably on his feet again.

"Well, I walk to work most days, to save gas, and…they sent me home today. Said I should rest. Said I looked sick."

"That's what this is for." Edward indicated the cardboard soup cup in his hand. "My mother's recipe. But I think I smell some already in the process."

He _made_ the soup himself? He offered it to me.

"Uh…yeah. I have some vegetable broth on the stove warming up."

His eyebrow raised. "Just broth?"

"I don't really have much an appetite right now, Edward." I whispered looking down at the floor. I could a light blush coloring my cheeks.

"Oh, sorry." He apologized quickly and pulled the cup back awkwardly frowning at me, or himself I couldn't be sure. "Do you want me to leave?"

No! "No," I said quietly, looking up at him. I hoped my eyes didn't appear as pleading as they felt.

"Well, can I…warm this up for you?"

"Sure," My voice was so weak and quiet I wasn't sure if he heard me. But he must have since he was heading off toward the kitchen. I followed behind him walking over to the stove and took the pot with the vegetable broth off and got a plastic container down from the cabinet to pour the now cooled broth into for storage in the fridge.

Edward took the pot and poured the soup into it and lit the gas burner underneath. He certainly seemed to know his way around a kitchen. I stood off the side uncomfortably and watched as he stood at the stove stirring the soup as it warmed up. It smelled absolutely delicious and my stomach rolled in impatience. I looked around and noticed he had placed the roses on the table. I went over and picked them up. They were tied with a thin strip of white gossamer ribbon.

"Complements of my mother's garden." Edward said behind me. He must have turned and saw me. I felt slightly better that he hadn't spent any money on me, and I also felt touched at the same time that he was offering me something so beautiful. "I know flowers and soup a very poor excuse for an apology but…"

"Don't worry about it." I interrupted. I turned and smiled weakly at him. "It's the thought that counts." I could feel tears stinging my eyes.

"Am I forgiven?"

"Not yet, but I'm not angry with you."

"I figured as much. I need to earn your forgiveness. But, Bella, I truly am sorry for what I did to you. I wasn't thinking, and I was being very, very selfish. Please, let me know if there's any way I can make this up to you."

I nodded and didn't respond. "Edward, at first I didn't even know why you bothering to show up at my door, let alone with an apology. But the simple fact that you did tells me that you care." I looked up at him. "And…I've learned over the past couple months that I can be angry and hurt all I want, but it will never make things better. It won't bring back the people I've lost. The people I love…"

I stroked the ribbon again. "And it's not healthy to hold on to anger and hurt. Its better to forgive and move on and accept that what's happened is not going to change. Holding it inside just makes things worse and in the end you wind up bitter and alone. I don't want that…to be more alone than I am now…"

I felt my voice break and my façade start to slip. I swallowed hard, noticing that Edward had taken a step towards me, his arms half extended. I looked away and turned back to the table to grab a napkin to wipe my eyes and they landed on the place I had set at my father's seat. Even though he's gone I still set a place for him and never took it away. I'm always going to be one plate short in the cabinet. It made the table seem more inviting to at alone…less empty. I heard a choking sob rip out of my chest and the gripped the table for support as my strength finally failed me and I started to fall toward the floor.

Immediately two strong arms caught me around my waist before I landed in a crumpled, broken heap and sat me in a chair. I fell forward against Edward's body burying my face in his chest and cried. He remained crouched in front of me, his arms still around me, loosely though. He was supporting me, not comforting. I think I had made him nervous, and he wanted to be sure I wasn't going to fall again.

I slowly looped my arms around his neck and tried to inch a little closer to his warm body. Now his arms tightened around me ever so slightly. Now he held me. My whole world seem to quiet down then, the moment I realized I was in his arms. Everything turned peaceful. I could even hear the music in the background that was still playing softly. I remained there, my sobs subsiding as the song played through.

It's easier to run  
Replacing this pain with something numb  
It's so much easier to go  
Than face all this pain here all alone

Something has been taken from deep inside of me  
The secret I've kept locked away no one can ever see  
Wounds so deep they never show they never go away  
Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played

(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)  
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)  
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)  
(If I could take all the shame to the grave I would)  
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)  
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)  
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)  
(I would take all my shame to the grave)

It's easier to run  
Replacing this pain with something numb  
It's so much easier to go  
Than face all this pain here all alone

Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past  
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have  
Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back  
And never moving forward so there'd never be a past

(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)  
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)  
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)  
(If I could take all the shame to the grave I would)  
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)  
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)  
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)  
(I would take all my shame to the grave)

Just washing it aside  
All of the helplessness inside  
Pretending I don't feel misplaced  
It's so much simpler than change

It's easier to run  
Replacing this pain with something numb  
It's so much easier to go  
Than face all this pain here all alone

It's easier to run  
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)  
(Retrace every wrong move that I made)  
It's easier to go

(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)  
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)  
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)  
(I would take all my shame to the grave)

I felt Edward pull my face from his shoulder and he looked at me as he thumbed away the last few tears that slipped down my cheeks. He didn't ask if I was ok, he didn't ask if I was done crying, he just tucked my head back into his shoulder and slowly, gently pulled me down from the chair and cradled me in his lap on the floor. I had underestimated him. What brought this compassion on so suddenly?

"I'm so, so sorry, Bella." He whispered, stroking my hair. And I knew he was apologizing for both his behavior and the loss of my parents.

I sniffed in response. I felt y stomach rumble a little in protest. I knew Edward could hear it and a light blush colored my cheeks. "Do you want some of the soup?" He asked quietly.

I still hadn't managed to find my voice so I just nodded. Edward helped me to my feet and picked up the roses that had fallen from my hand. He handed them to me along with a napkin from the table. "Thanks," I muttered, finally able to speak again. I blew my nose loudly and lobbed the use napkin at the trash in the corner. Edward kept his arm around me to make sure I was steady then he let me go as I started to move away and went about putting a bowl of the soup together for me.

I disappeared out into the living room to unearth a vase tall enough for the roses. A lot of my mother's personal things were sent to me by old neighbors whom I had grown up with and trusted. I actually requested that they box everything up and just send it to me. Charlie paid the shipping costs. I knew which box held her fragile things, and wrapped carefully in bubble wrap was a tall, slender, glass vase Phil had gotten along with four long stem red roses for her or their anniversary one year.

I pulled it out fighting a fresh wave of tear. I can't believe I let Edward see me like that. I was a horrible person for putting him through that. I never let my guard down that much, not even with my friends. Not even with…Charlie. I sniffed loudly to myself and fought back another onslaught of tear. I didn't like people to see my weakness like this. It would just bring about a fresh wave of sympathy from everyone and I don't need sympathy, I need peace.

But something about the way Edward had rushed to help me, held me…made me want to trust him. I _let_ him hold me, I _wanted_ him to. And it felt good. No one had held me for a long time. Too long. I wandered back into the kitchen and filled the vase a quarter way with ice water then arranged the two roses and set them off on the side of the counter by the window where they would get sunlight.

I turned to see that Edward was already seated at the table waiting for me. At the place next to him was a steaming bowl of the delicious smelling soup. I noticed that he had placed it at my seat. Charlie's remained untouched. Edward was sitting at the only empty place at the table. I was taken aback for a moment. He had noticed. I wasn't just underestimating him, I was _severely _underestimating him.

I walked over and sat down picking up my spoon. He had also poured a cup of the coffee and a little plate of Saltines was sitting next to the bowl. "Thank you," I said, and dipped the spoon into the bowl.

"You're very welcome, Bella. I hope you like it. Esme is rather proud of this recipe. It was handed down to her from her mother and her mother before that…and so on and so on. Honestly, I think it's about one hundred years old. The card it was originally written on is so yellowed and faded. Esme typed up her own personal copy and it has a special place in the kitchen hanging over the stove."

"So no pressure to like it, then?" I teased.

"No, none at all." Edward laughed lightly and I joined him. It felt exhilarating. I hadn't laughed in God knows how long.

I sat there quietly for a little while eating the soup slowly, although it could inhale it, it was so delicious, but it was extremely hot. Edward rotated between watching me and looking around the kitchen. He looked back to me eventually with a soft smile and a genuinely concerned expression. "You ok?" he asked quietly, his hand reaching out. He laid it over mine and I inhaled audibly.

"For now," I answered honestly. "I'm sorry you had to see fall to pieces like that. That wasn't fair"

Edward shook his head. "Please, don't apologize, Bella. You did nothing wrong."

"You still shouldn't have had to see that. See me like that."

"It's ok. I promise. I'm just glad I could help you. I know I was a complete monster to you this morning, and I you're absolutely right I shouldn't be here, and you shouldn't want me here…but, and I'm being completely honest here, I really forgot who you were this morning. I didn't put one and one together until this afternoon when Jasper told me your name, your full name."

Edward stopped to take a breath before he continued. I had a feeling where he was going with this and I think he was making sure I could handle it. "I felt like such a complete asshole…"

"You were a complete asshole."

"And I truly am sorry. I never meant to hurt you."

"I know that. You and I run in completely different social circles. You're varsity; I'm president of the book club. I mean we're both NHS, but it means different things to us. I'm completely under the radar. You're always making it ping. I can understand not wanting to be in the spotlight. I hate it, too, Edward. That's why I developed this sort of…prickly demeanor. I just want people to piss off and leave me the fuck alone already."

I set my elbows on the table and leaned my head into my hands. "You know people ask if you're ok, or how things are going because they care."

I sighed heavily. "I know, but I don't want a constant reminder that I'm alone now. That both of my parents are gone."

Silence passed between us and I stirred my cooling soup without eating it. "You're really president of the book club?" Edward asked breaking the stalemate in the conversation.

"Yup," I answered unenthusiastically.

"I thought Angela was president."

"No, she's president of the art club. Jessica's vice president of the varsity club, you know she's a cheerleader." I looked up at Edward.

"I know," he answered, unimpressed. "My friend Emmett is president. So what did you have to do to be president of the book club, I mean, what is it exactly?"

Was he really asking me a genuine question now? "Well, it's basically a club that meets once a week, usually a Wednesday, and we read. It's more like a discussion group, get to know new people. Last spring I ran for president. It was right after…right after my mom died, and I was already a member at the time and I really needed something to keep me busy.

"You just need to have read a ton of books and know them cover to cover pretty much. They give you a list of things to read and you have to have them done by this date or whatever. But we've never followed those guidelines. It's really just by popular vote now. That and everyone knew I would pick books that we would all enjoy reading. I have a very broad range of what I like."

"Yeah, I saw that Jane Austen book in you hands this morning. Is that for the club?"

I shook my head and took another meager spoonful of the soup. It was lukewarm now. I only had a little bit left so it really didn't bother me. "No, that's for pleasure. I've read all of her novels so many times I've lost count, but they're just such a good read. Right now we're doing some Bronte. _Wuthering Heights_ is my all time favorite, and I was a little miffed when I found out I was the only one who had read it. So now I'm making people suffer." I let a mock impish smile pull my lips up.

Edward smiled at me. "What are you doing next?"

"Well, spring back will be around the corner by the time we finish _Wuthering Heights_, so I was thinking of letting the club decide as a treat what we should read after break."

"That's awful nice of you. Maybe I'll join. I love reading myself."

I bushed lightly. "Edward, you really don't have to be this nice."

"I'm being very honest." He said looking straight into my eyes. His hand reached out and covered mine once more where it lay now on the table. "Or maybe I want to hang out like I promised, but either way, I am being honest, Bella."

I breathed slowly, in and out. Edward was silent for a couple minutes while I finished my soup and sat there brooding. "Did they really send you home from work because you looked ill, or because of something else?"

"Because I looked sick, honest. And my manager at the diner said take next week off; and it wasn't a suggestion. They want me to take some time off and relax. I've been working my ass off there for the past four months, according to them. I deserve a "break"."

"You do. What about your weekend job?"

I sighed and munched a couple crackers. "They called when I got home from the diner and said they wouldn't need me this weekend or next. They're closing the store for a couple weeks to do renovations."

"That's nice, for you I mean."

"I guess."I mumbled, my head falling into my hand. I picked it up when I heard rain start to crash down on the roof outside. Great, another sleepless night.

"Are you done?" Edward asked politely.

"Yeah, it was good. Tell your…your mom I said this recipe kicks ass."

Edward laughed lightly again. "I will, I know she'll appreciate it."

I got up with him as he cleared my dishes. Suddenly there was a loud crack of thunder outside. I could feel my body tremble all the way up from my toes. I hated thunderstorms. Renee and Phil died in a thunderstorm.

I sat myself back down before my trembling made me loose my balance and fall. Edward must have noticed because I heard the bowl and plate clatter in the sink and suddenly his hands were on my shoulders holding me. "You ok?" he voice was thick with concern.

"No," I pulled my knees up to my chest, wrapped my arms around them, and buried my face. I trembled and cried as another peel of thunder broke over head. I was so lost in my own grief that I didn't feel Edward scoop me up and carry me out to the living room. But the next thing I knew we were sitting on the couch facing away from the windows. He cradled me in his lap once more, one hand holding my head to his chest, the other covering my eyes against the lighting.

He was protecting me.

Maybe, just maybe…I could forgive him.

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	5. Stay the Night

A/N: Thank you everyone for the reviews!!! Keep them coming.

ENJOY!!!

ReddTwilight

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Chapter 5: Stay the Night

Edward's Point of View

Bella's trembling didn't stop as the storm continued, it only worsened. I wasn't going to leave her alone. I would stay until I was sure she would be all right. As we sat there on the couch with the rain beating against the windows my mind went over the entire afternoon.

Bella had granted me access to her most private self. To her innermost thoughts. I didn't deserve the courtesy. There was so much more to this girl than I had ever expected. Her eyes spoke volumes to what she was truly feeling beneath the surface of the carefully cultivated and well-maintained façade she put up for everyone. I had no idea she was in so much pain.

As soon as I saw the extra place set at the table I knew she was doing it for her father, and so I wouldn't touch it. But I'd heard her cry before she hit the floor. I don't know what went through her mind in that moment, but it was enough to make the most heartbreaking sound that I had ever heard come out of her.

I felt horrible. I knew somewhere inside her the pain from my rejection earlier today did nothing to help the day to day pain of loss and loneliness that she was always feeling. I was a monster, and worse, I had treated her like that of my own free will. I just hadn't stopped to think. I was selfish and stupid, and wrong, and hurtful…I could go on and on.

But I knew Bella wouldn't want me to do that. She said she hasn't forgiven me, and I wouldn't blame her if she never did, but she did say she wasn't angry with me. I could tell from just this afternoon that Bella didn't like people to feel guilty over her. She didn't like them to feel worried for her, or sorry. She had said it, she didn't need sympathy she needed peace. She couldn't have been more right.

This poor girl had been through more than enough and I had been blind and moronic and not put one and one together to realize who she was. Dumbass, I cursed myself. Could you be any more idiotic? No, I don't think so, well, yes actually I could. I could be the biggest idiot of all and forget everything that had happened this afternoon, ignore it all and just hurt Bella all over again tomorrow.

But I would _not_ do that. I would rather shove bamboo splinters under my nails. Bella deserved so much better than anything I could offer her. I had nothing but a promise of never treating her like that again and that would never be enough to make up for what I did to her. I hope she never forgives me. I don't deserve it.

Am I actually sitting here wishing to be miserable over this girl? What is going on? I don't even know her. All I know is that it's my fault she's hurting so much right now. I'm sure she can keep the other pain contained, but when someone blatantly breaks your heart, someone that…someone you care about…Bella cares about me? What had Alice said Bella had been repeating to herself in the bathroom?

"_I have nothing left to love…"_

Nothing left to love…

Bella…loves me?

I looked down to where she was cradled in my lap, her head tucked against my chest, and her hand clutching at my shirt preventing my escape. I was suddenly filled with the realization that I didn't want to escape. I wanted to stay here holding Bella forever. If this was what made her feel safe I would _never_ leave. If this was what I could offer her as salvation from pain I would freely give it.

Why am I feeling so strongly for this girl all of a sudden? Because you care about what you did. Because you care about how she feels. Because you care about her. I do? The storm had been quiet for several minutes now, but suddenly an extremely bright flash of white erupted outside the window and I gently clamped my hand down over Bella's closed eyes as she shuddered violently in my arms and cried out feebly in protest to the storm.

I wondered then when she had become afraid of thunderstorms. Maybe she had been afraid of them all her life. I knew, though, that her father had died on a rainy night. It hadn't been storming out, but it had been pouring. If I remember the details correctly from the newspaper article Chief Swan had been responding to a call from a house complaining about a neighbor shooting off a gun.

He arrived at the house to find the idiot drunk and shooting aimless shots into the air while spinning in circles in his backyard. Since he was the Chief of Police, Charlie Swan had been the one to walk forward, cautiously, the article had said. It said he had one other cop with him, shadowing his steps. They both approached the drunken man slowly and yelled over the rain for him to put his gun down.

The other cop with the chief had been the one to tell the story and he said what happened next was the man turned and must have been sober enough despite his inebriated state, and recognized Chief Swan enough to ask what the problem was. And of course, like all cops would say, "we're responding to a complaint from a neighbor". The article went to say that after several long minutes of talking between Chief Swan and the drunken man, he eventually put the gun down on a table.

As he started to walk past the table back toward the house he stumbled and knock the gun off the table where it fell to the guy's…I think it said concrete patio and the gun went off shooting Bella's father in the chest. The fucking moron didn't put the safety on. It had been an accident, and the cop with Chief Swan that night had called himself careless and should've taken the gun off the table as soon as it was put down, but Charlie hadn't wanted the drunken man to hurt himself.

It had occurred on a Sunday and the article came out the following Wednesday. But I had heard in circles the next day in school what had happened. I felt immediate grief for the Chief's daughter, although I had no idea who she was until I read that article. It mentioned in there that Bella had already lost her mother eight months earlier and was now left all alone. Why did they have to word it that way? Bella never wrote an obituary for the paper, and one never appeared. The article had been more than enough.

After the funeral there had been no reception. I remember watching with my family, standing on the left side. Even though her face was blank the entire time throughout the service, I knew I had never someone as distraught as Bella that day. Angela and Jessica had dutifully stayed on either side of her as they walked over to a truck. It wasn't the one in her driveway. It belonged to the man and his son that had been sitting with Bella at the service. The two from the reservation. There was never a receiving line for Bella either. She had simply left when it was all over. Over the next couple weeks my mother and my sister went over to see Bella, along with the rest of Forks, and cooked for her. I assume that's when this "friendship" was struck between her and Alice. And I say "friendship" only because Alice had said she considers Bella a friend although they don't actually hang out together.

I sighed and shut my eyes leaning my head against the back of the couch. Bella stirred in my arms and I felt her tilt her head up to me. I looked down. I caught a glimpse of the blue button down I was wearing. The front of it was stained with salt water from her tears and wrinkled in places where she had been grasping at it. Her eyes were red and slightly puffy. She hiccupped a couple times.

"I'm so sorry, Edward." Her voice was rough.

"Please don't be." I whispered to her. I looked to the windows. The storm had finally passed and I could tell from the minimal light outside that it was early evening. I glanced to the cable box and saw that the time was 7:46. "How are you?" It was a better question than, 'are you ok?'

"Tired," Bella responded, her voice barely above a whisper and sounding like sand paper being rubbed against itself.

"Want to go to bed?"

Bella nodded and I started o get up but she grabbed at my shirt. "Don't go. Please stay with me."

"I'm not going anywhere, Bella. Not until I know you'll be ok."

"I'll never be ok, Edward." Her voice was so low and weak when she said I almost didn't hear it.

I carried Bella upstairs and she pointed to the left to her bedroom. "Stay," she said again as I set her down on her tiny twin bed.

"I am." I said as I stood back up. I eyed the rocking chair in the corner with a blanket across the back of it. It would have to do. I started to walk away but Bella reached out and grabbed my hand.

"No, stay with me."

Now I understood. She wanted me to stay with her…in her bed. "Please," she looked up at me with those watery chocolate eyes. "I need you to hold me, Edward."

I couldn't say no. She let go of my hand as I walked around to the other side of her bed and toed my shoes off. I got in behind her and wrapped an arm gently around her middle drawing her back to my front and spooned her against me. She seemed to settle immediately. I drew the faded quit up around us and pulled Bella a little closer to me.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"You're welcome, Bella. Rest."

I tried to think of something to ease her mind into as much of a peaceful sleep as I could. I started humming. After a couple minutes the melody began to take on a rhythm and pattern. I might just have to commit this to memory and work it out on my piano some time. But it put Bella to sleep almost instantaneously. I never let her go. I couldn't, not now. Not when she was finally finding some of the peace she desperately craved, and needed.


	6. Missing

A/N: I take no credit for the lyrics of "Missing" in this chapter and give all credit to Evanescence.

Thank you to everyone who reviewed on chapter 5!!! Keep the feedback coming, you all rock!!! So glad you all love this story, and thank you to everyone who has given my AUs a chance to shine for themselves. I'll admit I was nervous when I first started writing AUs for Twilight, because for a while all I could see Edward as was a dark, brooding, bloodlusting vampire. I got a review once thanking me for one of my previous AUs for seeing Edward as HUMAN, and knowing that he can be written as a human as well as vampire. And since then I've come to learn that he can be written both ways and still be the Edward Cullen that we've all come to know and love, (and just absolutely adore). Thank you all for reading and I look forward to hearing from you all in future chapters.

ROCK ON!!!

ENJOY!!!

ReddTwilight

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Chapter 6: Missing

Bella's Point of View

I woke up early out of habit, opening my eyes to see my alarm clock staring back at e confirming the ungodly time. 6:16 AM. Something strong and firm was wrapped securely around my waist. Edward's arm. I twisted my neck to se that he was still spooned up behind me, his nose buried in my hair. He was breathing evenly and very deep. He was zonked out. I carefully wriggled myself free of his arm without waking him and got out of the bed.

I made sure his head was supported on a pillow and adjusted the blanket to his shoulders. He was far gone in his sleep he was snoring lightly. He looked so peaceful, like an angel. I was tempted to lean down and stroke his hair, but I did was smooth it off his forehead out of his eyes. It was soft and silk. Once more I took in the rich auburn color. Every last inch of him was undeniably beautiful. I found myself sitting down on the bed and stroking his hair anyway. I couldn't help it. Yes, he had hurt me, but that didn't the change the fact that I was in love with him.

And here he was in my bed. In my house. Just us. My finger stroked down his face of its own accord, tracing the outline of his sharp cheekbones and down along his strong jaw. Yes, every part of him was definitely, undisputedly beautiful. I sighed heavily to myself and got up grabbing a change of clothes for the day along with my bathroom bag and headed down the hall.

I showered and dressed mechanically going through the usual motions and patterns of brushing and drying my hair, brushing my teeth, and washing my face without really noticing I was doing it. Edward's face, peaceful with deep sleep, stayed focused in my mind's eye the entire time. I hung up my towel and pulled socks on before exiting the bathroom and made my way downstairs as quietly as I could. The bottom stair still squeaked no matter how lightly I stepped on it. Forget jumping over it, I'd wind up on the floor with a twisted ankle and a concussion considering the amount of grace that I have.

Before I went about my normal morning routine for a Saturday I went the CDs on my iPod that I had left in its cradle on the counter and chose one that contained a few of my favorite songs. I started the CD toward the end so I wouldn't have to wait too long to hear my favorite. I needed to ease in to it this morning. I considered it my personal theme song. As the quiet rock saturated the air around me I went making cleaning up the rest of the dishes from last night and put away the dry ones that Edward had washed. I started a fresh pot of coffee and tidied up the kitchen and living room.

I contemplated what to do for breakfast and searched through my fridge for something comforting. Bacon and cheese omelets sounded really good right now. I noticed then that my song had started. I put the omelets together while singing along…

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Edward's Point of View

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6:30 in the morning on a Saturday is just ungodly. There's no other word. I sat up in bed and immediately noticed I was not home. I took a moment to take in my surroundings. Twin bed, faded quilt, rocking chair, cheap desk with an old computer on it; I was definitely not home in my own room. Then I heard music filtering up from downstairs. Someone was moving around downstairs. Bella. That's right. I had stayed here last night. Because she had asked me to. Wow, I don't think I've slept that well in months. And all it had taken was having Bella in my arms.

Holy shit dude, do NOT go there. I got up and pulled my shoes on and walked out of the bedroom to the bathroom and checked my face in the mirror. My eyes weren't as puffy as they normally were a result of a good night's sleep no doubt. My hair, however, was another story entirely. It was completely disheveled. I wet my hands with some water and tried to make it stay down but it was as uncooperative as always. I settled for running my fingers through it a couple times.

I vaguely remembered doing this only a short time ago, in my sleep maybe. The motion felt so recent. But I'd never messed with my hair in my sleep before. Had Bella been playing with it? For some reason that thought made my heart swell. I sighed and walked out of the bathroom heading downstairs. I heard the music again. This time it was accompanied by Bella's voice. It sounded so sad I paused on the stairs out of sight and listened.

"Please, please forgive me,  
But I won't be home again.  
Maybe someday you'll have woke up,  
And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:  
"isn't something missing? "

You won't cry for my absence, I know -  
You forgot me long ago.  
Am I that unimportant...?  
Am I so insignificant...?  
Isn't something missing?  
Isn't someone missing me?

Even though I'm the sacrifice,  
You won't try for me, not now.  
Though I'd die to know you love me,  
I'm all alone.  
Isn't someone missing me?

Please, please forgive me,  
But I won't be home again.  
I know what you do to yourself,  
Shudder deep and cry out:  
"isn't something missing?  
Isn't someone missing me? "

Even though I'm the sacrifice,  
You won't try for me, not now.  
Though I'd die to know you love me,  
I'm all alone.  
Isn't someone missing me?

And if I bleed, I'll bleed,  
Knowing you don't care.  
And if I sleep just to dream of you  
And wake without you there,  
Isn't something missing?  
Isn't something...

Even though I'm the sacrifice,  
You won't try for me, not now.  
Though I'd die to know you love me,  
I'm all alone.

Isn't something missing?  
Isn't someone missing me?"

I was immediately stung, by both the absolute sadness and despair of the song and the sheer beauty of Bella's voice. Was she referring to me? I walked down the rest of the stairs and made my presence known. Bella turned from where she stood at the counter. She was whisking eggs in a bowl with a fork.

"Oh!" She exclaimed, "I didn't hear you." She looked away sheepishly for a moment and then turned back to me. "I didn't wake you did I?"

"No," I shook my head. "I woke up on my own. Don't know why…" I shrugged offering a small smile.

"Good. Sorry, though."

"For what?" I asked sitting down at the table. I remembered to take the seat with an empty place.

"Being up so early. It's a habit."

I waved it off. "Don't worry. This is how early I get up during the week."

Bella laughed cynically and turned back to the eggs. I caught a whiff of fresh coffee and felt my blood buzz in response to the lure of caffeine. "What?" I asked in response to her laugh.

"I get up way earlier than you."

I rose from my seat and walked over to the coffee pot. I offered her a cup first and she nodded. After we both had our respectful first sip, it was always the best, I set my cup down on the counter and leaned against it watching her as she laid out five strips of bacon on a plate and put it in the microwave setting it for three minutes. As it whirred in the background I asked Bella my next question.

"How early?"

"Five,"

My eyes bugged out and I nearly spit out the coffee in my mouth. "What?"

Bella looked over her shoulder at me. "You heard me."

"Why?"

"Because I have things to do in the morning. Chores, cleaning, laundry…sometimes I have bills to pay, and depending on the weather, I may need to de-ice my truck."

"You weren't kidding when you said you life was busy."

She turned to me now. "My life sucks, Edward." She said very seriously, her expression firm.

I had no response to that. Bella sighed and went back to making breakfast. She got out a pan and poured the eggs in all at once and sprinkled shredded cheddar on top before adding salt and pepper. "Is there anything special you like in your eggs?" She asked politely.

"Honestly, I like dill in them." I answered.

"Really?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I like them that from time to time, too."

I chuckled to myself and picked up my coffee to sip it. My cell phone chose to go off loudly in my pocket at that particular moment. It was my sister. I knew it from the ringer ID. I had chosen the most obnoxious ringtone the phone had come with and set it for Alice. Just so I could avoid her calls if I so desired.

"Excuse me," I said politely and walked out into the hallway.

"Do you have any idea how early it is?" I hissed into my Alias at her.

"WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?" Alice demanded.

"Nowhere of consequence, and I don't see how it's your business either." I said quietly.

"Mom and dad thought you got arrested." Alice was almost yelling again. Short-tempered little pixie.

"Please, as if I could." I said, cockiness and pride edging its way into my voice

"Edward, don't be a dick. I know its your number one talent and that you're very good at it, but I've had enough in the last twenty-fours hours to last me for the rest of my life." Alice said sounding completely exasperated.

I sighed and leaned against the closest wall banging my forehead into it and shutting my eyes. "What do you want, Alice?"

"I want to know where you are."

I wasn't going to win this one. "I'm at Bella's." I admitted, caving into Alice's fury. I honestly didn't feel like dealing with vengeance later. However, right now Alice was so silent I thought we had gotten disconnected.

"Could you repeat that please, I thought I heard you say you were at Bella's?" Alice asked sounding completely befuddled now.

"No, no, you heard right, pixie. I came over here after school yesterday and I spent the night." I stated with a straight voice.

"ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?" Alice shouted, and I held the phone two feet from my ear.

"Will you shut up please. Keep your voice down for the love of God, Alice. We didn't sleep together. Well-"

"What do you mean "well"?"

"Will you let me finish please. God, you are so annoying." I hissed. "I mean we didn't have sex. We slept in the same bed, but nothing happened. She asked me to stay."

"And what are you doing now?"

"Look, you asked where I am, I told you. Any other details are not your concern."

"You care about her now, don't you?" Alice's voice went soft, understanding.

I sighed, thinking about that for a minute and glanced into the kitchen. Bella was standing at the counter with her back to me, spreading peanut butter on a piece of toast. She scooped a little bit out of the jar with her fingers and stuck the digit in her mouth licking it cleaning. It was cute and innocent, and I found myself smiling.

"Yeah, I do, ok? Have I answered enough questions?"

"Not yet,"

"God what, Alice?" I said a little too loudly, too exasperated. Bella walked out into the hallway, lingering in the doorway.

"Is everything settled between you two now?"

"I suppose so, why?" I glanced at Bella. She had her arms crossed over her chest defensively and a look of concern on her face.

"You ok," she mouthed. I nodded. She reached out and touched my shoulder in comfort and offered a small smile before turning to walk back into the kitchen.

"Do you want things to be better between you two?" Alice's voice asked in my ear.

"I don't know. You know her better than I do. I know I don't like the fact that she's all alone over here."

"So invite her to stay with us for a coupe days. I know Esme would love to see her." Alice sounded so confident. Something inside, something that gnawed just a touch told me Alice was pushing this just to have an excuse to play makeup coordinator and fashion consultant to Bella. She wasn't a life size 3D Barbie Doll, and if Bella didn't want that I wouldn't let Alice try.

"I'll think about it."

"Think really hard, big brother. Something tells me you're going to fall, and fall hard. You never act this way, not even with Tanya. She called you in the middle of the night that one time, remember?"

I remembered. I remembered only because I was finally sleeping after being up for forty-eight straight hours finishing my review for the SATs the next day. Tanya had wanted me to come over because she was having a panic attack or something. I'd opted to stay on the phone with her until three in the morning, killing the battery and what was left of my brain cells.

"Yeah, I remember." I mumbled more so into the wall I was still leaning against than into my phone.

"You didn't exactly jump up and run over there to help her. What if that was Bella?"

"I'd be here in a heartbeat." I said without hesitating. The thought of Bella in any kind of pain or panic was like being stabbed in the heart with icicles.

"See," Alice said, proud of her assessment.

"Yeah, good for you, Alice. You figured me out. I'm gonna go now."

"Just think about it ok? Both of you need someone to lean on. You're not exactly the happiest person yourself right now."

"Whatever, I'm hanging up now."

"Dickward," Alice muttered, and the line clicked.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Bella's Point of View

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I was alone in the kitchen for only a few minutes more when Edward walked back in muttering profanities and looking at his cell phone like he wanted to throw it against the nearest wall. I had just finished the omelets and was plating them along with toast. Edward sat down and I brought over everything at once. He watched me appearing amazed.

"I thought you said you had no balance or inner equilibrium." He said as I set his plate down.

"It comes out in waitressing."

"Oh right."

I sat down and we ate in silence for a few minutes while the food was still hot. I could tell Edward was chewing over more than just his eggs. "If you don't mind me asking, what did Alice want?" I asked.

"To know why I didn't come home last night. Honestly, I thought she would thank me. One night for her free of having to listen to me blast my music just to drown out hers."

I laughed lightly. "I have a question for you." Edward said a couple minutes later.

"Sure,"

"Why did you start dying your hair?"

"Oh," I reached up and smoothed out my dark brown locks. "Um…to disappear." I admitted quietly. "I thought maybe if I looked more like everyone else people would forget about me and stop asking me the same questions day in and day out." He watched me twirl a strand of hair around my finger nervously for a minute before reaching his hand across the table to lay it on my free one.

"I miss the old color. The brighter brown with the red in it." He said sincerely.

I looked up at him. "Really?"

"Really,"

"Well, maybe I'll let it grow out then. If you like it." I emphasized the 'you' a little bit.

"I do. I like it long, too."

I pulled my hair from the loose ponytail I had it up in and shook it out, letting the curls cascade down past my shoulders. "Like this?"

Edward chuckled. "Yeah, like that." He said softly.

I don't know why I was suddenly flirting with him, but it felt nice, it felt natural. And he wasn't being sarcastic. He was being genuine. He was being real. Edward looked up from his plate and smiled at me. It was so warm, so bright that it reached his eyes making them sparkle. It melted my heart like it always did and I smiled back instantaneously, feeling my teeth make a small appearance.

"You have such a lovely smile, Bella." Edward commented, staring into my eye for a moment before looking down to his plate to take another forkful of eggs. "When you let it show." I smiled again, briefly, conservatively. "I have another question for you." He said once he finished eating.

"Yes,"

"Do you ever get scared at night here, by yourself?"

I took a deep breath thinking that over and let it out as slowly as I had taken it in. "At first I did. I was technically supposed to turn my father's gun over, but I never did. And no one ever called me about it. It's locked in its case upstairs, but at firs I kept in my desk drawer for a couple weeks. Then as time wore on I felt safe and I didn't need it so close anymore. "

"Do you even know how to shoot it?" Edward asked his right eyebrow quirking.

"No," I answered sheepishly. "I think they let me keep it because they knew I had no other way of defending myself. My dad had a permit for it and everything, and that's all in the case with the gun, but for me to have it and keep it close to me, I need a permit. And I was just going to turn it in, but I figured so long as I wasn't shooting it or threatening people with it, I could keep it. It's sort of the only tangible thing I have left of him. It's something he always had with him."

Edward looked down to the table when I finished and then looked around the kitchen for a minute. "Do you still get scared sometimes?" He asked turning back to me.

I shrugged. "Sometimes, depending on…the weather."

"You don't like to be alone in this house do you?"

He hit the nail right on the head. "I understand what you meant now." He said a minute later, breaking the silence. "About when I asked if this house felt too crowded and that was why you worked such long, unnecessary hours. And you said, "sometimes"." Edward paused and fiddled with his fork for moment. "Yes, you work long hours because you need money to support yourself, but you work such long shifts just so you don't have to be alone here, haunted by your ghosts."

That did it. That broke the control I had over myself. Edward saw the tears welling up in my eyes before they spilled and he was out of his chair holding me as I fell from mine. He was right, he was absolutely right. I fell against his strong chest wailing louder than I had last night. It was the most powerful cry I had allowed myself. The one true cry I had needed to have for months now.

"They're both gone…" I cried, screaming. "They're gone and they're never coming back! I _am_ alone, Edward!"

"I'm right here."

I clutched at his shirt holding myself to him. He just cradled me in his lap holding my head to his chest as I ruined his shirt more so than I had last night. He rocked me back and forth as he allowed me to grieve. I'd been holding it inside for so long not allowing anything to slip by. This was exactly why I didn't people asking me how I was doing. I didn't need to break down like this in front of every other person. No one needed to see how deep the pain truly went. But I let Edward see it.

Edward just continued to hold and rub my back and stroke my hair as I cried for what felt like hours. The tears refused to stop. They flowed unchecked in a flood down my face turning my cheeks and eyes bright red with their warmth. But I did stop eventually, and then Edward said something that I would always be grateful for.

"You need to get the hell out of this house, Bella."

He was right again. I spent too much time here in between everything else in my life. But where else as I supposed to go? "Bella, I' only asking this out of friendship, and I truly am looking out for your well being here. Please, please come stay with my family for a week. Get away from here and give yourself some time to heal. You need rest. Real rest. You need family. Please, let mine help you. Let me help you."

I had no response when I looked up at him. I had no voice. I just stared into his piercing green eyes for the longest moment of my life. Edward knew my answer even though I never spoke it. And then he leaned down and touched his lips to my forehead, his thumbs stroking away the last my tears as they ran down my face. "I'll help you, Bella. You'll get through this, and I'll be right there beside you for as long as you need me."

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A/N: This was a very difficult chapter for me to write and at times I found myself crying, especially toward the end. I hope you all enjoyed it. Please review!!!


	7. Part of the Family

A/N: Thank you everyone who reviewed on chapter 6!!! Every time one of you takes the moment to write out a little message and I receive I smile. You all make me so happy!!! I hope everyone watched the MTV movie awards coz Twilight won all but one award that they were up for!!!! I feel so bad for Kristen, dropping her award, and then cracked up when I saw Rob laughing in his seat. That made me smile. I love seeing him laugh, he's just got the best facial expressions. Congratulations to Rob for winning Best Breakthrough Male, Kristen for Best Female Performance, both for Best Kiss, Rob and Cam for best fight, and to the whole cast, Catherine, and Stephenie for Twilight winning Best Movie. All are deeply, deeply deserved!!!! Excellent job everyone, you all totally ROCK!!!!

Gaps of Misery: I added the little dill thing in the eggs coz that's how I eat them from time to time. I pulled that from myself. (I gotta be in the mood for it though-gotta have that gourmet in me craving it LOL)

ENJOY!!!

ReddTwilight

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Chapter 7: Part of the Family

Bella's Point of View

I woke up Sunday morning feeling like I had slept on a cloud. When I rolled over I was met with an unfamiliar decorative beside lamp rather than the red L.E.D numbers of my alarm clock. But this was the left side of my bed, right? I rolled back over and stared at the ceiling. It was high and large and a fancy mahogany ceiling fan spun silently above me circulating the air. I reached for my cell phone which I knew I had left on the nightstand and flipped it open as I sat up and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. Ah…right on time. 7 AM.

I reluctantly threw my legs over the side of the bed and got up pulling socks on before I left the room. Edward had asked me to stay with his family for week and hadn't wanted to rush me into it, but he said the sooner he got me out of my house the better. I hesitantly agreed. So last night had been my first night, and it had been restless. My first night in a new bed, in a strange house, and with a family I only knew in passing.

But a family I knew to be unconditionally compassionate. Esme and Alice had frequented my house after my father's death, bringing dinner. At the time I had only been working at the sports store, and they had told me to take two weeks off, not a suggestion. Alice, Esme, and half of Forks kept me company during that time, coming by with food and offering help in every form. Despite it all, I had only leaned on one person for support. I barely spoke with him now, both of us still grieving too deeply to say one word to each other. We both knew what the first sentence would be. "How are you".

But Jacob still has his father, and he therefore still has someone to lean on. I have no one. Well, I have Edward and his family. But like I said, I only know them in passing. Yet, here they were opening their doors for me and welcoming me with open arms. Literally. If I know nothing else about Esme Cullen, I know this, good hugger. It had the closest thing I had to hugging my own mother. And I had cried. And she only hugged me tighter.

I yawned hugely as I padded down the enormous, grand spiral staircase, my footsteps silent on the thick carpet. I only found the kitchen by following the smell of someone cooking. French toast if I was correct. Edward and Alice had taken me on a very brief tour of their grand house yesterday afternoon. I had only made it through the first floor, suddenly overcome by drowsiness. The last thing I remember was Edward scooping me up and carrying me up the stairs to what I assumed was a guest bedroom.

"Good morning," I said through a yawn as I walked in.

"Bella, what are you doing up so early on a Sunday?" Esme asked, turning from the counter. She was indeed making French toast. I knew I had smelled copious amounts of cinnamon.

"Habit, and I've been sleeping since yesterday afternoon."

"Yes, I was a little surprised at how tired you were. Are you normally very busy on the weekends?" Esme turned back to the counter and continued to dip bread in the cinnamon, egg, and sugar mixture.

"Yeah, I work nine to ten on Saturdays, and nine to nine on Sundays." I thought Esme was going to drop the piece of bread in her hand. She turned to face me again and just looked at me with the saddest expression.

"Edward told me you don't like to be alone in your house. He always mentioned that you work similar shifts like that during the week."

"Yes," I nodded. "I need to pay the bills somehow."

Esme sighed, but didn't say anything else on the subject. "When do you find time to do your homework?"

"I bring it to both jobs with me most of the time. I get a lot of it done on my breaks, so I never really worry about it. And if I have to study, I just make sure I save time somewhere to do it." I took a breath and looked around the kitchen for a moment. "I guess things area a little different here?"

"Just a little, dear. Would you like anything to drink?" Esme asked me over her shoulder.

"Sure, do you have coffee? I can get it myself." I started to get up but Esme motioned for me to sit back down.

"No, it's all right. I'm up. How do you like it?" She asked walking over to the pristine white and black pot.

"Black," I said quietly. Not a lot of people like it black, I've found, and I always get a look of disgust thrown my way. I had noticed yesterday that Edward like a lot of sugar in his. "So how are things a little different around here?" I asked, hoping I wasn't being too rude.

Esme grabbed a mug from a cabinet above her head and picked up the pot to pour. "Well, I give Edward and Alice the option of picking which day to commit to their homework. They've both opted for Sundays, since Saturdays they prefer to slack off and lay around the house. And Saturdays should be their day to do that."

She walked over to the table and placed a cup down in front of me and I noticed she had poured one for herself as well. She sat down across from me, her expression gentle and calm, and so motherly. I missed my own mother terribly in that moment and wished so hard that she was still with me.

"So, Sundays have become their day to do homework and help clean the house. Sometimes Edward can get out of the first daily priority. He chooses most Saturday nights to stay and catch up so he's not stuck doing it all day today."

A sudden clamoring into the kitchen brought us both to attention and suddenly a dark, spiky-haired head appeared around the corner. "Good morning, everyone!" Alice greeted us with a huge smile.

"Hi, Alice," I said quietly.

"Don't let my mom fool you into thinking Edward is a goody-two-shoes when it comes to his work. He just has no social life anymore. Hasn't since his ex-girlfriend moved to Alaska. He prefers to stay below the radar."

"I can respect that." I said into my coffee as I sipped it.

"Is breakfast ready yet, mom? I'm famished."

"In a little bit, honey. You have enough time to shower and scour your closet. But remember, what you toss around your room…"

"Must be hung up again. I know, I know." Alice sighed for dramatic effect and disappeared back around the corner. I heard her pound back up the stairs to the second floor and heard a door slam.

"She's going to wake up the rest of the house making all that noise." Esme said, and smiled at me. I did my best to return it.

"Too late, I'm already up. Damn pixie does not know how to be quiet in the morning." Edward mumbled as he appeared through the back door of the kitchen. "I didn't want to risk "accidently" tripping her on the stairs, so I came down the back way."

"That was very noble of you, Edward." Esme praised. "Why don't you sit with Bella and keep her company while I finish breakfast?"

"What are you making?" he asked as he took his mother's seat.

"Edward, what do I make every Sunday to give you and your sister a little incentive?" Esme asked as she began placing the thick slices of soaked bread in a square skillet.

"I love my mom." Edward whispered to me. He glanced at my cup. "Want another?"

"Sure," I said quietly. Edward got up and I watched as he helped Esme for a minute, getting plates down from a cabinet and forks and knives from a drawer.

I got up and walked around the kitchen checking things out here and there. I stopped at a collection of framed photos set up by an impressive display of cookbooks. I looked over each one. Some were birthdays, both Alice and Edward. One was a professional shot of Edward for the track team. There was another of Alice accepting an award for something. The final was a family picture taken this past Christmas. Edward, Alice, Esme, and a man I assumed to Edward's father were all dressed in holiday and gathered around a professionally decorated tree. It must have been another professional picture.

I picked it up and stared at it feeling a tear slip down my cheek. I wiped it away and glanced over my shoulder. Edward and Esme were still cooking together and talking. "Where's dad? I thought today was his day off."

"It was, but the hospital called around four this morning and asked if he could come in and cover another doctor's shift today."

"And of course he went in."Edward stated more than asked. He handed Esme a spatula.

"You know your father." Esme glanced at Edward. "World's largest bleeding heart. He'll be home for dinner, which is good. I'm making his favorite tonight."

_Home for dinner_

That's what Char-my father had said to me the night he died. _"Just a quick call. I'll be home in a couple hours, Bells. Just in time or dinner."_

I looked around for the closest door and quickly made my way for it. The holiday picture was burned into my mind's eyes. Everyone smiling. Everyone there. Son. Daughter. Mother… Father… I didn't even notice hat I pushed the door too hard and heard it bang as I made my escape.

"Bella," Edward called after me. I ignored him and kept going. I found the back door and shoved it open. It was huge, glass, and much too heavy for me. "Bella, wait," I felt Edward's hand close around my wrist and I looked at him, tears threatening to spill. He reached out to cup my face with this other hand. "Bella, what's wrong?"

"I need to be alone," I barely whispered, trying to rip my arm from his grasp. He was too strong. "Please, leave me alone."

Edward tightened his grip on my wrist just a little bit. Enough to hold me in place, but not hurt me. "No, I won't do that." He reached over and pushed the door open easily. "Let's just walk. Come on." He took my hand and led me outside.

I was in mood to fight with him, so I let him pull me outside and guide me through a picturesque backyard. I didn't take any notice to what it was decorated with as Edward led me down to a river. The sun was already up rising to our left, which meant we were walking south. Edward sat me down on a huge dry boulder that formed a sort of bench by the river, and took a seat next to me.

"What happened, Bella?"

I was silent for a long time as I looked out over the river, the water almost golden, shimmering in the growing sunlight. The soft lapping was methodic and purifying. I could feel the cool water cleansing me, washing away the sudden grief that had overpowered me. Then my eyes snapped open as Edward's hand made contact with my face again. I hadn't even realized they were closed.

"Bella?" He asked softly.

"I was looking at the pictures in the kitchen. I saw the Christmas one and…" I stopped, unsure what to say. I couldn't mention what his mother had said; I couldn't bring myself even to think it. Instead I reached up behind me with both my hands and felt for the clasp on my necklace. Edward would understand better if I showed him. I held my locket in my hand and carefully popped the heart open. Inside was a space for two pictures, but only one was in there right now. On the right was a miniature picture of my parents, Charlie and Renee, in the early days of their marriage. I handed Edward the locket.

"My dad had this made for me for Christmas. He and I spent hours going through the boxes of my mother's things that were sent to us. I found this picture buried in a shoebox. I have the full size at home, but Charlie went out and had it copied, resized, and cut down to fit in this locket. He found it an antique jewelry store. It's solid gold. On the back is the date it was made. It's from the 1800s. But the month and day are the same as my parent's wedding day."

"Wow," was all Edward said. He stared at the picture and then carefully closed the locket and handed it back to me. "It's beautiful,"

I reached behind me and secured the gold chain around my neck. "Thank you. My dad saw how much I loved that picture and he knew how much I was hurting still, would always hurt…so he bought this locket and had the picture placed inside. I look at it everyday. It's the only way to see their faces now," I looked to the ground and then back to Edward, "I miss them so much."

"I'm so sorry, Bella. Truly," Edward said sincerely.

I did my best to conjure up a small smile for him, and leaned in to kiss his cheek. "Thank you. And not just for this, but everything. Inviting me here, listening to me…helping me."

Edward reached out and took my hand. He smiled shyly and didn't say anything as he helped me up and we began to walk back toward the house. "Bella," he said finally as we reached the back door, "everything I've done is the least I can do to makeup for hurting you so deeply. I swear to you now, as long as I live, I'll never hurt you again. I wouldn't be able to live with myself f I did."

I reached out and touched his cheek. "Don't say that. Just be yourself. I can't ask for more than that. No one can."

Edward smiled and I felt him wipe away another tear. Was I ever to stop leaking? Probably not. "Hungry?" he asked as we walked inside. He slid the door shut behind us.

I took a long breath inhaling the delicious fragrances wafting from the kitchen. Among the cinnamon I could smell bacon, syrup, and maybe even caramel. Talk about incentive. I looked back to Edward. "Famished," I admitted. And for once, I wasn't lying about my appetite.


	8. Human Touch

A/N: Thank you to everyone once again for your reviews. They are the driving force behind my stories. I'm not one of those authors who waits for a particular amount of reviews before updating, I just post as I finish regardless of the number of reviews that I get, but its still always nice to receive so many from all of you. So truly, much heart felt thanks on this end, and I'm supremely happy that you're all enjoying these stories so far and always asking for a quick update. To me that means I'm doing a fair job.

So thanks to all of you once more!!!!

ENJOY!!!

ReddTwilight

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Chapter 8: Human Touch

Edward's Point of View

I felt terrible for Bella. She wasn't safe from anything. Her life with her parents had been so intertwined amongst the both of them; so many aspects of them both surround her; so many memories that she's going to see everywhere for the rest of her life. I know I can' protect her from all of it, no matter how hard I try, and I will try hard. Bella has been through more than enough in her life, and the world sees her still as a child. Yes, she's eighteen; yes, she' an adult, but the world around her still sees her as this young, immature child.

And that's the last thing that Bella wants right now. To be seen as weak; incapable of handling her life; needing help for even the simplest tasks of day to day living. No, that's not what she needs. She values her independence fiercely, that much she's made very clear to me. What she needs is her friends, and the support that only they can provide. What she needs is family, or a sense of family at the very, very least. But what she needs more than anything, more than any offer of help or show of support, or sympathy, is touch.

Physical, human touch. Physical comfort. More than just a clap on the shoulder or a friend holding your hand. She needs to be held, to be loved; to be shown that no matter how alone she may be in terms of biological family, she's not alone at all. And most of all, I want to be the one to comfort her; to hold her; to show her that…that she is loved, and wanted. To show her life again, and the beauty of living it to the fullest.

But why would Bella ever allow me? After what I've done to her… Wait. She already has. Friday night when she asked me to stay. And not just stay the night, but in her bed with her. She had let me hold her then. Oh, no, maybe it was because I was only other person there and she was so desperate… No, I can't think like that, Bella wouldn't want me to. Doesn't want me to. But again, why would she allow me to offer that to her after I've hurt her so deeply? Too deep for words and too painful to ever fully heal, if it will heal at all. Bella deserves so much better than what I can offer her. But I so desperately want her to accept it. To know that I do care.

Yes, it's been brought out by guilt, but the fact that I care at all and I'm not just brushing it off like a simple mistake must count for something, right? The fact that I am trying to help her, despite the very important fact that I have literally and absolutely no concept of what she's going through, must that show that on some level I _do_ care. I _do_. I care very much about Bella. Maybe it's because I'm more like my father than I allow myself to believe. Maybe it's because some of my mother's compassion has been genetically transferred to me. Or maybe it's because I love-

No.

I've sworn that off until college. No more serious relationships, no more dating. (Although getting laid every now and then wouldn't be so bad). I don't need to be harangued by the school paper. I don't need girls following m around again. I don't need little whispers thrown around as I walk by. And I would never pull Bella into that. No.

You're a foul liar. Both to her and to yourself. Cut the shit, Ed. No. NO! I don't. I can't. I won't. It wouldn't be fair to her. No.

_NO._

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

This is cowardice of the lowest kind. Here I am crouching by her bedside in the dark watching her dream. I can't even bring myself to look at her like this in the light. I have to hide in order to feel this way, just so Bella doesn't see it in my eyes. Coward. I sat there on my haunches watching as Bella breathed in and out in her sleep. She seemed much more peaceful tonight than she had sounded last night. She was lying on top of a long pillow, her arms wrapped around it possessively. How I longed to be that pillow.

I started to reach out to stroke a piece of hair from Bella's eyes, but she suddenly twitched in her sleep and I pulled my hand back. And then to my horror her eyes fluttered open. I couldn't move. I was frozen in my stance by her side. Bella laid there for a moment staring at me, not at all surprised to see me, a small smile pulling at the corner of her mouth.

"Hey," she breathed softly.

"Hi," I replied.

Bella adjusted herself, folding one arm under the pillow for more support and pulling the other free to lie beside her face. "What are you doing in here?" she asked politely.

"I…I was just checking on you." I stammered out the first excuse that came to mind. Well, it wasn't really an excuse, I had come in here to check on her and wound up staying just because I had to watch her sleep. It fascinated me. "You were tossing and turning a lot last night." I added in an attempt to make my story more justified, more legitimate.

Bella smiled at me. Even the dark it was the brilliant thing I had ever seen. Besides her of course. "I'm ok, Edward. First night in a strange bed, strange house…it's always a little weird." From the tone of her voice I wasn't sure if she was lying, or just not telling me the whole truth. I put it aside in my mind for now.

Bella breathed lightly and the same piece of hair fell back into her eyes. This time when I reached out I brushed it behind her ear. I watched as her eyes closed at my touch and she seemed to be lingering in the feel of my hand on her cheek. "Bella, can I say something and hopefully you won't get mad at me?"

"Anything, Edward," Her eyes were still closed, her breath barely above a whisper. I kept my hand there on her face for emphasis, that and I couldn't bear to pull away from the soft feel of her skin beneath my palm. I let my thumb stroke the length of her cheekbone and I heard Bella sigh contently.

"This is what you need right now." I said quietly. I stroked her cheek for another moment and then let my hand fall to the mattress. Bella opened her eyes and stared at me again silently. I didn't know is she was upset, angry, or disappointed. I couldn't read her right now. Usually I was very good judge at body language and reading someone's facial expressions or tone. But Bella, she may say one thing, and make a face about it, but her body language says something completely different. Her expressions are open and honest, but her body language is guarded, reserved even.

Bella propped herself up on one elbow and let her jaw rest in her hand. "What do you mean?" She asked her tone even. I heard no anger, no resentment, just genuine confusion.

"Touch, Bella," I said simply. "Physical, human touch." I reached out and caressed her cheek again for clarification. She closed her eyes once more and lingered in the moment. "Not just having your hand held, but letting someone hold you, embrace you." I paused and let my hand fall."Bella,"

"And I suppose you think I want you to be the one to do that?" Bella asked, interrupting me. Again there was no anger in her tone. It was flat, even. I would go as far as to say indifferent even.

"No," I answered quietly. Liar. "But the fact that you asked me to stay Friday night, and in your bed with you tells me that you know you need this. Your body is craving touch, but that you're afraid of letting someone in."

Bella let her head fall back to the pillow with a sigh as she resumed her previous position. She closed her eyes and even though it was dark I swore I thought I saw a tear slip free. Or maybe it was the loud sniff that betrayed her. "You're right," Bella said quietly, opening her eyes to look at me. "You're right, Edward. It is what I need right now. I just…I don't know why I keep trying to push it away."

"Because you've grown accustomed to being, and I'm sorry for mentioning this, but you're grown accustomed to being alone and you're scared to step out of that comfort zone you've formed around yourself. You're afraid to let someone else in because in the end you don't want to lose them, too."

"How is it you've got this all figured out, Edward?" Bella asked her voice cracking.

"Because I had a girlfriend once, Tanya. We started dating our freshman year. Then sophomore year she moved up to Alaska with her parents and her two sisters. Things between us weren't that stable to begin with. I wasn't in love with her but I cared about her. It was just really hard to let her go because she was my friend. We agreed that a break up would be best."

"Oh, Edward."

"It's nothing compared to losing your parents, Bella. But I decided not to get involved with anyone again after that. I just couldn't deal with the drama. As soon as the girls in the school found out I was single again I was being stalked, literally, in the hallways. I'd find piles of love notes in my locker. I never read any of them I just threw them right in the trash. Whenever I went to parties with my friends girls would always hang around me all night. I never paid them any attention."

"Did you miss Tanya?"

"At first I really missed her. We kept in touch for a while through emails. She and her family moved back to Russia for a year or two last fall. I haven't heard from her since." I sighed heavily and looked up at Bella as she tried to stifle a yawn. "I'm sorry, I'm keeping you up, and I'm rambling. I'll go." I started to get rise but Bella's hand whipped out and grabbed onto the material of my shirt.

"Stay, please. I don't want to be alone. Last night I was tossing and turning not because I couldn't sleep but because I was having a nightmare. The same one that I always have. But Friday night I didn't have one. It was the first night in months that I actually slept peacefully. Please, Edward, stay. I need you."

~*~*~*~*~*~*

I think we can all safely assume that Edward does stay with her. Next chapter will be back to school. How will Bella handle being in public view with Edward at her side? Will he be at her side? You'll find out in chapter nine. Review please, I heart feedback!!!


	9. Heading in the Same Direction

A/N: Thank you everyone who reviewed on chapter 8!!! Every word was very much appreciated. Please, please keep it all coming. I really do heart feedback.

ENJOY!!!

ReddTwilight

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Chapter 9: Heading In the Same Direction

Bella's Point of View

I woke up Monday morning with the strongest pair of arms around me that I could ever remember feeling. I felt at peace, I felt safe. I felt like I was home. There was something tickling my ear, it smelled sweet, it smelled familiar. I snuggled closer to the warm body beside me and sighed. I felt good. It felt strong. It felt safe.

"Bella," I said softly, trying to break me from my dreams of green eyes, honey-lilac fragrances, and crooked smiles. "Bella," it said again with a voice of velvet. "Time to wake up, its six AM."

"No," I protested as I was shook gently. It had been such a good night I refused to let it end. There had been no nightmares, no terrors, and no horrific dreams of rain, lightening, and gun shots. Music filled my dreams last night. Soft, sweet melodies being played on ivory keys. I think I may have cried in my sleep, the music had been so beautiful.

I was shaken again and protested once more. "No, can't be six AM." I mumbled into something soft and feeling like cotton. My pillow? No, my pillow wasn't muscular and certainly didn't feel this hard.

"Bella," the velvet voice laughed, "come on time to get up." I was pushed now.

"All right," I opened my eyes and saw Edward Cullen's face on the pillow next to me. I had been lying on his chest. God it had felt good. "Good morning," I said quietly, pleasantly.

"Good morning, sleepy head."

"Bed head," I retorted. I wanted to reach over and run my hand through his gorgeous auburn locks, but I kept my hands folded beneath my pillow.

"Ready to face another day?"

"I suppose,"

"Got a question for you."

"Sure,"

"I know how you feel about being in the spotlight and everything, but what if I said I wanted you to sit with me at lunch today, and every day for the rest of the year?"

I bit my bottom lip in thought. "I don't know, Edward…"

"How about if your friends sit with us, too?"

"Um…" I was silent as I thought that over. I wanted nothing more than to be a part of his world in every way that I could. But moving to his table would raise too many questions, and I didn't need or want any extra attention right now.

But there was something about Edward that just made me feel alive, made me feel like maybe life was worth giving a second chance…if he would be a part of it. He brought about feelings and emotions in me I never thought I would feel again. Whether he knew it or not he was my life force, my reason for trying. My only question to myself was, to be or not to be.

I stared into Edward's green eyes as they bored back into mine while he waited patiently for my answer. I felt like he could see straight through me; like he was looking at my soul. I felt bare and exposed and naked and vulnerable all at once. Like I needed to immediately put my walls back up, but something inside told me to leave them down, but have them on standby just in case.

I was confused, tormented. I know what I want and I know what's right. But what's right isn't always what's best, and what's best isn't always right. I longed to reach out and stroke Edward's cheek, to touch him the way he had touched me last night. To hold him as he had held me. Why did I have to love him?

"I'll think about it." I finally said. Edward smiled softly and leaned in to kiss my forehead.

"I'll see you downstairs." He whispered and then got out of the bed. "I'm glad you slept well last night, Bella. I did, too."

He smiled once more before he closed the door on his way out. I only hoped my choice of words hadn't hurt him.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Why did the day have to fly by so quickly? Why did it have to be lunch time already? Jessica, Angela, and I walked to our usual table, but we stopped when we saw three people already there. I looked to the round table in the corner and saw a whole new group of people sitting there. When I looked back to our table Alice smiled and waved at me. When Jessica saw that Edward was at our table she smiled broadly at me. I sighed and started walking. I knew Jessica would want the empty chair next to him but I got there a second before she did and Edward pulled the chair out for me.

"Good afternoon, I hope you don't mind us sitting with you. We got here a little late and our table was taken?" Edward explained and asked politely.

"Oh no, we don't mind at all, right?" Jessica asked as she glared at me from across the table and kicked my foot underneath it. I winced and shot her daggers.

"Right," I said quietly, turning my eyes downcast to the table. I glared at Edward from under my lashes. Just because I sent him a text in third period saying, 'Ok, I'll sit with you', doesn't mean that he can ambush me at lunch and commandeer our table.

"Bella, are you coming?" Alice asked.

I looked up and saw that she, Jasper, and Angela were out of their seats. "Where?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"To get food."

"Oh no," I said quietly looking back down to the table. "I'm not hungry." Actual meaning: I have no money, I can't afford lunch.

"You sure?"

"Yeah," I said quietly, feeling ashamed. "I'm sure."

"You need to eat." Edward said quietly to me once they all had left. I could feel Jessica's eyes on me and I looked up to see her quickly turn back to unpacking her brown bag lunch. Today on the skinny diet, celery sticks and peanut butter.

"It's all right, I'm not hungry."

"Bella, I'll buy lunch for you is that's the problem."

"No, it's not, ok. I'm just not that hungry."

"You didn't touch your breakfast this morning, so don't tell me you're not hungry." Edward whispered very quickly under his breath to me so Jessica wouldn't hear. Even if he had spoken above a whisper I doubt she would have heard. She was too consumed with making sure she had exactly one half table spoon of peanut butter on each celery stick. The girl had a complex.

But Edward was right. I had just sat there this morning with him and Alice and pushed my delicious smelling eggs around my plate with my fork not actually eating. I had been too busy dreading the ride to school. Edward had insisted on driving me and I had only agreed to save the gas in my truck. It wasn't getting any cheaper these days. But all my worrying had been for nothing since we showed up early enough that no one else was in the parking lot. Alice, Edward, and Jasper disappeared down one hallway and I headed for the library. We both had our own agendas in the morning, and even though I hated to be away from him I knew I would see him again last period in biology after lunch.

"Here you go, Bella. Edward told me you liked the soup he made you. It's not Esme's recipe, but it's not bad." Alice said cheerfully as she set a Styrofoam cup and a plastic spoon down in front of me.

I looked to Jessica, she was busy texting on her cell to God knows who, her thumbs flying across the keypad a million miles a second. Angela fell quickly into a conversation with Alice as they sat in their seats. Jasper draped his arm across the back of her chair and she leaned into him. I looked to her and mumbled, "Thank you," Alice smiled at me encouragingly.

I pulled the cup toward me and popped the lid off letting the smell of processed chicken and high sodium broth saturate the air beneath my nose. It smelled like school food but I was too starving to care and I picked up the spoon and started to eat. Edward picked on his bagel beside me that Alice had gotten for him, ignoring the carrots and tuna fish that it came with.

"So it's ok for you not to eat, but not me?" I accused halfheartedly.

"I'm gonna eat."

"So eat, I am." And I spooned more soup into my mouth. Edward just chuckled and looked away to the wall in front of him. He picked up the cream cheese that also came with his bagel and started spreading it. He stopped about halfway through and looked up as if he had forgotten something.

"Oh shit," He looked to me. "I forgot something very important to tell you."

"What?"

"I actually feel really bad about this, I meant to tell you sooner, but you and I are lab partners in biology for the rest of the year. You missed the rearrangement on Friday."

I nearly gagged on my soup and looked up when I heard Jessica choking on her own food. "Wh-what?" I spluttered. I was more elated than upset. I got to sit next to Edward Anthony Cullen for the rest of the year and there's nothing anyone can do about it? Holy crow, this is the best day of my life.

"If it's a problem I can get switched."

I reached over and grabbed his arm without realizing it. "No! No it's not a problem." I loved the way it felt strong and solid under my hand. I pulled it back when I realized Jessica was staring, her celery stick paused halfway to her mouth.

"Good, because I wouldn't really have changed anyway." Edward stared at me for a long moment, but then his perfect brows drew together. "Because, um…I've noticed that you really seem to know what you're doing and we'll probably fly trough the labs really." He said quickly as a poor excuse for an excuse. He looked confused as he continued to gaze at me; possible a little tormented and just down right scared. Edward Cullen, scared? Of sitting next to me? Why? There's absolutely nothing intimidating about me.

"Bella, your soup is getting cold." Alice pointed out.

I snapped my eyes away from Edward's beautiful green ones and looked back to my half empty soup cup. One glance at the clock above the door told me I had no time left to eat so I shoved a couple more spoonfuls of the fake chicken soup down my throat and got up to throw my trash out. The bell rang as I reached the door and I turned to see Edward there holding my bag.

"Walk you to class?" He offered. "We are heading in the same direction.

"Sure," I answered meekly.

_We're heading in the same direction…_

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Transitional epithelium" I said quietly and pushed the microscope back toward Edward.

"How do you know?" He asked, clearly dumbfounded as to how I knew the answer. He grabbed the microscope and looked down it.

"See how the tissue is layered. It's capable of being stretched and contracted easily without tearing."

Edward pulled away from the microscope and looked at me chuckling. "You are brilliant, you know that." He scribbled the answer down on the sheet we were supposed to be filling out.

I felt a light blush coloring my cheeks and I bowed my head. Today's lab was histology. We were given a dozen slides and told to identify them as tissues, muscles, or bone and write down the full complete name on the sheet. The groups who got it right earned five extra credit points on the next exam.

"Next slide," I said. Edward popped it out and placed the next one in.

"This one is easy," he said smiling as he gazed down the scope. "Nervous tissue," He pushed the microscope toward me.

"I believe you." I said and pushed it back to him.

"You trust me?" he asked as he wrote the answer down, and then looked at me a small smile on his face. His question had double meaning and I knew it, but l also knew in that moment that yes,

"Yeah, I trust you, Edward."

For a moment his smile grew brighter and he popped the next slide on. He didn't bother to look at it before he pushed the microscope my way. I glanced down it quickly for a moment and smirked. "Stratified squamos,"

Edward wrote it down and handed me the next slide. "You don't want to identify them anymore?"

"I'll do the next one." He smiled.

I looked down the scope for a minute trying to adjust it to see the tissue properly. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Edward lean toward me and the light under the microscope dimmed a little and the tissue came into focus. "Thanks," I mumbled. I adjusted the sharpness and focus for a second before I got a clear view. "Adipose tissue," I said confidently. "From a very skinny person."

Edward wrote it down and took the microscope back. He popped in the next slide and sat there staring at it for a moment. "Maybe you should've done this one, too." He said sounding a little embarrassed. "I _think_ its Pseudostratified columnar, but I'm not positive." He pushed the microscope back toward me.

"So how did you feel about lunch today? Are we allowed to stay?" He asked as I looked down the scope.

"It was fine," I said smoothly, turning the knobs to readjust the focus. I switched to the next power up; that helped. "And yes," I looked up at him with a small smile, "you can stay." A brief silence passed between us. "You were right, too, Pseudostratified _ciliated_ columnar."

"You want to do something after school?" Edward asked as he stared at me.

"Like what?"

"You want to get some pizza?"

"Can we take it back to your house?" I asked feeling a little sheepish.

"You don't want to share a pizza with me while it's nice and not, fresh out of the oven?" Edward teased.

I leaned over closer to him, getting hit with the delicious smell of him, and whispered, "I don't want people getting the wrong idea about us."

"So I'll tell them to piss off." Edward said nonchalantly as he popped the next slide onto the microscope. He looked down it and smiled. "Bone tissue, and that's the last one." He wrote it down and looked at me. "Bella, just come out with me and share a pizza. I'll get you a chocolate milkshake with sprinkles on top."

"Are you asking me out?"

"As friends, nothing more." Edward looked at me his expression calm, but his eyes were pleading. I chewed on my bottom lip but I stopped when I tasted the blood and looked away from him. "Bella?"

"Can I answer you at the end of class?"

I watched as Edward's eyes flicked to the clock over the door. "You have thirty seconds, so no pressure."

I sighed heavily. "All right, I'll go out and share a pizza with you." As soon as the words were out of my mouth the final bell rand for the day. Edward and I gathered our things and he handed in the sheet. "But you still have to get me the milkshake." I made him promise as we walked out the door.

Edward chuckled lightly and turned the full power of his devastatingly beautiful green eyes on me. "Deal,"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A/N: It took me forever to come up with a title for this chapter...Nothing seemed to work until the a line from the chapter itself jumped out and bit me and i realized it was the perfect title because this is the point in the story where both are starting to feel conflicted, but they know what's coming. Bella knows she loves him, she's been in love with him, but Edward is starting to open his eyes to the idea of loving Bella and wanting more than just friends.


	10. Horizon

A/N: Thank you everyone who reviewed on chapter 9!!! Unfortunately my rash is still driving me crazy and it feels really irritated as soon as I start to type because its mostly on the inside of my elbows and it REALLY burns so I feel totally unmotivated to type.

ENJOY!!!

ReddTwilight

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Chapter 10: Horizon

Edward's Point of View

Once the day was finally over I left the school and went to sit out on a bench by the parking with Alice and Jasper to wait for Bella. She had to run to her locker and grab some things she needed and said she would meet us outside. I laid down on the bench next to Alice and laid my head in her lap. She took one look at me, sighed, and started to run her fingers through my hair.

"Where's Bella?" she asked looking down at me.

"Getting books from her locker. She'll be right out. Listen, I'm gonna drop you and Jasper off at home first."

"How come?"

"I'm taking Bella out for pizza."

"You really like her, don't you?" Alice asked.

"Yeah, I do. I think she's wonderful. I think she's smart, funny, and God knows she's beautiful."

"I think you're falling in love, big brother. I knew you would. It's like I had this precognition."

I sighed and shut my eyes grumbling something. Alice continued to run her fingers through my hair. It was comforting and calming; soothing away the uneasiness I felt toward mine and Bella's relationship.

"Maybe I am, I don't know. I know I really care for her. I know I don't want her hurting anymore, and I want to protect her from pain."

Alice sighed heavily. "And after you were such a monster to her too, Edward." She was searching for an explanation as to why my feelings toward Bella had changed so substantially and so quickly. On Friday she had been a nobody to me who I wouldn't have looked twice at. But Friday I _had_ looked at her, and I had seen something; something else below the surface in her. I saw true beauty, but also a very deep pain. I don't know why but something had pulled me to her that day; made me want to go over and sit next to her, give her company.

And then I had royally screwed up. I knew her name, and the time it hadn't registered who she was. When I found out I was appalled with myself. I had hurt her so profoundly and unforgivably, and it wouldn't surprise me if she never forgives me. But that pull is still there, like a magnet drawing me closer, making me gravitate toward her.

Something inside me has snapped and all I want is to be with Bella, make her happy. I can proudly say to myself that she is the most important person in my life. She _is_ my life now. And Alice must have been suspecting all of the turmoil turning over in my mind for the last couple of minutes and looked down at me.

"She has to heal on her own, Edward. You can only help her so far and then the rest is up to her."

"I know," I sighed. That was the only downside. Bella had to _want_ to heal; had to _want_ to let go of her ghosts. And I couldn't see that happening any time soon. But maybe until then my goal could be to make her happy.

I heard the door to the building open behind us and the familiar sound of girls chattering followed. I recognized Jessica's voice first, followed by Bella's. "Hey, Edward." Jessica said as she walked past. I didn't like the tone of her voice, it was too seductive. I looked up at Bella as Jessica continued on her way. The expression on Bella's face was either loathing or disgust, or maybe a combination of the two.

"Sorry, my locker jammed up on me." She said quietly looking away into the parking lot.

"It's ok. " I said from my position. I sat up and stretched my arms. "Are you ready to go?" Alice stood collecting her things and Jasper materialized from around the corner. "Where did you go?" I asked as he took Alice's bag.

"Talking to my sister." Jasper explained. "She's back there sitting with her boyfriend."

"Is she over her hissy fit yet?" Alice asked as we started walking toward my car.

"Not really. She's still blaming me for ruining her shoes. I didn't mean to spill my juice on them this morning, but she walked into me."

I chuckled to myself as Jasper continued his story about Rosalie. She was a decent person, but sometimes she cared more about the expensive material on her back than other people's emotions. She was fiercely loyal to her boyfriend, and my other best friend, Emmett. We were both on the track team in the spring, he played football in the fall, and he was on the baseball team as well with Jasper. In short, the man was extremely busy.

Alice and Jasper sat in the back while Bella rode shotgun, next to me. I caught a few people staring at her, as she shut her door, but I threw daggers at them as a warning and they looked away. Bella was silent as we drove out of the school, her hands folded on her lap as she stared vacantly out the window.

"You want to pick the music?" I offered.

Bella looked up at me with a small smile and then to the radio with a quiet, "Sure," sounding indifferent to the proposition. I watched her thumb through my collection of CDs in the center console before choosing one. I was surprised by which one. I had heard a lot of rock when she played her iPod, I never expected her to be into classical. "Is this ok?" she asked holding up my Debussy CD.

"Yeah, it's fine. It's one of my favorites."

"Yeah, me too." Bella said quietly as she put the disc in. She read the back of the case and then skipped to the fifth track. I recognized "Claire de Lune" the moment it began to play. Bella sat back in her seat and shut her eyes. The music as soothing to her as it was to me. The rest of the drive was silent save for Alice and Jasper talking quietly to each other in the back.

I dropped them off at the mouth of our driveway knowing they would be ok to walk the one mile to the house on their own. I backed out and turned my car around to head back toward Forks. "So where are you taking me?" Bella asked as we reached the main road.

"To the only pizza place that I know. You'll like it. It's as authentic as you're going to get this far North."

Bella chuckled quietly and I saw her relax. "Thank you," she said a minute later.

"For what?"

"For being patient with me. I know it must be frustrating."

"Not at all." I said sincerely. "Alice is frustrating. You're…you…" I knew exactly what I wanted to say, but I didn't want to make Bella feel uncomfortable so I settled for the generic version. "You're worth it." I looked over at her and saw that she was staring back with disbelief in her eyes.

"Edward…I…thank you." She said struggling to find the words. She turned away as a light blush colored her cheeks. I desperately wanted to reach over and take her hand, but I dare not enter the comfort zone she had around herself. I didn't want to give her reason to shy away from me. I wanted to draw her closer, hold her, touch her…protect her. I couldn't do that if she wouldn't come near me in the first place.

I held Bella's door open for her as she got out and held the door again as we walked in. She looked up at me with an appreciative smile as we were seated. I recognized a few students from the high school but none were looking in our direction. "What kind of pizza do you like?" I asked once we sat down.

"I don't care whatever you want." Bella responded quietly.

"I don't think they have that here." I teased.

"Ok, fair point. Um…" Bella looked down at the paper in front of her for a moment. "Mushrooms and stuffed crust."

I got up and went to the counter to put in our order and the waitress handed me two cups for soda which I filled before returning to the table. "Coke ok?" I asked as I sat back down across from Bella.

"Yeah, that's fine." Bella took her cup and sipped it. "So how long until the pizza is ready?"

"She said about a half hour. She's bringing over some garlic bread."

"Hm…"

"You ok?" I asked quietly.

"Yeah, just a little hungry." Bella admitted sheepishly.

"Just a little?" I prompted.

"Ok, I'm starving." Bella smiled.

"That's better." I returned her grin.

Bella loosened up after that, opening up to me as we shared jokes and stories over pizza. I watched with gratification as she ate the pizza by herself. I think I had found her food weakness. We had the rest of the pie and left over garlic bread boxed up and walked out smiling and laughing together.

"You still owe me a chocolate shake with sprinkles." Bella reminded me as we drove back to my house.

"I do, don't I? Why don't I show my secret recipe when we get back?"

"Is it for thick milkshakes?"

"Very,"

"Then yes, you may share your secret recipe, Edward."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I watched from across the table a little while later with a huge grin as Bella licked her glass clean.


	11. Breathe No More

A/N: I take no credit for the lyrics of "Breathe No More" in this chapter and give all credit to Evanescence.

ENJOY!!!

ReddTwilight

~*~*~*~*~*~*

Chapter 11: Breathe No More

Bella's Point of View

I woke up Tuesday morning feeling renewed. Never had I had a Monday like yesterday. I normally dreaded Mondays; it was the beginning of another dreadful week. But yesterday had been a dream. I couldn't remember feeling so happy in such a long time. I actually ate breakfast this morning without feeling sick.

The school day went by fast and wasn't too painful. I spent most of my classes going over and over in my mind yesterday's conversations. I had really let my comfort zone fall away around Edward. He made me laugh and smile more in one afternoon than I had in the past ten months. Something was happening between us. Something I had never contemplated to happen, and I was sure he did neither. But something was indeed happening. Edward was making me happy; bringing out long lost feelings in me.

And I was letting him. I was letting him in. The one person I had adamantly locked out not one week ago was quickly breaking down the strong, fresh walls around my heart. They were crumbling to bits under his compassion and care. I wanted to be around him. He made me feel good. And when I needed it he helped me to briefly forget my pain.

I found myself clinging to his shadow and he didn't seem to mind. The whole point of my staying with his family for a week was to begin to heal in a fresh atmosphere surrounded by family. It may not be my family, but it was the closest I had, and it certainly felt like my own. Edward's family had, literally, welcomed me with open arms, and Esme was the closest I had to my own mother. She treated me like her own daughter, and I couldn't appreciate that more.

After school was done for the day I found myself secluded in the guest room I was staying in trying to work on my senior paper for English class. I only had about one page done so far and I really wasn't putting as much effort into as I knew I could, I just haven't felt motivated lately. I did some research for my topic for about an hour when my stomach decided to protest like it normally did and I ventured downstairs to find a snack.

As soon as I reached the bottom of the large spiral staircase I heard the most beautiful and the most angelic music I had ever heard in my life. It was coming from the living room, towards the back. Obviously piano, and I swear for a moment I thought it was CD someone was playing, but when I turned the corner and saw Edward sitting at the black grand piano playing I was shocked. I had no idea he could play, let alone play that beautifully. I remained hidden around the corner at the bottom of the stairs just listening.

The melody pouring from the piano was beyond words. It was hopeful and sweet and reminded me of a flowing river as the notes flowed together. He was playing mostly in the high octaves keeping the melody soft. I could almost visualize his fingers floating over the ivory keys as they played through the tune. I was amazed at how magnificently he played, as if he had been since he was child. And he probably had been judging from the slightly complicated tempo and the way the notes skipped along.

I continued to remain hidden as he continued to play. The tempo slowed down for a couple seconds, adding to the power of the music, and then sped up again as the notes became hopeful once more. I felt tears prickling my eyes as Edward brought the music to a close and started to move into the living room. As the last note began to fade Edward looked up from the piano and noticed me.

"Hey," He said with a small smile.

"That was beautiful, Edward. I've never heard something so moving in my life. Did you write that?"

"Yeah I did, a couple years ago. Took me forever to get the notes out of my head and onto paper. I play it whenever I have a lot on my mind."

"It _is_ soothing to listen to." I walked toward him and moved over on the bench to make room for me. I sat down and timidly reached for the polished ivory keys in front of me.

"Can you play?" Edward asked as he watched me put one finger down on a white key and push it. I trailed my fingers up the keys playing each note individually.

"Not really. My mom could, and she made me take lessons when I was kid but I hated having to practice everyday. I didn't have the patience for it."

Edward chuckled as he looked down to the keys. "That's usually the biggest reason people don't get into music to begin, they don't want to practice." Edward placed his hands back on the keys and started playing again, a different tune this time; something random by the sound of it, right off the top of his head. How he was able to produce such beautiful melodies without effort was beyond me. I jut sat there and listened.

"So I noticed that a lot of the music you listen to is piano based. The rock you listen to, I mean. It has a ton of piano in it, and…I've been learning some of your favorite songs…"

I looked up at him with shock. How had he picked up on that? Was he reading my mind? No, be practical. Telepathy was science fiction, right up there with vampires and werewolves and all of that. Edward was no vampire, even though he was as devastatingly beautiful as one. Bella, stop it, I chastised myself. Don't get yourself involved, not again.

I turned my attention back to Edward as he started to play a very soft, very low melody on the piano, a melody that I recognized. I'd sung this song a million times over and over and played it over and over in my mind. I listened for a few notes as Edward kept repeating the intro. He looked down at me, watching me watch him play. "I know you know this one, Bella." He said quietly into my ear. His breath tickled the hair at the back my neck and a shiver ran down my spine.

"Yeah, I do. I love this song."

"Sing it for me." Edward requested politely as he started the intro again.

"I don't know…"

"Just sing it, Bella. I know you can and I know you have a beautiful voice. I've heard you sing before. You're captivating."

I felt a deep blush in my cheeks and bowed my head in embarrassment. "Sometimes it helps, it's therapeutic." Edward continued. "Just sing."

I looked at him, and then to keys, and then back to him. I took a deep breath going over the beginning lyrics in my mind before actually vocalizing them.

"_I've been looking in the mirror for so long.  
That I've come to believe my soul's on the other side.  
All the little pieces falling, shatter.  
Shards of me,  
Too sharp to put back together.  
Too small to matter,  
But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces.  
If I try to touch her,  
And I bleed,  
I bleed,  
And I breathe,  
I breathe no more._

Take a breath and I try to draw from my spirits well.  
Yet again you refuse to drink like a stubborn child.  
Lie to me,  
Convince me that I've been sick forever.  
And all of this,  
Will make sense when I get better.  
But I know the difference,  
Between myself and my reflection.  
I just can't help but to wonder,  
Which of us do you love.  
So I bleed,  
I bleed,  
And I breathe,  
I breathe no...  
Bleed,  
I bleed,  
And I breathe,  
I breathe,  
I breathe-  
I breathe no more."

Edward played out the last few notes in the piano solo, letting the final note linger for a long moment. He dropped his hands to his thighs when he finished and looked at me. "That was breathtaking, Bella. How do you feel?"

I thought about that for a full minute before answering him. "Cleansed…I think." I stared up into his eyes, his deep, endless, emerald green eyes and forgot how to breathe. He was staring back so intently that I thought I saw…is he looking at me with adoration? I felt my stomach immediately twist into a dozen uncomfortable knots and I started to get up slowly. "Thank you, Edward, for that. It helped a lot."

"You're more than welcome, Bella, any time you need it."

"Ok," I said feeling completely awkward. Edward watched as I stood up and started to turn to go. "I'm just um…gonna go take a shower before dinner. I'll see you in a bit." I said quietly, turned and once I was around the corner I bolted up the stairs putting as much distance between us as I could. I slammed the door shut to the guest room pressing my back to it as soon as I was inside.

I shook my head a couple times to clear my mind and started to strip off my clothes down to my underwear and grabbed a clean pair of sweats and a t-shirt from the dresser before heading into my little bathroom. I turned the shower and while I waited for the water to heat up I brushed my teeth and just stared at myself in the mirror. Why? Why do I have to love him? Why did I have to _fall_ in love with him?

Once the mirrors started to fog up I got in and almost jumped back out when the scalding water touched my skin. Instead I turned the right knob a little to allow more cool water to flow and waited a couple seconds. As soon as the water was tolerable I stepped under the stream and let it flow over me flattening my hair to my scalp. I washed methodically not paying attention to the motions, trying to keep my mind distracted.

But once I was done I just slumped against the tile and let the water continue to pour over me. Don't be a fool Bella, I told myself. Don't give him the opportunity to hurt you again. Don't be vulnerable, don't be stupid. "But I love him," I whispered to the walls around me. But does he love you back? Does he look at you the way you look at him? The way you've _been_ looking at him for almost two years now?

No. No he doesn't. Don't make the same mistake twice, you know you can't handle it. You know what it will cost you. Don't do this, Bella, be reasonable.

But I never listen to reason. And I don't care. All that matters to me is downstairs, and whether he ever returns my affection or not I will _always_ love him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The remainder of the evening was restless to me. I could barely sit still at dinner, my knees bouncing up and down under the table as I sat next to Edward and just picked at my food. Esme watched me move the peas around on my plate with my fork and I could feel the concern radiating off of her in waves. She didn't confront me about what was wrong but I knew she could sense that something was. And indeed, something _was_ wrong.

I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with her son and my heart showed no signs of ever falling out of love with him. I was setting myself up for disaster once again and I didn't care. I was preparing to be miserable for the rest of my life, because how could Edward Cullen ever love someone like me? Someone so lost and broken? Someone who let her pain control her world? No, why would he ever want to get involved. He had said it himself, he didn't need all the drama that came with having a girlfriend, and I couldn't blame him if he didn't want to be bothered with me.

Friends yes, anything more than that, no. He would help me heal, but he wouldn't do it physically. Hold me, yes. My body was screaming to be touched, and not delicately. I wanted him to hold me so tight like I was in a vice. I wanted his arms around me in a constricting circle and hold me back. I wanted him to weigh me down, keep me grounded. I'm completely tormented by my sheer need for him, torn between desperation for independence and the need for physical security.

And I wanted it only from him. Never was I going to want anyone else the way I want Edward. The way that I felt like my body might just split in two by my complete and utter _need_ to just be in his company; just be around him. He absolutely gushed positivity and I needed that right now. The aura around him was so desirable that I knew if it touched me I would never need anything else in life. Just him, always and forever.

So it was with all of this chaos going on inside my head that I made my way to Edward's room after everyone else had gone to bed. I opened the door quietly and he looked up from where he was sitting up in bed reading, confusion etching his perfect face as I shut the door and made my way across the room. He put his book down, the confusion turning to concern as I climbed into his bed and snuggled tight to his side wrapping my arms around him and pressing my head to his chest.

"Bella, what's wrong?" He asked sounding terrified.

"I need to sleep with you tonight. I can't be alone right now, not after this afternoon."

Edward lowered himself so we were both lying down on our sides facing each other and he wrapped an arm across my back to hold me closer to him. "What happened this afternoon that could've gotten you upset?"

"Music," I said into his chest, not looking at him.

"Music?"

I didn't respond to him. I just pressed myself even closer to him. He held me, just simply held me and remained quiet. I took a few breaths going over in my mind what I had been thinking about yesterday and contemplated whether or not right now was a good time for it.

"What are you thinking about?" Edward asked. Damn it.

"My mom," I whispered. I sighed heavily and looked up into his concerned eyes. "I told you how my dad died, but not my mom."

"You don't have to, Bella, if it's too hard."

I shook my head. "The only hard thing about it is having to deal with the fear it instilled in me."

"Fear of what?" Edward asked softly.

"Rain. It was raining the night my mom and step-father died. Just like it was raining the night my father died." I took a deep breath before continuing. "There was actually a thunderstorm the night they died. My mom and Phil used to like to sit out on the back deck and watch the lightning strike off in the distance behind the mountains. They were driving home from dinner and it was one of those few days in the course of a year that Phoenix actually saw rain. From what I was told of the accident, Phil was driving and may not have been paying attention and the car hydroplaned into a ditch. They both died instantly, neither of them suffered, and I guess I can be thankful for that.

"But it was still unfair to lose them both. I didn't eat or sleep for three days. I just walked around the house wrapped up in one of my mom's blankets. I didn't care that it was eighty degrees outside. I didn't care that I was missing school, I just wanted them back."

Edward didn't say anything he just let me talk. I felt his hand on my back drawing circles. It was extremely soothing and made sharing this with him that much easier. "Before I moved up here with my dad people treated me the same in Phoenix the same way I was treated here after my dad died. I don't need sympathy. I don't need empathy. I don't need people questioning my health or mental stability. I don't want my teachers excusing me from exams or activities because of the "hard time" I'm going through. I _hate_ going out in public because I feel like there's this spotlight on me. Everyone sees me. I want to be able to walk down the street without everyone looking at me and whispering something behind his or her hand to the person next to them."

I looked up at Edward with tears running down my cheeks. Fresh pain coursed through my veins making it unbearable to breathe. I didn't want to breathe. "I don't want to feel empty anymore. I need peace. I want to feel whole again. I need my parents, Edward. I want my family back. You don't know what it's like to feel completely and utterly alone. Abandoned almost."

A few more tears slipped past and I hugged myself still closer to him. "I don't want to be alone, Edward. I need my parents! I can't finish this part of my life or go into the next without them. It's so unfair! Why were they taken from me? What did I do to deserve having my parents taken from me?" I cried hysterically into Edward's chest and could tell the intensity of my sobs were frightening him. "I want my mom!" I shouted. "I want my dad!"

Edward did something completely unexpected then. He sat up pulling me into his lap and kissed the top of my head. That was when I felt a single wet drop. _He was crying with me._

"I am so, so profoundly sorry, Bella." He whispered, his voice thick with emotion. I just cried. I couldn't talk anymore, I couldn't think. I just wanted to cry until I lost my voice. But as I sat there cradled in his lap, feeling an occasional tear drop into my hair, I knew he meant it. And I knew then that there was no way I was going to get through this without him. And I knew he would be there with me every step of the way.


	12. One Step at a Time

A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed on chapters 10 and 11, thank you all SO much!!!

ENJOY!!!

ReddTwilight

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Chapter 12: One Step at a Time

Edward's Point of View

Nothing could have prepared me for what happened last night between me and Bella. Never had I seen her so unhinged before. So raw. It had rocked me to my core and I couldn't help it when I cried with her. Her pain was intense, so deeply rooted in her soul that it had shot out and latched onto mine. There is no describing the agony she was in. Nothing is going to cleanse it from her, ever. She'll only ever manage to deal with it, and maybe some day move on from it, but never will she fully heal from it. This wound goes just too deep.

So the following morning when my alarm clock went off at six, I woke her as gently as possible. I hadn't slept for a single second. I'd made the choice to stay and watch her all night, God forbid nightmares should plague her and bring about fresh torrents of pain. She had cried so hard she fell into a quick, albeit restless, sleep. But at least she fell asleep. All night I lay there softly stroking her arm, her side, her face; anything to soothe her when she started to cringe and moan in her sleep.

She slowly opened one bleary eye and looked at me from under her lashes. Her eyes were red and swollen and I knew she was going to hate to look in the mirror, but maybe Alice had something that would hide her obvious crying fit from the night before. She opened the other eye and started to sit up. I helped her as I sat up with her and stretched.

"Are you ok?" she asked me as she ran her fingers through the long strands of her brown hair to work out the loose knots.

_She_ had been the one in hysterics last night, frightening me more than I ever had been in my life, and she was asking _me_ if I was ok? "I think that question should be directed at you." I said quietly.

"I'm so sorry, Edward. I hate myself for putting you through that. I don't deserve your patience." She turned from me and got out of my bed standing there in the room with her back to me. I got out and walked around to stand in front of her and took her bony shoulders in my hands.

"Don't say that, Bella." I said softly. "I'm not upset with you. And you deserve so much more than just my patience."

"Edward…" She leaned into me wrapping her arms around my middle and hugging herself to my body. My arms instinctively wrapped around her in return and I rested my chin on the top of her head. She whimpered quietly into my chest for several minutes while I held her, stroking her hair with one hand and running the other up and down her back. When she pulled away from me I tucked my finger under her chin and tilted her face up so I could thumb away the tears falling down her cheeks.

"It's all right, Bella. I'm here and I'm not leaving you. Ever."

"Good,"

"How about a shower?"

Bella nodded and solemnly and disengaged herself from my arms. "I don't know if I can eat this morning." She said quietly.

"I won't force you, but maybe some juice? At least a little something." I said encouragingly.

Bella looked to the floor and then started walking toward my door. She pulled it open and looked back to me. "A little something," she repeated, and offered me a small smile before pulling my bedroom door closed behind her. One step at a time, I told myself, one step at a time.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I handed Bella her backpack as she got out of my car and I was tempted to throw my arm across her shoulders as we walked into the school, but thought better of it. I didn't want to make her more uncomfortable than she already was right now. Everyone was staring at us as we walked in together, and I caught a few people whispering behind their hands to those beside them. I didn't give a shit this morning. And apparently Bella didn't either. She just kept pace next to me as we got closer to the main door.

"So what were you reading last night?" She asked as I held the door open for her. "Thanks,"

"Believe it or not, _Wuthering Heights_. I told you I wanted to join your book club. You said you meet on Wednesdays, right?"

Bella stopped in the middle of the hallway and looked at me, exasperated. "Edward, I told you, you don't have to do that."

"Yes, and I believe I told you that I wanted to."

Bella sighed and we continued walking. "How far did you get?"

"About eight chapters. How far are you into it?"

"About eight chapters." Bella smirked up at me.

We walked in silence for a couple of minutes as we headed down the south hallway toward the history department. "Bella?" I asked looking down at her.

She glanced up at me. "Yeah?"

We kept walking while I hesitated and Bella stopped at her locker quickly turning through the combination on the dial and popped it open. She looked up at me again before taking books out of her bag and replacing them with books from her locker. "What is it, Edward?" she asked gently.

How was I supposed to tell her that I really cared for her right here? In front of everyone? Why had I allowed the thought to even cross my mind in the first place? I was delusional at best. Bella checked her face in the small mirror hanging inside her locker and then shut it and looked at me once more.

"Edward, is something wrong?"

"No, nothing's wrong?" I tried to come up with an excuse off the top of my head, but nothing was firing right now as I looked down at her. Her big brown eyes were staring back up me, her cheeks slightly flushed with what I assumed to be embarrassment for standing here with me, and her bottom lip pink and pouty from her chewing on it in a nervous habitual way.

And I knew then that she was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. Despite her pain, her anger, and her ability to lose herself so completely in dark places inside her head; she was completely lovely. And I knew right then, without a doubt that I was irrevocably in love with her.

"What time does the club meet today?" I blurted out finally.

Bella laughed lightly, nervously and twirled a strand of her hair around her finger. My eyes fixated on it for a moment, but I turned them back to hers. She was biting her lower lip again. It was so endearing.

"Meet me here after the final bell for the day."

And speaking of which, the bell for first period rang over our heads loudly. "I'll see you at lunch." Bella said and turned to run for her first class leaving me standing there completely dumbfounded. I only snapped out of my trance when the bell rang again thirty seconds later, and I dashed across the hall pulling the door to my first period classroom closed behind me.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"What the hell is going on between you and Edward Cullen?" I heard Jessica hiss at Bella in the lunch line behind me. I didn't know if she was being deliberately loud or was just more consumed with Bella to notice me three people in front of her. I went with the first one. Jessica never not noticed me. Which was rather creepy, and sad in my opinion.

"Nothing is going on between us. Am I not allowed to have a new friend?"

"Not when said friend is someone whom you know I've been pining over for years, Bella Swan. It's not fair."

"Did I say I was trying to hook up with him? No. So cut the betrayal shit. He did invite you _and_ Angela to sit with us, too, you know. So don't bitch to me about 'unfair' when you turn down his offer. And what was with that tone on Monday when we were leaving?"

"What tone?" Jessica asked. I glanced over my shoulder to see Bella pulling a Coke from the small fridge on the counter. She took nothing else. Jessica had her typical salad on her tray. With a sigh to myself I grabbed a turkey sandwich and added it to my tray. I had gotten pizza for myself. Bella needed to learn how to eat again, budget or no budget.

"That not so surreptitious tone in your voice when you said, 'Hey Edward'. You couldn't have been more obvious, Jessica. And why did you bat your eyes at him?"

So that was why Bella had had that disgusted look on her face Monday afternoon. I knew it had something to do with Jessica. She saw right through the girl's futile attempts at flirting with me and trying to get into my pants. I wasn't interested anyway. I don't want to be mean, but Jessica has inane talent for being _very_ shallow, and sometimes her endeavors don't always succeed because of said fact. She's also very transparent and that was what turned most guys off from her, or at least from what I had heard at past parties.

"I didn't bat my eyes at him, Bella, please. I'm not desperate."

Yeah right. I got to the cashier and paid for my food and waited for Bella to come through the line. Jessica walked out first and flashed me a small smile looking up at me from under her lashes. I smiled politely in return and then turned my attention to Bella. She just scowled in Jessica's direction and looked up to me with a heavy sigh.

"I think I may just have to cut her loose in the end if it comes to that. I hope it doesn't. She's a really good friend. She just needs to get over this whole-"

I pressed a finger to Bella's mouth to shush her and she took the hint, keeping her lips sealed, but in a tight line as we crossed the cafeteria to our usual table. After lunch on Monday Bella had seemed a little uncomfortable with all of us at one table, and had asked if maybe she could just sit with us alone for a few days to see how that felt instead. I had of course invited Jessica and Angela to sit with us as well, but Angela had recently caught the attention of a little senior named Ben and he was currently filling Bella's empty chair at the table.

"Good afternoon, Bella Swan." Jasper said with a bright smile as we joined him and Alice.

"Don't try and lure into a false sense of security today, Jasper, I'm in no mood for twenty questions." Bella half snapped as she sat down and unscrewed the cap on her soda and took a drink. I placed the turkey sandwich down in front of her. She threw me a dirty look.

"Oh just eat it." I pushed taking a bite of my pizza.

Bella grumbled as she unwrapped the plastic and took a small bite. "What?" I asked looking over at her.

"I don't ask you to do things like this for me, Edward." Bella said quietly, and the tone of her voice took me by surprise. She sounded…embarrassed.

"I'm sorry." I said quietly. I pushed my tray to the side and looked at her. "Did I offend you?"

"It would take a lot more than buying my lunch to offend me, Edward."

"I care about you. I want you to be healthy. And you can't do that by depriving yourself of what your body naturally craves." Maybe I was crazy, but I don't think I meant food when I said that.

Bella did something then I wasn't expecting. She reached over, slowly and discreetly, and placed her hand on top of mine. Alice and Jasper were too busy gazing at each other with matched expressions of awe to notice our exchange as I looked down at Bella and her eyes locked on mine. I felt something shift between us then at that moment. Something substantial. I had no idea what it was, but it scared the shit out of me…and excited me at the same time.

And I had no idea what it was.


	13. Dangerous Dreaming

A/N: Thanks for the reviews everyone!!! Always, if there is any confusion just let me know in a review and I'll be more than happy to respond as soon as I can. (When I get bored at work I check my e-mail on my phone, I just don't take the chance of responding since there's like three cameras watching me at all times)

I've received some reviews recently for "Isabella" where some weren't too thrilled with how I had Bella just forgive Edward so quickly for what he said to her and I'm sorry if you didn't enjoy the story, but if you're reading this one then you know that Bella has yet to forgive Edward for breaking her heart. He asked her already if he was forgiven, and she said, "not yet". I think, I may have to go back and check it, but I definitely know she has yet to forgive him in this story. And I think you'll all like the way I do it, when I finally reach that point in this story. Writing two stories at once can get stressful, especially when you have a plethora of ideas for one story and complete writer's block for the other.

ENJOY!!!

ReddTwilight

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Chapter 13: Dangerous Dreaming

Bella's Point of View

I power walked next to Edward as we made our way across the lot toward his Volvo. I was beyond furious right now. Somehow Jessica had heard that Edward was going to be at my book club meeting and the never-before-picked-up-a-book-for-pleasure-in-her-life friend of mine showed up. Edward sat next to me in the circle of chairs, beautiful and with perfect posture as always, and Jessica had strategically sat exactly across from him, (as much as a circle could allow), and threw him flirtatious little smiles for the hour long meeting. Our group had now picked up to ten. I'd say let's push for twelve by the end of the year, but I'm graduating why should I care?

"Bella, breathe, you're turning red." I heard Edward beside me.

"Who does Jessica think she is? Throwing those looks at you during the meeting? Just because I say there's nothing going on between us doesn't mean its all clear for her."

"If I didn't know better I'd say you were jealous."

"I'm not." I said quietly, watching my tone. "You just don't deserve to be treated that way."

"What way?" Edward looked sideways at me, slightly confused.

"Like you're something to be chased after. You're a person with feelings, and dreams, and a personality, and…and…"

"Desires," Edward said quietly, and looked over at me again.

"What?" I looked up at him.

"Nothing,"

Silence passed between us as we climbed into the Volvo, Alice had stayed after with Jasper for baseball practice. "Pining over you…_please_." I hissed.

"Are you referring to that tense little conversation between the two of you in the lunch line?"

"You heard that?" I looked at him both surprised and embarrassed.

"I may have been eavesdropping."

I shook my head and looked out the window as Edward started the car and drove out of the lot. "She has no idea what it feels like to pine over you." I muttered.

Out of my peripherals I saw Edward look sideways at me. "What's that supposed to mean?" I blushed and looked down into my lap. Oops, that's right; Edward doesn't know I'm in love with him. I glanced to look out the window. "Bella?"

I looked back to him, unwillingly, but his voice was irresistible. I _had_ to look at him. _Had_ to see the features of his perfect face; the angle of his cheekbones, the straight line of his nose, his full kissable lips, and his eyes…His deep green emerald eyes that held so much emotion I couldn't look away. I just fell into their depths losing myself.

"Yeah," I asked quietly, slowly coming out of my trance.

"What do you mean Jessica has no idea what it feels like to pine over me? Are you referring to yourself?"

"No…just forget I said anything." I whispered after a long moment of intentional silence.

"Are you all right?" Edward asked, and I suddenly felt my hand in his. I looked down to see him holding it on the center console.

"Yeah, promise. I think I just want a shower when we get back. Maybe a nap, too."

"That actually doesn't sound like a bad idea." Edward let my hand go and offered me a small smile of reassurance. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, positive."

"Ok,"

I'm going to have to watch my words around him for the next two days. I couldn't let him know how I truly felt. I would just be setting myself up for disaster and I don't know if my heart can handle being broken again; no matter that I love him, that I will always love him. If I have to go through heartache one more time it will, without a doubt, be the end of me.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

After my shower I felt refreshed and no longer in need of a nap. I guess I just needed hot water cascading down my shoulders to help ease my mind. I dressed in something comfortable, jeans and a teal t-shirt, and left the guest room I was staying in running my fingers through my damp here to work out the loose knots. I made my way down the hall to Edward's room and didn't bother knocking before walking in, I knew he wouldn't care.

I stopped once inside his room and looked around. I had only been in here a handful of times, and most of them at night, but it was the middle of the day now and I could see in full light what it looked like in here. He had a large bed, which I knew of since at this point I had slept in it once. The entire south wall was glass and it allowed so much light into the room that only a few strategically located lamps were necessary. The west wall held an impressive music collection along with his stereo and two tall, packed to busting book cases. There was also a door which I knew led to his bathroom, and it was cracked open. Directly opposite on the east wall was a dresser, his desk, and double doors that led to his closet.

I decided to skip over that and walked to his bathroom door, my curiosity getting the better of me since when I walked in I had heard the shower running. I felt a little perverted as I peered through the crack. Edward was standing at his sink, a fluffy white towel wrapped around his waist. It hung low on his hips, the bones sticking out to form a beautiful and exotic groin line that led down past the line of the towel. He was looking in the mirror brushing his teeth and not paying any attention to the door.

He finished his task and turned back toward the shower pulling the towel off. He was facing away from me and I suddenly had a gorgeous view of his naked backside as he climbed into his shower and pulled the curtain closed behind him. He never even realized I was there. I moved backwards away from the door, my heart pounding a million miles a second and my body burning with flames of desire.

Of course I had always had a thing for Edward Cullen, what girl didn't? But I had just had the unofficial privilege at seeing his half naked body, and then his bare bottom. I felt my back make contact with the wall beside the door and I tried to control my breathing. I had to get out of here. I left his room swiftly and made my way downstairs and out the back door. I didn't even realize my feet had carried me to the river until I was in front of it. I sat down on the large boulder that Edward and I had sat on Sunday morning.

My mind was a blur of heat and pale skin as I sat there picking at the soft green moss that covered spots of the rock here and there. Before I knew it a small pile of green and brown had formed in front of me and my hands were slightly dirty from the task. I wiped them off on my jeans and folded my fingers together in my lap to keep them from picking anymore. I just couldn't get my mind off of Edward now. That had been a colossally stupid thing to do, peep on him like that. I couldn't let Edward find out, it was just too embarrassing.

"Skulking are we?" I heard his beautiful voice behind me and turned to see him approaching across the lawn. He was dressed again in the jeans and button down he had worn today, his hair still a little damp but sticking up in the disarray that always made me stop and stare and die to run my fingers through his bronze locks.

"Maybe just a little," I admitted as Edward took a seat next to me. He stretched out on a moss free portion of the boulder and lay on his back folding his arms behind his head. I could smell the most delicious scent coming off of him. I didn't know if it was shower gel or if he naturally smelled this good. It was sweet like honey, tangy like lilac, and something musky. It was completely and indecently intoxicating.

"Anything in particular on your mind? I mean besides how much you want to murder Jessica. I'll admit I don't like the way she looks at me either. Makes me assume she's shallow and that's such a turn off."

I chuckled softly and looked down at him. He was the picture of ease. "She is shallow, but not in the extreme."

"Not like Rosalie," Edward said staring up at the sky.

"Who?"

"Emmett's girlfriend. She loves him dearly; she's just a vain little creature. She has a nail file on her key ring."

"So," I said indifferently.

"So, how many girls do you know who do that? Has to have it with her at all times. Never know when a hang nail may choose to ruin your day." Edward deadpanned.

I sighed and got up. "Where are you going?"

"Inside, I think I'm going to go do some studying before dinner." Honestly, I just needed to get away from him before I jumped him. Having him lay there like that next to me was just far too tempting, and far too dangerous. Not to mention his scent once again. I don't want to say that I'm horny, but I am human, and I am ruled by my hormones; and sitting next to any man as delicious and perfect as Edward Cullen was a situation just begging for trouble with a capital T.

"I didn't offend you, did I?" Edward called from the rock as I walked away.

"No," I called turning in a circle to face him as I answered and turned back to the house. "I'll see you at dinner."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_I should've known better that he would figure out what was really wrong with me. But what surprised me more was that he actually came to my room later that night…and climbed into my bed beside me. Without a word he pulled me against him, rolling us so that I was on my back. The moment his lips touched mine the fire burning inside my veins erupted and flames licked at my body as Edward pressed down against me. _

_I buried both of my hands in his hair pulling him closer and holding him to my mouth as he kissed with fervor I never thought he had. His hands were all over me, my sides, my back, my legs, my breasts…This man certainly knew how to touch a woman. He got my sleep pants off deftly and pulled my underwear down after them. I could feel his hard arousal pressing against my center and I moaned his name. _

_Edward chuckled above me and he wormed his boxers off and yanked his t-shirt over his head. How did he know that this was exactly what I wanted from him? He lifted my tank top off and pushed his knee between my thighs to part them. Of course he fit perfectly between my legs. Why wouldn't he? Now my hands were all over him as he mouthed my neck and collarbone, moaning my name as he created some delicious friction between our naked bodies. _

_This wasn't enough I needed more. Much more. I needed him inside me, now. I needed to feel him take me. I rotated my hips against his and Edward latched his mouth back onto mine pushing me down into the bed and reaching down to grab my right leg and throw it over his hip. God, he was right there. Edward thrust forward and my eyes snapped shut as white light erupted behind them…_

~*~*~*

I woke with a start, panting and staring up at the ceiling. One of my hands clutched the pillow beside my head; the other was fisting the sheets. I could feel a sheen of sweat on my forehead and a familiar dampness between my legs. Shit. I cursed myself as I sat up slowly and swung my legs over the side of the bed. I carefully made my way to my bathroom and flipped the light on, squinting as my eyes grew accustomed to the sudden brightness.

I turned the water on in the sink and splashed my face a few times to wash the sweat off and cool my body at the same time. I cleaned myself up as well and then walked back out to my bed turning off the bathroom light on my way. How was I going to get back to sleep now? Glancing at my cell phone it told me that it was just after two in the morning. I had two options: I could lay here and force myself to go back to sleep, but that would take an hour at the most, or I could go back into the bathroom and stand under a spray of ice water until this lust induced fog in my mind retreated.

Considering that I had a quiz tomorrow in calculus I went with the first option. It never does anyone well to dwell on dreams.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


	14. Can't Get the Words Out

A/N: Thank you everyone for your reviews on chapter 13!!!

ENJOY!!!

ReddTwilight

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Chapter 14: Can't Get the Words Out

Edward's Point of View

I went over and over in my mind Bella's odd behavior on Wednesday after school. It tormented me all day Thursday in school and all evening once we got home. She was keeping her distance from me, I could tell. And she was editing a lot of her conversation around me as well, and I had no idea why. To say that I was confused by it all was a definite understatement. We stopped by her father's house as we usually did in the afternoon so she could pick up the mail and turn on the porch light so the house looked lived in. But this afternoon she lingered in the kitchen, and when she didn't come out after ten minutes I went in to check on her and found her emptying the fridge.

I had thought maybe she had seen something that made her stop and crumple into a ball, but to find her doing this mundane task caught me off guard. I offered my help and she refused, which surprised me and added to the confusion I was feeling from her. She told me to go wait out in the car and I did. She joined me a few minutes later after taking all of the trash out and I asked what the point of that had been. She said there were things that needed to be trashed and it was a good day to do it since garbage was getting picked up the following morning, but I had a sneaking suspicion that it had to do with why she was avoiding me.

Had I done something wrong? Said something wrong? I couldn't recollect a certain conversation between us recently that would have potentially upset her. I had been careful all week to steer clear of the topic of her parents or anything that related. But something had happened that was now making Bella keep her distance. The whole circumstance was absurd, and I just couldn't find a legitimate reason for it.

Maybe that was it, maybe whatever was going on with her was justified by something illegitimate. But what had _she_ done? That was the only other conclusion I could come to after nearly a day of contemplating her mind and the reasons behind her aversion. Of course I had gone to Alice when Bella secluded herself to her room for the evening, only Alice hadn't really been able to give me much insight. Bella had clammed up on her as well. Apparently I wasn't the only who had noticed Bella's recent odd behavior.

So I woke Friday morning to Alice shaking me. It was before my alarm was supposed to go off, that I knew simply because it hadn't gone off yet. I moaned rolling to the side and pulled my comforter over my head. "Go away, Alice!"

"Fine, but just so you know the high school is closed today."

I threw the blanket back and glared at her. "Are you shitting me right now?"

"Nope," she popped the 'p' with a wide grin.

"Why?"

"All Mom heard was that a pipe burst on the first floor men's room and flooded the school. Isn't this great? A three day weekend!" She squealed and started jumping up and down on my bed, "I'm totally taking Bella shopping tomorrow. We need to get to know each other more. And God knows she could use a new outfit. Nothing lifts the spirits better." Alice blabbered on as she jumped.

"Get off!" I yelled at her. Alice got down and stuck her tongue out at me and smiled before slamming the door shut. "And don't you dare wake Bella!" I shouted after her. The door opened and Alice stuck her head in.

"She's been up for an hour already. She woke me up, actually. Just so you know."

Alice shut my door and as soon as it clicked my alarm clock started blaring. I reached over and turned it off before throwing my comforter off completely and swinging my legs over the side of my bed. A three day weekend and this was how it had to start. I yawned. Stretched and rubbed the sleep from my eyes before venturing into my bathroom to go about my normal morning routine. After a hot shower I felt much better and much more awake. I dressed in jeans and a button down for the day and made my way downstairs as I rolled the sleeves up to my elbows. It was close to seven now and typically I would be at school by now, but I had lingered in the shower this morning so I was a few minutes behind. And it felt nice.

"Good morning," I said pleasantly to Bella as I walked in to the kitchen. She turned from the coffee pot and offered me a small smile and a subdued 'good morning'. She finished making her cup of coffee and turned to lean back against the counter as she sipped at it. "No breakfast this morning?" I asked as I got a mug down for myself.

"Not hungry," Bella said quietly. She sipped at her cup again and headed for the stairs. I reached out and grabbed her hand as she passed me.

"You ok?"

"I'm fine, Edward." She said sincerely.

"Look, since we have the day off would you like to go somewhere with me?" I asked gently. I let her hand go but Bella took a step closer to me.

"Like where?" she asked.

"Well, the weather is supposed to be nice so…I know this place I want to show you."

"I don't know, Edward…" Bella took a step back.

"Please," I didn't want to push her, but I wanted to spend some time alone with her. There were things I needed to tell her. I know I'm in love with her, and I can't hold it inside forever. It's going to come out some day, but I don't want to just blurt it out. I want it to be delivered the way she deserves it to be. For a moment my mind drifted back to something Alice had told me Friday.

_She kept saying she has nothing left to love…_

Did that mean that Bella had been in love with me? And was she still? I had to know, and the only way my confusion was going to be satiated was to talk to her alone.

"Where would you be taking me?" Bella asked.

"That's a surprise, but I promise it's somewhere special, somewhere you've never been before. I can almost guarantee that."

Bella chewed on her bottom lip for a moment and her eyes searched mine. I could stare into those deep chocolate pools forever and never need anything else. I could almost hear her mind turning over as she debated with herself.

"All right," she finally sighed, "I'll go with you."

I reached down for her hand as she started to go, but I puller her back to me gently and looked down at her. I leaned in and placed a tender kiss on her forehead. I heard Bella gasp softly in surprise and when I opened my eyes hers were still closed. She opened them after a moment and sighed looking at me.

"When did you want to leave?" She whispered.

"In a little bit. It takes a couple hours to hike through the woods."

"Hike?" Bella sounded hesitant, scared even.

"Not an outdoor girl?"

"No, the outdoors don't bother me, I'm just a real klutz." Bella blushed beautifully. "It may take more than just a couple hours with me." She laughed nervously and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. It took all the will power that I had not to cross the short distance between us, take her in my arms, and kiss her. But I entertained the fantasy.

_Holding Bella close, her face cupped between my hands. Little wisps of her hair threading through my fingers as I press my lips to hers. Letting her know that I really love her; that despite everything she's been through, everything that I've done to her, that I _do_ love her, truly. That I want her, no one but her. To let her know that she's all that matters to me; that she _is _my life now._

"I'll keep you safe." I said hoping my tone sounded reassuring.

"Ok," Bella still sounded unsure and looked a little unsteady as she made her way for the stairs. "I'll see you in a little bit I guess."

I nodded and returned the warm smile she gave me. I wondered if her uneasiness had anything to do with the kiss I planted on her forehead. I felt a cocky smile pull at my lips but I wiped it away. I now stood staring at the empty entryway. Bella had, more or less, retreated upstairs. I wanted to follow, wanted to sit her down now and tell her everything, but I'm essentially a coward and I need to get her completely alone. This isn't the easiest thing in the world, telling someone you love them.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I thought Bella was kidding when she told me it was going to take more than a couple hours to hike to my intended destination. I was wrong, she wasn't kidding. She fell down a lot, tripped over a ton of roots and stained the knees of her jeans with moss and mud. She skinned the heels of her palms when she attempted to jump over a fallen tree like I had. But she just sat there on the ground laughing, a sound like tinkling bells that echoed in the empty woods, a beautiful musical sound.

I helped her up and she stumbled, her foot slipping on some leaves. She fell forward into my arms and I caught her easily. It took us both a moment to realize how close we were. Bella looked up at me and my breath caught, as did hers. I was stuck staring into her eyes and she didn't look away either. My mouth was an inch from hers. Sure, we'd been close like this before, but it didn't feel like this. I thought back to Wednesday at lunch when Bella laid her hand on mine.

I had felt something shift between us then. Was this is it? Was it a shift in emotions? Feelings? I knew what it was to me. After about a minute Bella pulled back from me, quietly thanking me for helping her. She smiled up at me and asked which way and if she could lead for a while. I pointed west, and reached out to hold a dripping fern out of her way so she wouldn't get wet as she passed it.

"Um," I said hesitantly. Bella turned, her expression questioning. "I'm not being rude or fresh or anything, but…" I reached out tentatively and Bella followed my hand as I reached for the back of her jeans and brushed loose dirt and debris from her backside. "Sorry," I mumbled, pulling my hand back. I smiled feeling embarrassed.

"No, it's ok." Bella walked back toward me and flicked her hand across my shoulder. I watched a leaf flutter to the ground.

"Thanks,"

"No problem," A brief moment of silence passed between us as she looked at me. "So…which way?" She asked turning back around. I pointed west again. "Are we close?"

"Yeah, almost there. Maybe a quarter mile, see where the trees are thinning ahead?" I pointed in front of her.

"Yeah. So where are you taking me?"

I chuckled. "Well, technically you're taking me there now."

Bella looked back to me and smiled. "Just tell me, Edward."

"I can't it'll ruin the surprise."

"Please,"

"We're almost there, you'll see in a minute."

I picked up my pace so I was beside Bella now. "I can promise you that you will love it. I like to go to this place when I need some time by myself. It's soothing."

As we reached the end of the trees I held back another fern for her and gestured for her to continue through. She stepped forward tentatively, walked three steps in front of me, and stopped. "Oh, Edward." I walked up beside her taking in the view before us. This was my place, well, now it was ours. "Edward, this is beautiful."

I looked down at her. It no where near compared to her. "It does have something, doesn't it?"

Before us was a small, circular meadow. Green grass, wild flowers ranging from white, to yellow, to blue, and purple. A couple of cedar stood at the far edge providing sufficient shade as the sun moved across the sky. There was a stream just south, maybe a two minute walk. I could it bubbling gently in the background. It was nearly eleven, soft buttery sunlight was spilling through the open places in the trees above us.

"Do you like it?"

"It's amazing. So peaceful." Bella looked up at me, her eyes full of wonder and excitement. "How long ago did you find this?"

"Hm…maybe a little less than a year ago. I got royally pissed at Alice for some reason that I can't remember and took off driving. I stopped eventually when the road ended, got out and started hiking. I needed to walk off the steam, that and I really didn't want a speeding ticket."

Bella chuckled beside me and walked forward, further into the meadow. She stopped about twenty feet in and sat down crossed leg. I sat down beside her and leaned back on my hands. We stayed like that for a long time, sitting in silence in the sun light. I let Bella mull over whatever it was that was going through her mind.

I just wanted to open my mouth and say the words that were burning inside me. But I couldn't, not yet. I couldn't form a breath long enough to speak, let alone make them come out. My mind was a knot twisted with a dozen different threads and I couldn't untangle them to form a single coherent thought. It was three words, just three words. Why is it this difficult?

Eventually I looked over at her. She had lain down on her back, her eyes closed. She looked peaceful laying there, her arms up, face turned toward the light. I laid down beside her, face turned to her. Slowly, I reached out and carefully ran the side of my hand down her cheek. Bella reached up and held my hand against her skin; a gesture that surprised me. She opened her eyes, the expression in them in soft and warm.

Bella started to sit up slowly and I followed, my hand still held against her cheek. She pulled it down toward her mouth and kissed my palm. "Edward, I…there's something…"

I didn't let her finish. I pressed a finger to her lips to silence her, and then slid my hand around to the back of her neck and pulled her toward me.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


	15. No Words Are Necessary

PLEASE READ!!!

A/N: Thank you everyone who reviewed on chapter 14!!! Sorry for the cliffhanger, I promise to make it up to you in this chapter!!! Be prepared for an intense Lemon and a very long chapter!!! Have the water bottles and mop rags ready!!!

ENJOY!!!

ReddTwilight

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Chapter 15: No Words are Necessary

Bella's Point of View

I don't know how it happened and I didn't much care why, but one moment we were sitting in the middle of this beautiful, peaceful, ethereal meadow, and the next…

The next Edward had my back half pinned to the springy and slightly damp grass, one arm around me keeping me sort of arched against him, and one hand in my hair holding my mouth to his as he kissed me gently but sweetly. I got the first few buttons of his grey button down open and slipped the hand that wasn't buried in his gorgeously tussled hair in to feel the contours of his chest.

He moaned into my mouth then and pressed down against me. I gasped and he took the opportunity to slip his tongue into my mouth. He was hard beneath the denim fabric of his jeans, his obvious erection pressed to the inside of my thigh. Oh. My. God. Edward parted for less than half a second and titled his head to change the angle.

I fisted his hair in both hands now, my breath coming in short gasps as his hands roamed my back. I felt one leg wrap around his hip. Did he do that or did I? Oh it doesn't matter. I was getting the opportunity here to tell, well show, Edward Cullen that I loved him. And I was wasting it making out with him. Wait, did I seriously just complain about making out with Edward Cullen because it was distracting me from telling him I love him? I _must_ love him.

What am I talking about? Of course I love him. I moaned this time when he moved his lips from mine to my neck. Oh dear God, he was a good kisser. I clutched at him now, one hand stroking his back under his shirt, the other fighting to get the rest of the buttons undone. Edward sat up brining me with him and I settled in his lap, our kiss never ending. He clutched at my waist and my hand slid down into a pocket on the back of his jeans. I palmed his ass through the fabric.

And then it was over. Edward pulled back, panting, his eyes wide with…was that _fear_? "We should stop," he whispered, sounding very unsure, and not totally sold on his suggestion. "I don't want to take advantage of you."

My arms were loosely draped around his neck, palms cupping his neck. I slid one hand forward and turned his chin up forcing him to look me in the eyes. "You're not," I whispered. "What if I told you I liked that?"

I more than liked it. His kisses left me completely intoxicated. The way he breathed, short and raspy, as he kissed me. His moans when I slid my tongue across his and sucked on his bottom lip. And if I didn't know better, and I knew I did because I was paying attention when I did it, his neck was just as sensitive as mine to being kissed passionately. If not more, actually. He _loved_ it. And the sounds he made as I trailed my mouth along the hollow of his throat and the line of his collarbone…

"Your hormones are ruling over your judgement right now, Bella." Edward said simply. Why did he look so sorry? He'd done nothing wrong.

"And what about you?"

"I'm being stupid."

"Then so am I." I placed my hands on my hips.

"No, you're being ravished without permission." He sounded so guilty, like he had committed a crime. "I don't want to treat you like that. I know you're not that kind of girl. You're much better than that."

I was touched. "Thank you, Edward. That means a lot to me. But that still doesn't explain to me why you stopped."

"Bella, I…"

I pressed a finger to his lips. He lapsed into silence and I took the opportunity to slide my hand around to cup the back of his neck and leaned in closing the inch of space between our mouths. I love you, it was so easy to think, and it should be easy to just breathe out. It was the perfect moment, the lingering moment right before the kiss. Just say it Bella. Just say it!

But the words never came out. I touched my lips to his in a soft chaste kiss, gently fisting his hair in my other hand. Edward responded the moment our mouths met. He kissed me back just as gently, a soft moan escaping his completely kissable lips. His hands were at my waist again and he slowly pushed me down until my back was to the grass again. This time he lay between my bent knees. And it felt right. It didn't feel sensual, lie; it did, but that's not my point; it feel good, safe, like a homecoming. Like the realization that this was how it was supposed to be all along.

And then he bucked. And he stopped again, sitting back up and holding his head in his hands. I lay there for a moment, my arms beside my head where he had pinned them down and my hair fanned out in the grass. I imagined I looked like quite the hussy. I sat up and reached for him but I pulled my hand back.

Edward looked up at me as he muttered, "Sorry," and quickly buttoned up his shirt.

"Why are you so sorry?" I challenged.

"Bella, I…I can't do this."

"Do what?" My voice was shaky.

"Treat you like this. I like you, I do. You're an exquisite person, but you don't deserve to be treated this way." Edward stood up and offered me his hand. I was thoroughly confused, but not hurt. I smiled softly and took his hand. He pulled me up, but he didn't let go of my hand. "I'm confusing you, aren't I?"

"Painstakingly,"

"I…I'm sorry, I don't mean to. I'm just really confused myself right now."

What was he trying to say? He looked like he was really battling with emotions. And he had just said he likes me. I'll admit I got all fuzzy inside and my heart jumped into my throat. It was heaven to hear those words fall from his lips.

I reached out and stroked his face. Something about his absolute vulnerability right now made me want to be tender with him. "What are you confused about, Edward?" I asked gently, my voice gentle and affectionate.

Edward took a breath and looked down to our still interlocked fingers. And then slowly, slowly he brought my hand to his mouth and he kissed the back of it. I felt my eyes roll into the back of my head and my heart thumped painfully in my chest.

"Let's get back," He whispered.

All I could manage through the haze of my mind was, "Yes,"

He held my hand the whole way back to his car. He even threw me a smile every now and then. I was left even more confused by both, but the warmth that spread through me every time his eyes met mine managed to outweigh the disorder going on inside my head. I would leave it for later, right now I just wanted to enjoy this, it may not happen again.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It was well after midnight and I was still awake, lying in bed listening to the silence in the house around me. Well, almost complete silence. Alice had invited Jasper to stay for the weekend, and as long as they slept in separate rooms, Esme and Carlisle had no objections. But like I said it was well after midnight, and the house was _almost_ silent.

I lay in my bed staring up at the ceiling and watching the shadows produced by silver moonlight play above my head in dancing, spiked patterns. And I thought of Edward.

I had tried to get him alone to attempt to talk but that never happened. I sat next to him at dinner but Alice occupied my attention with nonsense about going shopping tomorrow. I hated shopping, and hello, I'm on a budget. I didn't mention those things to her, it would've been rude. I glanced at Edward from time to time. Well, I glanced more at his lap out of my peripherals. He had his napkin laid carefully across it, his hand holding it in place, and if I didn't know any better he was shifting a lot throughout the entire meal.

After dinner I retreated upstairs to soak in a hot bath. I had been lying on the ground for the better part of the afternoon, willingly of course, and I felt dirty from more than just the debris that soaked through my thin shirt. Afterwards I sat up in bed trying to read _Wuthering Heights_. Spring break was coming up in a few weeks and that meant we only had those few meetings left to finish the novel.

I had given up after maybe another three chapters and put the book aside for the night, switched off my bedside lamp and slumped back against the pillows and the upholstered headboard. That had been three hours ago and the only thing that had changed was my position in this bed. Instead of being slumped I was now lying flat on my back. I wasn't going to fall asleep tonight and that was that. I could force myself all I wanted and it wasn't going to do me one bit of good.

I turned on my side with a heavy, frustrated sigh and smacked the pillow lightly to make sure it was fluffed and tried shutting my eyes to see if that would help. They had been shut maybe ten seconds, ten very long seconds, when I heard the door open. It didn't creak, but it brushed against the thick carpet with a soft swiping sound. I half sat up looking over toward the door. My heart leapt into my throat.

"I really hope I didn't just wake you now." Edward whispered as he shut the door behind him. I saw his eyes flick to the alarm clock beside my bed. I had asked if anyone in the house had an extra, and when one couldn't be found Esme had gone out and bought me one. I wished she hadn't because it was one of the really expensive ones that had three different settings, you could plug an iPod into it, and it featured simulated sounds to help you sleep at night.

But right now the clock read 2:34. "No, Edward, you didn't wake me." I whispered back. He smiled uneasily and walked over to crouch by the side of the bed I was sleeping on. I lay back down on my side to face him. "Couldn't sleep?"

He folded his arms and laid his chin on them just staring at me. I could see his face perfectly in the moonlight, and the soft glow from my nightlight in the corner helped as well. I'm a chicken, I hate the dark. I'd had the nightlight since I was a kid, and just changed the bulb when it was necessary. It was shaped like a palm tree. My memory of Arizona, of my mom. I used it now mostly in memory of her and Phil, but I'm still slightly scared of the dark, and if I need to get up in the middle of the night, it helps in not stubbing your toe on the way to the bathroom.

Edward just stared at me for several long minutes and I returned his gaze. His eyes were soft, apologetic. He had a genuine puppy dog look in them. He was absolutely beautiful and I couldn't help reaching out to stroke his hair, letting my fingers run down the angles of his face. Edward closed his eyes and sighed.

"So I assume you're not mad with me?" he asked quietly.

"No, why would I be mad with you?" I folded my arm under the pillow to support my head a little more.

"My appalling and disgusting, and degrading behavior this afternoon."

I wanted to smack the side of his head. Playfully of course, but smack him all the same. "Making out with me is hardly a crime." I stated fearlessly.

"I'm sure if…" Edward started, but he stopped mid thought.

"What? What is it?"

"No, I don't want to say. It'll upset you."

I sighed and reached out placing my hand on his arm. "Edward, whatever it is just say it. I promise I won't be upset with you. It's all right." I tried to make my voice strong and encouraging, but I had an inkling of what he had been about to say, and it was hard to think about.

"All right. I'm sure if you're father had known what we'd done this afternoon he'd have arrested me for assault."

I exhaled audibly, very audibly. Edward winced. I had been working on a small technique over the past few days to try and quell the pain that rushed through me whenever my parents were brought up in any way. I shut my eyes, breathed, and forced good memories to fill my mind instead of the pain. I remembered my first Christmas in Forks with my father. It had been me, him, Jacob, and his father. It had been a very merry Christmas despite the lack of enthusiasm on my father's part. He wasn't a real party person and we spent the day, well I cooked with Jacob taste testing everything, and Charlie and Billy watched a couple hockey games. But it was nice having everyone together.

I remembered next my last birthday with my mother and Phil in Phoenix. It was my sweet sixteen and Renee had made sure everything was perfect. She let me sleep in, brought me breakfast in bed, put pink and white roses on my desk. My whole bedroom had been decorated in pink and white. I hated pink, but it was my sweet sixteen and I couldn't deny my mother her fun of remembering her younger days. Then she took me shopping for a new dress to wear to dinner that night. Of course both were my choice and I dragged her into a designer shop. This and dinner were technically my gifts. She had wanted to go all out and had saved for the last six months in order to get me whatever I wanted. I chose, in my opinion, a beautiful black dress; strapless, ending mid-thigh, and a touch form fitting. It was one of the cheaper dresses in the store, and by cheaper I meant it cost less than three hundred but was still expensive. It was shorter than my average dress wear, and I think that part about it would have been the only thing Alice would approve of. My mom even got me a silver clutch and new shoes. Heels, ugh, but I was short and I'll admit they looked sexy.

I smiled to myself, and was proud when I opened my eyes and no tears had fallen. I breathed deeply and let it out staring into Edward's eyes. They were approving. He smiled at me, the corners of his mouth pulling up into one of his stunning grins. His eyes danced now with light.

"Are you ok?" He whispered, seeing the elation in my eyes from my memory.

I nodded, feeling completely triumphant. "Yes. I was remembering good things."

"Good,"

A peaceable silence passed between us, we just stared at each other for the duration of it. I was thinking of this afternoon now. I had been so close to saying it, and then he had…interrupted me. I didn't complain though, it had been a very successful distraction. "So why are you in here?" I asked after I grew tired of the silence.

Edward reached out and tucked an errant piece of hair behind my ear. I closed my eyes at his touch just as he had done with mine. "Well, technically this is your last night here, and…well, I wanted to know, or rather. I was curious…if we," he laughed nervously, "If we could, um, spend it together?"

"How do you mean?" I asked propping myself up on one elbow.

"I was thinking maybe I could stay in here with you, but only if you want me to." He added hurriedly at the end.

I stared at him for a moment searching his eyes. He was so adorable when he was nervous, but what did he honestly have to be nervous about? "There are some things I'd like to talk about." He whispered.

I sat up and Edward stood. Reached out and patted a spot near the end of the bed. His resulting smile was infectious. He sat down and I moved a little closer so we could continue to whisper. We talked for a while about general things; school, teachers we hated, upcoming events, he talked about his family and shared stories from his childhood never pushing for me to do the same. It was still a little difficult for me and I knew in time I would be able to easily talk about my parents but the pain was still too fresh.

Eventually the topic turned to college and Edward listed five Ivy League schools he had been applied to along with some minor ones and even the community college. Apparently he was flying out East in a few weeks to do his interviews for Harvard and Dartmouth. I was impressed. Of the five he had applied to three had asked for interviews and he had already visited Columbia. Yale and Cornell had turned him down, but he didn't care, he was really looking at Dartmouth.

I suddenly felt extremely insignificant. I had applied to the state University and the community college. I got into both and I was intending on going to the community college and commute, of course, so I could stay home. I had almost applied to Harvard last fall, but then I thought about leaving my dad alone and I just couldn't do that to him, not with the memory of my mother's death still so fresh for him.

"So you're really not mad at me?" Edward asked when the conversation turned back to this afternoon's exploits.

"No," simple as that.

"You really don't feel like I treated you in an undignified way?" He was reaching for a way, an excuse to make himself feel guilty. It was obvious.

"No, Edward. I…I enjoyed it actually."

He was silent but I could see a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. And the tentatively he reached out and placed his hand on my waist. The feel of the weight and pressure of it through the thin cotton of my tank top made my eyes almost roll into the back of my head. It was exhilarating.

"I enjoyed it, too." He whispered, and then smiled the most beautiful crooked smile I had ever seen.

"You're a good person." I started, my voice honest, I hoped. I reached out and placed a hand on his knee. "Despite this whole asshole exterior you've got going. But I know it's just to keep people away from you, it's a mask. You're not the bad guy."

"I'm no superhero." Edward interjected.

"And I don't expect you to be," I continued, "I just want you to be you. I can't ask for more than that."

Edward sighed and he turned his eyes downcast for a moment. While I was without the blessing of those beautiful green orbs looking at me I thought of something…risky to say. It was a basic confession, but it was no where near how I truly felt.

"I like you," I whispered.

Edward looked back up at me with a soft, knowing smile. "I like you, too, Bella."I smiled triumphantly, internally of course. "And I was thinking…Do you think maybe we could try again? The kiss from this afternoon, I mean. But only if you want to."

"Would you stop that?" I smacked his knee playfully. I didn't even realize my hand was still resting on it. His hand was still on my waist, his thumb stroking my side. I sighed softly to myself. I smiled when I opened my eyes again and laughed once, a short breathy laugh as I shook my head. "I'd like that," I whispered.

Edward inched just a little closer to me, he was being intentionally slow. "Don't move," he whispered. I watched him lean in closer to me, his eyes starting to shut. I remained sitting there as he inched in more, starting to tip his head to the side. His breath mingled with mine, our mouths only an inch apart. I shut my eyes, waiting for him. And then I felt his soft, full lips firmly against mine.

It was like someone had set my blood ablaze, just like this afternoon, only this was intensified by the darkness around us. Edward pulled back after a moment but I chased his mouth as he moved away. I inched toward him now, kissing him. I didn't want him to move away, I wanted him close. He moved toward the end of the bed and I followed on my knees, my mouth meeting his every half second. Each kiss was light and half chaste. Eventually he reached the end of the bed and had no where else to go. I situated myself in his lap my knees on either side of him. I fisted his hair in both hands and leaned down over him kissing him roughly this time.

Edward made no objections. He breathed loudly, one hand falling to my side while I cupped his neck as our kiss deepened. And then he pulled back panting. I stared into his eyes for maybe half a second. They were lust crazed and dark and heavy lidded. And then he grabbed at my waist and pushed me back up the bed until my head was against the pillows. He kissed me passionately now, freely. He lay between my knees with easily, one hand running down my right leg to stroke the skin and pull it up to his hip. Oh God. I still cupped the back of his neck with one hand, fisting his hair in the other.

This was even better than this afternoon. This afternoon I had room for thought in my head, but now it was clouded in a lust/Edward induced haze. I wouldn't be able to form a coherent sentence if I tried. My hands started traveling down his back and slipped under the hem of his t-shirt to stroke his spine. I managed to get the shirt halfway up just so I had more touch access. I loved the feeling of him under my hands. His muscles were hard and they bunched as he pressed his body down against mine, hunching his shoulders forward. God he was beautiful.

I rubbed his back as we tangled our legs together, the sheet and blanket getting kicked out of the way down the bed. Edward sat up then for a moment and surprised me when he yanked his t-shirt off and tossed it to the floor. He laid right back down on top of me, one hand grabbing my wrists and pinning them above me as his mouth devoured mine. His other hand was skimming alone my rib cage under my tank top. This was turning into something much, much more than just a second try at a kiss.

The tips of his fingers grazed the underside of my left breast and I moaned loudly into his mouth. The sound seemed to snap Edward momentarily out of the heated moment between us and he pulled back staring down at me as he panted. His hair was a beautiful tussled mess from my hands and his lips were swollen from our intense kisses.

His chest heaved noticeably as he continued to stare down at me. He let go of my wrists and just hovered there above me, half naked and glorious. I wasn't going to let him leave. I needed him, and considering some of the things Alice had shared with me over the week about Edward's past, he needed me right now, too. I reached up with both hands and grabbed his face pulling him back down to me and crushed my mouth to his.

His hand slipped back underneath my tank and he cupped my left breast fully now. I broke away from him moaning once more, my eyes rolling into the back of my head. Edward moved his lips to my neck and attacked the skin there almost viciously and I swear I felt him bite me somewhere near my jugular. That wasn't going to be easy to hide in the morning. I gripped at his shoulders with one hand the other slide down to grab his ass through his sleep pants.

Edward bucked against me, his very obvious and prominent erection grazing my stomach. He wasn't wearing boxers. Oh goodness he was commando. I pulled my hand back and reached for the drawstring on his pants. Edward brushed my hand away and grabbed it pinning it above my head. It raised my left breast with the motion and his hand molded around it once more. My head thrashed from side to side on the pillow as he ravished my neck.

I felt his other hand at the waistline of my shorts, and then he was slipping them off. I breathed loudly in his ear whispering nonsense and encouragement. I felt him smile against my skin. "I trust you," I whispered.

Edward just stared down at me, and then his expression softened and he cupped the side of my face stroking with his thumb. He leaned down and kissed me tenderly. He had let my wrists go so I threw one arm around him and reached down between our bodies to get the drawstring on his pants undone. He let me this time and I grasped his hips pushing the cotton material down his legs. I felt him kick them off and then he lay back down.

"Oh my God," I breathed throwing my head back. My hands grasped his back, nails digging into his skin. I arched against him.

"What?" Edward half laughed.

I blushed furiously. I couldn't tell him what I was thinking. It was too embarrassing. But I was just completely floored right now by the feel of him naked on top of me. And I was floored by the size of him. "You're so big," I breathed, my blush burning and creeping farther up my face right into my scalp.

Edward laughed lightly and I thought I saw his cheeks flame with color as well. "I like that reaction," He admitted. He leaned down and kissed me soundly taking my hand and guiding it down between us. My breathing hitched audibly and my heart hammered behind my rib cage painfully. Edward kept his hand over mine as it drifted lower. He pressed the side of his face to mine and breathed two of the most exotic words in my ear, making my heart pound even more excruciatingly.

"Touch me,"

I whined as he shifted above me, his legs parting slightly to make a little more room. I think we both groaned when my hand enclosed around him. But he was so loud in my ear, his voice softly muted by the pillow that I didn't know if I made any noise. I felt something rip from my throat, could feel my vocal chords vibrate but I was so focused on Edward that I couldn't be sure. He was panting heavily in my ear as he slid my hand up and down his entire length, showing me the pace and pressure that he liked.

He was so thick and hard under my touch it was difficult to feel anything else, think about anything else. His hips started moving in conjecture with our hands. The friction he created was beyond delicious; it was positively exquisite and enrapturing. He let my hand go after a minute or two and it came up to clutch at the pillow. He was digging at it, groaning in my ear as he continued to buck into my hand. I tilted my head to kiss his neck and he practically came undone. I let him go listening and smiling as he cursed softly.

"_Bella_," He gasped my name harshly and it caused arousal so concentrated it singed my nerve endings as it coursed through me to hear my name spill like that from his lips.

His hand reached down and he slipped my underwear off, damp with the evidence of just how aroused I really was right now. He then lifted my tank top over my head and tossed both pieces of clothing to the floor. We threw our arms around each other and tangled our legs until we didn't know where I ended and he began. I threw my head back when my naked chest met his for the first time and had to bite my fist to keep from screaming when his mouth closed over my right breast.

I could feel situating himself between my legs, pushing them open just a little more and his hand lingering on the inside of my thigh for an extra moment. Oh God, please. "_Please_," I whispered in his ear. I trembled beneath him in anticipation. Edward lifted his head and gazed at me.

"Nervous?" he asked, his eyebrow quirking.

"No, but I do have one request."

"Yes,"

"Do it hard."

"Bella," he breathed my name, running his hand along my legs once more. He hitched my right one around him. "You're not a virgin, are you?"

"No," I grasped the back of his shoulders and arched up into him. "Please, Edward, do it hard."

"I don't want to hurt you." His voice was barely above a whisper.

"I don't care. You were right, I need physical comfort. You've been able this week to take me far away from my pain and memories and remember what it feels like to be happy. Please, take me away again; make me forget if only for a little while. And please, _please_ just do it hard. Please, I trust you."

"Are you sure?"

"_Yes_, Edward,"

He leaned and softly touched his lips to mine as he wrapped an arm around me. I threw my other leg around his hip as he lifted me off the bed a couple inches and thrust forward pushing all the way into me at once. I leaned forward biting into his shoulder to avoid screaming his name. It was painful but only for a minute. It had been a while and he was much larger than my last boyfriend. My body wasn't used to being stretched so profoundly. And then he pushed forward a little more and he laid me back down. I grunted as my head thumped the pillow.

He did as I asked; wrapping his arms around me and pumping forcefully in and out of me as I bucked back my arms locked around his neck and my legs locked around his waist. He groaned and grunted in my ear as our intensified and reached a fever pitch. He was pushing me into the headboard with such power that if it wasn't upholstered with such thick padding I would have a concussion. My legs started to cramp so I let them fall, but Edward reached down and grabbed underneath my right keeping it raised to his hip. I didn't fight against him. It felt too good when he plunged in and out.

Electric fire was burning between us, growing stronger and sharper as we reached our ends. Normally I would never allow myself to behave this way but this was just too pronounced, this bond, this attraction between us, to ignore. There was something here much deeper than friendship and I'll be damned if I let it slip away.

Edward buried his face in the pillow above my shoulder growling, more like roaring, as me came. I did my best to not shout and I wound up whimpering his name as my own orgasm pulsed through me a minute later. I was definitely going to be sore in the morning and there were probably going to be bruises on the insides of my thighs. Edward collapsed on top me panting uncontrollably and for a moment I was afraid he couldn't breathe. My heart was pounding so hard I thought it was going to explode out of my chest. I could feel Edward's heart beating just as strong as mine against my skin.

He caught his breath before I did and rolled us over so I lying on top of him now, our bodies still connected, our legs still tangled, and my head cradled against his chest. I kept my arms wrapped around as I breathed harshly. I wasn't as in as great shape as he was and it took me an extra couple minutes until my breath evened out to a more comfortable pace.

"I have no words," Edward whispered. I picked my head and stared at him.

"That's ok," I whispered, brushing some damp hair away from his eyes. "No words are necessary."

I laid my head back down on his chest and just lay there feeling as he breathed in and out beneath me. My mind was at peace, the pain forgotten for now. My body relaxed as Edward drew soft patterns on my back. I felt so safe in the circle of his arms. His mouth nuzzled my hair as he stroked my skin; his breath tingled on my scalp.

"Can we talk about something?" He asked after several minutes of silence had passed.

"Anything you want," I whispered in response.

Edward breathed as he rolled us so we were lying on our sides facing each other. Our bodies broke apart but neither of us complained. I reached down and grabbed a fistful of sheet and wiped him off. He seemed to appreciate both the gesture and the touch. And then he just gazed at me with deepest, most longing look in his beautiful green eyes that I had ever seen. And I instantly knew the expression. I instantly knew what he wanted to talk about, what he was about to say as his fingers stroked down my cheek. They drifted, feather light, down the length of my body settling at the curve of my waist.

I knew exactly what he was going to say, and it scared the hell out of me.

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Sorry for another cliffhanger, but I promise to get the next chapter up as soon as possible. Please review, and I apologize for such a long chapter but I really didn't want to cut this one in half. It's too important.


	16. One Small Sacrifice

A/N: Thank you everyone for your reviews, keep them coming, they're always a joy to read!!!!

ENJOY!!!

ReddTwilight

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Chapter 16: A Small Sacrifice

Edward's Point of View

I let my hand drift up and down her side for a couple moments before looking back into her eyes. They were expectant and worried. Like she knew what I was going to say and she was afraid of it. I hoped that wasn't it. I prayed that wasn't it. I sighed and moved my hand to her back to rub soft circles on her naked skin. She felt so good under my hand, her skin soft and warm. I loved her.

And it was either now or never. I took a deep breath, but the look of concern in Bella's eyes knocked it right back out of me. All I could do was stare into the deep chocolate pools of her eyes and breathe. I was such a coward. What was the worst that could happen? I had to work up the courage for this. I took another breath and this time I leaned forward pressing my mouth to hers firmly. I felt Bella's arms wrap around my neck and hold me.

"I love you," I breathed when we parted. And hearing the words come out of my mouth instead of just thinking them made it feel as if a ten thousand pound weight was being lifted off of my chest. But Bella pulled farther back and stared at me. She bit her bottom lip and turned her eyes away. I shifted so I was lying on my back. I reached out and out and took her chin in my hand turning her face so she was looking at me. I wasn't rough, but I wasn't going to let her go.

"I love you," I said again, stronger this time. "I love you so much."

"Wow," Bella breathed. "I wasn't expecting that, I mean, I kind of knew what you were about to say, but still…it's still such a shock to actually hear you say it." She breathed a little easier this time and settled beside me.

"You have every right in the world not to believe me or trust me, but I have to tell you I love you."

"Edward…" Her voice faded and she looked away from me for a short moment, biting her lower lip again. "I need to…I need to sleep on it, ok?" Her voice was apologetic. I had been expecting that.

"Need to think about it?" I asked quietly, slipping my hand around her neck to thread into her hair.

"Yeah; but I want you to know," and she leaned down until her mouth was an inch from mine. "I love you, too."

I laughed lightly, quietly. "I already knew that. You wear your heart on your sleeve, Bella."

Bella chuckled above me and lightly pressed her mouth to mine. "Yes, but only those who know its there can see it." With that she closed the tiny amount of space between our mouths with a soft kiss.

"Want me to sing you to sleep?" I offered as Bella snuggled on my chest. She wrapped her arms around me and kissed above my heart.

"I didn't know you could sing." She mumbled.

"Well, actually hum. It's a melody I've been working on this week."

"Is that what you were playing Tuesday?"

"What? No, I wrote that years ago. I just love playing it because I'm really proud of that one. It came out so great."

"Yeah, it was beautiful." Bella's voice was getting softer now.

I started to hum the melody that had been swirling around in my mind all week, pretty much since Sunday evening. It started soft, gentle, but then it picked up and reached a beautiful crescendo before becoming gentle again. Bella was out in moments, her body rising and falling against mine as we breathed evenly together. I let my head fall against the pillow and sighed to myself. I dropped a kiss to the top of her head and whispered that I loved her before closing my eyes and allowing peaceful rest to take me.

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I was having the best dream. Bella and I were lying in the meadow wrapped up in each other's arms and whispering nonsense to each other. She couldn't pull her lips away from mine, kissing me in between every word of love she said to me. Her hands were twined in my hair massaging my scalp as she scratched. I had my arms around her holding her tight to my chest as I nuzzled her neck. It was a perfect place, a peaceful place. And I wished so hard for it to be real.

Last night…

Wait, last night. Last night Bella and I… Oh God.

Bella and I… Did we really?

I was coming out of my dream now. Something was stroking my forehead, the sheet maybe? I grumbled in my sleep and tried to shake it off. It was worse than a feather in your ear. The stroking moved between my eyes above the bridge of my nose. It felt soft, gentle. It was nice; I could settle for this. I cringed in my sleep a little and moaned.

Then I felt a pair of the softest, most luscious lips against mine and a hand wrapped around mine interlocking our fingers. I didn't open my eyes but I was awake now, and what a way to wake up. My free hand came up and found its way into up Bella's neck into her hair. She moaned into my mouth and squeezed my hand.

I moaned in return and smiled against her lips. I let go of her hand and wrapped it into her hair along with the other rolling us over so I was hovering above her and I pushed my tongue into her mouth twirling it around hers. Bella raised her hips off the bed against mine and giggled as her hands clasped my face. She pulled back stroking my hair.

"Good morning," she said with a smile.

"You're telling me." I smirked down at her. She giggled again. I could definitely get used to this in the morning. Her giggling was so fucking erotic first thing in the morning.

"Good night, too,"

"I'll agree to that also." I flopped down onto my side beside her and propped up on one elbow resting my head in my hand. Bella copied my posture and reached out with her other hand to stroke up and down my chest. I closed my eyes and sighed reveling in her touch and the fact that there was barely two inches between us. She stopped and placed her hand above my heart.

"I love you," she whispered.

My eyes snapped open and I stared at her. "I love you, too, Bella." I leaned in and kissed her gently, wrapping one hand around her neck and holding her. "So I guess you thought about it?"

"I did,"

"And…"

"Realistically, you were right last night; I have every reason not to trust you, or believe you. But I do, and I know you won't hurt me, but I'm still scared."

"So… am I like on probation or something?"

Bella smiled and dipped her head for a moment before looking back up into my eyes. "If you want to call it that; just don't hurt me again, Edward. I don't think I'll be able to take it."

I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her tightly against me before rolling her over onto her back. She let me settle between her legs and her hand drifted to my abdomen. "Bella, I swear on my life I will _never_ hurt you again."

Bella nodded up at me and then craned her neck upwards and pressed her mouth firmly against mine her hand slipping between my legs and pumping me until I was hard. I pushed into her with a sigh and her back arched up off the bed pushing me deeper. She clutched at my back and moaned so loud I was afraid the rest of the house would hear but I didn't care.

We made love a couple times over the next hour, the slow, gentle, passionate kind. We learned each other's bodies, the angles, and dips, and curves. I learned that Bella liked to sometimes hold her breath when she came, and when she did her toes curled. She discovered that I had weak spot for having my earlobe nibbled on, and God knows I love it when she runs her tongue up my neck. That shit makes me harder than Chinese algebra.

Eventually we decided to get up and scavenge for some sustenance in the kitchen. First we showered, in her bathroom, and I pinned her to the shower wall. And if I thought Bella's come face in bed was hot, it was nothing compared to how she looked when wet in the shower. I had to be careful I didn't slip when I pushed her against the wall as I came hard. She pulled my hair so hard it hurt but I ignored it.

We'd done it maybe half dozen times by the time the big thought crossed my mind and I suddenly panicked. I practically fell onto the bed as Bella walked out of the bathroom drying her hair. "We never used protection," I breathed, horrified by my own stupidity.

"I'm on birth control." Bella said nonchalantly. "I get injections four times a year. I'd never be able to remember to take a pill every day. I can't even remember to take my vitamin every day."

I stared at her as she got dressed. "You're that sure about it?"

"Chill, Edward," Bella walked over and sat in my lap looping her arms around my neck. She kissed under my chin a couple times. "My cycle just ended. We're ok right now."

I sighed loudly, still not convinced. "Look, if you're so scared, when I go in for my next injection, which is two weeks from now, I'll ask my doctor to switch me to the pill and I'll program my phone to go off everyday and remind me to take it."

I stared at her in disbelief. "You would really do that for me?" I felt an eyebrow quirk.

"Let me do some research and I'll talk to my doctor when I go in and we'll see if it'll be ok, all right? I don't predict a problem. If you think about it, all I would really be doing is switching how the birth control is being taken."

"Yeah…"

Bella placed her hands on her hips. "What's really bothering you?"

"Just that…you would be willing to make that sacrifice for me." I ran the side of my hand down her face. She leaned in and kissed my nose.

"I'm willing to do a lot more than that; make bigger sacrifices."

"Like what?"

"Like going shopping with Alice today just to spend more time with you."

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A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in so long. My job has been relentless the past couple weeks. I keep getting called in on days when I'm not even scheduled and it's always been for those ridiculously long shifts where I spend half the time being bored and the other half working my ass off.

I hope to also update ILR tonight as well.

Thanks everyone for your patience!!!


	17. Something New

A/N: Thank you everyone so much for all of your reviews, they always, always mean so much to me and I really don't deserve them because I've been so wretched lately in my updating. My excuse is one word: tired. Real life got in the way for a while and tired was the result. But I promise to make it up to all of you. Words cannot express how sorry I am.

As always, ENJOY!!!

ReddTwilight

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Chapter 17: Something…New

Bella's Point of View

I told him I was willing to go shopping with Alice just to be able to spend some time with him. Was I crazy? Yes, I knew Alice, and yes I knew she's a zealous shopper, but we weren't friends, not yet at least. I wanted to be friends with this tiny girl, she was fun and bouncy and peppy, and she made me smile. But was I really willing to spend a Saturday following her around from boutique to boutique listening to her criticize my taste in clothes?

"It won't be that bad," Edward said from where he sat on the side of his bed pulling socks on. We had drifted back in here so he could get dressed.

"I'm going to wind up coming back with a dozen bags stuffed to bursting with clothes that have tags on them in a language I can't read, and come from somewhere where a shirt cost more than I make in a week! At both jobs!"

Edward got up after pulling his sneakers on and came over to hold my shoulders. "You're probably right," he teased. And then he leaned down and closed the space between our mouths with a gentle, chaste kiss. "But you don't have to worry about that because Alice thinks this is a fashion intervention and she's going to pay for the whole thing."

"I can't let her do that."

"Just let her, it'll make her happy."

I thought about that for a moment and heaved a heavy sigh when my mind couldn't come up with a decent enough excuse. I just shrugged and let my shoulders fall. "Fine," I breathed. Edward kissed the tip of my nose and wrapped his arm around my waist as we walked downstairs. Alice and Jasper were already in the Porsche waiting. "Why aren't we taking the Volvo?" I complained as Edward and I climbed into the back seat. Our closeness didn't go unnoticed.

"Because this beauty will get us there in three quarters of the time." Alice laughed as she turned the engine on. I was so used to my truck that I jumped in the back seat as the Porsche snarled to life under me and then purred. I watched Alice stroke the steering wheel lovingly. "I love my baby." She purred, her soft voice matching the purr of the engine. Jasper grabbed her hand and smiled.

"I love you, too,"

"I meant the car."

As soon as we were out of Forks Alice hit the gas and I clutched the leather seat clamping my eyes shut. Her driving scared me. And I thought Edward was bad. We made it to Port Angeles in twenty minutes and when we got there Edward had to forcefully uncurl my fingers from the seat. I was glad my nails were trimmed or they would've ripped holes in the perfect, shiny, black leather. I would never have gotten in this car in the first place if Edward hadn't bribed me with words like, 'whipped cream', 'bed time', and 'dressing stalls'.

Alice parked the car a block from the area in Port Angeles that contained the decent shopping and she grabbed my hand at the same moment that Edward reached for it. I threw a 'help me!' look over my shoulder at him, but he just continued to walk with Jasper behind us at a leisurely pace. As punishment I made him carry around whatever Alice threw at me. And I saw him hang half of it back up. I was grateful. There was no way I was going to squeeze into the baby pink gown she had pulled off the size 0 rack. The girl was out of her mind.

I watched Edward hang the gown back up and then he selected a blue dress hanging next to it. He started flipping through the sizes. He looked up and met my gaze and I held up four fingers for him. He nodded and pulled the right size off the rack and held it up for me to see. It was knee-length and ruffled at the hem, halter top, and a beautiful shade of blue. I gave him thumbs up and he draped the dress over his arm with a victorious smile.

Alice chose that moment to slide up next to me so I busied myself with the rack in front of me. "What is going on between you and my brother?" she asked quietly, watching me look through the blouses.

"Nothing," I lied.

"Really, then what was the whole arm around the waist thing coming out to the car, or better yet, those sweet little nothings he was whispering in you ear?"

Aw crap, busted. "Um…well," I laughed nervously and looked sideways at Alice.

She saved me then, leaning in and saying very quietly, "Bella, I know you're in love with him."

My eyes widened and I looked over at her abashedly. "Oh, good, good…" I managed, my voice squeaking up two octaves. I rearranged my features before Edward could look over here and see my mortified expression. My eyes grazed the store anyway to check where he was.

Alice's voice faded into the background as I watched Edward peruse over a selection of button downs and I picked out a couple colors from where I was standing, already contemplating how long it would take me to get the buttons undone and the shirt off. I pictured him in the blue one. It would look lovely on him with a pair of jeans that emphasized his sculpted thighs and his perfect, slightly round tush that was just squeezable enough and still firm. I felt my mouth drop open as I watched him, my eyes glued to the way he moved; how his strong arms reached out to select things, watching the muscles roll under the skin. I loved every part of him; the angles his shoulders formed with his shoulders blades, and the way the muscles bunched under the skin when he made love to me this morning… The deep look of concentration on his face, the way he sighed after…

I realized then that Alice was snapping her thin fingers in front of my face. "What?" I asked shaking off my fantasies and turning to her.

"Did he tell you he loves you?"

I looked down to the floor in embarrassment my cheeks filling with red. Alice looked down to my face and felt her eyes on me watching her lips split into a wide grin. "He did!" she whispered excitedly.

"Yeah,"

Alice threw her arms around me in a tight hug and started bouncing up and down. She grabbed my hand and started dragging me over to the dressing rooms. She left me in a stall and disappeared and was back a moment later with all the clothes that had been in Edward's arms. "Ok, now I know I picked out more for you than this. Or at least I thought I did." Alice hung the clothes up and told me to start trying things on. "Did I pick out this blue dress?" she asked inspecting the light, thin material.

"Edward did," I answered sheepishly.

Alice's eyes bugged out at me but she looked back to the dress nodding in approval. "Not bad, brother," She grinned at me. "Try it on first. Wait," she grabbed the tag and tutted. "I'm getting you the next size down. This will be too baggy on you."

"It's my size already, Alice!" I complained, already stripping off my sneakers and jeans. But she was gone. I huffed in frustration but stripped off the rest of my clothes and pulled the dress on. I had a little trouble when I reached down my back to pull the zipper up and I couldn't exactly see what I was doing, so I stepped out of the room and stood in front of three way mirror. I was still fighting with the zipper when I felt a hand on my shoulder and another pull the zipper for me.

I looked up and saw Edward resting his chin on my bare my shoulder, his arms protectively around my waist. "I'd say you look beautiful, but that would be an insult, since you are so much more than beautiful." He whispered in my ear.

I flushed a furious red and looked down for a moment. He tucked a finger under my chin and raised my face before turning me to look up at him. He bent down and very lightly pressed his lips to mine. "You have to wear this to prom." He said, his hands flat on my back bending my towards him, my hands flat on his chest.

"I don't dance, Edward." I said quietly, barely able to get my voice above a whisper. I noticed that happened a lot whenever he nuzzled my neck.

"I'll teach you," he answered simply.

"I'll still suck,"

"It's all in the leading." Edward dropped one hand to my waist and took my in the other and spun me out gently before pulling me back in and dipping me.

"Whoa," He pulled me back, his hand on the small of my back keeping me steady. "Wow," I breathed looking up at him. We were close, staring up at each other. There was a flash out of nowhere and I heard Alice giggle. We both turned our heads and Alice was holding a tiny digital camera.

"That's going to make such a cute picture." She said. "I got one of you spinning her, too."

"Alice!" Edward and I yelled together.

"What?" she smirked and came over to show us the pictures. I had to admit, Edward and I looked like quite the amorous pair. Seeing the level of adoration in his eyes from this angle was different than looking straight into his eyes.

I felt his lips on my neck and my eyes rolled into the back of my head. Alice snapped another picture, and I knew because I heard the shutter click, but there was no flash. My eyes snapped open in horror. "Don't worry, it doesn't look trashy." Alice reassured.

"Can you get lost little pixie?" Edward asked.

"You're the man in the women's dressing rooms," Alice retorted. I watched them stare each other down. Alice just crossed her arms over her chest and started tapping her foot, and Edward glared down at her. I looked back and forth between them and suddenly an obnoxious giggle burst from my lips. This was something…new. Edward turned me to look at him with shock on his face. I still wasn't done laughing. It was the longest fit I'd had in God knows how long, and it was _long_ overdue. I continued to laugh like a hyena until I felt my face turn red with exertion and I was clutching at my ribs from the ache. It took me another three minutes before I could start to catch my breath.

"Feel better?" Edward asked as he rubbed my back.

"Yeah, that felt really good.

He leaned and brushed his lips against my ear. "It was nice to see you like that. I told you, you were going to be all right."

I turned to look at him, his hand slipping from the small of my back to hold my waist as he pulled me to his side. I reached up and threaded one hand into his hair to bring his face down to mine and I pressed my lips to his, completing forgetting time, and place, and reason.

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A/N: Sorry everyone, I meant to post the other night like I promised a couple people I would, but I got a severe migraine out of nowhere and I've been dealing with it for two days now. I got called in again on my day off, and my headache got so bad I threw up. I needed to stay in bed for a while and write, but some good came out of it. I have two new ideas for stories!!! I'm writing one of them now and hope to post as soon as one of these is finished. Writing two stories at once is stressful enough; I don't want to throw two more in there with it. Thank you again everyone for being so patient with me and always reviewing. You all light up my life when it gets dark like it has been lately. I know I can always can't on all of you.

Hugs and kisses forever,

ReddTwilight


	18. I Hate Needles

A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed on the previous chapter!!!

I realize it's been quite a while since I posted for this story, and if all of you have been keeping up with ILR then you know I wanted to focus on that for some time, but now I'm back to this. Thank you everyone for being so patient with me.

ENJOY!!!

ReddTwilight

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, S. Meyer does, I just like to play with her beautiful characters.

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Chapter 18: I Hate Needles

Edward's Point of View

I know when you drive that you should technically be watching the road, but watching Bella fiddle with her new cell phone, courtesy of my father, was much more entertaining. Bella had been less then willing to accept my father's offer to put her on the family plan last week since it was due to expire soon and he was renewing it, but some careful persuasion on my part and Esme's perfect timing with a slice of cheesecake after dinner sealed the deal.

I pointed out later that it was one less thing Bella now had to worry about financially. She had finally received notice from her father's lawyer about collecting and she was _supposed_ to be receiving checks in the mail soon but things like this could never be trusted.

So yesterday after school Carlisle had taken Alice, Bella and I out to look at new cell phones, and of course Alice picked one with a large screen and full keyboard. She was the texting queen. Not even Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory can text as fast as my sister, although both are scarily close. I was very attached to my Alias and not ready to give it up, but give it up I had to and was very relieved to see the Alias 2 wired to a display board.

What really caught my attention was the keyboard that changed as you flipped the phone open both ways. It started out as a numbered keyboard and when Messaging was opened the numbers switched to letters. I was in lust with this phone. When Bella caught me almost drooling on the display model she ran over and put her finger under my chin and pushed my mouth closed.

"Is something more attractive than me over me?" She asked. I knew she was joking, but I still gave her a dirty look for even thinking that _anything_ was more attractive than her.

I held the phone up for her and showed her the Magic keypad, as it was called on the information card next to the phone. "Tell me you don't want to make love to this phone, too, and have its babies."

Bella stood on her tiptoes and put her hand to my ear as she whispered, "I'd rather attach you to something and make love to you."

I felt my jeans constrict and the temperature in the store shot up twenty degrees. I turned to Bella trying to hide the groan in my throat as her hand discreetly, and casually caressed the front of my pants. They were definitely constricted now. "By attach you mean…" And I should never have asked for clarification.

"Tie you down on your bed and make you beg,"

That had been yesterday afternoon and I still had a raging hard on from it. Bella had promised to eventually make good on it, but she didn't specify when or where. Damn. And our destination today was sure to quell the boner in my jeans as soon as we arrived. I was taking Bella for her quarterly injection. I'd gone with Alice once before when she had to go in and have her prescription refilled. Just waiting outside the building was sobering, I couldn't imagine walking in to a place where girls…

I shuddered at the thought. I could never bare myself like that in front of a doctor. I don't know where girls find the courage.

"Courage has nothing to do with it," Bella looked up from her phone and smirked at me. "That was the part I always found hardest to deal with. The first time I went I needed my mom with me. I was so scared. I refused to see a male doctor. Still do, something about that just feels wrong to me."

"No to mention that you're completely vulnerable,"

"Yeah, but most places have a nurse stay in the room now. Safety reasons,"

I didn't respond, turning my eyes back to the road. The conversation was already serving its purposes of a providing a quick deflation.

"You're not getting a check up are you?"

"No, just an injection; speaking of which, I did the research and called my doctor ahead of time and she's going to discuss it with me. She said you were also welcome to join the conversation, since it was your concern to begin with."

I felt an eyebrow quirk. "You don't have to; Alice told me you get the heebie jeebies at these places."

I shuddered again, but this time for show. Bella laughed quietly and threw me another smirk. "I guess it's just me being a guy and sitting in a place for women...I don't know…Sounds awfully lame doesn't it?"

Bella shook her head but she didn't respond, she was pressing random buttons on her phone trying to locate something she wanted in the menu. I peeked over at her. "What are you looking for?"

"I want to add a banner to my phone, where is that?"

"Settings, display settings, banner."

"Oh…Thank you, love," Bella leaned over in her seat and kissed my cheek. I glanced out of my peripheral vision to watch her type in the banner.

I Luv EC

I reached down and patted her knee with a big goofy grin on my face. "I love you, too, Bella." I dug in my pocket for my phone and handed it to her. "There's a picture on there of you and me. Send it to your phone."

"Is it the one I think it is?"

"Yes…"

Bella shook her head at me and started locating the picture. I had her pinned to the stairs and was tickling her till she couldn't breathe. Jasper had snapped it on Alice's phone and sent it to me. I immediately erased it from my sister's phone after.

"And I suppose you want me to make this my background?"

"Would it be selfish of me to ask?"

Bella sent the picture to her phone and set it as the front and main screen wallpaper. "I must love you if I allow you tickle me like that."

"Don't steal the TV remote from me and I won't be motivated to use those tactics."

"Don't threaten to turn off my favorite show and I won't steal the remote!"

"Stop watching boring shit programs and I won't have to change them!"

Our playful banter continued like that the rest of the way to her appointment. Bella wound up winning the "argument" by listing the merits of her favorite show, and naming several episodes of which she had seen many, many times. I admitted it did sound good; I just never gave it a chance in the past because I just wasn't that in to the BBC channel, but by the way she was describing it, Torchwood didn't sound half bad.

"So, tomorrow is the last book club meeting before spring break." Bella pointed out as we walked inside the building. "And I've put together a short list of books that everyone can vote on, and there's room for addition."

"I vote something _Jules Verne_."

"You've already read everything by him."

I held the door for Bella and she threw me a smile. We opted for the stairs instead of the elevator since they provided not only good exercise, but also more time to talk. Our destination was the third floor.

"Ok, _Douglas Adams_," I offered.

"That may actually go over better, but we'd we better off watching _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_ than reading it."

"I'm ok with that,"

Bella rolled her eyes at me. "Then why don't I just put a vote out there to change us to the Film and Literature club?" she asked sarcastically.

"Why bother when there's already a class entitled that?"

"Exactly my point,"

I sighed heavily as we reached the third floor landing and pushed the heavy door open for Bella. "_Frankenstein_, final offer,"

"We read that at Halloween, Edward." Bella deadpanned. I'm never going to win with this girl.

Bella signed in at the counter while I took a seat, ignoring some of the judgmental stares I was getting from the other female patients. I couldn't blame them, watching a couple as young as us walk in was bound to make some eyebrows rise. Bella sat down next to me with a clipboard and started digging in her wallet for something.

"I have to change my insurance information. Can you find my card while I call your father?"

She placed her wallet in my lap. Another huge favor Carlisle had managed for her. Since her father died Bella had no insurance of any kind because she had been on what her father provided through his job. Carlisle had dome research for her shortly after his death and found something Bella could afford on her meager pay, even though it was still expensive.

I searched for the insurance card in her wallet while she spoke quietly with Carlisle about particular questions on the sheet in front of her that she didn't understand. I finally located the little plastic card just as she finished filling out the paperwork.

"Thank you so much, I really appreciate everything you've done for me." Bella hung up and quickly flipped through the rest of the paperwork and took it and her card back up to the counter. "I need to talk to you about something," she said quietly as she sat back down.

"I hate that sentence." I stated reaching over to take her hand.

"It's nothing bad, Edward. It's actually really good news."

I glanced around the waiting room. "Well, this certainly is an appropriate place to share good news." She smacked my shoulder. "Ok, sorry. What is it?"

"I'm cutting my hours at both of my jobs. I'm only going to work till nine during the week, and only work eight hour shifts on the weekends."

Both of my eyebrows went up at this and I smiled proudly at her. "Good,"

"They're making me do it. Both of my managers tell me that I'm still just a kid and I shouldn't be slaving away the way that I have been. I should have a real life of my own. And…I know they're right." Bella let out a breath and turned to look up at me. Her eyes had been downcast at the floor while she had been talking. "And I want the extra time to spend with you anyway."

I took her chin in my hand and kissed her lightly. When we parted Bella laid her head on my shoulder and I draped my arm around hers. This was a very significant change for her, and I knew it was taking a lot of courage for her to step out of the bubble she had enclosed herself in for protection. Each little baby step she took told me that she was trying to change and I was proud of each one of those steps.

Making this transition was the hardest thing she was going to do since she lost her parents and I knew she was going to need my support through every moment of it. And I would gladly give it. I knew she was going to need time, and she was going to need space, but she knew I was always here for her no matter what.

We had agreed upon a simple routine of staying at both houses week to week. Days when we both stayed late at school we slept at my house and every other weekend. The rest of the time she slept at her house. Most of those nights I was with her, but sometimes she wanted to be alone. I knew it was so she could deal with her ghosts, but I would prefer if she didn't do it alone.

The first night she slept alone in her house again she had called me crying and petrified. I was over there before I could think about it cradling her in my lap as we rocked in her rocking chair. She didn't stop crying for most of the night. She couldn't sleep she was so scared to be alone in this house again. She froze the next morning when she passed her father's room on the way down the stairs.

When I tried to talk to her about me staying with her from now on she used that against me and said last night was the exact why she had to do this alone. "I can't have a buffer any more, Edward. I need to face this and conquer it. It's time," She reached across the table and placed her hand on mine.

That night she slept at my house, but returned home the following evening and slept through the night on her own without an episode. The next morning she called me and asked me to come over for breakfast. When I got there I saw that she was sitting in her father's seat. She wouldn't be removing the place setting any time soon, nor would anyone else be allowed to sit there either, but the fact that she was occupying the seat told me she was starting to heal.

"Bella Swan,"

Bella and I both looked up when her name was called and she got up first grabbing her bag. I remained sitting but she looked at me and motioned for me to get up and follow her. The receptionist handed Bella back her insurance card and we were shown to a room and Bella sat down on the exam chair waiting, rolling her sleeve up.

"I don't like it in here." I said rubbing one arm.

"You think I do, I hate needles." Bella shuddered at the thought and she looked to the side where a small tray was set up by the sink with a needle, adhesive bandage, and a wrapped alcohol swab.

The door opened and a very friendly looking woman walked through. She had to be no older than twenty-eight with shoulder length black hair pulled into a ponytail, and her easy smile and the way she presented herself made me instantly relax, and I'll admit I saw what Bella liked about her.

"Time for another shot, Bella?" she asked conversationally.

"Yup,"

"And this is the new boyfriend, I assume." She looked to me and extended her hand. "I'm doctor Masen, but like Bella you can call me Elizabeth."

I shook her hand once and nodded with a small smile. She may be nice, but I was still uncomfortable. Her next question didn't make it any easier. "Are you two sexually active?" she asked as she sat down on a stool next to Bella and started preparing to give my girlfriend her shot.

"Yes," Bella answered for us.

"You should make an appointment to have your early exam done soon; we'll do that on your way out."

"I was planning on it." Bella watched as the doctor wiped a spot on her arm with the alcohol and then picked up the needle. "Ugh…I hate this part." Doctor Masen gave her an apologetic look.

I put my hand out for her and she reached for it turning her face to the side. She yelped a little when the needle pierced her skin but it was done a moment later and Bella was breathing again. I couldn't blame her; I wasn't a big fan of shots either.

"All done," Bella looked at her arm where the bandage now covered the little puncture mark. Doctor Masen folded her hands in her lap, "So, you had some questions about maybe switching to oral birth control? May I ask why?"

"I don't want to point the finger, but Edward's not completely satisfied with injections. I told him I would be willing to make the switch and even deal with hearing my phone go off daily to remind me."

"And I know in the past you've had concerns about remembering to take a pill everyday. You were fine with that for a while."

Bella let out a shaky breath, "And then my mom died, and my life got hectic." She explained.

"I remember, and I'm so very sorry, sweetheart. For both her and your father," Bella nodded her thanks but didn't respond audibly. "Have things calmed down much for you?"

"Not really, I'm still working a lot, but I'm cutting my hours down. And I'm really busy with school, too. It'll be graduation before you know it." Bella looked over me and I smiled politely.

"Well, if you're serious about a transition from injections to pills I want you to look at these three." Doctor Masen handed Bella three pamphlets for different prescriptions. "I want you to research them and check the side effects of each and talk to each other. Make the final decision together." She looked back and forth between me and Bella with a soft smile. "Do either of you have any questions?"

I shook my head, I just wanted to leave.

"You're awfully quiet, Edward." Doctor Masen observed.

"Nervous," I laughed uneasily. "I brought my sister once to an appointment and I sat outside in the car the whole time. Just the thought of what this office is for…"

"I understand," Doctor Masen nodded, "A lot of first time fathers that we get through here are stepping foot for the first time in here. And they realize this is where their wives come once a year to be examined. They're just as nervous as you."

"Well let's hope the next time I accompany Bella here it won't be because of that."

Bella laughed lightly and rubbed at her arm where she had received her injection. "Yes, let's hope not. I think Carlisle and Esme are a little young to be grandparents."

"Any other questions," Bella and I both shook our heads. "All right, let's go make an appointment for you. It's been about a year hasn't it, Bella?"

"Almost, yeah,"

We left the exam room and went up to the counter where Doctor Masen pulled out Bella's chart and started checking dates on the nearby calendar. "We have an opening in two weeks at four in the afternoon, would that work? It's a Tuesday."

"Yeah, that works for me. Edward, would you be able to…Oh right, you won't be here." Bella trailed off biting down on her lower lip.

"Yup, I'll be on the other coast." I clarified sadly. I wasn't particularly looking forward to spending four days away from Bella, but I had to.

"That's ok, I can get myself here. Yeah, two weeks sounds great."

"All right, we'll see you then. Nice to meet you, Edward,"

"You, too,"

I held the door for Bella as we walked out and grabbed her hand walking through the now much fuller waiting room. "See, that wasn't so bad, was it?"

"No, but now I have to think about what you'll be doing while I sweat over an interview."

"No, you will be focusing on your interview and nothing else." Bella chided me as she hit the call button for the elevator.

I sighed dramatically for effect. "Fine, if you insist; but I was referring to just missing you and not this place."

Bella looked up at me with puppy eyes. And then, despite where we were and who may have been able to see us, she reached up throwing her arms around my neck and kissed me firmly and passionately. Just thinking that I was going to have to live without this for four days was difficult, and I knew I was going to have issues.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A/N: Thank you all once more for being so patient with this story. I posted pictures of the cell phones mentioned in this chapter on my profile, and for those of you who may not have noticed yet I've also posted playlists and pictures for all of my other stories as well.

Enjoy and please review!!!


	19. Separation Anxiety

A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed you all are AWESOME!!! I honestly don't know what I do without you all. I'd probably keep writing, but then curl up in a corner and cry because I wasn't receiving any reviews. But thankfully I do not have to do that since I have all of you wonderful, wonderful, amazing, spectacular readers out there! Words will never convey how much all of you really mean to me. This is probably one of the most rewarding things in my life and its only made better because I know I'm making all of you happy as well.

Just a quick heads up, this is a very lemony chapter, and more lemons are soon to follow. Just to let everyone know to a have a mop rag ready. HUGS

AFF Reviews:

Savannah Lion: Great to hear from you again, glad that you like this one and think I'm so amazing, I'm really touched. I knew you would like the Evanescence songs in there, there's one more to come!!!

gemstar*: Hey there, welcome to the world of fanfiction!!! Bella was in love with him when she first moved to Forks in her sophomore year, but she's never told anyone. Edward Cullen is the most sought after male in the school in this story, and Bella sees beyond that. She was always fascinated by him and that fascination turned to love eventually. She knows that despite being stuck in the limelight, Edward doesn't let it go to his head and she sees that he values his privacy. That really draws her to him. And yes she's never spoken to him directly before, but that doesn't mean she can't love him from a distance.

Second- The big deal with it was Bella's life is so crazy for her right now that she's afraid she'll forget to take a pill everyday, and I know how much you get messed up when you skip, or don't take it at the same time every day. But Bella is more afraid of winding up pregnant if she skips. So for her it is a big deal to switch and she would rather not, but she loves Edward so much that she's willing to try. I hope that explains it enough, I suck at explaining things sometimes. And thank you for reviewing. If you want check out the rest of my stuff, there are plenty of vampire stories, too!!!

ENJOY!!!

ReddTwilight

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, S. Meyer does, I just like to play with her beautiful characters.

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Chapter 19: Separation Anxiety

Edward's Point of View

"Next,"

Bella and I stepped forward in the line slowly moving closer to the cashier. I had my arm draped lightly around her waist my fingers tapping some random rhythm on her hip. But she had her arms locked around my torso and was holding on to me for dear life. I enjoyed it, don't get me wrong, I just wish it wasn't for the reason that it was.

I glanced down at her and watched as her eyes looked around the pizzeria we had chosen for lunch. By 'we' I mean, Bella, myself, Alice and Jasper. It was the last day of spring break that meant I was leaving in two days. Very early Monday morning to be exact. I knew the temporary, four-day separation was going to be difficult for Bella, but I already promised to call her everyday.

"Next,"

We inched closer and I felt Bella hug herself closer to me. I dropped a kiss to the top of her head and rubbed her back soothingly. The four of us had decided to go out for the day since it was the last time we would all hang out for a while. Once we got back to school we all knew we would be hunkering down for the end of the year and that meant Bella and I would be in full study mode and getting ready for graduation.

Alice insisted on taking Bella shopping, but she opted out the moment we arrived in Port Angeles and promised my sister she would let her drag her to any store after lunch. I was pleasantly surprised and overly touched by that gesture, and Bella and I spent the morning walking along the boardwalk hand in hand and feeding each other the pretzel we got at a vender. I learned that Bella hated salt on her pretzel, but loved spicy mustard to dip it in. I wasn't happy unless my pretzel was completely covered in salt and doused with cheese, but for Bella I made the sacrifice of no salt and got a small cup of cheese dip for myself and mustard for her.

We talked mostly about school, what are separate classes would be doing come Monday, although I was going to be a week behind and Bella was not so subtle about rubbing that in my face. "And what's worse is that you track practice is going to be in full force and you're likely to fall even further behind."

"But that's why I have you to do my homework." I teased and dropped my hand to slip into a back pocket of her jeans.

Bella snickered and repeated the motion on me. I loved it when she played along, it did my ego real good. We walked like that palming each other's asses for a while, and sometimes receiving looks from older couples as we passed them. We wound up on the beach at some point and we removed our shoes so we could walk barefoot in the sand.

"Are you nervous?" she asked as we walked in the surf.

"About my interviews, I'm petrified, but I'm more worried about leaving you."

Bella cooed next to me linked her arm through mine clasping my hand that wasn't carrying sneakers and twined our fingers tightly. "You'll be fine," I whispered to her.

"I know I will, I just can't imagine four days without you. It's going to be a living hell, Edward."

"I'll call you every night."

"Promise,"

"I swear,"

The rest of our walk consisted of me gushing about Dartmouth and how excited I was and how much I was hoping to get in. Bella didn't talk much about which college she had decided to attend, and I knew she was thinking about the fall. I was going to be on the other coast and she was going to be here. I didn't want to think about, but it had crept into my mind all of a sudden and I knew there had to be some way to fix it. Maybe I could get her to apply late to an east coast college. Maybe even Dartmouth. I'm sure they had a loophole somewhere for late exceptions.

It was almost one in the afternoon when we finally heard from Alice and Jasper. She had dragged him away to a couple boutiques as soon as we had arrived. Apparently Jasper's stomach was snarling and he was dying for a Coke. We agreed to meet at a pizza place, which was where Bella and I were still waiting in line to place our order. Luckily when we arrived Alice and Jasper had beat us here and Alice was holding down a table while Jasper was in line. We took his place and he went to sit with his girlfriend.

"Next,"

Bella and I finally made it to the counter and unlike most of the other customers we already knew what we wanted. "What can I get for you?" the young girl behind the counter asked professionally.

"One extra large pie, half veggie and half pepperoni and sausage. And four large drinks, please." I ordered. Bella continued to hold onto me and the girl noticed her embrace but didn't say anything as she wrote down our order and handed me four tall plastic cups mentioning that fountain drinks were bottomless.

Bella let me go as we headed over to the machine for drinks and took two cups filling one with Diet Pepsi for Alice and Canada Dry for herself while I filled the other two with Coke for me and Jasper. I noticed Bella sipping her ginger ale slowly. I pressed the back of my hand to her forehead. She wasn't warm. I realized then that my impending trip was affecting her more than she let on.

"Are you going to be able to eat?" I asked, concern clear in my tone.

"I don't know," Bella answered honestly, and I appreciated that she didn't bullshit around with me telling me she was fine when I knew she wasn't.

"Oh thank you," Jasper gushed as I set his Coke down in front of him. "I love you,"

"Does that mean we're over?" Alice sniffed jokingly, pretending to start crying.

I laughed quietly with Jasper. He pushed his Coke aside and leaned over to take cup Alice's face and kissed her romantically. My sister seemed appeased for now but told him he was going to have to take her to the candy shop and by her something sweet.

"What, I'm not sweet enough for you?" Now Jasper started to mock cry into his hands.

Bella just remained silent throughout the entire exchange sipping on her ginger ale. She looked wistful as she let her face fall into her hand that was propped up on the table. "You want to go for a short walk while we wait for the pizza?" I asked her quietly.

"Sure," she responded unenthusiastically.

"We'll be back in a bit, text us if the pizza gets here before we do." I said as Bella and I got up. Alice agreed to do so and went back to tracing small patterns on the back of Jasper's hand. I kept my hand on Bella's lower back as I escorted her out, switching to holding her hand once we left. "Tell me what's wrong, sweetheart." I encouraged her gently.

Bella sniffed loudly and I saw tears threatening to spill. "I don't want you to go. I know, I seem really stupid and childish right now. It's just four days and its not like you're leaving the country or anything, but I just can't bear for you to be away. Do you have any idea how painful this is going to be for me? I know I have Alice, and Jasper and my friends and your parents here with me, but without you I'm going to feel completely empty and all alone." Bella looked up at me as she began to cry harder and I sat us down on the bench we were passing.

I folded her into my arms and let her cry until she had no tears left. I'll admit I felt some tears of my own. I had never even let the thought of 'alone' cross my mind. I remembered everything Bella had been through in the last year and I felt like a first class ass for not having seen it sooner. She was always telling me that I was the only thing left in he life worth loving. I had never even thought about what it would be like for her if I had to g away. I just kept telling her it was only four days and I would call her and be back before she knew it.

She had no family left, no blood family at least. She was, in familial sense, completely alone. I was just her boyfriend, not her father, or her mother. She had my family to lean on, of course, but I knew she would never let them be weighed down by her pain. I held Bella tighter to me and rocked her gently as her sobs finally began to subside.

"I love you," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "Please don't go,"

"I have to, and believe I don't want to. I would so much rather find a way to do this without having to fly across the country, but I can't. I don't want to leave you either, Bella." I felt a tear finally slip free and it landed on top of her head.

"Oh, Edward, I'm sorry." Bella looked up at me and started wiping my eyes. "This is so unfair to you." There she goes being typical selfless Bella again.

"Don't you dare," I whispered to her, pulling her into my lap. "This is going to be very hard for you I know."

"It feels like I'm losing half of myself."

"Me too," I sighed. "Please do me a huge favor, Bella." I prompted.

"Anything, Edward,"

"Stay at my house for the week, and please, please, sleep in Alice's room with her if you get really lonely. I don't want you to be alone in my room feeling completely miserable and then having to sleep alone in my bed on top of it."

"I promise,"

I held Bella a little longer. My cell phone went off in my pocket and I checked it. There was a text from Alice saying a waitress had come over to our table to apologize and tell us that our pizza was still going to be another twenty minutes because they were so busy and had offered us garlic bread knots on the house for the time being. Bella read the text and laughed. There was another one shortly after warning us that if we didn't get back soon Jasper was going to finish the basket of garlic knots without us.

Both of our stomachs rumbled and we chuckled together. I leaned in and kissed Bella's forehead and kissed away the tears streaks on her cheeks before kissing her mouth. I tucked some hair behind her ear. "We still have the next tonight, and the next two nights after that. I don't have to leave until four in the morning on Monday."

"Let's not talk about leaving anymore," Bella suggested. I nodded in agreement stood up offering her my hand. We walked back to the pizzeria in silence, and I raised Bella's hand to my mouth several times to kiss it tenderly.

"Where did you two go?" Alice pushing what looked like a fresh basket of garlic knots towards us.

"We needed to have a talk." I said simply. I looked over at Bella; she was sucking on her soda straw fiercely. She had obviously worked up a thirst from all of her crying. I offered her a garlic knot, which she bit into greedily. I was glad her appetite had come back. Our pizza arrived about ten minutes later piping hot and with apologies again from the waitress. She offered to refill our drinks from us. I could tell she was desperate to make a good impression for a good tip. I was going to give her one regardless.

We ate our pizza with light conversation about what was coming up in the next few weeks concerning school performances and Jasper announced happily that he planned to play his guitar got the charity variety show. Bella suggested that I play the piano hinting that my expert capabilities would more than likely earn plenty of money for the charities that our school sponsored.

"No trust in my abilities huh, Bells?" Jasper teased pretending to be hurt.

"I've never heard you play, Jazz." Bella stated as bit into a piece of veggie piece. "Ow," she covered her mouth dropping the slice to her plate. "Hot,"

"Duh," Jasper and I said together. Alice joined in our laugh and Bella just crossed her arms over her chest and turned away from us. I reached out and wrapped my arm around her drawing her back watching as the telltale smile lit up her face and I apologized for poking fun at her. As punishment I took a bit out of my slice and quickly gulped down some Coke as it scorched my throat.

"Jackass," Alice muttered, and we all laughed together.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The rest of the weekend flew by too quickly for my taste and before Bella and I knew it, it was Sunday night and she we were cuddled on the couch in the living room downstairs finishing up a movie. I had asked that my mother to let us have dinner alone tonight, and I treated her to a very romantic, sunset dinner down by the river behind my house. I made her favorite dish and fed her, her favorite dessert. Afterwards we cleaned up and headed inside since it was getting dark out and I played a private concert for her on my piano. Although it was very distracting since she kept her hand on my thigh the entire. I played some new pieces I had been working on for the past couple of months, along with the piece she had inspired and her favorite original work I had written years ago. Bella was in tears by the end of it, which led us to the couch and I put a comedy on to lighten the mood.

"You ready to head upstairs?" I asked as the movie finally ended.

"Yeah, but I'm far from tired." Bella whispered seductively to me. Her fingers curled into the collar of my button down and she pulled my mouth down to hers kissing me passionately. I moaned loudly as her tongue snaked out and licked my bottom lip. I opened up to let her in and was not disappointed as Bella quickly deepened our kiss moving to climb into my lap so her knees were on either side of. She held my face in her hands sucking on my bottom lip as my hands caressed up down her jean-covered thighs.

"Let's go upstairs," Bella sighed into my ear, her warm breath caressing my neck.

"In a minute, I have something for you first." I reached into my pocket and pulled out a tiny envelope. I cupped my hand and turned the envelope over shaking out what was inside it. "For you," I said offering her the tiny picture.

Bella picked it up and looked at it. "It's you," she breathed.

I nodded, "It's one of my better pictures. It's for your locket. I thought maybe it would help…you know, with me being away."

Bella sighed and leaned in kissing me soundly. "Thank you," She handed me the picture back and quickly unhooked her locket from around her neck. She carefully placed the picture inside next to the one of her parents and I latched the necklace back on. Bella fingered her locket looking down at it as I fixed her hair. "Now I'll have everyone I love next to my heart."

"Exactly," I whispered, cupping her face and pulling her close to me to kiss her full on her mouth. Bella draped her arms around my neck, her tongue seeking entrance as it licked along jaw and lower lip. I opened up for her again and I wasn't disappointed by her response.

"Now can we go upstairs?" Bella asked impatiently as she reluctantly pulled away from me. I was just as torn as she was between staying down here and doing it on the couch because we couldn't wait and no doubt get caught, and taking the painful trek upstairs to my bedroom where we could be guaranteed more privacy.

I stood scooping Bella up in my arms and carried her as quickly as I could with a crippling erection up the stairs to my bedroom where I kicked the door shut behind us. I set Bella down on her feet slowly, trying to set some kind of pace for us. I didn't want this to be a desperate fuck because neither of us wanted to wait to be naked with each other. I wanted this to be slow, savour each moment, this was my last night with her for four nights.

Bella stood in front of me and quickly slipped her t-shirt over her head dropping it to the floor before closing the space between us and looping her arms around my neck. I kissed her tenderly as her hands slid down to the buttons on my shirt and made quick work of getting them undone. My shirt fell to the floor soundlessly.

"Edward," Bella breathed against my neck and my hands came up to palm her back, holding her to me. My fingers fiddled with the hook on her bra, but I didn't unclasp it yet.

"Yes, love,"

Bella looked up cupping my jaw in one hand. Her eyes were filled with so many different emotions; sadness, love, passion, adoration, fear…I wrapped my arms completely around her holding her close to me as we just stood there with no space between our bodies.

"Let's take our time tonight." I suggested, peppering her shoulder with light kisses.

"I agree," Bella whispered, her lips at my temple. "Let me really love you tonight so you can take it with you."

"Let me do the same." I stood up straight and looked down at her holding her hands in my own. "Let me make love to you in a way that leaves no room for doubt that I absolutely love you, Bella."

Bella smiled meekly up at me, but nodded as moisture filled her eyes. "No tears tonight," I said as I ran my thumb under her eyes to catch them before they fell. "No sad talk. Just us tonight and nothing more."

"How can I say no after everything you've done for me already this evening?"

"You can't,"

I wrapped my arms back around her and unclasped her bra, sliding my hands up to her shoulders to slowly caress the straps down her arms. "You are so beautiful," I breathed as she was exposed before me.

I pulled her back into me holding her face as I kissed her. My hands eventually positioned themselves on her waist as my mouth travelled to her neck. I felt Bella's hands between us making work of my belt and jeans and she got the buckle undone and my pants open shoving them down. I groaned loudly as I was somewhat released from the confines of my clothing.

I dropped a hand between us and popped open the button on Bella's jeans and got the zipper down. Hers were a little more difficult to remove since they were skinny jeans, but Bella managed to yank them off of her legs without tripping. We threw ourselves into each other's arms kissing quite passionately and backed toward the bed. My knees hit the end of it forcing me to sit down.

Bella remained standing, but only for a moment, and then she was on her knees in front of me between my legs, her hand caressing my left ankle. "I want to try something new tonight. Something we haven't done yet." She offered, her hand starting to creep up my leg. She moved a little closer and sat up as high as she could on her knees and leaned in, but didn't kiss my mouth. Instead her lips attached to my neck, her hand now rubbing my left thigh and moving ever closer to where my hard cock was straning against my boxers.

"Bella," I moaned her as she ran her tongue along my neck, nipping, kissing and biting all along the sensitive skin. Her hand finally caressed the front of my shorts and I thought I would die. Her name fell from my lips as a shout and I saw a smug smile touch her lips.

"Oh, Bella, that feels so good," I moaned as her hand continued to rub me through the cotton material and her mouth traveled down to my chest. I felt her start to tug my shorts off and lifted my ass off the bed for a moment so she could pull them down. She wrapped her around my length and started to pump up and down. I wanted to lay on my back and just let her do whatever she wanted, but she had something in mind, and I knew she would tell me to lay down if she wanted me to.

"You can lean back on your hands if your want, Edward," Bella offered as her mouth kept moving down over my abdomen.

I did as she suggested and I was a little more comfortable, plus it offered me a better view of Bella as she kissed all along my skin. Her mouth dipped even lower and I suddenly knew what she was going to do. As soon as my mind comprehended it my cock hardened even more in Bella's clever hand and I let out a deep guttural moan.

"Save yourself a little," Bella advised. I looked down my body at her. She had sunk down low on her knees between my legs and her lips were caressing the inside of my thigh.

"Oh, Bella, please…" I moaned loudly.

I couldn't wait any longer. I had wanted tonight to be about her, but she was too busy making it about me. I would get my chance soon enough. I knew exactly what she liked and how and where, and I would get my turn to make her feel good; just as she was making me feel good now.

I cried out her name as her lips enclosed over as much of my length as they could and her hand wrapped around the rest of it. I was sorely tempted to lay down again, but I opted to lean back on my elbows instead of my hands and I was rewarded with an even better view of Bella's little mouth on me.

She started slow, working her tongue around my length in circles trying to figure out what I liked. She moved her mouth up and down varying in speeds and how hard she sucked on me. I didn't care what the hell she did, everything felt amazing; and a removed part of my brain wondered if this was her first time giving head.

Her hands started rubbing my thighs and she attempted to pull me deeper and I thought I felt her smile, but the next moment I didn't care because she ran her teeth along my overly sensitive flesh and I howled in pleasure. I was so close and I really didn't want to end this way. I wanted to be inside of her making love to her.

"Bella," I gasped her name looking down at her as she continued to suck me, not even hearing me. It was hard to try and get her attention to stop when I wanted her to keep going at the same time. "Bella," I reached down and ran my hand through her hair.

She looked up at me and winked with a smile on her face, and seeing myself buried in her mouth made me moan. It was taking every ounce of self-control that I had not to come. "Bella, you really need to stop before…" but she didn't listen. She just reach out and took hold of my hips with both of her hands and pulled the rest of my length into her mouth moaning. The vibrations that coursed through me coupled with feeling myself hit the back of her throat threw me over the edge and I fell to my bed shouting her name at the top of my lungs as I exploded. I didn't care who heard me.

"Oh my God…" I gasped, my chest heaving as my brain finally started to function again. I opened my eyes to find that Bella had repositioned me further up the bed against the pillows and was currently lying on my chest atop her crossed arms. To say the smile on her face was smug was a serious understatement.

"Jesus Christ, Bella," I panted, my breath still uneven.

She dipped her head and kissed my chest soundly. "Where the fuck did you learn to do that? No, scratch that, I don't want to know. Unless that was your first time of course."

Bella just chuckled and shook her head and kissed me again. "Yes, that was my first time, Edward. Alice lent me her Kama Sutra, and that made it seem easy enough."

"I didn't hurt you, did I? I know I was a little at one point."

"No, you didn't hurt me."

I reached out and traced her lips with my finger. Bella opened her mouth and drew my finger in sucking on it gently. It only took a moment of this before my cock started to get hard again. "You're poking me," Bella said around my finger.

"Sorry," I smiled impishly at her. Bella let my finger go and started to sit up so she was straddling my waist. "I don't think so, hon." I drew her back down and carefully turned us over so Bella was on her back, but only for a moment, and I sat up bringing her with me. "Wrap your legs around me," I instructed her.

Bella did so and I grasped her thighs making sure was completely wrapped around me, and tightly. I lifted her up just enough to make room so I could position myself properly and brought her back sliding into her slowly. Bella draped her arms around my neck throwing her head with a loud sight that turned into a moan as I pushed even deeper into her body.

"Oh, Edward…" She clasped her body to mine and we were so entwined in each other's arms I didn't where I ended and she began.

"Hang on, I should've done this first, but it will be a lot easier." I moved us so I was sitting on the side of the bed with my legs hanging over. Bella situated herself in my lap so she was comfortable, and although I know it was involuntary, her inner muscles clenched me tight and I had to moan her name.

"God you feel so fucking good," I moaned into her ear.

"So do you, Edward," Bella breathed as she hugged herself impossibly closer to me. I pressed her head into the crook of my neck and thrust upward once. She gasped my name loudly and asked me to do it again. I repeated the motion harder and we both moaned at the sensation as pushed even deeper into her, the head of my erection stroking her cervix.

I never wanted to move from this position. We were so completely lost in our own world it would shock me if we came back to reality. This was the moment intimate we had ever been. I thrust again harder moving Bella up and down my length. She breathed heavily in my ear, whimpering whenever she had enough air in her lungs to do so. Her hands were skimming up and down my back in long strokes, sending tingles along my spine and making my skin positively buzz.

Our movements grew in intensity and desperation. And soon the only sounds in the room were our labored breaths and broken moans. Bella fisted her hands in hair and drew my face up from where I had buried it against her chest. She pressed her mouth firmly against mine in a hard kiss pushing my lips open so she could stroke her tongue along mine.

The entire outside world was gone, all I was focused on was what I had in my arms and the sensations I caused her. I was buried deep in her body and I never wanted to leave that warmth. Bella was panting my name in my ear as I mouthed her neck, sucking the skin and leaving what would undoubtedly be a dark hickey tomorrow morning. I kept my mouth at her pulse pressing my tongue to it and loving how it beat wildly and faster with every move we made against each other.

We gotten past the point of frantic now and all I wanted was to make her come. I held Bella's waist firmly in my hands and fell back against the bed. Her legs fell around me so she was on her knees now straddling my hips. I kept my hold on her as she rode me pushing against me with deep concentration.

I was so close to my release that I could my muscles tensing and bunching preparing themselves for that inevitable wave of absolute pleasure. With one last hard thrust I let out a long guttural moan that resembled Bella's name and pumped upwards as hard as I could into her. Bella followed me only moments as my name spilled from her lips lustfully.

She collapsed on top of me breathing so hard I was actually afraid for a moment that she couldn't breathe at all, but as the minutes slowly ticked by we both returned to a somewhat normal state. Bella was the first to move and got off the bed on shaky legs, reaching out for my nightstand as a support. I got up, my own legs feeling like jelly, and grasped her around her soft, warm waist and pulled her into the bathroom with me.

We took our time cleaning each other up and other nonsense, stealing kisses here and there, and even contemplated just taking a shower, but we were both drained of energy and we knew a shower wasn't going to happen. I scooped Bella and carried her back out to my bedroom where I pulled the blankets back on my bed before laying her down. I got in beside her and shut the light off pulling the blanket around us and wrapping her up in my arms.

"Edward," Bella whispered in the dark, "can we do something while you're away?"

I was a little confused by her question, but also intrigued. What could we possibly do? "What is it, sweetheart?"

"Phone sex?"

I smiled broadly and kissed the back of her neck. "By all means," I promised her, and I meant it.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


	20. Not Alone

A/N: Thank you all for the response on the previous chapter. Keep the reviews coming, you all rock!!! For those who have requested notice before hand, KLEENEX WILL BE NEEDED FOR THIS CHAPTER!!!!!

AFF:

Zynda: Thank you for reviewing!!! I know, Edward and Bella can real horndogs in this story, huh?

Savannah Lion: Nice to hear from you again. I just finished your first story, and I really enjoyed how you ended it. Kate is really cute. Thanks for the compliments, they mean a lot to me. I thought the separation anxiety on Bella's end would be good for this story since she already feels so alone from losing her parents, its just going to be hard for her to be away from Edward and not feel abandoned.

Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to SM, I'm just messing around a little. (With Edward)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Chapter 20: Not Alone

Bella's Point of View

I was more than grateful when Edward woke me up at three in the morning to say goodbye to me. He made sure I was fully awake before he pulled me into a passionate embrace and explained that he wanted me to remember him doing this. I didn't care that I was going to dragging ass for the rest of the day now and would more than likely fall asleep in my morning classes, seeing Edward off was so much more important to me.

He kissed me goodbye on my forehead one last time before I heard the bedroom shut quietly. The flight that he and his father were taking was leaving at six and they needed to be at the airport no later than five I order to get through security and make it to the gate. I hoped Carlisle let Edward drive to Port Angeles, they would definitely make it in time that way.

They would be landing on the east coast at twelve PST, but it would three in the afternoon in New Hampshire. Edward promised to text me as soon as the plane landed. After that they were going to check in at the hotel they were staying at and then take it easy for the rest of the day and spend some time together. I thought it was nice that they got to have some father-son time amidst all the stress and rushing around for Edward's interviews.

I woke up again, alone this time, in Edward's bed when the alarm went off six and jumped up surprisingly quickly. There was a text waiting for me on my cell phone from Edward.

_B-plane just took off and we're on our way. I'll text you again when we land. Love u with all my heart-E._

I clutched my phone to my chest and swallowed my tears back before they spilled. I couldn't wait to hear from him again, but I also dreaded it because I knew the next time I did he was going to be 3,000 miles away and three hours time difference. He hadn't even left the bedroom this morning and I already missed him painfully.

I took a very quick shower, not even giving the water a chance to really warm up and threw on the first clothes could find. Today was going to be hard for me without Edward by my side like I had grown accustomed to. But I was big girl and I knew I could suck it up. I could be strong. And Alice had already repeated Edward's offer to me about sleeping with her if Edward's bedroom got too lonely for me to handle.

I was seriously considering taking her up on that offer, at least for tonight. I'd gotten so used to having his warm, solid body against mine at night that feeling the void of an empty bed was going to be hard to bear. And even harder since it was his bed and would smell like him.

"Hey, Bella," Alice greeted me as I walked downstairs. I dropped my bag for school by the stairs and walked into the kitchen with her where Esme placed plates of bacon and eggs down in front of us. "Where did you find that?" Alice asked, motioning to the shirt I was wearing.

It was one of Edward's old track t-shirts and said 'Cullen' across the back with his number on it. It would be way too small on him now and I guessed it was from freshman year or maybe even middle school.

"It was buried in his closet. I need something…with him on it today." I said slowly as I picked at my breakfast. Noticing my hesitation Esme came over and placed a steaming mug of coffee down in front of me, and it wasn't black how I normally took it. No, and God bless the woman, she had put chocolate truffle cream in it.

"I love you, Esme, thank you." I said and sipped the delicious liquid carefully.

"I figured you would need a little pick me up this morning. Edward always prefers that creamer when he's upset."

I thanked Esme again and got back to my conversation with Alice, which thankfully was Edward free. I don't know if I could go to school this morning if I had spent the morning talking about him.

Alice wanted to drive her Porsche to school and I was very reluctant to get inside. But after she promised she would keep the speed within the legal range for Forks, I got in and immediately strapped myself in. I still gripped the leather seat the entire time there since forty miles per hour in Alice's car actually felt like seventy.

I managed to make it through the first two periods without too many people wondering where my other half was. But my shirt got a lot of attention, like I had expected, and I blew it off. The shirt was a fucking security blanket right now and I was going to tell Edward when he got back that there was no way in Hell he was getting it returned.

Although knowing him, he would probably find it sexy and throw every other track t-shirt that he didn't need or didn't fit anymore my way and tell me to never give them back.

I plopped down into my seat third period beside Jessica who was babbling incessantly about prom. It was still two months away. I knew I wasn't going, even if Edward did want to take me, and have me wear the blue dress he picked out that one day Alice took us shopping in Port Angeles. That was the day he told me he loved me.

"So what's with Edward's old shirt today?" Jessica asked as our teacher walked in.

"I miss him, he's on the other coast this week doing interviews for Harvard and Dartmouth."

"Oohh…Fun." Jessica drawled. "But that's so cute that you're wearing his shirt. It is, it's totally freaking adorable."

"Thanks, Jess."

Alice walked in and instead of sitting in her usual seat two rows down she made herself comfortable in the one beside me so I now sat between her and Jessica. Oh holy Hell, I swear if the two them talk all period long I'll be shoving bamboo splinters under my nails as a distraction. Thankfully that didn't happen.

"Have you checked the time lately?" Alice asked me as our teacher started wrapping class up.

"No, why," I asked her as we gathered our books and got up filing out of the room with the other students when the bell rang. Jessica was dragging behind us as she talked animatedly with Angela about dresses and boys.

"It's almost twelve." Alice said simply.

I swear my heart just jumped into my throat. Alice bid me farewell as I we went our separate ways to our next class. I shared this one with Angela. I preferred sitting next to my geeky, brunette best friend than Jessica. She didn't feel the need to fill quiet spaces with senseless chatter. And she was also a lot more insightful.

"You're missing him something awful, aren't you?" she asked as we settled into our seats and prepared to sit through a boring history lecture that we would no doubt forget the second we walked out the door once the bell rang.

"Yeah, how could you tell?" I asked as I flipped my phone open checking for a text.

"Well," Angela motioned to my phone in my hand, "you keep checking that like every five seconds, and you hold onto it like your life depended on it. And you were doodling his name all over your English notes."

"I'm that see-through, huh?"

That second my phone buzzed and I practically yelped for joy when I saw it was a text message. I flipped my phone open eagerly and Angela jus smiled at shaking her head and turned toward the front of the class to give me privacy.

_Plane just landed. God I fucking miss you. Any chance you'll fly out here asap?_

I smiled at his message and quickly type a response.

_I miss you, too. I'm wearing one of your old track t-shirts today._

I hit send and not three seconds later my phone buzzed with a response.

_That is seriously the sweetest thing I've ever heard. There's more in my closet that don't fit, you can have those, too._

Yup, I knew it.

_Good, because I was going to forage for them later and stash them away for future stealing. Edward…_

_Yes, love_

_Come home_

There was a brief silence from him and I knew he was probably either typing a long response or thinking very hard of what to say. When my phone buzzed again, I put my pen down from my notes and looked to my lap to read his message.

_Bella you don't know how much control it's taking me to not just get back on that plane and do just that. I think I may need my father to put me under hotel arrest for the duration of our time here. _

_I don't like being away from you_

_I know, sweetheart, it's like I left my soul behind with you, and with it my heart. _

_I feel like you took every good thing in me with you and I'm stuck here hollow and alone._

_Please don't feel that way, baby. _

_I'm trying, and it's not easy._

_I know, I know. I have to go now, dad and I are going to go check in at the hotel. I love you so much, Bella, just carry that with you and I'll call you later. I promise. _

_I love you, too, I can't wait to hear your voice again. _

_Me either, and do me one favor. Look after my heart - I've left it with you. _

I just about broke down in tears in the middle of class as I read his final message. I snapped my phone shut and slid back in between my foot and my sneaker where I typically hid my phone during class.

When the bell rang I rushed out of class before anyone could see the tears welling up in my eyes. This was so unfair. I ran into the first bathroom I found and noticed, bitterly, that it was the same bathroom I had locked myself into almost one month ago the day Edward broke my heart.

I slammed the handicap stall door shut and crumpled myself into a ball against the tile wall. A moment later someone was outside calling my name. I didn't have the strength to stand and open to door for Alice. I just wrapped my arms around my legs and hugged them closer to me. And I didn't respond when Alice's feet became visible on the other side of the door.

What she did next shocked the living Hell out of me. Alice Cullen got down on her knees and crawled underneath the door into the stall. She shimmied up to me and wrapped an arm around my shaking shoulders pulling me into a loose embrace and cradling my head to her chest.

She just let me cry into her t-shirt and destroy it with my tears. I was fucking stronger than this. His absence should _not_ have this kind of affect on me. I can do this!

"No you can't, Bella," Alice responded when I voiced my argument, well screamed it.

"At least not alone like you've been trying to do since you woke up this morning." Alice cuddled me closer and rested her chin on top of my head like Edward did whenever he held me like this.

"Being strong doesn't always mean having to do things on your own. Sometimes you need other people there to help you. Did Edward ever tell you he's not really a Cullen?"

I picked my head up and stared at her incredulously. "What? No, he never mentioned anything like that."

Alice nodded in confirmation. "He's adopted. I know, it sounds unreal because he looks so much Esme and Carlisle, but he's adopted."

"When?"

"Just after his fifth birthday, after his parents died in a plane crash."

"Oh my God…" I whimpered and leaned into Alice to start a whole new round of tears. "Why didn't he ever tell me?"

"He really doesn't like to talk about it, that and he barely remembers it but it was still hard on him, you know. He was just a kid and all of a sudden someone is telling him he doesn't a mommy and daddy anymore and he's going to be living with someone he's never met."

I didn't say anything. I just let Alice continue to talk while I tried to make sense of everything. I couldn't decide between being mad at Edward for never telling me, or feeling complete sympathy for him because I really could relate. This certainly explained why every time I talked about missing my parents he cried with me and his whole body tightened around me protectively.

"I was only four when my parents brought him home to live with us and I was ecstatic about having a brother, finally someone I could play with. Although at first Edward never ate and he barely spoke to anyone. My parents wanted to send him to some kind of counseling, but eventually he got comfortable and started opening and acting 'normal' if you want to call it that. We played together, we went to school together and ate lunch at the same picnic table every day during recess. He was the best older brother.

"And then when he hit his teens he started getting into a lot of trouble. He found an old box in the attic that he had brought with him when my parents first took him in and inside were pictures of his parents. I remember he spent an entire week locked in his room going through that box skipping school and not eating or sleeping. He stole my father's motorcycle and drove it out of the garage as fast as he could, and of course he had no idea what he was doing and crashed into a tree not twenty feet down the driveway."

Alice took a deep breath as she remembered the incident that was clearly painful for her. "We rushed him to the emergency room and he spent a whole day unconscious. He had thirty stitches on the back of his head and he lost a lot of blood. My father and mother never left his side and I stayed with Jasper's family. That was what really brought us together in the beginning." Alice smiled wistfully as she remembered something else. "Funny how things like that happen."

She sighed heavily and continued. "He didn't get much better after that, he just got progressively worse until sophomore year when he started dating Tanya, and during those months that they were together he was the happiest I had seen him in a long time. So I really wanted to strangle that girl when he told they were breaking up. But then he explained that she was moving to Alaska and there was nothing they could do.

"And I and my parents were really shocked at how well he handled the whole situation. He had been running track since seventh grade and it seemed to help him in the beginning, giving him something he could focus on instead of his pain. But after Tanya left he really committed himself to it, and now look at him. He's the fastest on the team and the captain no less.

"But he didn't manage to get through all of that alone. He had us, his family, there to help him every step of the way. Which is why I'm telling you this. I'm sure Edward has his reasons for never saying anything, and I'm sure they're all completely justifiable, but my point, Bella, is that you are not alone in this. We are all here for you no matter what.

"I know you feel lost and alone, and abandoned without him right now, but you're going to be fine. Edward misses you just as bad as you miss. Here, I want you to read this." Alice grabbed her purse and pulled her cell phone out. She flipped it open and scrolled through to a text message that Edward had sent her earlier this morning.

_Alice you have no idea how hard this is for me to be away from Bella. I swear it's like I've finally found home again with her. I feel completely at peace when I'm with her, and it's positively breaking my heart to be so far away right now. Please, please swear to me you'll look after her. I don't think I could bear to know that she's in pain because I'm gone and there's nothing I can do to help her. Please, Alice, be there for her if she needs you. I don't care what it is, just please make sure she knows I love her and although I'm thousands of miles away, I'm still right there beside her. Thank you Ali, I love you and owe you my life when I get back – E_

I sniffed hard a couple of times and turned my face into Alice's neck. "He really loves you, Bella. I've never seen him like this. And I know you love him, too. You two are made for each other, and I know right now this is the hardest test your relationship will take; but you two will get through with flying colors. He'll be back before you know it."

"I know," I cried, "I just…it hurts so bad, Alice."

Alice pressed her hand to the side of my head and cradled me to her chest once more rocking me gently. I didn't cry any more, I had no more tears left. I just let Alice hold me. Somewhere in the distance I thought I heard the bell ring signaling that lunch was over and it was time to move on to the next class period. Neither Alice nor I made a move to get up.

"What was his name?" I asked when I picked my head up finally.

"Masen, Edward Anthony Masen."

"I like Cullen better."

Alice laughed lightly. "So does he, because it's higher up in the alphabet. He admitted that to me one night when we got really wasted at one of Jasper's parties." Alice tucked some hair behind my ear. "Are you going to be ok?"

"I am now, thank you, Alice. You are officially my sister."

"Aw, Bella. Thank you, that means a lot to me. Just so you know though, I've always considered you to be my friend."

I hugged Alice fiercely and she hugged me back the same. Right then I didn't care that I was missing class. I didn't care that my other two best friends were probably worried sick about me. Alice was going to be the best friend I'll ever have from this day forward. Alice, and of course Edward.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A/N: Whoa did I pull that out of left field on you all, huh? Sorry for the shocker, but I've had that up sleeve for a while and I really needed it be like that. It'll only provide for a better foundation later on for what I have planned.

Thank you all for reading, please review, I'm dying to know what everyone thinks!!!


	21. East Coast Misery

A/N: Wow, what a phenomenal response yet again!!! Seriously, I'm think I'm going to like ask each and every one of you to marry me if I wind up alone by the time I'm thirty. I don't I'd want to go through the rest of my life without all of you in it!!!

AFF:

Savannah Lion: Thanks so much for such a great review, it's really appreciated. I love your work too, it's really original and I wish I could write original stuff as well as you do. I tried in high school and I just failed miserably. So thank you for providing such excellent original work.

daddysgirl4286: Glad you think I write so well, and sorry for the cliffhangers, I personally don't like to throw them out there, or to leave people hanging, I prefer to give closure at the end of chapters. But thanks for reviewing, glad you're enjoying everything, and thanks a million for taking the time to read all of my stories, that means a lot to me!!!

Disclaimer: All credit for Twilight goes to SM, and I'm seriously considering writing a letter and begging her to let me borrow Edward for just seven days.

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Chapter 21: East Coast Misery

Edward's Point of View

The moment I walked out of my bedroom this morning at three-thirty my heart broke.

I hated closing the door with Bella already falling back asleep and walking down those stairs without her in my arms. My heart broke again when I got in the car and ached the entire drive to Port Angeles. It broke when I got on the plane, and it broke when we landed in New Hampshire.

I sent Bella a text when the plane took off. I was hoping she was awake when she got it, but I didn't get a response so I assumed not. As soon as the announcement came on that we could use cell phones, mp3 players and other bullshit I yanked out my iPod and shoved the ear buds trying to drown out my lonely thoughts with music that reminded me of Bella.

My father sat next to me on his cell phone almost the entire trip talking to colleagues on the east coast. Apparently he was trying to set up a meeting, or dinner, or just talking to for the sake of it. I didn't know and I didn't care. I just wanted to go home and wrap Bella up in my arms and know that she was safe.

I thought once or twice I heard Carlisle mention my name and he looked over at me, but I just ignored him. I'm not mad at him I'm just upset. I'm going to be 3000 miles from the love of my life for the next four days and all I can do is talk to her. I didn't bother brining my laptop because Carlisle was bringing his and I doubt he would be using it while we were in the hotel.

He brought it more so to keep himself occupied while I was in my interviews. Tomorrow was Harvard and we would be driving to Massachusetts in the morning and driving back at night. Wednesday was Dartmouth, and then Thursday I could relax before Carlisle tried to drag me out to a dinner with some friends of his he wanted me to meet.

I love spending time with my father, but I would really rather spend the four or five hours that that dinner is going to take in the hotel room alone with my cell phone and Bella. I was actually going to try and sneak my way out of it just so I could call Bella that evening.

I prayed she wasn't working. We'd had another discussion about her work hours. The sport outlet, since construction had been done on it for expansion, hired ten more people. I begged Bella to consider quitting that job. She really didn't need to work to two jobs. She was finally receiving some kind of money from her parents' estates, albeit not much, but it would be enough for her.

She gave me a very diplomatic answer that she would think about it and let me know when I got back. I hated seeing her work like that. I'd watched her work at both jobs and in both places she worked herself to the bone. I rarely saw her, if ever, take a break. She would work her long shifts start to finish without stopping.

As soon as the plane landed and we could take our phones out again I sent Bella a text telling her I missed her and loved her and that we had safely arrived. And we spent the next twenty minutes texting back and forth as my father and I got off the plane, collected our luggage, and got a rental car.

I also sent Alice a long text asking her to keep an eye on Bella for me. I knew she would do anything I asked her. Alice loved me like a brother, although we're not blood related. Everyday I think about all the things I could've told Bella about how I relate to her situation. I'm an orphan. I'm not a Cullen by blood, only by paper and other legalities.

I'm sure when Bella finds out the truth she'll hate me. But I don't want her to feel sorry for me. I barely even remember my parents, but I do remember being happy with them for the longest time. Just a feeling. But Bella knew her parents all the way to adulthood. And then both we're taken from her one at a time. And not just her biological parents, but her stepfather as well. A man whom I knew she loved like a father and treated her like his own daughter.

Where I had the blessing, if you want to call it that, of having my parents taken away from all at once, Bella had to lose her mother and stepfather first, and then watch her own father fall to pieces, and then be taken from her as well. Her suffering and pain from the loss was long and drawn out while mine was quick like the prick of needle when you get a shot, although it throbbed for some time, just like a vaccine would.

Carlisle told me to put my phone away finally when we got in the car since he wanted to talk to me about my interviews and start prepping me for them. I was grateful for the offer, although I would have preferred to dwell in the paint that came from talking to Bella and reading how much she missed me. It meant that she loved me.

"How many suits did you pack?" Carlisle asked as we pulled into the hotel lot.

"Just one, the garment bag you gave me is small. I had to fold the pants over twice."

"Did I give the small one, I didn't mean to."

"Dad, chill, it's just one suit, and we can always have the hotel iron if the creases are bad." I reached over and placed my hand on his shoulder.

Carlisle let out a long breath, and I could see some of the tension slipping in his face. "I'm sorry, son, I guess I'm just more nervous than you are. I remember my interviews and I know I was bouncing in my seat the entire time. I just really want you to do well. I know you will. No matter what happens, though, I'll always be so proud of you, and so will your mother."

"Thanks," I said quietly. I tried to smile but I just couldn't find it in myself.

"She'll be ok, Edward. She's just a phone call away."

I sighed loudly and grabbed for the handle on my door but Carlisle reached over and grabbed my wrist to stop me. "Edward, listen to me, she will be ok. I know this is as hard on you as it is on her. But if something is wrong I know she'll call you."

"I know, thank you. I just…"

"Really miss her, I know. I miss your mother right now terribly. I don't like being away from her just like you don't like being away from Bella."

I looked over at my father and saw no lies on his face. That was one thing I knew I could always count on from him, he never spoon-fed me crap. He was always, if sometimes painfully, honest.

We gathered our luggage from the trunk and checked in for the next four nights. Carlisle dropped his luggage off in the room we were sharing and immediately went back downstairs to do God knows what. I was highly tempted to test the shower and see how hot the water could actually get. It was either that, or start texting Bella again. I checked the time on my phone. It was almost four in the afternoon here, so it was close to one in the afternoon in Forks. She wasn't even out of school yet.

"Fuck it," I said to myself and grabbed up my phone. I slammed the bathroom door behind me and locked it. I hit Bella's number on my speed dial and was shocked when she picked up.

"Edward," her voice was thick like she had been crying but I could relief in it as well. Relief and joy. My heart swelled at the sound of it.

"Bella, what's wrong?" I asked the first thing that came to my mind. I loved that she was happy to hear my voice but I hated to hear her cry.

"Nothing anymore, I had a really long talk with your sister this morning. Alice did something you would never believe."

"Her own laundry?" I joked, and Bella chuckled on the other end although it was rough.

"No, I locked myself in a bathroom after our texting conversation because I missed you so much and I just wanted to cry…" Her voice broke at the end and it killed me.

"Please, sweetie, don't cry. Please don't, I'm right here." I sat down on the toilet and hung my head.

"I'm not going to, I don't think I have any tears left right now. But Alice came into the bathroom and when I wouldn't open the door for her she crawled under it and over to me and wrapped me up."

"She did what? My sister crawled on a dirty bathroom floor?" I was flabbergasted. God I wish I had been there to witness that.

"Yes, she did. And we had a very long talk. _A very long talk_." Bella took a deep breath before continuing and I had the feeling she was about to say something she didn't want to. "She told me everything, Edward. Everything about you."

I feel like someone just hit in the stomach with a wrecking ball. "Oh shit," was all I could say.

"Edward, I'm not mad. I kind of understand why you never said anything; kind of. Although it would've been nice if you had been honest with me in the beginning about it. But I won't hold it against you. Our situations, both similar and different, are too painful to hold against each other as ammunition in anger. I'm sorry for what happened to you."

"I'm sorry I never told you. It's so unbelievably hard to even think about sometimes. I mean, I barely remember it, but still…"

"I know, they were your parents and the only family you had ever known. Trust me, Edward, I know." Bella said quietly.

I raked my free hand through my hair and pulled at it till it hurt. "I know you do," I finally responded. I picked my head and felt a couple wet streaks slide down my face.

"Edward, please don't cry." Bella begged on the other line sounding completely broken. "Please, love."

"Say that again," I whispered.

"Love," Bella asked.

"Tell me you love me."

"I love you, Edward. I love you more than I love my own life. You're more important to me than anything else in this world. You _are_ my world. And I miss you so much."

I pulled at my hair again swallowing back a groan of pain I was pulling at it so hard now. "I miss you more than the word can comprehend. I don't think there's even a word in the dictionary for how much I miss you right now."

"Edward, are you in there?"

"Is that your dad?" Bella asked when she heard Carlisle knocking on the door.

"Yeah, hang on." I pulled the phone away from my ear and covered the speaker with my hand. "Yeah, I'm in here, what is it?"

"Are you hungry for dinner?"

No, not particularly. "I suppose,"

"All right, when you come out we'll find somewhere to go."

I waited until his footsteps faded into the room before I put the phone back to my ear. "Sorry,"

"It's ok, do you need to go?" Bella asked tentatively.

"I can take as much time as I want. My dad understands."

"Where are you? I keep hearing some kind of echo."

"Promise not to laugh?"

I heard Bella giggle and the sound made my heart swell even more. "Yeah, sorry, I promise."

"I'm in the hotel room bathroom. I can at least guarantee myself some privacy in here. There's a lock on the door. My dad understands how much this is hurting both of us and he knows I really miss you. He's probably out in the room talking to my mother right now."

"I can confirm that for you." Bella said. I heard her moving around in the background. "Yeah, she's sitting at the table slicing strawberries and talking to him. She's smiling right now."

"Are you smiling right now?" I asked. It lifted my spirits that my mother was happy, but I wanted the image of Bella's bright grin in my mind right now.

"Yeah, I am. Just hearing your voice makes me smile. Oh crap,"

"What is it?"

"Alice is back. She went out and got stuff for us to do tonight. I think I'm in for some real torture. I see nail polish."

"Uh oh," I teased. Bella giggled again and my jaw ached from smiling so broadly. "Well go have fun and don't let the pixie use red. She has a thing for blood red, and bright pink." I heard Bella shudder and laughed lightly.

"Bad image, me with pink toenails. I'll make sure that doesn't happen." Bella swore.

"I'll call you later tonight. I promise." I dropped my voice an octave trying to keep this moment between us.

Bella sniffed and sighed loudly. "I don't want to get off the phone with you."

"I don't either, but my stomach is actually starting to growl and I haven't eaten since this morning." I felt terrible for trying to end the phone call, but I really was starving and I was starting to get a headache from the lack of food in my system.

"Yeah me either. I think Esme is making comfort food tonight for all of us. Something warm and gooey, and cheesy, and Italian." Bella described longingly. My mouth watered.

"That sounds really good, I think I'll try and talk Carlisle into something Italian tonight. Just so I can think about you the whole time."

Bella cooed into the phone and made a kissing sound. "I love you, too, Edward. What's your favorite color?"

I thought about that for a minute. Personally my favorite color was black. "On you, blue." I answered.

"Ok, I'll make sure she paints my toes blue. What about fingernails?"

"Don't do your fingernails. Let Alice rub your feet, she's actually really good at that."

"Ok," Bella sighed again and I knew she really didn't want to hang up, but we were both hungry, and she was probably going to snack on something once the conversation ended since it was only two something in the afternoon on the other coast.

"I'll call you again in a little while, but I can't stay up late tonight."

"I'm counting the minutes until I talk to you again. I love you, Edward."

"I love you, too, Bella. Bye,"

"Bye,"

I snapped my phone shut and put it away in my pocket before I could come up with another excuse to keep the conversation going. I sat there for another minute tugging at my hair and wishing fervently that my phone would magically starting ringing and Bella would be calling.

But after two minutes of silence I got up and checked myself in the mirror. My face was little splotchy from crying, but I washed up and tried to fix my hair to make it look sort of controlled. What in the Hell was I going to do with it tomorrow? I should text Alice later and ask her for some suggestions.

As soon as I opened the door Carlisle said goodbye to my mother and hung up. "Ready to go?" he asked from where he sat in one of the armchairs.

"Yeah, can we go somewhere Italian?"

"So you can eat the same thing Bella is? Your mother told me she's making eggplant Parmesan tonight with extra cheese."

"I hate eggplant."

Carlisle chuckled and got up from his seat and stretched a little before grabbing his wallet and the card for the room. "I assume that's why she's making it while you're not around."

"Probably," I agreed as we walked out.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

We found a decent Italian restaurant for dinner and it nowhere compared to my mother's cooking. I ordered eggplant parm and it was actually really good, so as soon as I got back to the hotel room I was texting Bella and asking her to save some for me so I could compare it when I got home.

We stayed for coffee and I got a slice of cheesecake since it was Bella's favorite dessert and I ate it very, very slowly. Carlisle didn't seem to be in much of a rush. He got a call from a friend and talked to him while I slowly devoured my delicious three hundred plus calorie dessert.

As soon as we got back to the hotel Carlisle went to bed and advised me to do so as well soon. I had to get up tomorrow at five since we were driving into Massachusetts and then driving back as soon as my interview was over. I wasn't looking forward to spending a double-digit amount of time in a car with my father, but I really didn't have a choice. I suppose I could just sleep the entire time back. I knew I would be too wired to sleep on the way there.

"Good evening, beautiful," I said quietly into the phone once I was in the bathroom again.

"Hey, handsome, how was dinner?"

"Delicious, did you save me some of Esme's?"

"She put some in a container and wrote your name on it with a Sharpie and drew a little heart around it."

"No she didn't, don't lie."

"I would never lie, Edward Cullen, you know that." Bella was giggling insanely on the other end. "Ok, so your name is on it, but no heart."

"Are you going to bed soon?"

"No, its only seven here. I think Alice wants to stay up for a while and watch some stupid chick flicks that she said would make me laugh. Jasper is supposed to be coming over with Jiffy Pop or something and homemade brownies."

"Aren't you being spoiled?" I teased, my tone playful.

"Actually the brownies are for Alice, I've been told I can't touch them."

"Eat one anyway, it'll make you feel better."

"Just talking to you makes me feel better, Edward. I know I'll sleep better tonight because I heard your voice."

I let out a heavy breath I didn't realize I had been holding. "Wow, Bella, thank you. That's exactly what I needed to hear right now. I'll sleep better tonight now, too. Thank you so much, baby."

"Edward, I was very serious earlier when I told you that you're my world and you matter to me more than anything else. I honestly don't know where I would be without you."

I ran my hand through my hair a couple of times as I listened to her, the smile on my face growing bigger and bigger. How did I ever come to deserve such an amazing girl? And how did Bella ever find it in her heart to let me in and let me love her? I know right now that I'm going to have to do something very special for her in the future. Very special.

"I'm going to head off to bed now," I said a couple minutes later. "I need to get up at the ass crack of dawn."

"Sucks to be you," Bella sang teasingly over the phone. "Seriously though, good luck tomorrow, you'll be brilliant. Although I'm keeping my fingers crossed more so for Dartmouth. I know that's where you want to be."

"Thank you, Bella. I love you so much. I'll call you tomorrow night when we get back in New Hampshire."

"Ok, I love you, too. Sweet dreams,"

"Sweet dreams, my love."

I hung up and held my phone in my hand staring at it for a long time. All I could see in my mind was Bella. All I would dream about tonight would be Bella. And I couldn't wait until tomorrow to call her again.

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	22. Thursday Night

A/N: Thank for reviewing on the previous chapter everyone!!!

Disclaimer: SM owns everything Twilight, but I own over two-dozen magazines with Rob's beautiful face on the cover. (I will treasure them always)

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Chapter 22: Thursday Night

Edward's Point of View

I had been lying here for over an hour now. Carlisle was out meeting some old colleagues of his for a drink before they headed out to dinner, and he told me he was going to call before he came back around and picked me up. He wanted me to meet some of these guys, thinking it would be best for future recommendations. I just wanted to stay here and call Bella. I'd spoken to her every night since we got here, but never a full on conversation like we had had Monday night.

Carlisle had me going to bed early so I could wake up, shower, dress, and eat and then he could prep me for the interview, and then we'd drive off, more quizzing along the way. But both were over now, and although I could feel my hands shaking the entire duration of both, I knew had done well. I shook hands firmly with each interviewer walking in and out, and I answered all of the questions posed to me truthfully and honestly.

Even if some of them were redundant.

I hated most the ones where the person asks you to describe yourself, who are you in other words. I knew I broke a sweat on those. All I could think about was Bella and I started spewing all the words she used to describe me; strong, independent, smart, mature etc. I hope I did ok with those. Now all I needed was to be accepted to Dartmouth and maybe I'd stop biting my fingernails in anticipation.

I just needed to relax. I really was in no mood to go out tonight, and Carlisle knew that, I had even voiced it to him this morning when we went out for breakfast. Today was supposed to be a relaxing day where I recover from the stress of my interviews. I didn't really feel like being dragged out to some fancy restaurant and watch everyone around schmooze into their glasses of cabernet.

I wanted a night to myself since we were flying back tomorrow morning. I wanted to call Bella and just tell her how much I loved her and how much I couldn't wait to see her tomorrow. But overall I just wanted to relax tonight. Just lay here, order room service and watch pay per view. I was sorely tempted to raid the mini bar, but I knew Carlisle would blow a gasket on me, so I didn't touch it. Although right now, the little bottle of Heineken in there was desperately calling my name along with the small bottle of JD right next to it.

My head snapped up from my brooding when my cell phone buzzed on the nightstand. I grabbed it and considered ignoring the call, but even I wasn't that rude. "Yes, dad," I answered, trying not to sound like a complete asshole.

"Will you be ready to go in fifteen minutes?" He asked getting right to the point.

"I really don't want to. I'm very tired, and I would prefer to just relax tonight. I'm sorry, I know you want me to be there but I just…I just can't do it."

"What's wrong, son?"

"I just need to be alone tonight, I'm sorry, dad."

"I didn't realize you were so out of it, I apologize. All right, don't worry, stay there and order something for yourself just don't touch the mini bar. It's not worth the six bucks for those tiny drinks and we need to be up early."

"Yes, dad," I deadpanned rolling my eyes at the ceiling. "Thank you, I'll see you later."

"I'll see you in a few hours, Edward, bye."

"Bye,"

I hung up my phone and dropped it beside myself on the bed. Breathing heavily I looked up at the ceiling and folded my hands behind my head. Glancing at the cable box on the TV I saw that it was almost seven hear, so it was almost four on the west coast. It was Thursday and Bella would be at work right now. Damn, I couldn't call her.

My phone buzzed again beside me and I picked it up. What the f… "Bella?" I asked incredulously.

"Hey, guess what happened today?"

"Alice finally did her own laundry?"

"No, better, the diner got flooded from the sprinkler system going off. We have a new guy in the kitchen and he hasn't exactly learned the art of the stove yet. And that's being nice about it."

"Why would your manager hire such a fuck up?"

Bella chuckled to herself on the other end. "He knows how to cook, he's just not used to a cook top like the one here. He needs a couple days to get the hand of it and stop dropping burgers on the floor."

I laughed out loud and relaxed against the bed more. "That just cheered me up, thank you, Bella."

"You're welcome," She sighed and I wondered where she was. "What are you up to?"

"Just lying here on my bed, missing you."

"Aww, I miss you too. I wish I could see you, I don't think I can wait until tomorrow."

I sat up straight on the bed and my eyes immediately went to Carlisle's laptop bag. "Bella, are you near a computer?"

"Of course, I'm in your room. Your Mac is sitting on your desk."

"Turn it on, open the ichat."

I sprung from the bed and grabbed Carlisle's laptop from the bag and practically lunged back onto the bed in my eagerness. I opened up the laptop and turned it on clicking opening up the chat icon at the bottom of the screen. I found my name in the buddy list and sent myself a video chat invitation.

"Did you get an invitation?"

"Yeah, is that from your dad?"

"No, it's from me, I'm using his computer. Accept it." I heard the touchpad clicking in the background and suddenly a small window opened and Bella's face graced the screen. All of my daydreams over the past seventy-two hours hadn't done a bit of justice to the beauty currently in front of me. Everything about her was better than I remembered. Her chocolate eyes danced with light as she smiled at me, the lightest blush touching her cheeks. Her brown hair fell in soft waves past her shoulder touching the top of the tank top she wearing. "Hey, beautiful," I sighed.

"Hey, handsome," Bella smiled in return. "You look exhausted. Wait, I'm getting an echo, maybe we should hang up the phones."

"Good idea," I snapped my phone shut. I placed my phone beside me and looked back at Bella. She was so lovely. She just smiled at me as she fidgeted with the strap of the tank top she was wearing. Wait, that wasn't a tank top. "Holy shit, what are you wearing?" I blurted out when I realized she was clad in something I'd only ever seen in one of Alice's Victoria's Secret catalogues.

"Oh, Alice lent it to me. My clothes got soaked at the diner when the sprinklers went off. I tired to say no, but she insisted I would be so much more comfortable in this than sweat pants. I hate to admit, but she was right."

I felt my jeans constrict, specifically around my groin, as I looked Bella up and down. She was wearing a pink satin slip with orange lace. I was going to kill Alice and worship Bella. This was so unfair. "I wish I could touch you." I moaned out. "I'm sorry," I clamped my hand over my mouth when I realized what I had said.

"No, it's ok. Just looking at you in that white button down and seeing the little bit of chest exposed is doing wonders for me right now."

I moaned again and tried to shift a little to get comfortable. Bella noticed and quirked an eyebrow. "You ok?"

"Not really," I admitted.

"Need to remove some clothing?"

"It's getting to that point, yes."

"Perhaps I should move over to your bed?" Bella offered. I realized she was trying to make good on the phone sex I had promised her. I was more than tempted right now.

"I think that might be a good idea. My dad is out so I have nothing to disturb me. Although doing this on his computer is a little awkward."

Bella bit her bottom lip in thought and she fiddled with a piece of her hair. "Yeah, I agree. I'll call you thirty seconds, get comfortable." With that, Bella's screen disappeared and I quickly put the laptop on the small coffee table and climbed back up onto the bed. I pulled my socks off and sat the pillows up so I could lean against them. I was just lying back down when my phone buzzed. I think it had forty seconds, but I could care less.

"Hey," I breathed into the phone.

"Hey, are you laying down?" Bella's sweet voice asked.

"Yes I am, are you?"

"Yup, on your bed. And it smells like you, too. It's sweet and musky, and such a turn on."

"Bella," I moaned her name, dying to reach into my jeans and start stroking myself.

"Start unbuttoning you shirt, Edward."

I reached a hand up and slowly started to pop open each button. "I wish you were here to do this, I love the way you always unbutton my shirts."

"I don't unbutton them, I rip them open."

"Exactly," I moaned sitting up and shrugging my shirt off. "Are you still wearing that little excuse for clothing?"

"I am, and guess what I have on underneath it," I dreaded the answer knowing exactly what it was. "Nothing," Bella breathed quietly into the phone. I gulped. "Do you need to take something else off, Edward?"

"Yes," I panted, my fingers playing with the hem of my jeans.

"Go ahead," Bella whispered.

I popped the button and lowered the zipper groaning as I started to push the denim down my legs. My erection sprung against my shorts and I resisted urge to reach into the waistband and touch myself.

"Feel better?" Bella asked seductively.

"Hell yes, but not as good as being naked."

"So get naked," Bella prompted.

"I will if you will." I loved the little game we were making this into, it made it that much more erotic for both of us. This was definitely a first for me, and I was absolutely positive that this was a first for Bella as well. I cradled the phone between my ear and shoulder and lifted my hips to slide my shorts down my legs.

I moaned loudly again once my hard on was completely free and I let my head fall back against the pillows. I heard the distinct sound of rustling satin on the other end and the image of Bella naked floated across my closed eyes. My cock grew impossibly harder and it was becoming more and more difficult not to reach down the length of my body and start to stroke myself.

"Are you naked?" Bella asked a moment later.

"Completely, you?"

"Completely,"

We breathed for a moment into the phone, both us stretched out on our respective beds, waiting for the other to call the next move. I took the reins. "Bella, I want you to touch yourself and tell me everything you do."

"Where do you want me to start?" she asked tentatively.

I thought about that for a moment and decided, "Touch your breasts the way I do."

I listened as Bella moaned softly into the phone, describing to me as she massaged and cupped an pinched those two perfect mounds that I loved to worship. When she told she was sliding her hand further down her body I couldn't resist any longer. I let my hand slowly start to drift down my torso inching closer and closer to its destination. I groaned loudly into the phone as my fingers wrapped my hard length and I started to stroke lightly.

"What are you doing now, Bella?" I asked as I ran my thumb in circles around the head the way she did, spreading the tiny bit of liquid there.

"What do you imagine me doing?" Bella whispered, and then moaned softly.

I described to her how I normally teased her with my fingers, stroking between her legs and rubbing circles around her little nub until she was positively squirming beneath me. I told her how much I liked to curl my fingers inside her because I knew it made her feel so good.

"You would be right," Bella moaned into the phone. I gripped myself and started to stroke harder. "Are you touching yourself, Edward?"

"Yes," I grunted, quickening my movements even more so. "I'm so hard, Bella."

Bella sighed into the phone and then groaned loudly. "Edward, God…"

"Bella…"

I rolled over onto my side and so it would be a little bit easier resting the phone between my ear and the bed. "God, Bella, I'm so close."

"Me too," Bella whimpered. "Edward, I wish it was you. I want you so bad."

"I want you, too, Bella. More than you know." I worked my hand up and down my cock now at a feverish pace, unable to stop my moans as they poured from my mouth. I imagined it was Bella's hand on me, more so, I imagined it was her mouth; sucking me the way she had the night before I left. I remembered the powerful release lustfully and I longed for it again.

Bella continued to whimper on the other end and moan my name and I could imagine what she was doing to herself to cause those noises. I turned on my side so that it was easier to cradle the phone between my ear and the bed. I heard a particularly load groan eminent from Bella and the sound sent me over the edge, producing waves of fire that ripped through my body. I let out a strangled growl as I pressed down into bed, pumping myself hard as I came on the sheets.

I could hear Bella panting my name on the phone as her orgasm tore through her. Silence fell between us as we just lay on our beds and breathed. "Bella," I whispered at one point.

"I'm here," she responded. I rolled back over onto my side to grab my phone and flopped onto my back. "Edward,"

"Yeah,"

"Wow,"

"Yeah…"

We continued to lay there, just breathing. No words were exchanged. Sometimes the silence was broken by a grunt or a sigh from one of us as me moved and tried to get comfortable on our respective beds. "I love you," Bella whispered after some minutes had passed.

"I love you more," I responded.

"I miss you, Edward. I can't wait to see you tomorrow."

"I'm counting the minutes," I sighed and then took a breath for what I was going to say next, "Until you're in my arms again."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I wok the next morning feeling completely refreshed. Bella had spoken for another ten minutes on the phone just whispering nonsense to each other before she said she had to go and get ready for dinner. I told her once more how much I loved her and was grinning from ear to ear when she repeated the words back to me.

When I hung up my stomach decided to protest so I ordered a sandwich from room service and quickly hopped in the shower. My phone went off this morning promptly at six AM and I eagerly hopped out of bed and got dressed for the day. Carlisle turned over in his bed and grumbled at me to shut my phone my off.

That's what you get for going out for a nightcap, dad. I was surprised when he came back around midnight, I had been expecting him some time around ten. I guess the wine at dinner had been good. He woke me coming in the door and stumbling around the room. He wasn't drunk, just too tired and too lazy to turn the light on as he found his way to his bed and fell asleep still dressed.

I chuckled a little and quickly fell back asleep eager to return to my dreams of the lovely brunette waiting for me on the west coast. After my phone went off another two times this morning, Carlisle finally got up and got ready for the day. We spent an hour packing since everything we had brought was thrown all over. Most of it was mine, my father was had chronic OCD, and he hated it whenever I left a mess around, but I had been stressed the past couple days and couldn't be bothered with folding my clothes. That was how I justified the mess to him. He was too tired to bother arguing with me about it.

We had breakfast downstairs in the hotel restaurant. My knee was bouncing the entire time under the table. I just wanted to check out, get on the plane and get home.

"Edward, slow down or you'll be sick during take off." Carlisle chided me as I shoveled my eggs into my mouth.

It was bad enough that I had to Zanex right before getting on the plane, so I knew he was right. I was petrified of flying. After I had found out what happened to my parents I promised myself I would never fly in a plane, even if it was the only option I had I would not do it. So as I grew up I developed a very profound fear of flying.

However, it was not that that had started the prescription. Carlisle initially prescribed me Zanex a couple years ago when Tanya was leaving. I was very attached to her because she came from a similar situation that I did. She and her two sister were foster children. And then she told me she was leaving. To the outside world, and that included Alice, I appeared to take the break up well. That was the medication; on the inside I was a wreck. I refused to talk to anyone about it, and whenever the topic came up in conversation I quickly changed it to something more general and not about me.

I couldn't handle Tanya leaving, even though she drove me crazy and I didn't really love her, she was someone I could relate to and talk to about my life. Someone who understood the pain I had gone through.

The only people who know about the outstanding prescription are Carlisle and Esme. Alice doesn't even know and I'm not ready to tell Bella yet. When I was I could see either the shit hitting the fan between us, or Bella would understand and sympathize with me. I was hoping for the latter, but I knew the former was more likely to happen.

After breakfast we still had about an hour to kill before we could check out so Carlisle and I got in the rental car and drove around the city we were staying in close to Dartmouth to take in the few sights. We drove past we drove past the university again and I beamed at it as I prayed that this would be where I was living in a few months time. And I fantasized about Bella joining me.

Before we left on Wednesday I stopped by the admissions office and picked up an application and asked about the policy regarding late applicants. I was very pleased when the woman behind the desk explained to me that they accept application all the way through to the end of May so long as everything needed was in by June 1 then the applicant would be considered for the fall term.

There was only one problem with Bella joining me on the east coast. Her father's house. I knew she would never sell it, and I had a few options to present to her. I hoped she would go for them. And I hoped even more so that she was willing to think about what I wanted to propose to her.

I wished with all my might, and my eyes slammed shut as I sat as still as I could in my seat as the plane took off later that morning, that Bella would want to go to college with me, and more so, want to live with me. Maybe even…maybe even spend the rest of her life with me.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Next up, Edward comes home and they reunite.


	23. Reunion

A/N: WARNING: Hot Lemony chapter ahead!!! Have the fans, rags, and water bottles ready. You may even need ice cream when you're done reading.

AFF:

7_Deadly: OMG I love you!!! Thank you so much for saying that, it was so sweet!!! I love being a college student on summer vacation as well. I've been reading a ton of stories lately too. But not for much longer. I'll be moving in a few weeks back to college. My first time away at a four-year college. I'm nervous and excited.

Savannah Lion: I'm NOT creative. All I have is ideas, I can't come up with original characters for s***. I failed that particular part of creative writing in college. Do you really want to know how I came up with the phone sex??? I just needed something for them to do together, something to share since they both were having such a hard time being apart. I'm essentially a very romantic person.

Zynda: Aww… Thank you so much!!! That really means a lot to me when people say stuff like that, because honestly sometimes I think I turn pretty crap chapters and that I'm boring people with the same themes over and over. I don't know, though… I've got into the habit lately of running my hands through my hair like Rob does when he gets nervous, so that's what I'm doing now. But thank you so much for saying that. Ok, I'll believe I'm a good writer, so many people seem to think so I have a little more faith in myself now. THANK YOU!!!

Oh, and thank you for the spell check. I was wondering if I was spelling it wrong. I couldn't find it in my Microsoft Word dictionary and it didn't register as spelled incorrectly. If it comes up again in this story, which it probably will, I'll remember 'X' instead of 'Z'. Thanks again. HUGS

Disclaimer: All credit for Twilight goes to SM, all credit for the Twilight scrapbook in my bottom drawer goes to the various magazines from which I obtained the numerous clippings used to make said scrapbook.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Chapter 23: Reunion

Bella's Point of View

As soon as the final bell rang for the day I rushed out of the classroom and hightailed it to my locker to get my stuff and put away the books I wouldn't need for the weekend. Fortunately my homework load for the next two days was going to be fairly light; which was a very good thing because I couldn't see myself getting a lot of it done. Four days without Edward had taken a serious strain on my mind and the only thing I could focus on right now was physically seeing him and being in his arms once more.

The yearning to be near him was a deep physical need, and it was only matched by my need to feel his touch. To feel his skin flush with mine even if it was just holding my hand and palming my cheek like he sometimes did when he stared into my eyes just before he kissed me.

And his kisses…

God those were something I had been quite literally dying without for the past four days. Even though I had heard his voice over the phone and knew every time he said it that he loved me, but it came no where close to how it felt when he kissed me. Every time he pressed his perfectly smooth, soft, full lips to mine there was never any questioning how he truly felt about me.

Edward wasn't a man of many words when it came to conveying emotions and feelings, his body language and the tone of his voice always said everything. I could tell he was uncomfortable sometimes with public displays of affection and so was I at times, but that didn't stop me from expressing myself in private behind closed, and sometimes necessarily, locked doors.

As I made my way to the bathroom to give myself a quick once over before heading outside, I let my mind circumnavigate through the mess of thoughts I'd had this morning when I woke up. At first they had been confused while I lay there in bed trying to remember what day of the week it was, and then they turned to joyous when I realized it was Friday and that meant that Edward was back.

I was used to waking up alone in my house… My house. I caught myself mid thought. I never referred to it as that. It always, "home" or, "my dad's house". Never "my house". I shook off the uncomfortable feeling I had produced in myself and continued on with what I had been thinking. I was used to waking up alone, but ever since Edward had come into my life and started sharing a bed with me at night I didn't ever want to wake up alone again.

This morning, however, when I had woken it had not been with the depression I had been waking up with the last four mornings; I wok up with distinct relief flooding my veins. I would see his face again today. I would feel his arms around me and his lips on my neck.

I smiled brightly to myself thinking about seeing Edward and ducked into the first girl's room I found. There were two other girls in there washing up and they both looked up at me as I walked in and dropped my backpack on the floor as I made my way to the sink. They both glared at me. I knew why. It was no secret around the school that Edward and I were dating; we just paid it no attention and ignored it as best we could. I knew every girl "hated" me right now, and sometimes I felt like Jessica treated me as if I stabbed her in the back, but Edward and I was something no one, not even ourselves, had seen coming and was unstoppable once started.

To me our relationship was like nature; always going always evolving, and always strong and sometimes unpredictable. But it was constant. It was an inexorable force that could not be fought with or against. Nothing could ever tear us apart at this point. We were both too far gone into each other to desert the other and God knows I would never do that.

Edward had always been the one thing that I had held onto so tightly after my father died, even though he never knew then how I truly felt about him. But I had been holding onto him for a long time before that, I only tightened the stays because I honestly felt, after Charlie died, that Edward Cullen was the only thing left in my life worth loving.

I finished my preening and offered a small smile to both girls, who just continued to glare at me, and grabbed my bag off the floor as I left the bathroom. I was maybe five steps from the double doors that led to the back of the school, to the track area, to Edward…when I heard my name being called behind me.

"Bella! Bella, wait!"

I turned to see Angela running toward me. She stopped in front of me and took a moment to catch her breath before looking at me. "Sorry, I just ran from the other side of the school. You like to write, right?"

"From time to time depending on the topic, why?"

"I have a huge, enormous favor to ask you. I really, _really_ need someone to write for the track team."

"What happened to Lauren?"

"She switched to baseball. I couldn't think of anyone else. We're doing this whole series on spring sports, and each month for the rest of the year one of the teams gets the sports section to themselves. You know, background on the sport itself, where it came from, and then some interviews with the team members, how the season is going so far, what they're doing next; blah, blah, blah…And then for the June paper we're doing an overview of everything, you know; list the wins and tournaments and everything…"

I took a moment to stand there and contemplate everything she had just said. She basically wanted me to join the paper as the writer for the track team. For me to write an expose of the track team. Angela was my best friend and I couldn't exactly say no, but would it be appropriate when you're technically involved with the team's star?

"Um, I don't know, Angela. You know Edward and I are kind of…"

"Don't worry about that, it doesn't matter. I'm doing a piece on the Anime club because they're having this charity film event and Ben is involved with that. And I'm the editor in chief. What I say goes. And I want you."

"All right, Ange, I'll do it. Calm down and breathe."

Angela's face erupted in a huge grin and she threw her arms around me in a hug as she started jumping up and down. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" She screamed. "Ok, come to the meeting on Monday, that's when I'm explaining everything for this series. All right, I'll see you then." Angela turned and started running back down the hallway. "Thank you so much, Bella! I totally owe you!"

"No you don't!" I called after her, but she had already rounded the corner and was gone.

I chuckled to myself about Angela as I turned. In front of me now were those double doors leading to Edward. I couldn't help the huge grin that spread across my face as I walked forward and pushed them open. I pretty much ran to the fence around the track. There he was on the other side, laughing and cracking jokes with a really big guy, who I assumed to be Emmett. Edward had once described him as a grizzly bear, but in reality he was more like a teddy bear, or at least that was what Edward had said. He wasn't lying. Emmett was huge. Tall and burly with short dark hair. He was cute, actually, in an undertaker sort of way.

I dropped my bag when I reached the fence and stuck my feet in the chain link and pushed myself up so I was a few feet above the rail. "Edward!" I waved enthusiastically at him.

He looked up and waved back at me, the grin on his face unmistakable. "Sorry, Bella, this is practice. You'll need to sit on the bleachers." The coach said walking over to me.

"No, it's ok," Edward called, "We haven't started yet. Can we have five minutes?"

The coach looked from me to Edward and sighed, then popped the gate open. I grabbed my bag and flew through it running as fast as I could, the sooner to be in his arms. I shrieked as I got closer to him and threw my bag down when I was close enough. Edward held his arms out to me and I jumped into them, literally, wrapping my legs around him as he caught me, my arms winding around his neck.

"Whoa, if this is the greeting I get I'm gonna go away more often."

I leaned in and kissed him pushing my hands up into his hair and holding him. When we parted I smacked his bicep. "You will _not_ go away more often. I've gone crazy without you."

Edward set me down on my feet and kissed me again. "And how do you think I've felt?" He asked me quietly, pushing some hair behind my ear.

"Crazy?" I whispered, and kissed him lightly.

"Mm hm," Edward nodded and kissed me the same way. "I missed you," Another kiss.

"I missed you more." Kiss.

"What do you want to do after this?"

"Mm…" I thought for a moment and stood on my toes to kiss him again. I was trying to get as much in, in five minutes as I could. "My place," I whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah,"

"Done," Edward lifted me up and kissed me passionately. I laughed as he set me down and hugged him tight. I was so glad he was home. Feeling his arms around me again was better than any daydream I could have conjured. Behind us the coach started yelling for them all to get ready. "This shouldn't take more than an hour or so. Go sit on the bleachers and I'll come get you when we're done."

"Promise?"

"Cross my heart."

I smiled and stood on my toes to kiss him one more time. "I'll see you in a little bit."

"You'll see me the entire time."

"Wise ass," I kissed him one final time and grabbed my bag before rushing off the field and out the gate.

"Bella!" I turned when Edward called my name. "I love you,"

"I love you more," I called back.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Edward had been dropped off at the school so I drove us both back to my house in my truck. I questioned him the whole way about his trip, about how his interviews had gone and if he thought they were successful. He was more than happy to answer my questions, enthusiastic even. He knew he had gotten in to Dartmouth and he couldn't wait to start on the east coast. It was hard not to smile with the positive energy coming from him.

He carried our bags inside and dropped them as soon as the door was closed. We both kicked our shoes off in the hall before walking further in. We maybe made it two steps into the kitchen before we had our arms around each other. Edward backed me into a wall pinning my wrists beside my head as his lips crushed mine. It felt so good. He pressed the length of his body to mine, his erection firm beneath the material of his jeans. I pulled my wrists free and grabbed his face between my hands parting my lips under his as he slipped his tongue between my teeth.

His hands fell to cup both of my breasts and he squeezed them pressing his body closer to mine and moaning. We kissed intensely, deeply for several minutes, Edward letting go of me after some serious fondling and bracing his arms out against the wall creating no exit for me. I was trapped right where I wanted to be. I made quick work at getting the buttons of his shirt open and I leaned in to kiss the exposed skin of his chest. I planted kisses everywhere I could get my mouth; his collarbone, his clavicle, his shoulder, all the way up his neck and along his jaw; I couldn't get enough of him.

Edward shrugged his shirt off and quickly undid the buttons on my top shirt. I discarded it on the floor my hands immediately coming back up to encircle his neck. He was working on the button on my jeans with one hand, the other molding around my right breast through my tank top. I was immediately thankful that I chosen to wear one of those built-in bra tops. His lips were making the skin of my neck burn with every kiss he placed there. I reached down and grabbed for his belt but he pushed my hand away.

The next thing I knew Edward lifted me up, my legs wrapping easily around him like they had on so many other occasions, some of them sexual, some of them not. I remembered the first time we had sex like that, with my legs wrapped around him. I'd had the most stressful day, not just at school, but at work as well. There had been a new customer that came into the diner that night and he spent more time ogling my boobs than telling me what he wanted to eat. The guy had been a major creeper and he scared the shit out of me with the way he stared at me all night. So when I got off at nine I called Edward and had him drive over and walk me to my truck. He followed me home in his Volvo and when we got there we spent an hour cuddled up on my bed talking about what exactly classified someone as a "creeper". Eventually he got my clothes off and I got his off and he sat on the edge of the bed holding me in his lap with my legs tight around his waist as he pumped upward for a good ten minutes before he fell onto his back and came with me straddling him and riding him as his orgasm pulsed through him and into me triggering my own release. I don't think I've shouted his name that loud since.

Remembering that particular night sent a fresh wave of arousal through me and I moaned into Edward's mouth as he set my bottom down on the kitchen counter. He was still trying to get my jeans open. He his hand had progressed from groping on top of clothes to groping underneath. I leaned in to him as he palmed my breast beneath my tank top now, his thumb and forefinger pinching my already hard nipple to a painful peak.

"Edward…" I moaned his name louder, spurring him on and tugging at his hair. He let go of my jeans to brush the strap of my tank top down my arm and pulled at the top of it to expose my breast. His mouth left my neck where it had been working magic against the skin there and traveled down to envelope my right breast. I moaned even louder. My hand was currently fighting to get his belt undone, but my attention was being pulled to so many different places at once I couldn't get the buckle free.

I groaned and grunted half in frustration and half in desire as I yanked at his hair, pressed my lips to his forehead, and pulled at his belt. I finally got it open and easily popped the button open on his jeans and got the zipper down. My hand wormed inside his boxers and grabbed at his hard, hot flesh greedily.

"Good God," Edward gasped loudly, his mouth briefly detaching from my chest. "Oh…that's incredible."

"What is?"

"How utterly, fantastically glorious your hand feels."

I laughed out loud and started pumping. He was already wonderfully hard. I ran my thumb over the head spreading the little amount of moisture leaking out around in a circle and listening in great satisfaction as he hissed between his teeth and thrust his hips into my palm. "Oh, Bella, oh yes." He grunted and thrust into my hand again. I loved having this amount of power over him; it gave me such bravado.

When he twitched in my hand I knew it was time to stop with the fondling. I leaned back for a moment letting my legs fall and Edward got my jeans undone and pulled them off with my underwear in one go. I wrapped my legs back around his hips and opened the front of his jeans wider and pulled his engorged cock through the opening in the front of his boxers. Edward wasted no time, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me closer sliding into me with a moan that came from his toes.

I shuddered violently against him as he pushed as deep as he could. His hands cupped my bottom pulling me even closer, my legs constricting around him and my ankles digging into his ass. And then he pulled out a little and thrust back in. My arms wound around his neck and draped down his back as I buried my head in his shoulder, my mouth attached to his skin. We moaned and groaned together as the friction between us built until it reached a fever pitch and Edward was pounding into me making sounds I'd never heard before, his breath catching every time I stroked his spine. Feeling my fingers run up and down his back in conjecture with my tongue across his collarbone must have been driving him absolutely crazy. He was taking me, ravishing me, _fucking_ me. I don't care how slutty it sounds, sometimes you need it rough, and right now was one of those times. We had all night to be gentle and take it slow. Right now I just needed him, needed to feel him come.

I love Edward Cullen deeply, and it's only matched by this insatiable, physical need for him. And I _know_ he feels the same way about me. It's actually painful to be away from him. It's painful to even _think_ about being away from him. I _need _to be near him. I need to be able to touch his hand, run my fingers through his hair, and hear his voice. The last four nights have been the only nights I haven't shared a bed with him since our first time together. And my bed was unbearably cold without him. Cold and lonely. I couldn't handle it. I tried sharing Alice's bed with her, but I wound up just going back to Edward's in the middle of the night. It smelled like him and I needed that with him so far away from me.

"Bella!" Edward crushed me to him shouting my name. He twitched inside me. It felt incredible. I whispered in his ear for him to do it harder. He was right there. He panted my name as he pumped deeply, each one more powerful than the last. He finally let out a guttural moan that came from deep within his body and he slammed into me. I didn't care that my back was hitting the toaster, that my skull tapped the cabinets, all that mattered was this. Edward, Edward moaning my name in my ear as he came forcefully, Edward squeezing me tight to his body like he was afraid to let me go, Edward. Edward.

"Edward!" I shouted his name as the feel of him flooding me triggered my own orgasm. I bucked back clutching at him and panting, my breath short and ragged. I clasped the back of his neck, the skin slightly damp with perspiration.

With a final short growl Edward's arms fell from around me and he braced them against the counter, palms flat to the faux blue granite surface. He panted heavily for several long minutes in my ear. I still had one hand on the back of his neck, and one in his hair stroking his slightly damp bronze locks. We stayed like that as we both caught our breath, his body still buried deeply in mine, my legs still wrapped around his hips in a vice.

"That…was…" Edward looked at me, his brow furrowing, "I'm trying to think of a better word than exquisite."

"I don't think there is one, love."

"No, no there is. Give me a minute."

In that minute Edward pulled back from me, a deep moan escaping his lips, and fixed himself not bothering to do up his jeans. I pulled my underwear on and we headed for the stairs. I never bothered to shut my bedroom door. There was never anyone else in this house except for us, and occasionally Alice. But she wouldn't be making any appearances today.

Once in my room Edward stripped off his jeans and sat down on my bed pulling his socks off. I had worn flip flops today so I just stood there waiting for him to finish and settled myself astride in his lap when all he was left wearing was his shorts.

"Phenomenal, astounding, sensational…"

I cupped his face in my hands and pressed my lips to his to silence him. ""Exhilarating, spectacular, stimulating…"

"Ok, shut it Mr. Thesaurus." I chuckled. "I get your point." I pushed him lightly and he fell back lying across the width of my bed, his feet touching the floor. I leaned over him, straddling his glorious body and pressed kisses to the bottom of his chin. I looked up at him shaking my hair over my shoulder and smirked at him. "I'll give you stimulating." I whispered.

"Minx,"

"I think you mean vixen,"

"No, no, I mean minx."

I chuckled lightly and started kissing languidly down his chest, pausing to tease his nipples the way he had teased mine. He moaned in approval and ran his hands through my hair. I continued my way down his body, my hand traveling ahead of my mouth to rub the front of his boxers, which were already tented. As I reached his abdomen I moved off the bed and got down on my knees between his thighs.

He breathed my name as I pulled his shorts off and he moaned it as my hand wrapped around his hard flesh again. I didn't pump him for as long this time, though, but I did add massaging his balls into the session. He hissed through his teeth for me to keep going, to please, _please_ never stop. He practically roared like a lion when I took him in my mouth as deep as I could. I stroked his thigh with one hand and pumped the length I couldn't engulf with the other.

I went slow, teasing, torturing. I made him beg for a little while, it was empowering.

"Bella, _please_," He whimpered. He _whimpered_.

I pulled back from him and stroked his erection. Before I asked I leaned in and kissed the head. He cursed loudly. "Please what?"

"Please, harder."

"Well, since you asked so nicely." I leaned in and this time I took all of him in down to the base. I swallowed to keep from gagging. I had only taken him in this far a couple of times and my gag reflex wasn't perfected yet. We were working on that. As my mouth slid over his entire length his back actually arched off the bed for a moment and he whined. I had to see his face. Edward's face when I pleasured him was beyond beautiful. His eyes closed lightly and his mouth fell open in a silent moan. His brows straightened and his forehead relaxed. It was peaceful and erotic.

"_Bella_,"

He moaned above me as I sucked harder, my hands stroking both of his thighs now. They moved up and down a couple time before travelling to his hips and holding them. I moved my head up and down as I ran my tongue around his shaft in circles and then pulled back and sucked the head as hard as I could. Edward shouted.

At that point I figured I had tormented him enough and pulled back completely, sashaying back up the bed across his body. Edward sat up and pulled me into his arms pulling my underwear off and my tank top. With both of us completely naked now he laid me down lengthwise on the bed, but he wasn't rough about it, he didn't hurry. He was tender. He fit himself between my legs reaching down to run his hand along the length of my right one and pulled it up to his hip. He repeated the motion with my left leg, his eyes never leaving mine as he did so. I wrapped one arm across his back and the other around his neck burying my hand in his hair. I scratched his scalp.

He leaned down and kissed me hard, all passion and heat, but again he wasn't rough. He took his time. At least for the moment. I didn't know where this control was coming from. He had a raging hard on and here he was pacing himself. How was he doing it? I realized I didn't care. We had our rough moment downstairs. He wanted to be gentle now, make love to me.

My back arched when he thrust forward and finally slipped inside me again. It was heaven, pure heaven. There was no other feeling on earth like it. Nothing felt more natural or more fulfilling. Nothing was ever going to feel as liberating as having Edward inside me. He kept pace as he pumped lightly; individual thrusts spaced out by maybe half a second so I felt each one. He kept one hand hooked around my right knee keeping it at his hip as he loved me. Having Edward this way, seeing and feeling the emotion in his lovemaking was exhilarating. He was so thorough. He didn't leave an inch of my skin untouched. He kissed me softly, repeatedly. He tucked my head into his shoulder wrapping his other arm around my back to hold me and placed a trail of the tenderest kisses up and down my neck.

It was about me now. I buried both of my hands in his hair and sighed in his ear, little breathy gasps of pleasure that sometimes went up an octave whenever the head of his erection hit, more so stroked, that particularly sensitive spot inside me. He had an inane talent for finding it and used that knowledge to his advantage, although most of the time he teased me with it, but I've never complained. And nor will I ever.

Edward picked his head up after a couple minutes, slowing his motions minutely as he moved above me. I brushed some bronze hair from his eyes and leaned up kissing him. Those indescribably beautiful green eyes stared back down into mine and I sighed, "I love you,"

"I love you, too, Bella." He whispered. We shared a soft smile and kissed again. He moaned quietly when we parted and I knew that meant he was close. "I want you to come with me," he whispered, and his hand let go of my leg to slip across my stomach and between my legs. I gasped and felt my eyes roll into the back of my head for a moment when he initially touched me. But soon my mind was focused only on the feel of him moving in and out and his finger running in delicious circles around that little bundle of nerves.

My breathing picked up and my eyes shut as I focused on the pleasure. Edward's breathing picked up as well and I knew it had to do with the desire on my face. He loved watching my face when I came, and loved it even more when he was the one directly triggering my release. Like right now. I could feel it building, feel the flames licking low in my belly, that familiar tightening of my muscles and the relaxation across my body as it prepared to be flooded with endorphins. Sometimes the anticipation of an orgasm can be better than the actual orgasm. Sometimes, not always.

"Bella," Edward gasped my name and his eyes clenched shut.

"Don't wait for me." I whispered. "If you need to just come."

I gasped and my back arched as his finger picked up in pace. "Oh, Edward." God he had me right there, right on the edge. Just another second… As my climax hit it ripped through singing my nerves and burning my veins. Edward groaned above me as he pushed me both into the bed and against the headboard. Climaxing together was also something we'd only done a couple times, and that wasn't something we were trying to perfect. We kept that saved for special times like this. Moments when we knew it would be explosive.

Edward let himself fall against me his arms winding easily around my thin frame as mine wrapped around his, one hand stroking his back the other stroking his hair. It was a perfect moment. He settled against my chest with a soft sigh of contentment mouthing the skin between my breasts. We were only going to stay like this for maybe five minutes before we got up and ventured into the bathroom, but it was a five minutes that we were going to bask in and enjoy.

Edward was home and my world was complete again. It was perfect and whole and I knew I would never be happier.


	24. Jacob's Question

A/N: Thank you everyone on FF and AFF for another great response to the previous chapter. Good news for Jacob fans out there, Bella and Jake get to have a real personal conversation in this chapter. And for those of you who just read this and gasped 'OMG, don't come become ExB', don't worry he won't. I like Jacob, to an extent, but I will always be Team Edward!!!

AFF:

Savannah Lion: If you've ever seen "Wayne's World" I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy!!! J/k. Thank you so much!!! Talk about awesome. I can guarantee you won't be disappointed with the outcome of this story, or the things that are going to happen.

Gaps of Misery: WHAT, HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT??? I'm just kidding, I'm not mad at you at all, don't worry. : ) Let me try and word this right. Bella has intentionally gotten herself into a dark place where she feels that the only person existing in her life anymore is Edward. The only person so wants is him. Her parents are gone, she has no other family, and no matter how welcoming Edward's family is, Bella still doesn't feel like she belongs. The only place she feels loved and safe is with Edward. I know it sounds dramatic, but I've kind of sort of been in her position before, I didn't lose my parents but I had to be away from my family for like a month one summer and all I could think was when I was going to see them again and when I would be back with them…. So I'm really drawing on those emotions. It's ok is you didn't like it. I was just trying to show how much Bella is throwing herself into this relationship. Because soon the two are going to hit bumpy road and things may swing one way or the other.

rejected923: You're very welcome for the story. I'm glad it touched you so deeply. Keep reading, you won't be disappointed.

Disclaimer: Things I want: Twilight, Edward, Rob. Things I don't want: I don't want to leave my guinea pig behind when I go to college.

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Chapter 24: Jacob's Question

Bella's Point of View

"I'm hungry," I muttered rolling over onto my side.

I had been staring at the ceiling for ten minutes letting my mind relive the last three hours. After our intense love making session a.k.a fucking, Edward and I made out lazily for about ten minutes before retreating to the bathroom to wash up. We showered together, taking our time as we took turns running my loofa over each other's bodies. Edward was completely relaxed by the end of it and offered me a full body massage once we were back in the bedroom.

I eagerly agreed to it. My skin was warm and soft, my muscles relaxed from the hot shower and I couldn't think of a better to prolong our afterglow. Edward even straddled my ass in his shorts in order to rub my back. He didn't have any skill or know any fancy techniques, but his large musician's hands more than made up for it. He rubbed away all of the of the stress and tension in my back working his way from my neck down all the way to my toes.

I then flipped over and he massaged the front of my body, continuing to straddle me. It was erotic and energizing, and relaxing all at once. Once he finished I just wanted to ravish him all over again. We curled back up on my bed and engaged in another lazy make out session.

It was about five minutes after we stopped that I rolled over onto my back and started to stare at the ceiling while Edward lay next to me with one hand behind his head while he caught up on the novel we were reading currently in the book club. I had given in and chosen something _Jules Verne_ after all. I mentioned the author to the club the last week before spring break, the meeting Edward had skipped because his father had wanted him home to start going over possible interview questions. Everyone seemed fine with the author so we spent that meeting finishing _Wuthering Heights _and a brief discussion and then planned out the rest of the year. After _Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea_ we would move on to something more serious. Angela recommended _The Red Tent_ and I jumped at it since I had read a recent review on a book site for it and was dying to get my hands on it. No one had any objections so that went next on the list. We decided to end the year on a lighthearted note so we decided on a comedy that would be chosen at a later date.

"I'm hungry," I said again.

Edward put his hard cover copy down and glanced at me. "I'm in the middle of a very good chapter here, sweetheart."

"All the chapters are good to you, he's your favorite author."

Edward marked his place with the book cover and shut the novel placing it on my nightstand with a light thud. He turned to me and traced the outlines of my face. "What are you in the mood for?"

"Um…" I bit my lower lip while I thought that over. "Chinese?"

"Sounds good to me. You don't have any food here anyway." He sat up and swung his legs over the side pulling his clothes on.

"Well, I technically haven't really been living here that much lately have I?"

"True," Edward leaned back down to kiss me, but I grabbed the collar of his shirt and yanked him back onto the bed so that he was lying next to me.

"You'll never get food if you don't let me go." He pointed out as I started kissing up and down his neck.

"You know I never want to let you go." I whispered to him. Edward pressed his mouth to mine once more and let his hand fall to lay lightly on my thigh as we started our third make out session this afternoon. It may seem like a bit much, but neither of us wanted to leave the other.

Suddenly my phone started buzzing in the pocket of my jeans on the floor. I unwillingly parted from Edward and reached down to the floor to grab my jeans and quickly yanked my phone out. I stared at the ID flashing across the small screen.

"It's Jacob," I said quietly, looking at Edward in confusion.

"Who," he asked as he got up again.

I flipped the phone open and answered. "Hello,"

"Hey, Bells, how are you?"

"Hey, Jake. I'm ok, what's up?" I sat up on my bed and watched as Edward pulled his socks and shoes on.

"Not much, same old thing. It's just…we haven't spoken in a while and I figured I would call and see how you are. You sound good."

"Thanks, so do you." Edward was standing beside me now offering me his hand. I took it and got up from the bed. He handed me a t-shirt and a pair of jeans from my dresser. "Hey, Jake can you hang on for one second?"

"Sure,"

I slipped the clothes on and picked the phone back up holding Edward's hand as we headed for the stairs. "So, what are you up to lately?" I asked as we descended the stairs.

"I'm outside your front door, actually. I wanted to have a talk with you."

I stopped dead on the staircase and Edward looked back when he felt the tension between our stretched arms. "Oh," I said as I processed the information Jake had given me.

"Can I come in maybe? It's starting to rain out here."

"Um, sure. I'll be right there." I hung up and caught the quizzical look Edward was throwing at me. "Apparently he's at the door and wants to talk to me."

"I wonder what brought that on." Edward mused as he took my hand again and led me down into the kitchen. He grabbed his wallet from the counter and asked me what I wanted.

"Just some kind of chicken and noodles is fine with me." I said as I walked to the door and pulled it open. Jacob stood there with a bright smile on his face and his arms wrapped around his tall, wiry frame against the cold and rain. "You look like you're freezing." I teased.

"Yeah, I am. Can I come in?"

"Sure," I opened the door wider and let Jacob walk inside. He immediately kicked his shoes off in the front hall so he didn't track water through the house and he hung his coat up on the rack by the door. "Want a towel?"

"What am I a dog that you need to wipe down after a walk in the rain?"

Jacob and I shared a light laugh as Edward made an appearance from the kitchen. "Hi," He greeted Jacob diplomatically and grabbed his own coat from the rack. "I'll be back in a little bit. Just chicken and noodles right?"

"And an egg roll." I added. Edward smiled at me and leaned down wrapping an arm around my waist in a possessive way and pressed a firm kiss to my mouth. He didn't say anything else, just glanced at Jacob in a friendly way, although the glare was menacing and warning, and shut the door behind him. I heard the snarl of my truck's engine start a moment later and then it was gone.

"Does he always do that?" Jacob asked as he followed me into the kitchen.

"He can get a bit overprotective, yeah."

"Jealous much?" Jacob sat down at the table and watched me grab a bottle of water from the fridge. I offered him one but he said he was fine.

"I don't know, you're the first 'other' guy that Edward has met." I explained, hoping it made sense.

Jacob's brow pulled together in confusion. Guess not. "What do you mean 'other' guy?"

"I mean a guy friend that Edward hasn't met. Actually, you're my only guy friend. Well, I suppose Jasper is a guy friend, but he's dating Edward's sister so there's no harm." I sipped my water slowly and watched Jacob look around the kitchen as silence fell between us.

"So how's your dad doing?" I asked, trying to ease the tension in the air.

"He's ok, you know. Misses your dad." Jake looked up at me with sad eyes.

I reached across the table and laid my hand on his. "We all do, Jake."

He sighed heavily and reflected on something. "He spends a lot of time at the Clearwaters now. Apparently Seth is going through the same adolescent rebellion stage I went through when I was thirteen and my dad is trying to help Sue get through it. Leah is no help."

I pulled my hand back and sipped my water again. "What have you been up to over the past few months?"

"That's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about." Jacob revealed tentatively. "I'm sorry I haven't called or come by as often as I should have. I know you haven't been able to handle this that well and I really regret not coming over here more to check in with you. My dad is still such a mess and I've been afraid to leave him alone."

"It's ok, Jake, I understand. We all grieve in different ways. Thankfully I found something to help get through this. I'm doing so much better than I was two months ago."

Jake motioned to the door over his shoulder. "Does that have anything to do with the guy who's here with you?"

"Yeah, a lot of it has to do with Edward. He's a real rock, Jake. He has his own problems, of course. We all do, but our problems are similar so we're helping each other get through them."

"Who did he lose?"

"That's not my story to tell. I didn't even hear it directly from him. I heard it from his sister."

"That's…awkward."

I sighed and sipped my water. "Edward wasn't ready to tell me; it just kind of came out one afternoon when I was talking with Alice. She was trying to help me through a difficult moment I was having and she just started talking about it."

Jake nodded and looked to the window watching the rain fall in sheets down the glass. I felt horrible that Edward would have to walk in it from my driveway to the door. I reached across the table again and laid my hand on Jacob's. "I really do understand why you haven't come by or have been contact, Jake. Really, it's ok."

"No, it's not, Bella. I'm supposed to be your best friend and I've done such a lousy job."

"Please don't say that. I don't hold it against you."

"_I_ hold it against me. I care about you, Bella. I haven't seen either of my sisters in years and my dad has been distant. It's like you're the only family I have left." Jacob wrapped my hand in both of his. "You're my best friend."

"You're my best friend, too Jake." I replied earnestly.

"Bella…" Jacob let out a long breath. "I can tell you're obviously involved with Edward, and that you both care about each other deeply, but do you even think maybe there's a chance for you and I to…you know, try again?"

I knew this was what he had been getting at the moment he took my hand in both of his. I could see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice. Honestly there had been nothing between us to begin with. Just a hug and light kiss here and there. More so for support than anything else, it never went anywhere beyond that. He was there for me after my mom died and Mike dumped me. He was a good friend but I didn't see him as anything more than that, just a lovable, younger yet taller brother.

"Jake," I started slowly and I watched his face fall as he recognized the tone of rejection in my voice. "I love you like family. You're like the brother I never had but always wanted. What we had last year was nothing more than leaning on each other for support. More so me leaning on you. I was a fucking mess and I needed someone to lean on and you were there for me. Yes, we kissed, but to me it felt…I don't know, but it wasn't what I feel when I kiss Edward."

"You love him," It was a statement and not a question.

"Yes, I do. From the bottom of my heart."

"The way that I love you." Jake looked up at me with the saddest eyes I had ever seen on him and it ripped my heart in two to see him like that.

"Aw, Jake, please…"

"Please what,"

"Please don't do this."

"I'm sorry, Bella, but I can't help my feelings for you. I've loved you since…God I don't even know how long." Jake exclaimed pushing back from the table a little. "I just know that I do, and that I always will. All I've ever wanted for you is happiness."

"I _am_ happy, Jake." I pressed, emphasizing it.

"Yeah, but not with me."

"I'm sorry, Jake." I knew it was lame and he would never believe it, but I had to at least say it to remind myself that I wasn't completely pathetic.

Tense and uncomfortable silence fell between us and I heard my truck approaching. The tires crunched on the gravel in the driveway and the engine cut a moment later. Jake stood up from the table and looked around the kitchen before letting his gaze fall back to me.

"I guess I should go."

"You don't have to. I'm sure Edward got more than enough food for two people."

"No, I should go. It was a mistake to come here and ask you."

"No, Jake, please don't say that. I'm really glad to see you." I got up and threw my arms around him in a tight hug. His whole body tensed for a moment but then he wrapped one arm around me and dropped a kiss to the top of my head.

"Thank you, Bella. That really means more to me than anything else in the world. I'm still going to go, but I promise to try and call you more often."

"Do you swear?"

"Scout's honor,"

I pulled back and smacked his shoulder lightly and then hugged him fiercely again. I heard the front door open and slam shut and Edward kicked his wet shoes off. Jake pulled back from me and made his way out into the hallway. I followed only to be swept up into another kiss by Edward. This one in greeting.

"Not staying for dinner?" he asked as Jake shrugged his coat on and slipped his shoes back onto his feet.

"No I need to get home to my father. Thanks, though. Maybe another time."

"Take care, Jake, and remember to call me."

"I will," Jacob smiled brightly at me, but I could still see the sadness in his eyes from my rejection. "Bye, nice to meet you, Edward. You're very lucky by the way." Jacob smiled once more before opening the door and headed out.

I followed Edward into the kitchen where he placed the bag of Chinese food down on the table and started getting plates out. "What did he want to talk to you about?"

"Just this and that really. He felt bad for not keeping in touch better that last couple months." I explained as I gripped the back of a chair, keeping my eyes trained on the seat.

"Anything else," Edward asked as he started unloading the bag. Different and familiar smells hit my nose and suddenly my stomach snarled. "Let's eat first, then I'll start the inquisition." Edward smiled my favorite crooked smile and gestured for me to sit.

I blushed in embarrassment and sat next to my boyfriend to enjoy a meal of takeout.

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A/N: So Jacob is not completely absent in this story after all. Sorry to all those BxJ fans out there who got a little stung by Bella's rejection. Please review anyway!!! Jacob is not done in this story, although he will not come become our amorous couple.


	25. Backup

A/N: Thank you to everyone who keeps reviewing, and thank you to all out there who added me to various alerts and favorites!!! I love everyone!!! This story is going to start winding down soon, not yet, in a couple of chapters. I am still undecided as to whether I am going to do a long epilogue or just a brief sequel.

AFF:

Gaps of Misery: No problem, I don't like to hold grudges unless the person does something really unforgiveable. I can understand the sheer bliss, I'm going away to college on the 31 and I can't wait, but when I was a kid I hated to be away from my mommy, but all kids are like that.

I'm thinking about a little drama involving Jacob, but he won't have anything directly to do with ExB relationship. Thanks for another review. Hugs!!

Disclaimer: I am bringing approx. 2/3 of everything Twilight that I own to college with me. I can't bear to be away from it.

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Chapter 25: Backup

Edward's Point of View

I didn't give Bella the inquisition I teased her about. I knew Jacob was just her friend and he would never do anything to hurt her, but I would be lying if I said I didn't feel a twinge of jealousy when Bella went over what their conversation had been about. I knew Bella would never break things off with me. We love each other too much. Maybe far too much for own well-being.

We had dinner with light conversation about how she and Jacob grew up together and the support he had leant her when her mother died and Mike dumped her. She wasn't proud that she had basically used him as a crutch and that led him to believe other things about the relationship between them. I tired to tell her that there was no harm done and that Jacob seemed pleased they were still friends, but Bella still felt bad.

My parents had asked to make an appearance at home this weekend; strictly so my sister and mother could have the pleasure of grilling me on how my interviews went. I told them not to expect me before Sunday. So Sunday morning Bella and I headed over for a family brunch, and as expected my mother laid dozens of questions on me about how the trip was. Alice just talked Bella's ear off about shopping for prom. It was April and prom was still two months away! Why did girls have to shop so early for it?

We slept at my parents' house that evening and were up until about two in the morning switching off between gentle lovemaking sessions and pillow talk. Bella was dreading tomorrow since she had a meeting with the school paper. When she told me Angela had asked her to start writing columns for the track team I was thrilled. It was just an excuse for us to spend even more time together. But she had to interview more than just me. I recommended Emmett. He was easy to talk to, gave honest answers, and was practically always around the school since his girlfriend was also a cheerleader and they practiced insanely often.

Bella seemed happy about that. She had briefly met Emmett on Friday, just a wave and no words, and I could tell she thought he was cool. A big guy definitely, but not a jerk like he may come off as. When I told her how he was one of my best friends it was settled that when she had to write the first article me and Emmett would be the two interviewees she would talk to. However, since I was the captain, she was obligated to include me a little more often since I was supposed to know everything that was going on with my team. My ego swelled just a little bit at that. Ok, more than a little.

Monday afternoon after the final bell I was heading first to my locker to gather things I needed for the night, and then to the after school store that was open. They sold basic necessities like notebooks, pens, and pencils, but also a variety of candy and soda. I needed some sugar and caffeine since I was dead tired from staying up with Bella the night before, but in no way regretted it. I was just paying for my Coke and Snickers bar when my cell phone buzzed.

_Room 120C come quick – B_

I had no idea what that meant, but it must be where Bella was meeting for the newspaper. I grabbed another Coke for her, paid, and hightailed it out of there rushing for the first stairwell I could find. I almost crashed into Jessica Stanley, who was hurrying down the stairs in the opposite direction carrying her pom poms. Must be cheerleading practice today.

"Sorry, Edward," she muttered as she rushed past me. "In a rush,"

"Late," I called down the stairs as I heard her crash through the door.

"Very," she called back, and the door slammed shut behind her.

I know the cheerleading coach runs a tight schedule and she hates it when her girls show up even a minute late, but none of them ever show up on time to begin with. I had once caught Rosalie procrastinating at the back door to the field straightening her skirt so that the pleats fell just right before she went out to practice.

Room 120C was just down the hall from the staircase on the opposite side of the school so I had to cross the little enclosed bridge between buildings and jogged the rest of the way. I stopped just outside the door and peered through the little porthole to see Angela standing at the little podium at the front of the room talking. I knocked on the door and she looked over, waving me in when she recognized me.

"Mind if I interrupt?" I asked poking my head in the door. I immediately watched as four of the sophomore girls swooned.

"No, not at all," Angela smiled at me. "We might actually be able to use you a little in a bit. We're going to start the outline for the sports special we're doing and you could offer valuable opinions on it."

"Thanks, nice to know I'm appreciated." I smirked back and eyed the room for Bella. She was sitting in the very back next to Lauren Mallory, the girl who had a permascowl. I reached her in five strides and plopped down into the seat next to her leaning over to kiss her temple and not so subtly threw my arm across the back of her chair.

The same four girls now all stared daggers at Bella, and she just smiled smugly back at them. That's right, she's with me, and I'm with her. I handed Bella the Coke I had bought her and broke the Snickers bar in half. She placed them on the desk in front of her and turned her attention back to Angela. So apparently I wasn't going to get the chance to ask what her 911 had been about.

Angela went on for a little while about what exactly the "special" was they were doing for the sports teams, and then went over the rest of the paper asking different groups how their articles were coming along, and finally she passed out completed articles to those who typed up everything and checked the work for grammar and all that nonsense.

When she finally got around to discussing the outline for all of the sports teams she drew a diagram up on the board of what the section would like for each sport, and asked me, a non paper person, what I thought about it. Well, she had mentioned she would want my opinion.

"Looks great, Ang," I said sipping my Coke. I gave her a thumbs up.

Angela's shoulders slumped and she frowned at me. I laughed a little, but not as much as Bella giggling next to me. "I'm just kidding, how about if you put the article right down the middle of the page and angle pictures around it?" I offered, instead of the "little something here, little something there" diagram she had going. "It would cut down on space and you would be able to span it across more pages neatly if necessary."

Angela turned to the board and looked it over trying to imagine what I had described. When it took her longer than thirty seconds I got up and walked to the front of the room and started drawing what I had described on the board for her. I could feel at least six pairs of eyes on my ass and I knew one of them was Bella's and that was the only pair that mattered. I dropped the chalk and backed away from the board and immediately recognition crossed Angela's face.

"Oh, for a second I didn't quite get what you meant. I like it a lot thanks, Edward. Great idea,"

"No problem," I returned to my seat and threw my arm back across Bella's shoulders. She slipped her hand up to lace our fingers together.

"So, we're all clear on what we're going to be doing for the rest of the year?" Angela asked looking around. "Good, ok I think two hours spent on this topic is more than enough. See you all next week."

Bella started to gather her backpack and she grabbed her untouched Coke and half a candy bar from the desk as I took her bag from her hand and slung it over my shoulder.

"So why did you text me in the first place?"

"Lauren," Bella sighed as she watched the blonde leave the room. "She was throwing nasty remarks in my direction and I was ready to rip her head off."

"Why, I mean, why was she throwing nasty remarks at you?" I asked as we headed for the door.

"Because she's a bitch and apparently she's regretting switching over to baseball. She said she wished she had stayed with track."

I shrugged my shoulders. "The why did she switch in the first place?"

"Because Tyler is on the baseball team, but he ignored her all of last week and the only reason she switched was to get closer to him. I don't know what's going through that empty head of hers."

"Bella, wait a second." Angela called as we walked out. "Wait, I have something for you."

"Oh, Ang, I told you no." Bella half whined as Angela began digging in her purse for something.

"No, I really do. I can't just dump something like this on you at the end of the year and not do something for you in return so…" Angela pulled a shiny envelope from her bag and thrust it at Bella. "It's dinner for two in Port Angeles."

Bella took the envelope and read the restaurant name on the front. It was the best Italian restaurant in Port Angeles. "Oh, Ang,"

"I figured you two could use a night to yourselves. I mean, it's getting all hectic and everything now, we're all hearing from which colleges we're being accepted to and not accepted to…"

Oh right, that reminds me.

"Well, I don't have to worry about that. I already know where I'm headed." Bella said confidently.

"I actually want to talk to you about that." I whispered in her ear so Angela couldn't hear. Bella glanced up at me and then back to her friend, who seemed to not notice the exchange.

"Oh that's right, you're going to the community college. Well, I'll see you tomorrow, Bella. Thanks again for doing this." Angela hugged Bella tightly and quickly took off down the hall.

"What exactly is it that you want to talk to me about?" Bella asked a minute later as we were heading down the hall hand in hand.

"College, actually," I took a breath and organized my thoughts quickly. "I'd really like for you to join me at Dartmouth."

"I'll never get in, Edward."

"You were thinking of applying to Harvard, why is Dartmouth any different?"

Bella stopped at her locker and spun the dial to do the combination. "It's too late in the year. They'll never accept my application."

"Actually, I checked on that before I left and they will accept it and consider it so long as necessary documents are in by June first. I asked while I was there."

"You grabbed an application, too, didn't you?" Bella asked assumingly.

"I did," I confirmed, "And I still have it. Will you apply?"

Bella finished switching books and slammed her locker shut. "And what am I supposed to do with my father's house?" she asked turning to look at me and crossing her arms over her chest.

"Can you at least apply first and see if you get in before you start worrying about that?"

Bella sighed shutting her eyes and reached up to rub her temples. I grabbed her hands in mine and brought them down. Then I reached up and cupped her face leaning in and kissing her firmly. I pressed my lips gently to hers, moving them slowly waiting for her to respond. Bella opened her mouth a moment later and started to kiss me back, looping her arm s around my neck.

"All right," she sighed, "I'll apply, but that doesn't mean I'll get in."

"I think you will," I tapped the tip of her nose. "Now eat your chocolate before I do." I handed her the half a Snickers bar and she quickly unwrapped it taking a generous bite.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

We drove back to my house for the evening in Bella's truck. The transmission was slipping too much whenever she changed gears and I said I would take a look at it in our garage where I had more room. Rosalie, Emmett's girlfriend was much better at this than I was, and the last time Emmett's jeep had broken down in the school lot she had it running again in twelve minutes. I had paid attention and learned some valuable information about car engines.

I had driven over to Bella's this morning and we took her truck to school leaving my beloved Volvo in her driveway. I knew Bella would be disappointed, heavily, if there were something else wrong with her truck than just the transmission. She loved this truck dearly, her father had bought it for her for her seventeenth birthday, and it was one of the few things she had left of him. I don't know what Bella would do if she ever had to give it up.

Rain was starting to come down in sheets and I had the de-fogger on high and the wipers swishing back and forth as fast as they could. "You need new wiper blades." I commented as I watched them sway back and forth, barely moving the water from the windshield. We were stopped at a red light.

"Leave my truck alone," Bella smirked in the passenger seat as she texted to Alice.

"All right, fine, I won't look at it."

"No! No, please look at it, please…" Bella begged giving me puppy eyes.

I leaned over in the seat and kissed her lightly. "Of course I'll still look at it. I'm glad I'm doing it indoors as well."

"Light's green, Edward."

I frowned at her playfully and carefully hit the gas. The car across the intersection sped through and turned left in front of us barely missing the front of Bella's truck. I slammed on the brake and hit the horn. I nearly smashed in to the steering wheel and watched beside me as Bella flew forward in her seatbelt as well.

"You ok?" I asked, once we were carefully moving along a more deserted portion of the street.

"Yeah, fine. I might have a slight bruise from the belt though."

"Yeah, they gave way too much, you may need to replace them as well." I said seriously. I glanced over at her; she was back to texting Alice.

"I have the money now, it shouldn't be a problem. I talked to my dad's lawyer the other day I'm going to start receiving regular checks now."

"That's good. My dad told me he made a couple phone calls on your behalf, though."

Bella looked up from her phone. She glanced out the window in thought as we approached the long driveway leading to my house. "Yeah, I asked him to. I wanted him to rattle the cages a little. Basically, 'why the fuck hasn't anything been sent to me yet?', that's what I asked him to do."

"Ah,"

I pulled into my garage and made sure the door was shut before we got out. I popped the hood and quickly got to work as Bella headed inside to warm up. She gave me a quick kiss and promised to have something yummy waiting for me when I was done. I caught the low tone of her voice and knew exactly what she meant, although as a side I did hope there was some food involved. I was fucking starving.

Jasper walked out into the garage a few minutes after Bella went inside and laughed heartily as I cursed her truck out. "Dude, you have no clue what you're doing do you?"

"Not really, just a general idea. Care to lend a hand?"

"That's why I'm here." Jasper clarified and practically pushed me out of the way to get a look at Bella's engine. I explained to him what the problem and he started poking around spewing terms and phrases I didn't understand. I was suddenly so glad my little sister was dating him. He had learned much under his older sister's tutelage.

"All right, I think I found the issue." Jasper confirmed a little while later. "Let's just leave it alone for now. I'll ask Rose to take a look at it at school this week. Make sure Bella drives it there everyday, I don't know when she'll have the time to look at it."

I nodded my appreciation and promised to relay the message and thanked Jasper for his help. He shut the hood with a careful slam and made sure it was latched before we headed inside together. I could already smell the hot cocoa in the kitchen. Yummy indeed.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A/N: Thanks for reading everyone, don't forget about the button just below this message, its green, its says REVIEW. Press and type your little hearts out!!! Next chapter, it's time to get up and close and personal with the team captain!


	26. Questions 1, 2, 3& 4

A/N: Thank you everyone who reviewed and once again thank you everyone who added to me favorites and alerts!!! A special thanks to those of you following me on AFF, I haven't had a response like that to a chapter in a while so it felt really nice!!! Thanks again everyone, keep being awesome!!! 

AFF:

7_Deadly: Yeah, I hope I don't piss off my roommate that much. I'm in an apartment with three other girls and I hope she doesn't mind three Twilight posters, amongst a lot of other stuff. I really just can't bear to be away from it. That and, I actually do still go through a lot of it on a day-to-day basis. Lol. Thanks for reviewing!!!

Gaps of Misery: You really know how to make me smile!!! Lol, thanks, I love how you pick out lines and do that. You're freaking awesome that way. Thanks for reviewing again!!!

Savannah Lion: I feel you on the credits, I have 17 and don't ask why I made the stupid decision of taking Pre-calc and Biodiversity & Evolution together. I'm just a moron plain and simple, and thanks for the tips on the truck. I was going to ask my mechanic brother, but he's been a real (bleep) lately, so I didn't want to waste my breath. Better write those down. Thanks again!!!

Btw, I'm missing your "Slayer" story, are you going to update soon??? It's fantastic so far!!!

SandmansAngel: I don't know whether or not I'll be doing a sequel. I need to put a little more thought into it, and if I do it, it's going to be very brief, like one or two chapters, which is why I may just do a lengthy epilogue. I haven't decided yet.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, blah, blah, blah…

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Chapter 26: Questions 1,2,3...& 4

Bella's Point of View

Monday after the final bell I made my upstairs to the classroom Angela had told me to be in and pushed the heavy door open to see five people already sitting down and Angela at the small podium in the front of the room. She smiled and waved in greeting and I waved back. I got a few evil eyes from some people as I made my way to the back of the room and took a seat. Unfortunately for me Lauren Mallory walked in a minute later and took the seat next to me. I was about to get up and fake a trip to the bathroom, but then she opened her mouthed.

"So, you're doing the track team now?"

It may have sounded like an innocent question, meant solely for the purpose of which it _should_ have been asked. But this is Lauren Mallory, and she has no sense of self-preservation. I turned and smiled broadly at her as sarcastically as I could and responded,

"Yes and it's going to be a real thrill to get up close and personal which each and every one. I can't wait."

Lauren sneered at me. "Well, you already know the captain, very well from what I hear?"

"I'm surprised you can hear anything underneath that mane."

Lauren looked like she wanted to scratch my eyes out but she just turned to the girl next to her and started complaining about the baseball team and how she should've stayed with track. She had a better chance there. I knew exactly what she meant, and if I had anything to do with it she wasn't getting anywhere near my track team.

I quickly pulled my phone out and typed a 911 to Edward.

_Room 120C come quick – B_

I left my phone on my desk and patiently waited for him to turn up. Other members of the paper started filing in and as soon as Angela deemed everyone was hear she took her place at the podium and started going on about the last issue and how well some of the articles had been received by the student body. I didn't read it so I had no idea what she was talking about. Edward hadn't shown up yet.

I was just about to text him again when there was a knock on the door and Angela waved someone in. Edward stuck his beautiful head inside and asked if he could interrupt. I smirked from my seat, but I wasn't looking at him. Angela told him he could stay and that he' d be able to offer valuable opinions in a bit about something. He walked over to me and kissed me on the side of my head before dropping into the seat next to me and very flagrantly threw his arm across the back of my chair. I just rolled my eyes and looked back up to Angela. I heard Edward pull something from his back and he placed a Coke and half a Snickers bar down in front of me. Bless him, but I had to pay attention right now.

Angela went on and on for a bit about the paper and what we would be doing with the sports section for the rest of the year. I wrote down some notes on the legal pad I had brought for this, especially when she talked about the track team and was looking at both Edward and I. She then began to draw some sort of discombobulated diagram on the board. She asked Edward his opinion and he tried to describe a better layout for the section, and when Angela didn't get it he went up to the front of the room and started to draw out what he had been describing.

I couldn't take my eyes off of his ass the entire time, and neither could five or six other girls.

He was wearing those dark wash jeans that sat low on his hips and hung on his perfect ass hugging it just right when he bent over. I wanted to get him home and peel those jeans off of him and grab his apple bottom in my hands as we lay on his bed rocking back and forth…

I felt Edward sit down beside me and I snapped out of my sexual daydream. He quickly finished off the half a candy bar he had saved for himself and started to eye mine. I moved it out of his reach, for the most part. I love him, but it was_ my_ chocolate.

Angela handed out written articles for the next issue that needed to be typed up and announced that we were finished. I got up gathering my things and Edward grabbed my backpack slinging it over his shoulder. As we were leaving Angela stopped us and started digging in her purse for something.

"Angela, I told you no." I whined as she pulled out a shiny envelope and thrust it at me.

"Yes, and I didn't listen. Take it, please. You two need a night together, I figured. You know since it's the end of the year and everything and we're all finding out which colleges we got accepted to…It's dinner for two."

I took the envelope and flipped it open pulling out the gift card inside that was for one of the pricier restaurants in Port Angeles. "Thank you, Angela." I said quietly, slipping the envelope into my bag.

"I owe you, Bella, enjoy it. I'll see you next week." She called as she started to take off down the hall.

"So what was your 911 for?" Edward asked as we headed in the opposite direction of Hurricane Angela.

"Oh, Lauren Mallory was just in a particularly raunchy mood today and was throwing nasty comments at me. I just wanted you there in case I decided to rip her head off."

"What was she saying?"

"Oh just complaining about she should've stayed with track and how she was regretting switching to baseball. The only reason she did that was to get closer to Tyler Crowley and he's been ignoring her all week so she no longer sees any point to it."

"What did she say to you?"

"So, you're doing the track team now?" I drawled trying to copy her annoying nasally voice.

"Bitch," Edward muttered under his breath as we reached my locker. I traded books for the evening and slammed it shut.

"I have something I need to talk to you about." Edward said quietly grabbing my hand.

"What?"

"I want you to go to Dartmouth with me."

I chewed on my bottom lip as he explained everything to me, and how so long as all necessary documents are in by June 1, the applicant is considered for the upcoming fall semester.

"I assume you have an application for me?"

"Yes, will you fill out?"

"What am I supposed to do with my father's house, Edward?" I asked resting back against my locker. Edward sighed heavily dropping his eyes to the floor and I knew he hadn't thought about that, or maybe he had and he was just hoping I wouldn't bring it up. He reached out placing his hands on either side of his head creating now escape for me as we stood there with less than an inch of space between us.

"Can we wait and see if you get accepted first before we cross that bridge? I have no doubts about you getting in, but lets not jump to that right now, please?"

"_If _I get accepted." I repeated.

"I know you'll get accepted." Edward breathed, his sweet breath caressing my face and ghosting over my neck. He was trying to seduce me into believing I would get in, and it was working. My daydream came back to me full force and I was left panting.

We moved away from my locker and Edward grabbed my hand again. "Eat your chocolate before I do," he threatened with a smug smile.

I dug for the Snickers bar in my bag and took a huge bite making a show of how utterly fabulous it tasted.

The ride back to Edward's house consisted of him complaining about a lot things that were wrong with my truck and I just ignored him, texting his sister and trying to worm my way out of a shopping trip this weekend. Edward suddenly hit the brake hard and I flew forward. Thank God I was wearing my belt, but it shouldn't have felt so loose.

"Are you ok?" Edward asked after he honked the horn and yelled obscenities in the cab.

"I'm fine, there be a bruise though."

"There's something else that needs fixing." He mumbled as we reached a more deserted road and he pulled off onto the Cullen's obnoxiously long driveway.

Once the garage was shut behind us I hopped down and walked over to where Edward was standing at the front of my truck and raising the hood to look at the engine. I told him there would be something yummy waiting inside for him when he was finished. It was intentionally meant as a double entendre.

"Hey, Jasper," I called walking inside. His head appeared over the couch.

"What's up, Bella?"

"Can you help Edward out in the garage with my truck, he has no clue what he's doing."

"Sure, Rose taught me a few things. I should be able to offer something." Jasper hopped off the couch and I heard Alice mumble a complaint. He shut the door to the garage firmly behind him and as soon as he was gone Alice's head appeared over the back of the couch and she pouted at me.

"We were right in the middle…"

"I know exactly what you two were right in the middle of, and I'm helping Edward as much as myself. Now I can work in the kitchen and not have to listen to the two of you sucking face in here."

"Someone's grumpy," Alice commented as she followed me into the kitchen where I started getting out the ingredients for Esme's homemade hot chocolate. Recognizing the cocoa mix among other things Alice whipped out the recipe and propped it up on the counter for me. "When was the last time you and Edward screwed?"

"Excuse me," I stammered as I measured ingredients into a pot.

"You seem edgy, like you need to get to laid or something." Alice said nonchalantly as she hopped up onto the counter. "Don't you have to be at work right now?"

"I quit," I said simply, unable to hide my pleased smile. Alice's mouth dropped into a perfect oval.

"Both jobs?"

"Both jobs,"

"Yes, thank you God! Finally! Oh, we are so going shopping this weekend to celebrate. What brought this on?"

"I started receiving checks finally from my father's estate. When my mother died I was still under eighteen and she and Phil left everything to me, however in the case if I was underage the money would be held by my father until I became a legal adult." I explained as I stirred the cocoa in the pot. Alice wafted some of the delicious chocolately scent towards her and started drooling.

"And…and then my father died as well." I said slowly. Alice reached and placed a hand on my shoulder in comfort. I took a breath and kept going. It was becoming easier and easier to talk about this, which was a very good thing for me. It meant I was finally beginning to heal.

"And he left everything to me as well, and since he passed so shortly after my eighteenth birthday I had yet to collect on my mother and Phil's money, so when my father's lawyer came to speak with me after the funeral we agreed that I would just receive both together.

"And now I am. I was only working like that to make ends meet, and also so I wouldn't have to be alone in that house for extended periods of time. But I don't have to worry about either of those anymore. I'm putting the money aside for college, or whatever else I may need it for, although right now it's paying the bills."

"I told you everything was going to work out." Alice smiled at me and hopped down from the counter to hug me tight. "But I heard my dad had to make a couple phone calls on your behalf and harass your father's lawyer."

"Yeah he did, and it helped. I owe your dad a lot, actually."

"He does it out of the goodness of his heart, he doesn't expect anything in return, Bella." Alice grabbed a spoon from a drawer and dipped it into the cocoa wiping it on the side of the pot before blowing on it and tasting my concoction.

"A little more sugar. The recipe says half a cup, oh wait, did you add the vanilla extract?"

"Oh, that's what I forgot, no wonder it tastes off." I grabbed the little bottle from the cabinet over my head and measured out a teaspoon.

"Ok, back to the original conversation." Alice hopped back up on the counter and glanced at her nails. I love this girl like a sister, she is my best girlfriend, but I really don't want to talk about my sex life with her. And I certainly don't want to hear about hers and Jasper's in return.

"Yes, I'm a little grumpy, you're probably right I need to get laid." I deadpanned, as I tasted the cocoa. I grabbed the mix and added another tablespoon to the pot. I then threw in five small cinnamon sticks and turned the heat low to let the mixture simmer for a bit.

"When was the last time you and Edward really went at it?" Alice asked picking at a small hangnail.

"The day he got back. And don't ask what we did, I'm not telling you." I stated firmly, putting my foot down. Metaphorically speaking of course. I would not go into detail with boyfriend's sister about how I suck on his…never mind.

"You're menstruating aren't you?" Alice asked glancing sideways at me.

I nodded, I could be comfortable with this conversation. So long as she didn't go off about how wonderful sex can be when you have your period. I already know that, Alice, thank you. "Yeah, which explains the chocolate."

"And the grumpy attitude."

The door to the garage opened and slammed shut and I heard Jasper and Edward walking through, the thud of their shoes hitting the floor, and the pad of their socks as they crossed the living room.

"I smell something yummy," Edward commented as he walked into the kitchen. Alice jumped down off the counter and straight into Jasper's waiting arms. They walked out into the living room arms around each other's waists. "Making me cocoa?"

"I thought it would help warm you up." I grinned at him slipping my arms around his neck as he leaned down and kissed me.

"I know a better way to warm up," he whispered huskily in my ear.

"I'm sure, but your sister has just been quizzing me on our sex life. I don't think I'm all that comfortable with making out in front of her now."

"I'll have a talk with her. She needs to learn to stop sticking her nose where it doesn't belong."

"Try and get me out of shopping this weekend, she wants to celebrate that I quit my jobs."

"I'll try, but I can't guarantee anything. And Bella," Edward kissed my lips so tenderly, running his hand through my hair before resting it on the side of my face. "I am so proud of you for finally doing that. I know it took a lot of effort, but you're going to be so much happier now with more time to yourself."

"I know," I whispered in response, reaching my hand up to thread into his gorgeous hair. "And I did it at a good time, too, now that I'm writing for the paper."

Edward lifted me up onto the counter spreading my knees and moving between them. "Ah yes, up and close and personal with the track team. How up close and personal do you want to get?"

I reached out and opened the first few buttons on Edward's shirt and leaned in kissing the exposed skin of his chest. "How about as up close and personal as I want to get? You think the team will be ok with that?"

Edward groaned low in his chest and wrapped his arms around my waist pulling me against him as he pushed his hard bulge into my center. Lust overtook me and I tore through the rest of his buttons on his shirt and reached up fisting his hair in both hands as our mouths crashed together.

Edward grabbed my left breast and squeezed it, molding his hand around it, and massaging it. I moaned throatily into his mouth and he took advantage of the moment delving his tongue inside mine.

I started running one hand along his exposed torso greedily feeling his muscles and clutching at him, running my nails across his skin in that light way that drove him crazy. We were practically dry humping on the counter when someone cleared their throat in the kitchen doorway.

My cheeks flushed a brilliant red and I pulled away from Edward, correcting my t-shirt as I glanced over his shoulder to see his father standing there, his medical bag in one hand, laptop case in the other.

I jumped down from the counter and Edward quickly re-buttoned his shirt before turning in greeting, a very smug smile on his face. "You're lucky I'm not your mother," Carlisle stated simply, not a trace of embarrassment on his face. "If she had caught you, you know you would be scrubbing this entire kitchen with a toothbrush, right?"

"We do now," Edward replied, still smiling like he just arrogantly.

"Just remember that," Carlisle said coolly, "And save some of that cocoa for me, it smells great."

"Thank you," I muttered. I listened for his footsteps to hit the top landing before turning back to the stove and checking on my cocoa. It was definitely done at this point so I removed the cinnamon sticks and grabbed a couple mugs down from another cabinet.

"Thanks," Edward muttered as I handed him one. He sniffed it and blew on it a couple times before taking a huge sip. "That's great, Bella." He moaned, clearly enjoying it.

"It's your mother's recipe." I replied modestly.

"But you still made it, and for me. I think that's sexy."

"You think everything I do is sexy."

"Everything you do _is_ sexy,"

I chuckled easily and headed for the stairs, glancing seductively over my shoulder at him as I started to ascend to his bedroom. I heard Edward place his mug down on the counter and an instant later his arm was wrapped around my waist scooping me up and carrying me the rest of the way.

~*~*~*~*~*~*

"How does the outlook for the rest of the season appear for you?" I asked, my pen between my teeth.

Edward looked up at me from where his head rested in my lap. We were post lovemaking at the moment; me dressed in a thin blue slip, and Edward in just his boxers. We had at least kept in mind that there were other people in the house and had the decency to shut both his bedroom and bathroom door as we screwed each other against the shower wall.

I reached down and stroked his hair off of his forehead as he thought about my question. I was working from a sheet Angela had emailed to me over the weekend when I sent her a panicked message about how I had no idea what to write, or even ask for that matter.

"That feels nice," Edward sighed as I continued to run my fingers lovingly through his hair. "Really nice," He adjusted his head in my lap and stretched out a little more on the rumpled bed.

"That's not an answer to the question, babe."

"I think if we keep up the great job we've been doing we have a very good chance at state." Edward deadpanned not opening his eyes.

"Could you elaborate further, Mr. Cullen?"

Edward chuckled, still not opening his eyes. "If Emmett can keep jumping hurdles like he has been and not fuck up like he did at the last practice we're golden."

"And what about the rest of the team?" I asked jotting down notes on my pad.

"Mike should just quit, he can't run, he can't jump, and he sure as fuck can't throw a javelin."

"If he can't run, why is he on the football team?"

"If you've never noticed, he's second string. He can catch a football sure, and take a hit, but he can't throw it straight, and he can't kick. Coach only lets him stay because he tries so hard."

"He never really was that good," I commented. "And you're much better in many ways."

Edward smirked proudly, cocky. I bent my head and kissed his forehead. "Don't let that go to your head." I warned him.

"Too late," He opened one eye, the grin still in place. "It went to both,"

I gave him shove and he just shook with laughter. "Ok, enough questions." I placed my pad and pen on the nightstand and settled down to the bed. Edward picked his head up as I turned to my side and we faced each other.

"Care for a more thorough example?" He asked as he stroked my thigh.

"Of,"

"How I'm better in many ways,"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A/N: Got my hair dyed deep chocolate brown for back to college. Hope it lasts longer this time, I don't come home again till October. Thanks everyone for reading!!! Drop me a review, they are sweeter than my hidden bag of Reese's Cups. I've hit a little writer's block with LB, and there's only about five chapters left. I'm hoping to come up with something soon. I don't want to just jump into the next big event, I wanted to sort of ease into first...but nothing has struck yet.


	27. Seeing EyetoEye

A/N:Thank you so much for your reviews on ILR, I know it seemed really sudden, but I thought the two of them moving in together and starting fresh, so to speak, would be a good place to end it, and on a positive note. Thank you everyone for sticking with me. I can't guarantee an update for LB this week, but I will try my absolute hardest to get one up, I know all of you out there following that story are really looking forward to the babies. I can promise you that you will not be disappointed.

AFF:

7_Deadly: Thank you twice!!! Just moved in and I have a ton of Rob pictures up. I love them!!!

Gaps of Misery: HFS (holy f***ing shit!!!!) That is without a doubt the longest review I have ever received, ever!!! WOW, just wow. I printed your review out and hung it up underneath one of my Twilight posters. Why can't people leave me more reviews like yours, I crave reviews like that. You and one other person on AFF are by far the ones I always look forward to. I have two, tree people on FF just like you and I can never be patient when I wait for their reviews, because they are always honest, and sometimes they may not like the chapter, or the content within the chapter, but they are always honest and offer honest opinions, and I appreciate that above anything else.

Thank you so much!!!

Slightly Imperfect: Thank you so much, that always means a lot to me when people take the time to read everything, I know there's a lot. Thank you so much for reviewing!!!

SandmansAngel: Thank you for another review!!! Glad you're enjoying it!!!

Disclaimer:Is it just me, or did Rob sound like he was slurring his words a little on the VMAs tonight??? And Kristen and Ashley both looked ADORABLE!!! Rob was hot, too, and the hand through the hair thing...I'm still trying to calm myself down. And don't even get me started on the trailer. (FUCKAWESOME!!!!!!!)

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Chapter 27: Seeing Eye-to-Eye

Bella's Point of View

I stared down at the white envelope in my hand in disbelief. No way, no freaking way did I get in. This couldn't be right, it just couldn't. One of the board members must have been drunk or smoking some really weird shit when he or she reviewed my application because there was just no way in hell that I was actually accepted.

With trembling fingers I carefully peeled open the envelope and extracted the packet of papers from inside. Oh my God I actually got in. No way would so many papers be included if I was receiving a simply rejection letter.

_Ms. Bella Swan_

_Congratulations! We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to Dartmouth University…_

All I needed to read was the first sentence, or two. The second prattled on about how prestigious it was to be accepted to such a fine institution. On the one hand I was happy, because Edward would be thrilled to death that I had been accepted, and anything I could do to make him happy was a good thing.

But on the other hand I was scared, mortified even, of what this acceptance meant. Edward would undoubtedly want me to join him on the east coast, and I wanted nothing more than to be with him for the rest of my natural existence, however long that may be. But I couldn't do it.

I couldn't leave my father's house. What would I do with it? In no way whatsoever was I going to sell it. It was the last thing I had left of him, and to some extent my mother as well. She had painted the cabinets in the kitchen and had picked the colors for my bedroom.

No. No, I couldn't just leave it.

I know I'm jumping to conclusions here, and the herbal tea sitting in front of me now is doing nothing to calm my nerves, but how can I not just jump to conclusions. Edward is a very predictable person, and he has his heart set on Dartmouth. Second, of course, I'm in first place at the moment.

It would absolutely devastate him if I said no and stayed here. And I can't handle causing him pain.

I clutched the entire envelope of papers to my chest and allowed a shiver to rock my body. This was going to be the hardest decision I've ever had to make.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Edward's Point of View

"Alice I will not allow you to monopolize her time here this weekend, it's unfair!" I exclaimed to my sister as I watched her reorganize all of the beauty products on her bathroom counter. Why in the world did she need five different moisturizers? You know what, scratch that, I don't want to know.

"You spend every single fucking moment together when's she here, Edward, whether it be studying in the den, playing your piano, or screwing like rabbits behind your bedroom door."

Alice arranged her lotions and potions according to size beside her sink and continued on with her makeup next, organizing it all by color and type. "She's my best friend, Edward, and I want to have a girls' weekend with her. And you are not going to stop me."

Alice spoke this while pointing at me threateningly with her hairbrush, one of them at least. She had four.

"I swear to God if she comes out of this bathroom one night looking a hussy or a playboy pin-up I'm going to kill you."

"First of all I would never do that to Bella, second I think you mean Vogue and not Playboy, and third I doubt you would complain if she actually did come out looking like a Playboy pin-up."

Damn, the pixie had a point.

I waved my hand in front of my face indicating to forget the comment. "Forget it, listen, if I want to have some private time with my girlfriend this weekend, I will. And you are not going to stop me." I quickly turned on my heel and started walking out when I felt a loofa hit me in the back of the head.

"Dickward," Alice called after me. I hated her nickname for me, but I couldn't deny that sometimes it did hold an ounce or two of truth.

I shut myself in my room and locked the door turning up my iPod and attempted to get some if not all of my homework for the weekend done before Bella got here. Esme had gone out over an hour ago to pick her up and then the two headed for the local grocery store to get ingredients for the dinner Bella had planned for everyone. She didn't even tell me what it was, but I was game for anything that Bella cooked. Her food was boner-inducing goodness.

It wasn't long before I heard a car door slam outside and I rushed out of my room and across the hall to look out the window of Carlisle's office. I saw Bella and my mother walking up the front steps carrying two large paper bags filled with food. My heart leapt as soon as I saw Bella and I wished she would look up so I she would see me waving at her and smiling like an idiot.

I practically ran down the stairs, all the sooner to gather her in my arms. It had only been five hours since I had seen the poor girl and I was already having withdrawal from her gaze and her touch.

"Hey, beautiful," I greeted her with a smile and slipped my arm around her waist as I positioned myself beside her at the counter.

She turned and just in time for me to plant a sweet kiss on her lips before my mother made her entrance back from the pantry carrying a couple cans. Bella busied herself with unloading the bags and as soon as I saw everything needed for what she had planned my stomach snarled viciously.

"Mexican tonight, huh?" I observed picking up the can of green chilies.

"I'm teaching your mother the fine art of enchilada making." Bella grinned at me over her shoulder.

"Anything I can do to help?"

"Don't eat anything as we cook it." Esme snickered. I just rolled my eyes and decided to situate myself at the breakfast table and watch two of my favorite people prepare dinner.

All too soon the kitchen was filled with the smell of simmering chilies and onions and a pot of chicken was boiling away on the stove beside the pan. Bella showed my mother how to melt the cheddar cheese down that she had bought without burning it. I caught a whiff of the spices as Bella stirred them in with the cheese and was sorely tempted to grab a tortilla chip and dip it in the salsa that she popped open.

But I remained in my seat as requested and didn't touch.

I was practically bouncing uncontrollably as I watched the two of them dice the chicken and stuff the enchilada shells with said chicken and the delicious smelling cheese sauce. I wanted to taste it so bad. I was starving and sitting here was the worst torment I could have sentenced for myself.

Dumb move, Cullen. Really dumb move.

I was pretty much at the point of drooling on the floor, and expected there to be a puddle when I looked down, as I watched my mother carefully poor the leftover cheese sauce over the enchiladas.

"Close your mouth." Bella scolded as she walked over with two small bowls. She set them down in front of me and went back to the counter to retrieve two more.

I looked down to the table to see she had placed a bowl of that damn cheese sauce and a bowl of salsa in front of me and was currently adding a bowl of fresh guacamole and a bowl of tortilla chips.

"I saved it for you," Bella explained indicating the cheese sauce. "I saw you lusting over it and I knew I couldn't deny you a taste."

I groaned quietly as I recognized the double meaning of her words. She was promising sex later on tonight. _I fucking love you, Bella Swan_.

My mother took her leave after placing dinner in the oven to bake for half an hour and thanking Bella for help and the new recipe. Once she was gone, Bella and I busied ourselves with feeding each other seductively, as seductive as chips and dip can get, little bits of the food she had placed on the table to snack on.

"You really make one hell of a spicy cheese sauce, Bella." I said through a mouthful of it.

Bella chewed slowly, provocatively, and stuck her tongue out to lick along her upper lip. Just as I was about to lean in and shove my tongue down her throat, cheesy breath be damned, the timer on the oven went off signaling that dinner was ready.

Cockblocked by an oven timer. That's a new one.

~*~*~*~*~*

Four scrumptious chicken enchiladas and one painful boner later, Bella and I were heading upstairs to go over our biology lab for Monday, me following behind just in case Alice decided to come running down the stairs and saw my embarrassingly crippling erection that I was trying to hide inside my jeans. It wasn't possible.

As soon as we were behind the safety of my bedroom door I quickly changed into some dark blue sleep pants and couldn't mask the groan of satisfaction that slipped out of my mouth as I peeled my jeans off.

I watched Bella eye me up and down curiously, and then her eyes landed on my now very obviously straining cock that was tenting my boxers and I felt a blush creep into my cheeks.

"Is my food really that good?" she asked incredulously.

"Could you ask a dumber question?" I retorted.

Bella just rolled her eyes and walked over to me placing one hand on my t-shirt covered chest and pushed me down onto my bed. I hadn't even managed to get my sleep pants on yet, so it was only the thin cotton of my shorts that prevented Bella from rubbing directly against my aching cock.

She straddled my hips and leaned down attacking my mouth with hot, passionate kisses. My hands buried themselves in her hair of their own accord and I moaned my appreciation as her tongue delved into my mouth and stroked against mine.

"Time to give her up, dear brother!" Alice shouted from the other side of the door as she started banging on it.

I was going to have to start a journal of cockblocks and date and label them by intensity of frustration. And the thought of that was just so not cool.

Bella sighed loudly, still sucking on my lower lip, but she pulled back and sat up brushing my hands from where they had fallen to her hips and she got off me. Damnit.

As she walked angrily over to the door I hoped for a second she was going to throw it open and tell Alice off for interrupting us, but instead she stopped as her hand grabbed the knob. Then she turned and walked back over to where I still lay on my back on my bed, legs parted and boxers even more painfully tented, and leaned down over me placing a soft kiss on my lips.

"I'll try and be back as soon as possible," she promised, "There's something important I want to talk to you about."

She got off of me again and quickly crossed the room opening the door and disappeared as it shut firmly behind her. I was left lying on my bed and sorely tempted to segregate myself in my bathroom and beat off, but I couldn't. I didn't want to leave Bella thinking that I had no patience.

So I waited, anxiously, very, very anxiously for her to come back. I sat in my chair going commando in my sleep pants because it allowed for the most room and least constraint. I focused on what was left of my homework and did my best to will my erection to at least calm down a little.

After two hours my shower was looking friendlier and friendlier. I finally just gave up and justified my soon-to-be actions with 'a little stroking won't do any harm'. Yeah fucking right.

I stripped down in record time and jumped into the warm, not cold, shower. I wasn't trying to rid myself of my erection just quell it a little. I braced one hand against the tiled and stood underneath the spray reaching down the length of my body to grasp my engorged cock and allowed myself one long stroke from base to tip.

I groaned loudly at the sheer exquisite feel and repeated the motion maintaining the slow pace. Suddenly the glass door popped open and shut and I felt a warm, soft body press up against mine.

Bella snaked both of her arms around my waist, one traveling to stroke my chest, and the other traveling down.

"Let me help you with that," She whispered in my ear as her hand brushed mine off my dick so hers could replace it. She wrapped her fingers around the hot flesh and started to slide loose skin up and down.

"Thank whatever God above for you, Bella." I moaned in gratitude.

"Sorry I ditched you like that, but I figured the sooner I indulge Alice the less likely she'll be to continue bugging us this weekend."

Bella ended her sentence by pressing her luscious lips to the back of my shoulder ever so gently and trailed a line of feather light kisses across the top of my back as she continued to pump my shaft in her hand.

"What did she do to you?" I inquired. Not that I really cared but if I focused entirely on Bella jerking me off this would be over all too soon and I really wanted it to last.

"She painted my toenails blood red and chatted my ear about hers and Jasper's sex life. Not that I wanted to hear about it, but she described a position I'm interested in experimenting with you."

My eyebrow quirked at this and a million dirty thoughts raced through my mind. "What kind of position?"

"I'll show you later, right now I want make you come so hard you scream."

My cock twitched and I swear my balls did too. "Jesus Christ, woman, are you trying to kill me?"

"No, I would never want to do that." Bella proceeded to press herself closer so her hard nipples were against my back. She reached down with her other hand and cupped my balls. "I'm trying to pleasure you." She whispered lowly.

That was my undoing. I screamed her name, along with a couple profanities mixed in there somewhere, and bucked my hips in tandem with Bella's strokes as I released thick spurts of semen that were quickly washed down the drain.

I fell forward against the tile panting, Bella's one hand still wrapped around my cock, the other now stroking my abdomen as I attempted to control my respiration rate.

"Feel better now, baby?" She asked lovingly as she moved her lips over my shoulders.

"Very," I panted, "thank you."

Bella waited until my breathing seemed under control before she shut the water off and grabbed the towel I had tossed over the back of the shower and wrapped both of us up in it. It was definitely large enough. I cupped her face in my hands and backed us out of my bathroom toward my bed where we both collapsed on top of it laughing for sheer joy.

And that was when I remembered what she had said before leaving me earlier. And it promptly disrupted the evening.

"What did you need to talk to me about? You said it was something important."

Bella sighed heavily and sat up running one hand through her hair and looking as if she was contemplating whether or not to actually tell me. "I got some mail today," she started.

"That's always positive, you know. At least people out there know you're alive." My sarcastic comment did nothing to lighten the mood.

"It was from Dartmouth,"

I immediately sat up with a huge grin on my face and quickly dashed over to my dresser to grab two pairs of clean shorts and two t-shirts. I handed one pair to Bella and a t-shirt and as she got dressed I threw my clothes on as well.

"I'm sorry, that was weird, but I think it would weirder if we discussed this news naked."

"Ok…" Bella said slowly. I noticed she had put the t-shirt I handed her on backwards. My last name was displayed across her chest and I had to fight very hard with my cock not to point at her.

"So," I got back on the bed with her and drew her into my arms leaning us against the headboard, "tell me what Dartmouth had to say." I was positively busting at the seams to know.

Bella stroked my arm where it lay across her collarbone. "I got in," she said softly, turning her head to look up at me. I took her chin in my hand and pulled her mouth to mine kissing her deeply and making sure she felt it all the way down to her toes.

"Congratulations, sweetheart, I knew you would." I ran my finger down her cheek when we parted. I noticed that Bella didn't have the same elation lighting up her features that I was sure I did.

"Thank you," she breathed quietly. "But I want to talk to you about it because I have some big decisions and choices to make regarding this acceptance. I would like to sit down with you parents and talk about it, too."

Something in her tone scared me. It was doubtful, like she was torn between going and not going. But it wasn't that, that scared me, it was the sadness in her tone, like she wished that she hadn't been accepted at all.

"Do you want to go?" I asked her seriously, staring into her eyes forcing her to look at me.

"I don't know yet, Edward. That's what I really want to talk to you and your parents about."

"But it's such a great opportunity, Bella. It would be insane to pass it up!" I exclaimed.

"And what would I do with my father's house, Edward?" she retorted back, pulling away from me. "I can't just give it up. Don't you see this is why I need to sit down with everyone, don't you understand that?"

I felt like such an ass. I had never considered that, truly. I had just been completely focused on getting her to come with me. And what made that worse, it was the second time I had looked over her house. The first time had been when I asked her to fill out the application. Then I had simply told her to just fill it out and see whether or not she actually got accepted and then we would turn to the matter of her father's house.

"I'm sorry, Bella. Please, come back here."

Slowly, and a little reluctantly, Bella edged herself back into my arms and I wrapped them tightly around her, firm but not hard. "I'm sorry," I apologized again. "We've come to that bridge, haven't we?"

"And it's time to cross it. Edward,"

"Yes,"

"We really need to see eye-to-eye on this. We can't fight about it, squabble maybe, but fighting will only make it worse. We need to come to some kind of compromise. You can't push me to just forget about my house, and I can't just leave you high and dry when this school year is over."

"Bella, I will never make you do something you do not want to do. If what we need to do isn't exactly orthodox, I don't care. I just want you with me."

Bella sighed heavily in my arms and suddenly turned propping herself up. She looped her arms around my neck and kissed me gently but fully on the mouth. "Thank you," she breathed in my ear when we parted, her arms now around me in a tight hug.

I didn't deserve her. And I'm sure Bella felt the same way about me, but I love her, and by God I will do anything to make her happy, and never hurt her.

She made love to me later in the evening, riding me slowly, riding me with abandon. She worked me to release with tender caresses and the softest kisses. I never once requested that we change positions. She was too beautiful tonight to be underneath. I wanted to gaze at her in the moonlight and watch her as she rocked back and forth to a rhythm of her choosing, watch her body sway up and down on my cock as her own orgasm shook her to her core.

When we were finally exhausted and mutually spent I drew Bella down on top of me cradling her head to my chest. This was where she belonged despite what she may think otherwise. I don't want anyone else, and if I have to spend the rest of my life proving that to her, well…

I have a very happy life ahead of me.

~*~*~*~*~*~*

A/N: Do I sense trouble brewing????


	28. Kicked Out

A/N: Hey everyone thank you all for continuing to be patient with, I know I'm not updating like I used to and it's from a combination of class work, writer's block and spending too many hours staring at my 6'1'' cutout of Rob that I bought for my room here. It's seriously gorgeous and seriously distracting.

AFF:

7 Deadly: You and Gaps of Misery say the same thing, lol. I don't even know half the time where my ideas come from, they just…flow. Whatever comes to my head, I type it.

Zynda: Ha ha, that's a really good idea!!! You'll love this chapter then!!! Thanks for sticking with me and reviewing again!! : )

Thanks for reviewing again!!! I heart Edward!!!

Gaps of Misery: I hung this one up, too. And both are beneath my "Lion and Lamb" poster, the one where he's holding her. I kind of wrote most of the lines you picked out with you specifically in mind because I knew you would choose them. It did seem like an appropriate chapter to do this though.

And of course, absolutely, I will read and review your fanfic, when you start posting it. Drop me a reminder and I'll drop what I'm doing, unless it's Edward, then unfortunately the story may have to wait until I'm finished with him first, lol.

And please don't feel bad about leaving a review THAT long, I actually crave reviews that are that long, the longer it takes me to read a review, the more I enjoy it. I love long-winded reviews, I don't care if you're even ranting. Your review made me laugh out loud, so the lol has some real truth to it. Great job!! Keep them coming!!!

Savannah Lion: I feel you on the semester stuff. I'm carrying 17 credits and I've never done that before, so I'm reading EVERY single day of the week, I'm doing work every single day of the week. It's keeping me occupied so I'm never bored, but it's also just a lot of work to get done and there just aren't enough hours in the day…sigh

Thank you so much for the compliment on my "love" (sex) scenes, I'm always very self-conscious about them. I never know if something is going to sound too innocent or too smutty to someone, and not to someone else. Whatever. Thank you so much for the compliments. I promise you will not be disappointed by the way this story ends. It's going to be very EdwardxBella style.

Disclaimer: I think everyone knows at this point that I do not own Twilight and that SM is a genius, and also that I have A LOT of issues.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Chapter 28: Kicked Out

Edward's Point of View

I grabbed the journal off my desk before Bella could swipe it and quickly sat on it on the bed. I knew she loved to grab my ass, but she was going to have to move me in order to actually get to this journal, and I weighed about 150 pounds at 6'1'' compared to her tiny 110-pound frame of 5'4''. She had no fucking chance. I was mostly muscle thanks to my rigorous workouts for track and field.

"Please, let me see…" Bella whined getting on her knees in front of me. Now, normally I had no aversion to having her on her knees in front of me, when she was sucking me off, but with her hands folded and her lower lip pouting out…she just looked so childish that I had to laugh.

"I'm sorry, Bella," I managed to say through a laugh. Her hands fell, and so did her face. "Aw, come on, baby. I'm having some fun with you. But no, you can't see it, it's private."

"It's kind of about me, though, come on, _please_!" Bella whined again and made a swipe with her hand to push me off the journal, but to no avail.

"No, besides you don't even want to read half of them, they're stupid."

"I don't care." Bella folded her arms across her chest and I couldn't help but notice that the motion pushed her breasts up just a little bit beneath her shirt.

"I do,"

Bella 'hmphed' at me, and got up crossing the room to stand at the foot of my bed. I turned to look at her, making sure the journal was still safe underneath me. She brought her hands up to her blouse and started to unbutton it slowly. Oh, so she was going to pull this was she?

"That's not going to work, Bella." I started to warn her.

Bella stopped what she was doing and sighed, dropping her hands. "Fine, I guess you don't want to know what that position was that Alice told me about."

I swallowed hard. Uh…yes I did.

It was one of, if not the only, thing I had been thinking about since Bella had mentioned it a week ago. Every time we were alone together I tried to hint at it, but Bella seemed to be distracting me from it. I suppose with good reason, since the first night I think she wanted to try it she caught me writing in the journal that was currently acting as a roadblock, or yet again, another cockblock. Jesus, a journal of cockblocks acting as the actual block itself, what are the fucking chances?

"No, no I want to know." I said defensively, my voice going up one octave initially.

"Can I read it?"

I hung my head. She was such a cheater. With a sigh in defeat I pulled the journal out from underneath me because, I was essentially whipped by this girl and, I couldn't say no to her no matter what.

Bella squealed like a little fan girl, clapping her hands excitedly and everything, and jumped onto my bed to cuddle up next to me while I untied the string from around the journal and opened it to the first entry. There were five in here since I had started the journal last week.

_May 15 – 5:32 PM_

Location_: Kitchen_

Block_: Kitchen timer_

Reason for block_: Bella was feeding me her fuckawesome cheese sauce, and I was about to stick my tongue down her throat when the oven timer went off. _

Intensity of Frustration_: Bearable_

Lesson Learned_: Don't try and have sex in the kitchen. You think I would have learned that the last time Bella and I made out in here and Carlisle caught us. Nope._

_May 15 – 7:48 PM_

Location_: My bedroom_

Block_: Fucking pixie sister_

Reason for block_: Was making out heavily with Bella on my bed, almost half naked and really fucking hard when Alice decided to bang on my door._

Intensity of Frustration_: Extremely Unbearable_

Lesson Learned_: Try harder to ignore Alice_

_May 19 – 12:23 PM_

Location_: School bathroom_

Block_: Bell for class_

Reason for block_: This one doesn't really count as a block, but Bella was so horny today that she insisted on a blow job during lunch (I think she's menstruating otherwise she would've hauled my ass to a closet and most likely fucked me against the door) and you know I don't complain about BJs. The bell went off right as I came. So, again, technically not a block but I wanted to record this one. _

Intensity of Frustration_: Only if we had been caught. Other than that…I was all good…_

Lesson Learned_: Skip lunch more often_

_May 23 – 5:56 AM_

Location_: My bathroom_

Block_: Alarm clock_

Reason for block_: Woke up at 5:30 to find the other half of my bed empty and wandered into the bathroom to find Bella dabbing at herself with a damp cloth, washing up after our rather energetic evening. She was standing at the sink completely naked and my cock immediately sprung to attention. _

_We were really getting into it, Bella up on the counter with her legs wrapped around my waist in a vice and her arms around my neck, my arms around her body with my face buried in her neck. I was so close and about to come really hard, we were both panting really heavy, and then my alarm went off blaringly out in my room effectively distracting us both from a really good orgasm. _

Intensity of Frustration_: I groaned but not in pleasure. Just that horrible sound was enough to make me stop and lose focus. I didn't go soft right away, Bella made sure of that as soon as I pulled out and wrapped her hand around me pumping my shaft until I came. So basically I was pissed initially, but my wonderful Bella took care of that._

Lesson Learned_: If I'm going to screw my girlfriend first thing in the morning, turn off the alarm beforehand. _

_May 25 – 8:18 AM_

Location_: My Volvo_

Block_: My cell – my father was calling, so I can technically blame this one on Carlisle_

Reason for block_: About to leave Bella's house after staying the night and she decided to surprise me by shoving me in the back seat and yanking my pants down before climbing into my lap and riding me. We'd only just started a good rhythm when my cell phone went off. _

Intensity of frustration_: Not much considering once my cell phone stopped ringing we went right back to our fucking. _

Lesson Learned_: Also turn off cell phones for early morning lovemaking_

I put my journal down once I finished reading and turned to look down at Bella. She was grinning broadly at me. "So you're phone was a sufficient block this morning? It didn't stop me. When did you write that, while I was in the shower?"

"One question at a time please. This isn't an interview for that stupid article you're doing for the school paper." I sighed and set my journal aside. "Yes it was a sufficient block for me because it momentarily made me lose focus. And yes I wrote this particular entry while you were in my shower, using my body wash." I glared at her accusingly, but Bella just sighed and stretched beside me, her hand no so subtly brushing between my legs.

"So, do I get to know what that secret position looks like now that I've shared?"

Bella launched herself at me throwing one leg across my waist and pushing her body up so that she was straddling me. I lowered myself more so onto my bed so I was on my back and let my hands fall to her waist.

Bella started trailing her hands down my shirt undoing the buttons as she began describing the position we would soon be engaging in.

As soon as I was rid of my shirt and pants I flipped us over so that Bella was now on her back and began the task of removing her clothes. I really didn't feel like wasting time right now with foreplay, but as soon as Bella's hand went to my crotch all I could think was how fucking fantastic it felt as she rubbed me quite vigorously through the cotton of my shorts.

"Jesus, Bella, calm down or I'm going to come."

Bella chuckled and leaned up undoing her bra. I quickly removed the offending garment before burying my face against her chest and worshiping her breasts, lavishing them with attention. Bella threaded her fingers tightly into my hair holding me against her.

After a couple minutes or so, she began to grow impatient with me and I could feel her hands shoving my shorts down. I only pulled away to help her because I wanted them off. They had become increasing uncomfortable in the last few minutes as I sucked, licked, and massaged Bella's breasts as fervently as I could.

She lifted her hips to help me pull her underwear down and soon I was buried inside her, so deep, and raising her ankles to my shoulders as she had described to me. The sensation that came over us made us both gasp with delight as the new angle and position caused Bella's muscles to clench around me so tightly I knew I would never be able to pull out very far.

I was essentially a prisoner to her body. Do I care?

Not one fucking bit.

Turning my head I placed soft kisses along the expanse of her legs that I could reach and started rocking my hips as my legs spread in a wide 'v' around her bottom. Bella rocked back, each movement causing the head of my erection to stroke her inner walls deeper and deeper.

We were both panting heavily with effort from the vigorous motions of our lovemaking and I was exceedingly thankful that the rest of my family had gone out for the afternoon, Alice included, because Bella and I both shouted substantially loud as we came together.

I practically knocked the wind out of her when I collapsed, exhausted and spent, onto her body. Her legs immediately relaxed into a more comfortable linear position and her arms immediately went around me, one hand stroking my back while the other buried itself in my damp hair rubbing my scalp.

I wrapped both of my arms around burying my face once more in her chest, but I used it as a pillow now. Although I did press soft kisses to the skin above her heart and I whispered my undying love for her as we both succumbed to sleep minutes later.

I woke I don't know how much later, pleasantly, to feel Bella straddling my back. She was still naked and I was still lying on my stomach. Something warm and wet was running up and down my spine and I knew for a fact that it wasn't Bella, since her position across my ass seemed to feel stationary.

"Are you giving me a sponge bath?" I inquired, my face not leaving the pillow it was currently buried in.

"I'm sorry, could you repeat that question? I don't speak mumble."

"Bite me," I never should have challenged her because all of sudden her teeth were nipping at my neck like she was a fucking vampire. I was instantly hard.

"Yes, I'm giving you a sponge bath." Bella stated once she pulled back.

"It feels nice."

"Good,"

Silence fell between us as she continued to wash me lightly, making sure she got every inch of my back, and then instructed me to flip over so she could wash my front. Her eyebrows shot up when she saw my cock pointing at her, and she had the nerve to settle right on top of it. To say that I whined would be an understatement. I begged.

"Perhaps," she whispered into my ear.

"Perhaps what?" I questioned.

"Perhaps I'll give it a ride, in a little bit."

Needless to say we spent the rest of the afternoon rolling between the sheets, laughing and enjoying each other like newlyweds. I really should have relished in it more than I did. I really should have told her every second that I loved her with all my heart instead of asking for more as soon as we were done. I really should have kept my mouth shut to say the least…

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It's now the end of May, graduation is less than a month away, I am officially attending Dartmouth in the fall, and I don't know if Bella is going to be with me. She has yet to respond to her acceptance. We've sat down with my parents on several occasions so far, ok just two but still, and we've discussed options as to what Bella would want to do with her father's house.

Tension had started accumulating between us two weeks ago, on that afternoon we spent in bed together. Later that evening when my parents returned from a day in Port Angeles together with my sister to shop for a prom dress we sat down and had our first talk over Bella's acceptance into Dartmouth.

To say that my parents were pleased would have been an understatement. They were thrilled at the prospect of having two of their "children" in an Ivy League college. Ever since Bella and I had made things official, and sometimes I think even before that, my parents had treated her like one of their own. I only say "children" because I'm adopted. Although it's never really felt that way.

Every time we came to the subject of Bella's father's house she always shut down and shot down any ideas my parents had. She was adamant about not leaving it behind and wouldn't even go near the option of selling it. I was beyond frustrated with this. We'd had this talk half a dozen times between ourselves over the past month and I always got the same attitude from her then that she was giving my parents now.

It was unfair, both to her and to me, not to mention Carlisle and Esme. I knew they were keeping the best interests of her house at heart, but seriously, what was Bella possibly going to do with it?

So here we stand in the kitchen of her house preparing dinner and having yet another discussion about this. My countless attempt at getting her to even listen to options was so fruitless at this point I should just stop trying, but I couldn't. I love her and I want her to be with me on the east coast in the fall, and nothing was going to deter me from that.

"What if my parents just watched over it while we're away, and you can always come back to it on the holidays? That's reasonable isn't it?" I offered, pouring a bag of spinach into a bowl to make a salad with.

"I wouldn't want to burden your parents financially like that. This house does have substantial bills, even if no one is living in it, except me of course and I'm rarely here any more."

"Case in point, Bella, just move out already." I set the spinach on the table alongside the jar of Bac-o-bits and dressing. I grabbed the bag of croutons and started pouring them over the boring green leaves. I would never understand this girl's obsession with vegetables.

"I can't do that, Edward, and you know it. How dare you even suggest it." She exclaimed at me, turning from where she was stirring pasta at the stove.

I poured some of her favorite sun-dried tomatoes over the spinach and grabbed one popping it into my mouth because I was starving waiting for food and everything tastes better when you're hungry. The tomato was no different. I swallowed it down after two chews and went over to stand next to Bella.

"All right," I sighed, "I'm sorry, but you really need to make a decision about this house, and you really, really need to make a decision about Dartmouth now. They won't wait forever, Bella."

She sighed, exasperated, and glanced over at me. "I know that, and I already told you I'll make my decision about that once I've made my decision about this house."

"Goddamn it, Bella!" I yelled out loud, finally losing my temper. "That's just it, though, you're not going to be making a decision about this house any time soon. You keep putting it off." I crossed my arms over my chest as she glared at me defiantly, her mouth hanging open. "Sometimes I wonder if you really do want to go with me."

Bella threw the wooden spoon she had been stirring with down on the counter. "How can you think that? Of course I want to go with you. But you have to consider my situation here. I can't just leave this place."

"But you said it yourself," I exclaimed, "You're rarely here anymore. I mean, think about it, Bella. We've stayed here maybe what, five times in the last three weeks." I started ticking things off on my hand. "You're getting money from both of your parents' estates now, so you have the money on hand to go to college on the east coast with me, you practically live at my house now, and everything here is pretty much packed up."

"Edward, please don't go there." Bella pleaded with me. "I can't do that, stop pushing me."

"Just sell it!"

"I can't!"

I turned and leaned against the wall intentionally banging my forehead on it. "Oh my God, Bella. How can I make you see this?"

I heard her walk over to me but she stopped maybe a foot from me. I turned and she was standing there with her arms crossed over her chest. "Seriously, Bella, it wouldn't be a bother to my parents to look after this place while we're gone. You can have all the time in the world to think about what to do with it still that way. You can even use the money you're receiving to give them to pay the bills while you're not here. I really don't see what the problem is."

Bella sighed and reached up to push a piece of hair out of her eyes. "I…I just can't, Edward. It would just feel…wrong. This is my father's house, and by a stretch my mother's house, too. I was raised in this house, practically."

"Bella," I started slowly, and would forever regret the words I spoke to her. "You're parents aren't here anymore. They're gone and they're never coming back to claim this house. You have to let it go."

Bella walked over to me, two steps, and gave me what I rightfully deserved for not thinking before I spoke. She slapped me hard across the left side of my face and pointed toward her front door.

"Get out," She spat at me.

I looked up at her as I recovered from the sting of her assault. I opened my mouth again and as I started to apologize Bella slapped me again. "Get out!" she yelled this time.

"Fine,"

I grabbed my coat on my way out, making sure I slammed the door as hard as I could. I did it out of anger with myself. I was an absolute asshole for saying that. How could I; my past was almost no different than hers. The only one being I lost both of my parents at the same time before I was five, and she lost hers within the space of ten months, her father dying not six months after eighteenth birthday.

I had a grueling five-mile walk home in the dark, in the rain since Bella had insisted on driving her monstrosity of a vehicle today. I spent the two hours it took me to get home, walking slowly and thinking about how undeserving I was right now. I didn't even want to go home. I didn't want to have to repeat everything that just happened back to my parents, and certainly not to Alice.

"Edward, what are you doing home?" Esme asked as I stalked through the front door at eight looking like a drowned dog.

"I really don't want to talk about it, mom, not right now."

Unfortunately for my situation Alice came storming down the stairs yelling my name so loud and cursing up such a storm I knew everyone back in Forks, Bella included, would be able to hear her.

"You unbelievable asshole!" Alice screeched at me, shoving me against the banister. "How could you say those things to her?"

"Alice, stop." Esme came over and placed herself between my sister and I. I wished she hadn't. I wanted Alice to beat the shit out of me right now.

"How could you?"

"I wasn't thinking." I yelled back at her. "I was angry."

"That's no excuse. God, do you realize what you've done?"

"What is going on?" Esme demanded.

"We're done, I think. Me and Bella." I said in a low voice. I collapsed down onto the stairs burying my face in my hands and began sobbing.

"Good thing your father had the graveyard shift tonight, I'm not sure he would want to be in the middle of this." Esme sat down beside me wrapping an arm around my shoulder. "How do you even know what's going on, Alice?"

"Bella's been calling me nonstop for over an hour now wondering if Edward got home safely. She basically poured her broken heart out to me."

I wailed even louder and my mother pulled me to her chest starting to rub my back. "Alice, stop it and go upstairs. Tell Bella he's home. Leave us alone for a while."

Alice huffed loudly but did as she was told. I could feel her eyes boring into me before she stomped upstairs and slammed her door shut. Esme didn't say anything else to me. She pulled me closer to her and let me cry. We sat there all night on the bottom step, her arm around me the entire time as I balled continuously until I had no tears left.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A/N: Please don't be upset with me. You all knew this was coming. And if Edward seems OOC, he is. I wanted him to be ripped apart about this. Review and leave me some love. I could use some right now, I'm really lonely and my Edward blanket and cut out standup thingy only provide so much support.


	29. Totaled

A/N: Thank you everyone for the phenomenal response on the previous chapter!!!

AFF:

Gaps of Misery: Sorry if I upset, that was not my intent at all. But I'm glad you were still able to pick some lines out of the chapter, your reviews always make me laugh out loud. They are my happy drug!!!

Lady Twia Rose-Rahl: More is down below!!! LOL, enjoy, hon!!!

Zynda: Thanks so much for saying that, I really appreciate it!!!!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight…blah, blah, blah, but I'm still going to rant over my Edward stand-up. I have it here at college with me, and I (heart) staring into his eyes.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Chapter 29: Totaled

Bella's Point of View

I looked across my kitchen table at Alice who sat there staring down into her cup of tea, swirling the little bag around in the hot water but not drinking it. She had showed up this morning, two days after I had kicked Edward out of this house. She knocked on my front door and insisted that we needed to talk and she wasn't leaving until we made some headway about what was going on.

"I'm not disappointed with you, Bella, I never could be."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Look, I'm not going to sugarcoat this, but yes, what Edward said was wrong, but it was also true and you know it. He's completely broken up inside about hurting you and he's convinced you want nothing more to do with him."

I snorted and glanced around the kitchen in order to avoid her gaze, it was making me uncomfortable. "Should I?" I asked, gazing out the window over her shoulder. "Want anything more to do with him, I mean?"

Alice sighed and continued to stir her tea. "He loves you very much."

"He lost his parents, too!" I exclaimed suddenly. "That's what I don't understand, how he can say that to me when he no longer has his parents either. What kind of a person-"

"Bella, stop," Alice put her hand up before I could finish, "Don't even go there. You don't know Edward's whole story, _I_ don't even know his whole story. I'm protecting him on this one. He's not a cold-hearted person. He just…doesn't always think to use a filter. I know, horrible excuse."

"It's pathetic." I snarled and pushed back from the table. Alice watched me for a moment before getting up and dumping her cup of tea in the sink.

"Get up," she said to me. I glared at her. "Get up, we're going for a walk. And don't look at me like that, we're just walking around here."

She left the kitchen for a moment and returned with my rain boots and a coat. "Come on," she ushered me up and had me step into my boots and shrug my coat on. I made sure the front door was locked before we ventured outside into the misty rain. Alice pulled her hood up immediately and I walked along letting my hair get wet and frizz like crazy. I didn't care, I had no one to impress.

"Talk," she said simply.

"You know what happened," I responded not looking up from watching the toes of my boots periodically disappear into puddles.

"Talk about how you feel, Bella. I don't give a shit about what happened, I want you to talk about your feelings right now, not about how much you hate my brother."

"So I guess you're Team Edward on this one."

"I am." Alice stated simply. Of all the people I was really counting on to take my side, Alice was the first, so it shocked me that she was siding with her brother. "No, no you don't get back here, walk with me." She grabbed my arm as I turned to head back home and linked said arm with hers to keep me next to her. "You can't just keep running from your problems, Bella. You're an adult and you need to start acting like one, and if that means I need to be a wee bit harsh with you than I'm going to do it. Now talk,"

"It hurt, ok. It really hurt," I finally said, my eyes immediately welling up with tears as pain rocked through my chest blowing the already gaping hole there even wider open.

"Keep going," Alice encouraged, her voice soft.

"I feel completely betrayed. I thought I could trust him, Alice. How could he say that? Really?"

"I may be siding with my brother, Bella, but I will tell you he was wrong for not thinking before he spoke. He is right, though and you know it. Now keep going."

I poured my heart out over all of the pain I had been feeling for the past two days, the betrayal, the anger, and the heartache. I didn't want to see, hear from, or go anywhere near Edward for a while. I had some of my own problems that needed to be sorted first before anything between us could be mended.

Alice left me after a couple hours, alone, to think and stew over everything I had said to her and everything that I was feeling. She was going to be keeping her phone near her just in case I needed to reach out. She told me not to be hesitant to call her, and if I wanted to, and only if I wanted to, to call Edward.

I assured her I did not want to. Not yet at least, I needed to be alone for a while and just…think. But sometimes alone is not the best way to deal with your ghosts.

~*~*~*~*~*~*

Edward's Point of View

"So she hates me," I blurted out as soon as Alice told me how her conversation with Bella had gone. I practically pounced on her the moment she walked through the door. I was desperate to know if Bella still wanted me in her life.

"She doesn't hate you, Edward, she just doesn't understand you." Alice hung her coat up by the door and toed her stylish rain boots off.

"What is there to not understand?"

"She doesn't understand how you, someone who has lost his parents just as she has, can say what you said to her."

"I was a kid when they died, I barely remember anything about them except what I see in pictures." I exclaimed collapsing onto the couch. "At least she had seventeen or eighteen years with them before she lost hers."

Alice walked over and smacked the back of my shoulder chastising me. "This isn't about just you, Edward." She said sitting next to me. "This is about the both of you, and two of the bravest people I know and love, and who love each other."

I sighed letting my head fall into my hands. "What else did she say?" I mumbled through my fingers.

"She needs time alone right now. To think, so…I think we should leave her be until she's got this figured out in her head. But I told her to call me if she needs anything, and as a stretch, to call you as well."

"She won't," I mumbled again.

"Have faith, big brother. She will, maybe not right away, but she will."

I grumbled to myself and got off the couch heading in the general direction of the stairs to force myself up them and back into bed. What the hell was I going to do tomorrow in school? She couldn't just switch lab partners now; it would be an impossibility.

She couldn't just sit there and not talk, could she? Would she sit not speaking to me, ignoring me? I don't know if I could handle that. It would tear me up inside even more so than I already was. I wouldn't make it through the day having to think about that and then having to actually deal with it.

And what about lunch, would she go somewhere else? Would she even bother showing up at all? What if Bella decided to stop coming to school for the rest of the year? No, she wouldn't do that. She couldn't. Bella was the most responsible girl I had ever known; save my mother, and she wouldn't jeopardize any potential future she had by dropping out of school.

I spent the rest of Sunday moping around my room and staring at my cell phone willing it to ring and have it be Bella on the other end. It never did and at one point I held the damn thing in my hand, remembering when we had picked out new phones together and got the same one. It was one of the most painful things I had ever done, setting my phone back down after my finger was millimeters from the 'Send' button.

I woke up Monday morning in a trance and went through my normal routine mechanically. I was dreading going to school today. I knew I could face Bella, but I didn't know if I could handle her ignoring me, ignoring what we had been and what we had become. I knew she couldn't just push aside the feelings between us like they didn't exist, but that didn't mean she wouldn't try.

Thank goodness we only had the one class together, and by the time the final period for the day rolled around I was a bundle of nerves and shaking from head to foot thinking about having to sit next to Bella. It was going to be so awkward.

I didn't see her at lunch, assuming maybe she had opted to sit somewhere else entirely out of my line of sight. But as we were leaving Alice told me that she and Angela had had lunch upstairs in the girl's bathroom, meaning that Bella spent the period crying. Thanks, Alice, that really helped.

Walking into the classroom I scanned my eyes around quickly and immediately noticed that Bella had grabbed the seat next to her best friend Angela. She didn't look up at as I passed, but I felt Angela slip something into my hand. The seat next to me was empty now, not how it should have been.

I was about to check and see what Angela had given when our teacher walked over stopping at my desk. "I guess you've figured out by now that you don't have a partner."

"Yes, sir." I said quietly, averting my eyes from Bella and Angela.

"It's only temporary, or Bella assures me that it's only temporary."

My ears perked up and I quickly glanced across the room. She still wasn't looking at me, but Angela gave me a sympathetic smile. "Um, I think I'll be fine until then." I said quietly dropping my eyes back to the desk.

"I know you will be," As soon as he left I looked down to the little piece of paper in my hand and unfolded it.

_I'm sorry this is so sudden, but I really need some space right now to think. _

That was all she wrote in her tiny cramped style. No promises to come back soon, no 'I love you', not even a signature. So did this mean she was just going to stay away from me all together until she decided she no longer "needed space"? And how long was this going to take?

If Bella could be strong about this, then so could I. I only wondered who could last longer, and who would break first. This was certainly not going to be easy. Every time I thought about what I said to her I wanted to castrate myself, but I knew there had been truth in my words and Bella needed to hear them.

She had some serious ghosts that she needed to deal with, and maybe she was right in asking for the necessary space the she needed in order to figure this out in her head, but I didn't want her going through this alone. I wanted to be there with her when she made her final decision. I wanted to hold her hand when she would undoubtedly need it as she cried over memories.

It was wrong for me to say the things I did the way that I did, but it was even worse for me to watch her try and fight this alone and not even offer my help. But what was I supposed to do? Should I respect her request for space, or should I ignore and go over, get down on my knees and beg her to let me help her?

I was shocked when the bell rang signaling the end of the day. I realized I had paid almost no attention at all the entire lecture, instead staring down at the note Bella had written reading it over and over and weighing my options about what to do. When I looked up I noticed that Bella and Angela had already left and the room was practically empty.

Grabbing my things I hurried out of the classroom and hoped to catch sight of Bella as she walked back to her truck, but she was nowhere in sight. Angela's old Civic was gone as well. Guess she was carpooling.

I drove Alice and Jasper home in complete silence and dropped them off at the mouth of the driveway. "Edward, don't go over there." Alice warned. "Just come inside, leave her be for now."

"I just need to see her." I said quietly, my tone firm. I was trying not to leave any room for argument, but Alice was always itching to debate with me on any topic.

"Edward, seriously, just leave her be. When she's ready to talk to you, she will. How would you feel if your roles were reversed and you asked for some space and she blatantly ignored it?"

"I would be upset for her not respecting my request, but I can't do this, Alice. I love her and she needs to know that."

Alice didn't say anything. She knew she wasn't going to win this time no matter how hard she tried. She got out of the Volvo grabbing Jasper's hand and led him up the driveway and out of sight. I must have sat there with the engine running for ten minutes before I finally worked up the nerve to go drive past Bella's house.

I was shocked to discover that her truck wasn't there. Ok, so either she had driven to school and drove somewhere else afterwards and wasn't home yet, or she had actually gotten a ride to and from with Angela and she had gone out somewhere. If the second one was the case, where the hell did she go?

I contemplated going over to Angela's to ask, and in the end wound up doing so since I discovered I did not have her cell number stored in my contact list. I left the Volvo idling in the street as I ran up to the door and knocked three times.

Little Ben Cheney answered, and I had to look down to meet his eyes, the young man being a little more than a head shorter than me. "Hey, Cullen, what's up?"

"Is Angela here, I have a question for her?"

"Yeah duh, this is her house." Ben stated with an obvious tone and opened the door wider to let me in.

"No, thank you, I just need to ask her a question really quick."

"Ok, I'll go get her." Ben shut the door leaving it cracked and I heard him walk off calling out for his girlfriend. The door opened again a minute later and Angela stood there in stark contrast to Ben. She came up practically to my forehead where Ben barely touched my shoulder.

"She's not here if you're wondering that." Angela said sadly, her eyes full of sympathy. "I'm really sorry for what's going on between you two, but she made me promise not to tell you where she went."

"How far away?"

"Oh no," Angela reached out grabbing my hand, "nothing like that, Edward. She just doesn't want you worrying."

"Angela, please." I begged. I tried not to let the emotion come through in my voice, but I failed miserably. Thank goodness it was starting to rain, I had something to hide my tears with.

Angela sighed heavily and told Ben she would be right back in. She stepped out shutting the door behind her and we stood under the porch. "You swear you won't tell her that I told you."

"I promise, Angela, I just really need to tell her that I love her."

"She went to La Push to visit her friend."

"Jacob," I snarled.

"Yeah, that's him. She looked so uncomfortable talking about him, but she said she needed to go somewhere, talk to someone on the outside of this relationship."

"Thank you, Angela." I said quietly, trying to bite back the anger and jealousy I was feeling now. I stalked off the porch and walked back to my car slamming the driver's side door shut and peeled off down the street.

I drove down to La Push, but I had no idea which house Jacob Black lived in. I was searching for Bella's truck. It took me twenty minutes driving back and forth until I finally picked it out among all the other dinosaur vehicles that were around. It was sitting on a lawn next to an old Rabbit and I stopped, letting my Volvo idle.

I could barely make out the room through the window, but I recognized Bella sitting on a couch, someone's arm around her as she cuddled to their side. It looked like she was crying. It took every ounce of strength that I had not to haul ass to the front door of that tiny red house and rip it off its hinges.

I hit the gas on my Volvo causing the tires to get stuck and my engine to snarl. I hit the gas again and I was thrown back into my seat as my car took off back down the dirt hill. I didn't slow down, nor did my grip let up on the steering wheel as I drove like a bat out of hell back home. Away from Bella.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Bella's Point of View

I don't know what made me make the decision to come and see Jacob, but I really needed my friend, and I really needed someone who had not watched my relationship with Edward develop over the past several months. I needed to talk with someone who was completely on the outside of my seriously fucked up situation.

"So are things over between you two?" Jacob asked as he walked over to the couch with two mugs of hot chocolate. I sipped mine quietly for a minute before answering.

"I don't want to think that it is, but he just hurt me so much, Jake."

Jacob threw his arm across my shoulder and moved a little closer to him. I loved that he was so warm, especially since I felt so utterly cold without Edward. "I would never hurt you like that, Bella, you know that."

"I do but, Jake, don't expect me to crawl into your arms just because I had a fight with Edward. I still love him and I still want to be with him. And he was right, I do need to move on and let some things go. It just hurt so much to hear him say it the way that he did.

I grabbed my hot chocolate and sipped it again. I wiped away a stray tear hoping Jacob wouldn't notice, but then I felt his hand brush away the moisture, his touch just as gentle as Edward's was when he wiped away my tears. I lost it. I broke down leaning into Jacob and started to bawl like a baby.

Suddenly a ripping sound from outside, the sound of gears grinding together by force pulled me from my misery. I knew the sound of that engine. I jumped off the couch and ran to the window just in time to see a very familiar Volvo pulling away down the hill.

Oh God, he had seen me. I could only imagine what Edward was going to think. He would assume I was betraying him by being here. That I was officially leaving him, but that wasn't the case. No, I couldn't let him do that. I grabbed my coat off the chair I had thrown it and grabbed the knob for the front door. Jacob's hand crashed down on mine stopping me.

"What are you doing?" he asked incredulously. "You're really going to go after him?"

"I can't let him assume things, Jacob. It's unfair."

"It unfair what he did to you, yet you're going to go running back to him?"

"I'm not running back to him, Jake." I threw his hand off and pulled the door open. "I just can't let him…I can't let him think…I need to go, I'm sorry."

I drove back to Forks as fast as my truck would go and headed straight for Edward's house. I was halfway there when it dawned on me, how the hell did he know where I was in the first place? Had Angela talked, or did he just make a lucky guess? _Was he spying on me?_

Did my note mean nothing to him? I mean, yes it had been abrupt and rather to the point, but all I had made was a simple request for some space. Was that too much to ask for?

I turned my truck around at the next available opportunity and drove back home. I would let Edward sit and stew over this for a while.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It was going on close to two weeks now since we had last spoken. Edward never called to confront me about Jacob, and I never called him asking to see him or just talk to him. I was really doing that through Alice, no matter that I hated making her a bridge between her brother and me.

I didn't know how much longer I was going to be able to go without physically speaking to Edward face to face or even simply hearing his voice. The longer I went without it, the more I was going to see Jacob. He forgave me for running out on him, but he still didn't understand why I couldn't let Edward go.

I had stopped trying to explain it to him, and just him rant about how I could do so much better. I barely listened. I knew Jacob was just getting out months worth of pent up jealousy because I would rarely, if ever, spend time with him. But I kept him in check by reminding him that he had been the one to initially go two months without so much as a phone call after my father died.

"Do you need a ride to La Push today?" Angela asked on the Friday afternoon that marked two weeks since I had kicked Edward out of my house.

"No, I'm just going to drive again today, it's nice out."

"It's supposed to rain really hard later, so let me know if you need to be picked up. I'll be glad to come and get you, I know how horrible your truck does in wet weather."

"Yeah, tell me about it." I mumbled as I remembered the conversation from weeks ago with Edward about what was wrong with my truck. The only think I had done to it was replace the wiper blades. I didn't have the time to deal with any other nonsense, and it was still working fine in my opinion. Once school was over I would let Jacob give my truck a full detox and give him the money to replace whatever needing replacing and whatever needed fixing.

I said goodbye to Angela and made my way across the lot to my truck stopping to unlock the door. As I pulled it open I glanced back over my shoulder to see Edward staring at me, a mixture of pain, sadness, and anger across his face. I tried to force a small smile, but I just couldn't.

I climbed into the cab and yanked the door shut shoving the key into the ignition and turned the engine over. The familiar snarl of it was comforting to me, such an opposite sound to the purr of Edward's Volvo. I looked up glancing across the lot once more, our eyes meeting. Edward looked away immediately turning to face his car.

The look in his eyes haunted me the entire time I drove home. I wished I could go over to him and tell him about what I had been doing the past two weeks. Everything in my father's room was packed away ready for storage. I had gone through everything in the living room and decided what was to be donated, what was to be thrown out, and what I was keeping.

I had ten boxes total of things that belonged to both of my parents that I was keeping, three boxes, mostly clothes, that were being donated, and two very large plastic bags of trash. I still had not made a final decision on the house, but I had sent Dartmouth a response. I wanted to be with Edward in the fall when he moved to the east coast.

To say that the last two weeks had been painful for me would be an understatement, but as I walked in the front door and looked around at all of the progress I had made, I felt very proud of myself and was able to breathe so much easier. I no longer cringed as I entered this house; I no longer felt the flood tears as I walked into my father's bedroom. I had actually managed to sleep in there the other night after passing out from hours of going through old photo albums.

I knew when I woke up in the morning that I had finally been able to let go. The fears and regrets I had been battling with over the last four months were finally subsiding. My ghosts were retreating and leaving behind a feeling of peace within my soul. Something I desperately craved.

Now if I could only bring myself to find the strength to talk to Edward and tell him that I loved him, I would feel completely healed. But something inside me was still holding me back, and I had no idea what it was.

I was just starting dinner when my cell phone rang and I grabbed it recognizing Edward's ringtone. "Hello," I answered breathlessly. No answer. "Hello, Edward?"

Still nothing, and then the line went dead.

I stood at the stove staring at my phone. That had definitely been Edward; only he had _Clair de Lune_ as his ringtone. I sucked in a deep breath knowing that it was now or never. I punched in the speed dial for his cell and waited impatiently for him to pick.

"Hello?" My heart stopped as soon as I heard the sadness in his voice. It almost sounded like he had been crying.

"Hey, did you just call me?" I asked, duh, of course he did.

"Yeah, by accident, I didn't mean to."

"Oh, I thought…well, the call didn't drop out right away so I thought maybe you wanted to talk." I turned the stove off so my rice wouldn't burn and I could pay more attention to Edward.

He sighed on the other end and it sounded as though he was really thinking something through, like one of those sighs you let out after a rather frustrating internal battle with yourself. "Not right now, Bella."

"We need to talk eventually, Edward."

"So now all of a sudden you want to have a conversation with me?"

I gasped at the sharpness of his tone and was suddenly interrupted from my next sentence by my phone beeping in my ear. Jacob's number appeared across the screen as 'call waiting', but I ignored it.

"Yes I want to have a conversation with you, we need to talk about this, Edward."

"You seem to be doing just fine talking to Jacob about it."

"Don't bring him into this. He has nothing to do with us." I spat. "This is about you and me, and no one else."

"Then why are you going to him?"

I sighed and plopped myself down in one of the chairs leaning my head forward into my hand and running it back through my hair. "Look, Angela told me that she explained things to you. I'm not mad at her, and I'm not mad at you for…whatever it was you were doing that day you came down to La Push, but do you get that I needed someone to talk to who has been on the outside this entire time?"

"Not particularly,"

"Will you try?"

"I really don't feel like it, Bella."

I growled a little in frustration and pulled the phone away from my ear. _I was trying right now, asshole, the least you could do is return the favor._

"Please, Edward…" I didn't want to let him go, and he needed to understand some things. But it was going to be impossible if he was going to keep shutting me down like this.

"I have to go, Bella. I made a mistake before calling you, I didn't mean to, and I really don't want to get into this right now with you. I might call you later, though, I don't know. I have to go,"

"Edward, wait, please."

"Bye, Bella,"

As soon as the line went dead I contemplated throwing my phone into the wall, but I knew that would just be childish and I had better control over my temper than that. I couldn't let Edward think the way he was. I needed to be honest with him, I needed to pull him into my arms and make up for the past two weeks of hell I had surely put him through.

I grabbed my keys off the hook by the front door and stopped when I pulled it open. It was absolutely pouring outside. With a resounding sigh I pulled my boots on and grabbed my coat, running out to my truck after I made sure the front door was locked.

I just needed to get to the Cullen's, go up to Edward's room and sit with him as long as it took us both to talk things out. My mind was finally straight, I knew what I wanted. And I wasn't going to let him slip through my fingers because I could be so un-freaking-decided sometimes.

I tried to drive carefully through the flooding streets, but it was pouring so hard out and my lights weren't exactly bright anymore, and I couldn't see beyond five feet in front of me. Just as I passed through the last traffic light before the turn off for the Cullen's driveway I heard my wheels go through a deep puddle. I eased down on the brakes, and by ease I mean I slammed them down in fear and suddenly the entire back end of my truck was spinning to the right.

I remember the truck sliding, I remember hearing a loud crash and being thrown forward into the windshield, and then my world went black.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A/N: sorry for the cliffhanger, I love you all. Please review!!!


	30. Verity

A/N: I'm sorry I made everyone freak out a little with the last chapter, but come on, the story was getting too fluffy and lovey-dovey between them, drama was needed.

AFF:

Zynda: Aww…You think so? Thanks so much!!! Seriously, thank you!!! : )

Lady Twia Rose-Rahl: Glad you want more, means you're enjoying it!!! Thanks for reviewing!!!

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight but i did buy my New Moon ticket this morning for the midnight premiere!!!

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Chapter 30: Verity

Edward's Point of View

I shouldn't have hung up on Bella in the first place. And then she called me right back a moment later. I had intentionally called her to talk; I wanted to end the two weeks of silence between us because I didn't know how much more I could honestly take; but as soon as she picked up and I heard her voice for the first time in two weeks, I lost all my nerve and hung up.

The brief conversation that we did have only moments later did not end the way that I wanted it to. I was such a jerk to her, I snapped at her, and then I hung up…again. I felt like such an ass to her, but I was surprised that she actually called me back; I assumed I was going to keep getting the silent treatment from her.

Afterward I lay on my bed with my phone sitting on my pillow. It never rang again. I must have fallen asleep because I was woken up by Alice slamming into my room screaming. What she told me next very nearly stopped my heart. Bella had been in a car accident. Carlisle had just called from the hospital and told Esme that Bella had been admitted to the ER after crashing her truck into a tree on the main road. Luckily there had been others out driving as well, although I didn't know why in this crazy rain, and someone had phoned in the accident.

I didn't even want to think about why Bella, of all people, was out driving in this weather. Where could she possibly have been going? I prayed not to La Push. Alice was in no shape to come with us to the hospital, so just my mother and went I drove over, me being the driver and not exactly able to focus. Esme cried softly in the passenger seat the entire ride. I reached over and took her hand holding it firmly. Neither one of us wanted to imagine that Bella had just possibly been ripped from our lives.

We weren't allowed in the room yet, and initially not at all because we weren't family, but the doctor attending to Bella knew she was the daughter of the deceased Police Chief and knew she had no other family to speak of, and would allow us in once she had been stabilized.

He explained the details of the accident, how Bella had been wearing her seat belt, and was still thrown into the windshield and was knocked unconscious from the impact. Esme started crying all over again, so I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and held her the way she had held me the night Bella kicked me out of her house. The doctor went on to explain that the driver side door of her truck had to be cut away in order for the EMTs to reach her and cut her loose from the seat belt.

After expressing how sorry he was, Bella's doctor assured us that once she was cleaned up and sedated we would be able to see her. But it could be a couple of hours. Esme asked if there was any way for my father to attend to her at some point and was momentarily relieved from her sorrow when she received a 'yes' from the ER doctor. He left us then to go check on the nurses that were taking care of Bella at the moment.

The next couple of hours dragged. Esme managed to pass them by calling Alice frequently to check on her. My sister had found enough strength to call Jasper and he was over at the house with her keeping her calm. I'll admit my sister had made a wonderful choice in boyfriend with Jasper. If there was any man on this planet that could keep Alice in check emotionally, it was him. He just had a way of relaxing the atmosphere around him. I think it had something to do with his significant charismatic skills, but essentially Jasper was just a very soothing individual.

When a nurse came back out to tell us that we could see Bella now, Esme practically flew down the hall to the room the nurse had mentioned. I remained rooted in my seat. I couldn't find the strength to get up now. If she was broken and mangled I don't think I could stand to see the sight of it. But if she had been that injured I was sure the doctor from earlier would have told us that. When I finally managed to get up I walked slowly around the corner and down the hall to Bella's room.

I could only stand there outside the room looking through the glass window watching my mother sit at Bella's bedside holding her hand. I couldn't make my feet walk forward into the room to join her; I was frozen where I stood, frozen with fear. Bella was so still, so pale. I heard footsteps approaching down the hall and turned over my shoulder to see my father. He stopped beside me and placed one hand on my shoulder in comfort.

"She's sedated right now, Edward, and will be for some time." He said quietly.

"How bad is she?" I could barely hear the words as they left my mouth.

Carlisle flipped through some papers on his clipboard. "Nothing too severe. She has twenty-five stitches on her face, ten in her arm, four broken ribs, a broken wrist, and her leg is fractured in three places." He fixed the papers and looked at me. "But nothing serious, and there will be no permanent damage. She'll need some physical therapy and she's going to be here for about a week. But she will be fine."

"Nothing serious," I looked over at him, my tone was doubtful.

Carlisle placed his hand back on my shoulder. "It's a long list of injuries, but there was no internal damage to any organs and no internal bleeding of any kind. That's what I mean by serious or severe, Edward. That would have justified surgery."

"Is she going to have a scar across her forehead?" My eyes looked to the heavy bandaging around Bella's head.

"No, it wasn't a deep cut, just long. That's twenty of the stitches. She's got a cut on her chin as well."

I just breathed and continued to stare t her. "I've already called the school to have you excused next week and you're welcome to stay here with your mother. She's not leaving. Alice will be staying with Jasper for the time being."

"Mom is staying?" I asked incredulously.

"She won't leave, Edward. She refuses."

I nodded and let out a breath. "Go sit with her, Bella I mean. She'll know you're there."

I nodded again and started to walk toward the door, but I turned back to my father at the last second. "Dad, did she say anything to you?"

"She's been unconscious since I started treating her."

"You don't think she did this on purpose do you?"

"I don't know, son. I would like to hope not. I don't think Bella would do something like that."

"Me, too." I sighed, and turned to walk into the room. Esme looked up as I entered and rose from her seat to give it to me. I tried to tell her no, that she should sit there, but she insisted and made the excuse to go grab a cup of coffee and talk with dad. There my have been some honesty in her statement, but I think she just wanted me to be able to be alone with Bella.

Once my mother left I reached out and took Bella's hand between mine bringing it up to my lips and kissing it. I held it against my cheek, shocked that she felt cold. I fixed the blanket around her carefully, hoping I didn't disturb her. As I sat down again I remembered what Carlisle had said about her going to be out for a while.

"I love you," I whispered to her, taking her hand in mine again. "I'm sorry, Bella."

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My mother woke me some time later pressing a cup of hot coffee into my hand and advising me to go get some food with my father. We sat in the employee room munching on whatever was in the fridge and watching the news. Carlisle tried to get me to talk, but to no avail.

My thoughts were far away, three floors up with Bella. I didn't want to be down here, I didn't want to be away from her. I wanted to be next to her, holding her hand and reading to her from her favorite novel. It was the least I could do now.

Carlisle escorted me back to Bella's room and my mother advised me once again, this time telling me to get some sleep. Alice was going to be bringing my work from school by everyday so I wouldn't fall behind. I wish there was some way I could do the same for Bella, but with her passed out for God knows how long, it was a mute point.

Over the course of the next three days I barely left Bella's side except to use the bathroom. Esme and I traded sides from time to time, even Alice would stick around for an hour or two after school. Most of the time I read to Bella from _Wuthering Heights_ or any Jane Austen novel Alice brought by. I played her favorite music on my iPod and hummed to her some of the melodies. Sometimes it felt like she was in a coma, although that wasn't the case, she was just heavily sedated.

It was very late on the third night and I must have fallen asleep next to her bed because I was being woken up by something running through my hair. I picked my head up from where I had laid it on my folded arms on her bed and gasped in shock. Bella was awake and running her fingers gently through my hair.

"Bella," I breathed her name and stood for a moment to press a soft kiss to the part of her forehead that wasn't bandaged.

I sat back down taking her hand in both of mine and kissed the back of it, minding the needle of course. "Hey, sweetheart," I said softly, just holding her hand now. Bella tried to smile but it pulled at the stitches on her chin and she grimaced in pain.

"How long have I been out?"

"Three days, your body needed the rest. You have a lot of injuries."

"Is that why everything hurts?" Bella tried to move but I reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder to hold her down gently.

"Don't move. Is the pain bad?"

"It's not unbearable?"

I got up and leaned over her pressing my lips to hers as gently as possible. I felt Bella smile infinitesimally as I pulled back. "Keep doing that and may just all go away." She murmured, so I kissed her again. The heart monitor beside the bed jumped erratically. I pulled back and it slowly returned to normal.

"Not too much of that, you need to rest." I said as I sat back down chuckling. I love the effect I had on this girl.

"What's the damage?" she asked settling her free hand in her lap.

"You want the whole list?"

Bella tried to raise an eyebrow but that made her grimace as well. "There's a list?" she asked once her features settled out of the pain-induced scowl.

"Just a bit of one." I said with a small smile.

"Give it to me, but I bet I can already guess half of them."

"Well, you have twenty-five stitches on your face, ten in your arm, four broken ribs, a broken wrist, and our leg is fractured in three places."

"I think that's my biggest whoops moment yet."

I scoffed, "You wrapped your truck around a tree, Bella. What do you remember?"

Bella took an almost steady breath and looked away from me for a moment; off into the distance as she racked her drug hazed mind for details. "I was driving to see you after you hung up on me the second time. I didn't want you thinking, assuming really, that something was going on between me and Jacob because there wasn't. And I really wanted to talk to you, I _needed_ to talk to you.

"I went through a really deep puddle and I got scared, and slammed down on the breaks. My truck started to hydroplane and the last thing I remember is a loud crash and being thrown forward in my seat…"

Bella looked back over to me and our eyes locked for a moment, and then I had to look away from her. I needed a moment. Carlisle had told me the exact detailed damage to her truck, and even I couldn't believe it. One word: Totaled. Bella's hand flipping to hold mine pulled me back to her.

"Did you say I wrapped my truck around a tree?"

"Yeah, it's gone."

"What?" She nearly shouted. "No! Edward, my dad gave me that truck."

"Hang on," I said getting up and holding her shoulders gently, "Calm down, baby. Don't flip out yet, we still have it. It was taken to the dump, but Carlisle made some calls and Jasper and Emmett picked it up. I knew you would be devastated and it would be worse if it was scraped without you knowing."

"What do you mean, I'm confused, where's my truck?"

"In our backyard. I have an idea as to what to do with it, but it would require Rosalie's help."

Bella crossed her arms as best as she could and as far as all the cables and tubes attached to her would allow. "Why?"

I smirked playfully. "We'll dismantle what's left and then give it a proper burial."

"In your backyard?" Bella sounded skeptical.

"Wherever you want,"

Bella sighed heavily and let her entire body relax as she slumped back into her pillow. "Let's talk about it later. But my truck isn't _gone_ gone, right?"

"No, it's not gone, and you should rest."

"Stay with me," Bella reached out grabbing my hand.

"I'm not going anywhere." I promised her.

"Good," She laid back and tried shutting her eyes, but twenty minutes later she still wasn't asleep. "Maybe we should talk a little."

"I have been wondering about what you said about coming to see me."

Bella let out a breath and shut her eyes for a moment. I squeezed her hand gently. "You don't have to say anything if you don't want to."

"No, we need to do this." Bella nodded and looked up to me with tears in her eyes.

"Bella, baby…please don't stress yourself out."

"No, it's not that. I…I owe you an apology. I…I'm so sorry, Edward. You were right. I shouldn't have hit you. I just…I just didn't realize how badly I needed to hear those things and it shocked me to hear them from you. It really surprised me."

"I'll admit I shouldn't have said it the way that I did, but…"

"No, stop," Bella shushed me grabbing my hand again. "I needed to hear it, and I needed it to be harsh.."

I twined my fingers with her curling our hands into a ball. "I never meant to hurt you, you know that."

"I do, but still you were right. They're gone and I need to let go and move on." She looked around the room for a moment before settling her eyes back on me. "I'm so sorry, Edward. I won't ask you to forgive me."

I sighed heavily. I had been expecting this from her, it was so Bella. I'll admit it stung to have her gone like she was from my life, and she did overreact in my mind, and her attitude hurt, but I couldn't hate her for it. And I couldn't stay quiet about my response.

"It hurt, Bella." I said quietly and watched as she sucked in a breath and let it out, her body quivering. "I missed you so much. It was hell without you."

"I'm sorry, Edward, I'm so sorry." Bella whispered as her tears finally started to spill.

I reached over and brushed them away with my hand before they touched the cut on her chin. "Stop, no more apologizing." I told her pulling back. "From either of us."

"But,"

I pressed a finger to her lips to shut her up and clasped her hand in mine. "Shush, no more."

"I have some things I need to say, though. That you need to hear; important things."

I nodded. "And I want to hear them, love, I do. But not right now. Right now I want you to rest. This is stressing you out and you've just woken up. And don't say the word fine. If you value my sanity do not say that you are 'fine'."

Bella smirked knowingly and chuckled lightly, "Ok, I won't say it."

I leaned over her and kissed her forehead again. "Thank you, how about if I sing you to sleep?"

"Would you?"

"Lay back and shut your eyes." I instructed her. She did so and I began to hum the lullaby I had composed on my piano for her, gently tapping the harmony on the inside of her palm. She was asleep in minutes.

I didn't want to get up and leave her, but I had to let my father and mother know that she had woken up. I quickly checked her monitors before I left and headed for Carlisle's office. I was surprised when her answered the door and told me to be quiet as I walked in. I understood why once I noticed my mother passed out on his couch with her arm thrown over her eyes.

"How long has she been out?"

"A few hours. I told her to rest." Carlisle explained as we walked over to his desk. He didn't bother to sit down. "What's going on, son?"

"Bella woke up and we spoke briefly. She seems ok, we talked about a couple things before she went back to sleep."

"Thank you for coming down here and telling me. I should check on her, do you want to stay here or come with me?" He offered as he shrugged his doctor's coat on.

"Uh…I'll stay here with mom, I guess. If she wakes up I'll fill her in."

Carlisle nodded and quietly headed out of the office. I decided to make myself comfortable in his chair and fiddle around with his laptop for a while before he got back. I knew he wouldn't care. All of his important files and what not were stored on the desktop computer he had here.

I guess about twenty minutes or so had passed when my father returned. Esme opened her eyes slowly and looked around noticing me sitting at the desk. "What's going on? Did something happen with Bella?"

"No, calm down, dear." Carlisle put a hand on her shoulder as she sat up. "Bella woke up and Edward came down here after she fell back asleep. I just got back from checking on her. You can go and sit with her if you want. She's resting again."

"Oh, thank goodness. I'm so relieved. I'll go sit with her for a while." Before she walked out, Esme came over to me and hugged me tightly. "Bella couldn't have a better person in her life to rely on Edward, remember that."

"Thanks, mom." I whispered back to her. It helped, truly.

Because I knew it was true, as true as it was to say that I couldn't ask for anyone better than Bella to love with all my heart.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Bella's Point of View

"When are you going to tell him?" Alice asked as she pulled the curtains aside so the light increased significantly in the room from florescent to natural.

I squinted at the sudden burst of light and sat up more in the bed watching Alice as she stared down into the parking lot. I had insisted that Esme tell her son to go home, take a shower and rest for a couple hours. Edward had complied very reluctantly, but in the conceded and disappeared for the remainder of the evening promising to return some time in the morning.

"When…" I started, but I shifted in the wrong direction on the bed and yelped at little at the pain in my leg. Alice started to rush over, but I told her not to, I was fine. "Is he here? Is that why you're asking?"

"Maybe," Alice smirked, turning to glance back out the window.

"Mary Alice Cullen, I swear to God! Stop messing with my head!"

Alice giggled from her position by the window. "Sorry, I know you're not in the mood right now. But seriously," she crossed the room and sat down on my bed placing a hand on my knee. "Yes, he's here. So when are you going to tell him?"

"Today, like I promised him last night."

"Good, he'll be very happy."

"I hope so," I let out a long sigh and slumped back against the pillows.

"Bella, I know I told you I'm siding with Edward, but like I said before, it doesn't mean I agree with what he said. The blame doesn't fall on just him."

"Elaborate please," I requested pinching my nose between my thumb and forefinger; a habit I had picked up from Edward.

"He shouldn't have been pushing you into making the decisions that you have. You needed to do this on your own. But you shouldn't have shut him out every time he tried to suggest something to help you, so the blame falls on both of you."

"So we both fucked up?" I asked trying to organize in my mind what Alice was saying to me.

"Yes," she confirmed. We both looked up when someone knocked on the door. "It'll be fine. I can assure you he is going to be very happy, and very proud of you."

"How can you possibly know?" I asked as Alice rose from the bed and went to get the door. She tapped her head.

"Intuition,"

I sat up a little more in my bed as Edward walked in and Alice walked out shutting the door behind her to give us privacy.

"Hey, sweetheart," Edward greeted me leaning over to place a kiss on my forehead.

"Hey, feel better now?"

"Yes much, I really needed that shower."

"You didn't shave." I commented as I reached up to trace my finger along his scruff. "I like it." The smile I received in return was enough to produce one of my own.

"Good," Edward sat down on my bed and I shifted a bit to make more room for him. "So…You had important thins you wanted to tell me. Good things I hope."

"Definitely," I grinned at him and reached out taking his hand threading our fingers together. "I've started to move on, Edward. I'm letting go. I've packed up a lot of my parents' belongings that I plan to get rid of or donate…I slept in my dad's room."

"That's excellent, Bella, I'm so proud of you." Edward responded earnestly.

I held up a hand for him to wait. "I'm not done yet. I have even better new than that." I watched as Edward held his breath and I knew exactly what he was thinking. "I sent Dartmouth a response. I want to be with you in the Fall, Edward. I want to go east with you. I told them yes."

Edward's arms were suddenly around me and he was pulling me forward to his body as he crushed his lips to mine kissing me passionately. His hands squeezed my back pressing me ever closer to his chest. He only parted when we both desperately needed oxygen.

He cupped my face in both of his hands resting his forehead against mine. "Bella, you don't know how happy you've just made me." He breathed, sounding like he still couldn't believe what I had just said.

"I can't be without you, Edward. I can't imagine how much hesitancy to respond must have hurt you."

Edward pulled away a little bit and pressed his finger to my lips. "Don't apologize."

"But you must have been thinking about how serious I truly felt about us. You must have been questioning it, Edward. Don't tell me you weren't."

He sighed and leaned in pressing a light kiss to my lips. "I did question it, yes, but I could never bring myself to believe that you would actually say no to me. I know you love me, Bella, and I love you, too. More than should be humanly possible, but I love you…And I can't be without you either."

"Edward…"

"No," He pressed his finger to my lips again. "No apologies, Bella. It doesn't matter right now. All that matters is that you and I are going to be together in the fall, no matter what."

"Right,"

He leaned in pressing the softest kiss to my forehead, and then to my lips. God, it felt so good.

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A/N: Didn't I say everything would be fine???

REVIEW PLEASE!!!


	31. A Future Together

A/N:Thank you everyone for not killing me over the last couple of chapters, and thank you even more so for continuing to put up with my chronic writer's block.

AFF:

Gaps of Misery: Trust me, you can bitch me out I'm used to it. I haven't developed the thick skin I have today by not going through some of the s*** that I have in my life, and by not learning to take it when someone isn't 100% happy with me or something I've done.

But still, thank you very, very much for your honesty. That truly shows something to me. And I promise no more hurting after, except for one thing that Bella will need to conquer (which you will see in this chapter) and then no more pain and no more hurt.

I don't know if this will perk you up or not, but Edward will have the opportunity to beat the crap out of Newton.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, I wished I own Twilight.

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Chapter 31: A Future Together

Bella's Point of View

It was a long two weeks in the hospital and at the end of it I was ready to pull my hair out. I hated being sedentary. I was used to a busy life and just lying around in a bed was irritating beyond belief. I didn't care if I needed to heal, I could do that at home. Why did I have to be stuck here?

So finally when Carlisle signed me out I was ready to get down on my knees and praise him, but that wouldn't have been possible since I was in a walking cast for the next month or so. I hated it whenever I broke bones. They take too long to mend themselves.

"I have a question for you." Edward stated as he helped me from my bed. He wrapped one arm around my waist and slung my duffle bag that Alice had graciously brought over for me stuffed with clean underwear and my favorite books.

"And what would that be?" I asked as I hobbled out of the room. Alice, Esme, Jasper, and Carlisle were all waiting for us in the hall.

"Do you want to go to the prom?" Edward asked. Alice laughed out loud and Jasper snickered beside her. "Shut up," he shot at them. I caught a hint of a smile on Esme's face.

"Edward, she can hardly walk as it is, what makes you think she'll be able to dance?" Alice asked.

"Will you please be quiet, darling sister, and let her answer me."

"I agree with darling sister. If I can't walk, and that's a constant the majority of the time anyway, then I certainly can't dance. And you know I can't even move side to side without hurting someone."

"Now you're exaggerating and trying to find excuses."

"Bite me,"

Everyone laughed as we got on the elevator, and Edward bowed his head nipping at my neck a little. I wished he hadn't done that because now I wanted his family nowhere in sight while I screwed him senseless against the wall of the elevator.

I had gotten over my anger for the most part over what Edward had said to me, but it still stung a little bit and that was because I still had parts of my past I needed to let go of. But I was making progress and I was proud of myself. We stepped off the elevator when it reached the ground floor and Edward helped me through the revolving door handing my duffle off to Jasper as we walked ahead of us.

He, Alice, and Esme had come over together so they walked in the direction of Esme's car while Edward, Carlisle, and I walked over to the good doctor's Mercedes. As soon as Edward opened the back door for me, however, I felt someone kicked me in the chest. I collapsed back against him staring into the expanse of the back seat as my breathing picked up.

"Bella, what's wrong?" Edward asked frantically.

"I thought this might happen," Carlisle commented as he walked back over from the driver's side.

"I can't get in that car." I panted.

"Why not, what's wrong?"

I turned and buried my face in his chest. Reality hit me with such force that it took my breath away. I couldn't get in that car, any car for that matter. I'd been in an accident, in the rain. Just like my mother.

I'd totaled my truck where her car flipped over. I almost died, where she was dead instantly. _I can't get in that car!_

"Dad, what's wrong?"

"Post traumatic stress. I knew this would happen considering…"Carlisle trailed off as he pulled out his cell. "Can you come over to the garage, bring Alice."

"Considering what?" Edward asked as he held me a little tighter.

"Considering how her mother died." Carlisle said quietly. I didn't howl in grief, but I did clutch Edward's shirt a little harder in my fist. Looking over his shoulder I saw Esme's car pull up outside the garage and Alice jumped out running over to us.

"Bella, we need to get you home. You have to get in the car." Edward whispered in my ear.

"I can't!"

"Try…"

"I can't, Edward…"

Carlisle placed his hand on Edward's shoulder. "Don't push her," he cautioned.

"You ok, Bella?" Alice asked once she reached us. I shook my head. "You need to get in the car, sweetie." I shook my head again. "All right, may I try something?" she offered. I nodded. "Look at me and close your eyes."

I did as she asked and I heard something rustling. "That's not going to work." Edward commented. Alice didn't respond. I felt her place something over my eyes and then tie behind my head.

"Don't open your eyes until Edward says to, all right?" Alice asked. I nodded. I felt Edward pick me up and start walking and suddenly I knew what they trying to do.

I whimpered loudly in his arms, but he held me tight and I felt his body dip as he sat down. "I can't do this…"

"Shh…try and relax." All I heard was his voice, and then quiet slam of the car door. I flinched in his arms, but he held me still. I knew exactly where I was; I knew exactly what was going to happen.

"Let me out," I cried into his chest.

"It's ok, this will be over in a few minutes."

"I don't want to be in here!"

I heard another shut and the engine started. I buried my head in Edward's chest and cried. He just kept holding me, rubbing my back and kissing the top of my head the entire way home. The purr of the engine was normally enough to put me to sleep, but every time Carlisle hit the brake I flinched.

"Almost home, Bella." He said after what felt like forever. I was trembling so hard now in Edward's arms I thought I felt his body vibrating along with mine.

"I don't know how much more of this she can take."

"Almost home," Carlisle repeated.

I was ready to jump out of the back seat as soon as I heard engine turn off, but the door next to us popped open and Edward stood up with me sill in his arms before I had the chance to fly. He set me down on my feet and removed whatever it was around my eyes.

"Open your eyes now, Bella."

I slid them open one by one and before me was the Cullen's house. The only thing keeping me from making a mad dash was Edward's arm firmly around my waist. "You ok?" he asked me quietly.

I turned into him and clutched at the collar of his shirt, but I nodded my head. He walked me inside and into the kitchen where Esme, bless her, had a cup of tea and some butter cookies waiting for me. Edward helped me sit down and placed my bad leg up on a pillow on a chair.

"I'm sorry to put you through that," he started as he sat down next to me. He snatched a cookie from my plate. "But you know we had to get you home one way or the other."

"I know," I sighed as I nibbled. "Just don't make me go through it again for a day or so all right. I have to deal with this in my head."

"Ok, but talk to me about it all right? And to Esme, and Carlisle and Alice…we're all here for you, Bella."

I reached over placing my hand on his. "Thank you," I received a pleasant grin in response and he leaned in pressing a soft kiss to my lips.

"I have another question for you, and I want an answer to the first before I ask the second."

"How far away is prom?" I asked, sipping my tea.

"Next week,"

"I'll think about it."

Edward looked down to the table and shook his head still grinning. "All right, my other question is, and it's more like a…no it's a question. I want to take you out east for a weekend in New Hampshire. I want to show you the area, show you the college…spend some real alone time with you." He looked up at me from under his long, beautiful lashes. "What do you say?"

I sat there in my chair stunned. What did he just ask? Was he basically asking me to take a short vacation with him, just him and me? On the other coast? Could I do that? I sat back in my chair as I nibbled another cookie pondering seriously over my answer.

"Do you need to think about this one, too?" Edward asked after a solid minute of silence between us.

"Yes," I answered.

"Ok, I'll let you think."

I sat up grabbing his hand. "No, I mean 'yes' I'll go with you. I want to see everything you want to show me."

Edward's eyes lit up with such joy that it brought a huge smile to my face. He was out of his chair in a second and lifting me up from mine carefully before he crushed his mouth to mine.

"One of these days you are going to make me so happy that my heart will literally explode with glee." He smiled at me as he set me back down on my feet.

"I certainly hope not, because I want you around for a long time…" I leaned up best I could and kissed him in a way that I hoped conveyed how much I truly loved him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Edward's Point of View

Alice staunchly refused to let me anywhere near the upstairs starting at ten this morning when she kidnapped Bella, and yes I mean kidnapped her, and took over the entire ritual of getting her ready for prom. I was forced to spend the day downstairs with Jasper and Emmett playing X-Box and eating junk food while Rosalie disappeared upstairs when she arrived to help Alice, and to also get ready herself.

I wasn't even allowed to know the color of Bella's dress. All the information Alice had given me was 'get her white flowers'. I was hoping she would dress Bella in the blue gown I had chosen that day when we all went shopping together. If she wasn't dressing Bella in that I hoped at least she was dressing my date in something…not slutty.

Prom started at six so at five I jumped in the shower and then did my hair the normal messy way that Bella liked it. I knew Alice was going to have something to say about it being special occasion and I should at least _try_ and do something nice with it.

My responding argument would be that my hair had a mind all its own and no matter how I try to tame it, it will still stick up in direction it so desires. I could care less. I liked it sloppy too. And even if I did try and smooth some of it down, Bella would run her fingers through the first chance we got to make out and sloppy it up anyway.

I dressed in my suit rather quickly in the downstairs bathroom and left the door open so Jasper or Emmett could go in next and have their turn. I knew Rosalie was wearing a scarlet, backless gown the hit the floor, so Emmett had a matching vest paired with his suit. He had a wristlet arranged with white flowers and a red ribbon.

Alice was wearing a short purple dress, so Jasper had done the same thing and got a vest to match her dress as well. Only he had gotten a wristlet of Forget-Me-Not flowers for her instead of white roses like what Emmett had done. I got Bella a wristlet of white freesia. I liked the way they smelled, and I knew mixed with Bella's natural fragrance, she would smell just…beautiful tonight.

"Alice!" I called up the stairs at quarter to six.

"We're coming down right now, chill fucking chill." She called back.

"Alice," Esme called in warning from the kitchen as my sister descended the stairs. She had her short hair in its usual spiky-do. Rosalie descended the stairs next, her long blonde hair piled into a crown on her head. Both guys took their turn presenting their dates with their flowers while I stared up the stairs waiting for Bella.

"Is she coming?"

"Yeah, Carlisle just wanted to check the stitches on her arm and redress it before we left."

I looked back up the stairs just in time to see Bella round the corner. I think my jaw dropped because I felt my mother's finger under my chin pushing my mouth closed. Bella was dressed not in the gown I had picked out, but something much more beautiful. Alice must have found it. It was a royal blue floor length gown with a v-neck that showed off enough cleavage to be classy and still leave a little to the imagination. Her hair was down in soft curls, the left side pinned back just a little with sapphire colored clips.

"Holy shit," I whispered when she reached the bottom of the stairs. Her walking cast was completely hidden under the dress, but the bandage on her arm from her wrist almost to her elbow was in plain sight. Bella didn't seem too bothered by it.

"You look nice, too." She commented.

"Show him your one shoe." Alice encouraged. Bella lifted her dress high enough to flash me a low top black Converse with blue laces. I laughed out loud. "I agreed only because she's still having trouble walking in that cast. We don't need her falling down tonight and fracturing the other leg.

"You look beautiful," I said staring into her eyes. I grabbed my wristlet for her off the hall table and clipped it to her wrist. I then turned over my shoulder and saluted my sister with two fingers. "You do nice work."

"Thank you," Alice sounded a little smug.

"Can we go now please," Rosalie whined a little, adjusting her red shawl across her arms.

Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and Rose all piled into Emmett's Jeep and took off while I helped Bella into my Volvo. We had spent the last week working on her fear of riding in cars. She was starting to get over her fear of the passenger side, but she was nowhere close to being to drive again yet.

I held her hand the whole time over to the prom, squeezing whenever I felt her tense up. It happened primarily as I hit the brake at any traffic light. As soon as we were at the school and I helped her out she was much better. I paid for our bids at the entrance and we walked in arm in arm our eyes immediately scanning the gym for the other four in our group.

Alice and Jasper were already on the dance floor having the time of their lives while Emmett and Rose were congregating with members of both the football team and the cheerleading squad.

"Want a drink?" I offered, raising my voice a little over the noise of the music. Bella nodded. I gave her hand a squeeze before walking over to the refreshment table to get two cups of punch. On the way I decided to locate our table for dinner. It was easy to find since the six of us were sitting together, and Alice and Rose had already draped their respective shawls over their chairs.

As I walked back over to Bella, drinks in hand, I saw Mike Newton basically interrogating her and I felt my blood begin to boil. Bella looked very uncomfortable and slightly pissed off. I set our drinks down on our table and started crossing the gym faster. I could start to make out what Mike was saying as I approached.

Mike looked down to her wrist and grabbed for it. "So what happened, Bella, did you finally crack?"

_I'll show you crack._

Mike hit the floor as soon as my fist hit his face. Bella grabbed my arm pulling me back as obscenities began spilling forth from my mouth. "You fucking piece of shit!" I yelled at him as Emmett's arm braced around my chest. It was the only thing keeping me from getting down the floor with that dirt and beating him senseless.

Blood began to flow freely from his nostrils and I laughed for a moment internally before another round of foul language bubbled up. "Don't you _ever_ accuse her of that again!"

"Emmett, let him go." Bella said gently. She kept a firm hold on my arm as she pulled me away. A couple of guys helped Mike up, Jessica fluttering over him with concern, but not getting too close. I assumed it was so none of her date's blood got on her hot pink dress that was too short to be called a dress.

Bella pulled me over to the table and sat me down grabbing a napkin. She started to gently pat at the perspiration on my forehead. "You didn't have to hit him." She smiled at me.

"He shouldn't have said that to you." I retorted.

"Thank you for defending me."

I turned to face her, turning away from the scene of Mike being helped to the bleachers and a couple of teachers rushing over with bundles of paper towels.

"You're welcome," I whispered back. "You think they're going to kick us out now?"

Bella shrugged. "Would it matter? We could always dance outside."

"Of course it would matter. I don't want your evening ruined because if that asshole."

Bella laughed lightly, but then her smile tightened as she looked up and over my shoulder. I turned to see Jessica Stanley standing there, arms crossed over her chest.

"What he said wasn't right, Bella, I'm sorry. I told the principal and Mike has suspension for a week, so does Edward. He's not going to send you home, if you were afraid of that." Jessica turned to me now.

"No, suspension is cool." I responded. "I can catch up on sleep, and I have a trip to plan anyway." I discreetly slid my hand onto Bella's lap and laced our fingers together.

"Mike's awfully pissed, though. He complained about having to miss some stupid game. I think it's the girls Powder Puff football game. Oh well." Jessica offered us a smile and turned to go.

"Thanks for being the bearer of bad news." Bella called after her.

"You're welcome. I'll see you and Ang Monday at lunch." Jessica called back.

I picked up my cup of punch that was probably at room temperature now and Bella did the same. "To…a future together?"

"Sounds good to me." We clinked our little plastic cups, and like a cliché romantic comedy we linked arms and sipped our drinks.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A/N: There is still the epilogue, so never fear!


	32. Epilogue: Marier Vous Avec Moi

A/N: This is the last chapter for NLTL; I know I know, tears, tears. But don't worry! See bottom author's note for the good news!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, but the wooden Twilight calendar on my desk is telling me we are in the month of October. When did that happen?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Epilogue: Marier- Vous Avec Moi

Bella's Point of View

"You got everything?" Alice asked for the umpteenth time as she checked to make sure all mine and Edward's bags were tagged with ribbon. She grabbed Edward's carry-on to tie a piece of blue ribbon to it but he smacked her hand away and tied the ribbon on himself.

"What's your issue?" Alice asked as she planted her hands firmly on her hips.

"Don't touch my shit." Edward retorted. He finished tying the ribbon in a simple but tight knot and grabbed his carry-on taking it outside.

"Is there something in that bag we're not supposed to know about?" I asked out loud. He probably had a large fresh stock of condoms in there and he didn't want me thinking he was being presumptuous.

Alice just shrugged.

"Ok, lets go or we're going to miss our flight." Edward announced walking back in and grabbing the other three bags.

"Have fun," Alice waved as Edward dragged me out the front door. I had hoped Esme and Carlisle would be here to see us off as well but they, too, had decided to go away for the weekend.

I didn't want to think about the trouble Alice would be causing in the next three days. It wouldn't surprise me one bit if we came back to a house draped in toilet paper and smelling like pot.

"Are you excited?" Edward glanced over at me at one point as we drove to Port Angeles.

"I am to get away and spend some time with you." I responded honestly.

"Me too," He reached over and took my hand threading our fingers loosely. They remained laying on the center console between us the rest of the drive.

Edward refused to let my hand go in the airport, the only time being when we had to go through security. We decided to check our two bags of clothes for the weekend, and carried on the two smaller ones. I got a little suspicious when the guard decided to do a random bag check on Edward's backpack and he told me not to wait for him.

"Go grab something to eat for the flight." He suggested.

I was paying for my overpriced fruit cup at the small café when he caught up with me. "Hey," He pressed a kiss to my cheek.

"Hey, got you a cookie."

"Yay,"

I handed him his sweet treat over my shoulder and then added another as I turned and kissed him. We walked out of the café with our arms around each other's waists. "So what was up with, 'don't wait for me, go get food'?"

"Oh, I just didn't want you to get held up."

"It wouldn't have mattered to me."

"I'll remember that coming back."

We located our gate and since we still had about forty minutes to kill before boarding began I decided to wander the terminal and poke my head in a few of the shops. Maybe I would find a good book to devour on the flight. Edward opted to stay behind at the gate and shut his eye for a little while.

I was practically skipping in my excitement as I headed for the bookstore we had passed only minutes ago. I couldn't wait to get out to New Hampshire and see everything Edward wanted to show me. We weren't only going to tour the campus; we were also going to look at some of the apartments around the college as well.

He wanted to show me everything within the Dartmouth vicinity. I had laughed at him as we planned the trip over a month ago and he started doing a little dance in his desk chair as he looked at hotels and different activities we could do, and of course a very nice restaurant he wanted to go to one night.

As I walked the isles of the small Barnes and Noble my eyes scanned for any titles that looked appealing to me. I didn't know what to really look for; I didn't know what I was in the mood for. You'd think being the president of the book club I would have a better idea of the current bestsellers, but nope.

I settled on a romantic comedy and then a title with a little more drama and mystery to it. I needed something that would keep my attention and block out the snoring I was sure to endure as Edward slept the flight away.

He had pushed himself very hard as the school year ended. He was determined to do stellar on his final exams and his AP exams, and he wanted to end his final year on the track team on a high note as well. We didn't get the chance to spend as much time together as I would have wanted, but I knew part of it was because Edward was still afraid to face me.

He still felt like everything that had happened was his fault. It's taken me almost the whole month since we started planning this trip to get him to understand that it wasn't his fault. It was both of us. I still don't think he's fully forgiven himself.

As I walked back over to him I noticed he was tucking something back inside his backpack. He greeted me with a smile and planted a firm kiss on my lips as I sat down beside him. He told me to stretch out and lay my head in his lap, so I did as he asked and a moment later he was running his fingers through my hair soothingly.

"So what did you find at the bookstore?"

"A couple good books, one for the flight there and one for the flight back. I found a good word search book for you. All about sports." I glanced up at him with a smirk.

Edward laughed softly and nodded his thanks, his fingers continuing to thread through my hair. "How much longer until they start boarding?"

He glanced at his watch and then the schedule behind the small desk for our gate. "About another ten minutes or so. I can't wait to shut my eyes for an extended period of time."

"I bet. You know you can use my shoulder, right."

"Yes, thank you." He took in a slow breath and looked away for a minute, his eyes growing distant.

I reached up taking his jaw in my hand and pulled him down so his lips were against mine. "I'm sorry," He whispered. And I knew he was apologizing for holding himself back, and nothing more.

Our plane landed on time, give or take five minutes. We needed to wait an extra ten before we could disembark, and being near the back meant we got caught in the congested aisle as everyone with 'me first syndrome' pushed past us to get off. Edward and I decided to just wait until no on else around us was shoving and we slowly made our way to the front of the plane.

Getting our two suitcases took about twenty minutes, but they were easily recognizable because of the blue ribbon Alice had insisted on tying to them. Edward offered to pull both so I took the carry-ons. He was hesitant to hand over his backpack, but in the end he let me sling it over my shoulder.

"Are we renting a car for the weekend or just shuttling from here to there?" I asked as we walked outside.

"Everything we have planned is within walking distance from the hotel, so we'll just take a shuttle to the hotel."

"Works for me," I shrugged. I slipped my coat off since it was a little warmer here in the summer than it was in Washington.

Edward stood the suitcases up so he could rest his arms for a couple minutes, but as soon as I set our other two bags down he wrapped one arm around me and pulled me to his side.

"Are you happy to be here?" he asked, cupping my cheek and tracing his thumb along my cheekbone.

I grasped his waist in my hands pulling his body just a touch closer to mine. I could faintly feel his hardening length against my stomach, and I knew that was due in part to my hand on his thigh almost the entire flight.

"I am," I answered earnestly. I offered him a smile and leaned up on my toes to kiss him chastely.

"I can't wait to get behind a locked door with you." He whispered in my ear when we parted. An involuntary shiver shot down my spine and I was _so_ tempted to slip my hand between us and brush it against the front of his jeans, but I didn't.

We stood like that for the five more minutes it took before the shuttle for our hotel arrived. Only three other people got on with so we sequestered ourselves to the very back in a corner seat. Edward pulled me down onto his lap as soon as he could and made sure I was sitting right on his growing bulge.

He wanted me.

There was never going to be anyone else who could make me feel so sexy, and _wanted_. But above all, I knew no one would ever love me like Edward Cullen did; so irrevocably and unconditionally. And I knew I loved him the same way.

We arrived a little too early to check in so we decided to leave our bags in the hold room and went to grab some lunch. Edward took me to a small place he and father had gone to several times while they were here. It lived up to the credit he gave it, and I told him I wanted to come back and try one of the breakfast specials.

We still had about a half hour to kill so we settled for just walking around and talking. Edward went on and on about Dartmouth, getting more and more excited with ever sentence. It was adorable to watch him like this, practically skipping as he described the campus, and the libraries, and the surrounding area.

I had never seen him so passionate before outside the bedroom. It was endearing.

After checking in we grabbed our bags that had been brought out for us and headed up to the third floor. I was reveling too much in Edward's arm around my waist the entire time to admire the colors throughout the hotel, or the artwork, or the fact that we had reached our door in what felt like seconds.

We took a moment to put our stuff down, walk around and appraise the nice small suite Edward had booked. He pulled the curtain shut and kicked his shoes off. I made the sure the door was 100% locked, chain, knob and all before kicking my own shoes off.

As soon I was within a foot of him Edward reached out grabbing my hand yanking me to him before backing me against the bed and pushing me down so he lay on top of me. My hands immediately flew to the buttons on his shirt as his mouth latched onto mine.

I got his shirt undone in record time pushing it down his arms and then grabbing for the hem of the t-shirt he wore underneath. Edward rolled over onto his back taking me with him so I was straddling his hips. He sat up and yanked his t-shirt over his head before reaching out for mine and lifting it over me.

He grabbed my face and pulled me down for another searing kiss rolling us back over so I was on my back now. My legs parted easily for him. He settled between them thrusting against me so I could feel his erection on my center. I was aching for him at this point.

My bra was next to go followed by both of jeans, socks, and his shorts. "Fuck," Edward cursed under his breath as he was just about to slip my underwear off. "Forgot the stupid condom."

"Where are they?"

"In my backpack, hang on."

He crawled off the bed and I watched, my mouth watering, as he and his gorgeous bare ass crossed the room to grab protection. I took the opportunity to shed my underwear and prop myself up on some of the pillows. I felt my ego swell as Edward turned to walk back towards the bed and his mouth dropped open at the sight of me spread bare and waiting for him.

He practically lunged at the bed, swallowing hard, and ripped the wrapper open quickly sheathing himself before wrapping me up in his arms and thrusting into me. My back arched off the bed forcing him deeper. We both sighed and groaned at the same time reveling in the familiarity of each other.

I wasn't expecting this to be slow; I wasn't expecting us to take our time. We were finally alone after weeks of waiting with no one else around. I wrapped my hands around his back clutching at him as he pumped in and out of me with an abandon I had rarely ever experienced from him.

Something told me Edward was doing this to reassure himself that I was still with him. That I still _wanted_ him. That I still _loved_ him. I pushed up against him motioning for him to roll onto his back. Once I was settled above him I bowed over his chest and took his face in my hands as I began riding with just as much abandon as he had with me moments ago.

My hair formed a curtain around us as I leaned in closing the space between our lips. Edward sat up not breaking the kiss between us and drew my legs around his waist. He wrapped me up in his arms, pulling me into the position that I loved the most. It was the most intimate one we shared.

As soon as we got a new rhythm working between us the pace slowed and we simply moved together, one person, one body.

~*~*

"Do you want dinner?" Edward asked some time later. We still lay in bed completely naked, just touching.

"I am a little hungry." I admitted, my hand ghosting up and down his side.

"Is room service ok, I really don't feel like going out right now? I'm enjoying us too much."

I laughed lightly and leaned in kissing him. "Sounds great to me." We made out lazily for a couple extra seconds before Edward, driven by his growling stomach, got off the bed and snatched the room service card from the nightstand.

I got up after we decided what to order and tossed Edward his shorts as he sat down in a chair. I grabbed some clean clothes from my suitcase and headed for the bathroom, listening to him on the phone ordering dinner.

"Can I come in?" I heard a minute later from the other side of the door.

"Yeah sure," I answered running my brush through my hair.

"Why did you put clothes on, you don't have to answer the door?"

I smirked at my reflection in the mirror and set my brush down. "Is this not naked enough for you?" I asked gesturing to the purple baby doll I was now wearing.

Edward responded by walking up behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist. One hand dropped to my hip while the other snaked up to cup my breast. I practically collapsed back against him as he started mouthing the back of my neck.

"I love the purple," he whispered in my ear as he pressed his hardening length against my ass.

"Jesus, Edward," I hissed reaching forward and grabbing the edge of the sink for support. "I swear you're going to kill me one of these days."

"Only in a good way," his breathy voice tickled the hair on the back of my neck. I moaned throatily as he nibbled on my ear lobe. "And only if you promise to return the favor."

His hand crept to the hem of my baby doll and he hiked it up my thigh so he could gain access to the matching lacy underwear underneath. Just as his fingers began playing with the seam there was a bang on the door announcing that our dinner had arrived.

"I'm not answering the door dressed in this."

"I'm the one completely naked here." Edward retorted.

"Fine, give me your shirt." I said extracting myself from his arms. Back out in the room Edward tossed me his button down and I quickly did it up before answering the door.

I took the tray from the young man standing there and rolled my eyes at him as he looked me up and down appreciatively. I slammed the door in his face. "What's wrong?" Edward asked as I walked in with the tray.

"Nothing, I was just repaying the kind room service boy for his appraisal of my current state of dress."

"Oh…" Edward nodded and yanked his shorts on before throwing a t-shirt over his bare chest.

We ate our dinner on the bed, feeding each other French fries and laughing at the sitcom Edward had turned on, on the TV. Afterward he surprised me with the strawberries he had ordered as well. I know it sounds really overdone and really cliché, but feeding each other strawberries is a very sensual experience.

Before we passed out for the evening Edward made sure all of the dirty dishes were outside in the hall so they would be picked up before stripping down and crawling back into bed with me. He took the button down off me leaving me in my purple baby doll.

I fell asleep with Edward spooned up behind me, my body cradled in the safety of his arms; nowhere else was ever going to feel so secure to me.

We were both reluctant to get out of bed in the morning not wanting to leave the comfort of each other's embrace. I could easily spend the rest of my life lying in Edward's arms. The world could be ending around me and I still wouldn't move. Not that Edward would let me go anyway.

I opened my eyes to find him watching me sleep. He leaned in and kissed me softly in greeting. I reached up to cup his cheek, my finger tracing along the couple days worth of growth he had going.

"Don't shave today," I whispered to him.

"If that's what you want. How about we go back to that little place for breakfast. You wanted to try it, remember?"

"Ok, but first I want you to shower with me."

Edward grinned broadly. "I think I can manage that."

After our long, hot shower (not entirely for cleansing reasons) we got dressed for the day throwing smiles and sultry looks at each other the entire time. Today Edward wanted to show me Dartmouth, all 269 acres of it. I honestly doubted we would walk all those acres, much less see them, but Edward was so excited to show me everything he had seen I couldn't deny whatever fun he intended for us today.

He talked animatedly all throughout breakfast, hardly touching his bagel. I had to keep stopping him every three minutes to make sure he breathed and actually ate. I didn't bother trying to get a word in, I just listened to him go on and on about how positively beautiful the campus was.

I'll admit it lived up to his descriptions.

"Oh my God, Edward, this is…this is…" I started. He wrapped an arm around me pulling me to his side.

"Yeah, I know. But wait till you see everything else."

We spent the majority of the morning just walking the campus. We couldn't go into a lot of the buildings since it was the weekend, and the next guided tour wasn't until Tuesday. He showed me everything starting from the Baker Memorial Library, reciting some of the history that he had no doubt heard on the tours he'd been on in the past.

We ventured to the Dartmouth Medical School, and after rattling off the history he went on to describe, very, very excitedly, the teaching hospital with 396 beds several miles south of us in Lebanon in the Dartmouth-Hitchcock Medical Center. He pointed out all of the different on-campus housings as we passed them, the dining halls, and the other libraries.

I was very impressed overall, but I admitted some small insecurities to Edward as we were leaving. It was close to two now, lunchtime. I was starving after walking almost the entire campus, and was seriously craving something…I don't know, just food. As soon as Edward mentioned Mexican food my mouth watered uncontrollably.

After lunch the rest of our day was spent walking around the surrounding area taking in some sites and enjoying the sunshine. We stopped at a small park and sat down on the grass to rest our feet. Edward rubbed my shoulders for a while before I turned and wrapped my hands around his neck pushing him down onto the grass and leaning over him while I kissed his mouth over and over.

I tried to keep it as PG-13 as possible since we were in a public park after all, but it was difficult. I was hormonal crazy for this man and nothing was going to stop me from achieving my ultimate nightly goal of sexing the life out of him.

After returning to the hotel we ordered pizza for dinner and had it delivered. I soaked in a hot a bath while Edward shut his eyes for half an hour. I was still enjoying the remnants of my bubbles that were floating around when the pizza arrived. I heard Edward get up and answer the door to my relief, since I wasn't too keen on moving. I had just kept adding more hot water and draining out a little as the minutes went by.

Edward eventually came in to find me almost completely submerged. "What the hell have you been doing in here for the past thirty-five minutes, besides pruning."

"I'm enjoying the luxury of hot water and soap."

"I think you've enjoyed it long enough, time to get out." Edward grabbed one of the large white towels off the bar and held it open for me.

Pouting the entire time, I stepped out of the tub and let him wrap the towel around me and start rubbing me dry. I liked the feel of his hands through the towel as he patted me as well. I grabbed an extra towel and started drying my hair.

"Hurry up before the pizza gets cold. I ordered a movie, too, and it starts in two minutes."

"Hey, if I have to wear a towel, so do you." I said to his reflection in the mirror as he walked out. Edward turned and raised one eyebrow at me. "You heard me, strip."

"You want to do it?"

I put my towel down and turned to face him, grabbing the hem of his t-shirt and lifted it over his head. I yanked his belt open, popped the button and pulled the zipper down slowly on his jeans. I started crouching as I pushed them down his legs, along with his shorts.

"Ok, now you're naked."

"I'm aware, thank you." I tossed Edward a fresh towel and watched him wrap it around his hips letting it hang low. "See something you like?" He asked when he caught me staring.

"Oh I see a lot that I like."

Edward grabbed my hand and hauled me out into the room where we settled on the bed just as the opening credits for the movie ended. He plated two slices of pizza for me and handed me one of the 20 oz. bottles of Coke he had gotten.

After dinner we cleaned up and relaxed on the bed, making out more so than paying attention to the movie. It didn't take long for the towels to be shed and our bodies to be moving together in perfect harmony.

We fell asleep in much the same position as we had the night before, except that we didn't bother to switch off the lights or the TV. I woke up to the alluring smell of coffee and rolled over to find the space next to me in the bed empty. Sitting up and stretching I saw Edward at the small round table in our room sipping on his cup of liquid gold and reading apartment brochures.

"Good morning, beautiful." He greeted me with a smile and got up to walk over and plant a sweet kiss on my lips.

"Good morning, I smell coffee."

"Yes you do. Throw some clothes on while I make you a cup. I got breakfast, too."

Once he showed off the pancakes waiting for us I hopped out of bed and got dressed as quickly as possible, the sooner to start licking syrup off his lips. But that never happened. We looked over the plethora of brochures he had been nabbing all weekend wherever we went and decided on five places to visit today and look at.

Our search started as soon as breakfast was done, and we both had finished getting ready for another long day ahead of us. I was really looking forward to going to dinner tonight. Alice had taken me out for a new dress just for the occasion. It was a basic black dress with a shirred halter-top. It hit just above the knee and wasn't too low cut.

The first two apartment complexes close to Dartmouth we looked at were very promising, but slightly pricy. We were only looking at off campus housing since there were no two-person on campus apartments, or co-ed dorm rooms. The next one was a little further from campus, but Edward was going to have his Volvo brought cross-country for us to use.

Thinking about cars in any way always reminded me of my truck, and I felt a pang of sadness in memory of the vehicle that no longer was. As promised, it had been dismantled and given a proper burial. I even made a cheap little headstone for it.

_Here Lies Bella's Truck_

_1953-2009_

_Beloved Bulky Vehicle_

Only two weeks later my walking cast was removed, and two weeks after that was this past Friday. We had decided to wait until my cast was off until we went away for the weekend, just to make things a little easier. I had only needed the two weeks prior to this trip for physical therapy, and a lot of it I could do in the comfort of Edward's bedroom, with him helping me of course.

Two days before we left I went to visit Jacob and set him straight. He'd been calling me all throughout my recovery, begging me to leave Edward. He went on and on about how I couldn't trust him anymore, and how I wasn't guaranteed that he would never hurt me again. I knew Jacob was just as torn up about my truck as I was, since it had been his before it was mine.

Before I went over to his house on Wednesday I had a very long conversation on the phone with him about why I was coming over in the first place and if he even mentioned me breaking up with Edward once I was walking out and not speaking to him again until I wanted to.

I was with him all afternoon, and even though there were several occasions where he was on the verge of mentioning Edward no longer as a part of my life, I stayed. I stayed until Jacob got every single bit of frustration off his chest, and then I dished it back in kind. I let him know with whom my heart truly laid, and how I would die before I left Edward. Separating from him just wasn't an option to me.

I reminded Jacob over and over that I loved him like a brother, and that he was one of my best friends; that I trusted him with any and everything; that I knew I could rely on him when things got tough. We parted as friends and I promised to keep in touch with him after I went away to college.

"Bella, what do you think?"

I snapped my head to the side as Edward's voice broke me from my reverie. I looked up at the apartment complex he was motioning to. "It's ok," I said after judging it for a minute. "I don't know about the whole itty-bitty balcony thing. If they're going to be that small why bother having them at all? It's like wasted space."

Edward chuckled softly and leaned over pressing a kiss to my temple. "It's just for decoration, Bella, you're not actually able to go out on them."

"Oh…"

"Getting bored?"

"No, just a little tired. We've been walking, walking, walking for the past two days."

Edward turned us around and we started heading back down the street. "Well than why don't we skip the last apartment and go back to the hotel for a nap before dinner, or sex, or something."

I laughed out loud and secured my arm tightly around his waist. I let my hand slip down into his back pocket palming his ass. I loved how his entire body tensed for a moment from the unexpected touch.

We wound up taking a nap since both of us were exhausted and Edward wanted to save his energy for later tonight. I simply shook my head at him and tucked myself into his arms sighing as I got comfortable against his chest. He woke me up with gentle nudges and feather light kisses an hour later reminding me that we had a reservation.

I changed into my dress for the evening and stepped into the only pair of heels I owned, thankful that they were black ones. I was satisfied with the expression on Edward's face when he saw me all ready for dinner. He then appeared to grow nervous, his eyes shifting around the room.

No matter how hard he tried, the uneasy vibe he was exuding didn't fade all evening. I could feel my suspicious attitude from the airport making a comeback.

~*~*

I reached across the small table we shared and laid my hand on Edward's. His head immediately snapped up and he apologized for not answering the question I had just asked him.

"I'm ok…sort of. I just…don't want this weekend to end." He looked me straight in the eye, his voice no higher than a soft whisper.

"I don't want this weekend to end either." I confessed. I started to lean across the table and Edward met me halfway pressing a soft kiss to my mouth. We sat back down in our seats just in time for our waiter to place our dinners down in front of us.

The food was hardly touched since we spent the majority of the time after it was delivered just talking. We picked on it here and there, and I enjoyed the two or three bites I got in. I could tell Edward was anxious to get back to the hotel, so we skipped dessert, didn't bother to box up the leftovers, paid and left.

As soon as we were outside Edward grabbed my hand and didn't let it go, just as he had at the airport. The only difference this time was he was trembling slightly.

"Edward, are you sure nothing is wrong?" I asked him when we reached the elevator.

"I'm positive, Bella, I swear." He didn't look at me. I let out a sigh and let my eyes fall downcast.

Once we were behind the lock door to our room Edward tossed his jacket over a chair and disappeared into the bathroom, locking the door behind him. I was officially freaked out now. What the hell was going on with him?

"Edward," I knocked on the door.

"I just need a minute, Bella, please."

"Ok,"

I walked over to the window and slid it open so I could go out to the small balcony we had overlooking the pool. No one else was outside, despite the warm air blowing through. It was nice here this time of year. I would be able to get away with t-shirts and capris.

I heard the bathroom door open in the room but I didn't turn. I just stared up at the full moon over my head contemplating Edward's behavior. Maybe the bright celestial orb had something to do with it.

"Bella,"

I turned when I heard him say my name. He looked so scared, so anxious. I took his face in my hands gently brushing some hair off his forehead. "Edward, please I'm going crazy, tell me what's wrong."

"I already told you nothing is wrong." He said firmly. "But could you do me a favor and shut your eyes for a moment."

I dropped my hands from his face and did as he asked, sliding my eyes closed slowly. I felt Edward take my arms and move me so I was standing with my side to the balcony rail. Then I heard him move, and take my hand between both of his.

"Open your eyes,"

I gasped loudly when I took in the scene before me. There was no way this was happening. There was no way Edward Cullen was on one knee in front of me, holding my left hand. _Oh God_.

He looked up at me with eyes I had never seen before on him. They were so full of love there was no room for any other emotion. He took a shaky breath before beginning,

"Bella, I can't guarantee I'll never hurt you again. I can't guarantee I'll never be angry. I can't guarantee that I won't mess up more frequently than I should. But I can guarantee that I will always be there in the morning when you wake up. I can guarantee that I will never leave you alone. And I can guarantee that I will love you forever, every single day of forever." Edward stopped then and took a deep breath before continuing. "Isabella Marie Swan, will you marry me?"

I don't know what made me do it, but I suddenly found myself dropping to my knees in front of him. Edward just stared at me waiting for an answer, my hand still clutched between both of his. My mind was whirling too quickly for me to make any sense of the thoughts cascading through it.

I leaned in crushing my mouth to his in a searing kiss that almost knocked him backwards. "Is that a yes?" Edward breathed when I finally pulled back.

I nodded fervently, tears welling in my eyes. "_Yes_," I whispered.

He dug into his pocket and pulled out his closed fist. "Then this is for you." He opened his hand to present me with the simplest, most elegant ring I had ever seen. It was one band twisted so that the two ends passed each other, each tipped with six small diamonds. He slid it into place onto the third finger of my left hand, and then took my face in his hands and kissed me.

We stood up, not parting from each other, and turned so he could pull me into the room. He broke away for just a moment to close the curtain and then resumed his original position. We toppled onto the bed, already removing each other's clothing.

How had this turn of events occurred? How was I now laying here with my…my fiancé? Edward moved me back toward the pillows with an arm around my waist, arching me off the bed so he could pull the zipper down on my dress. I felt it leave my skin and heard it flutter to the floor.

He was already down to his shorts above me, rubbing impatiently between my thighs. I just wanted him, I wanted to hold him, touch him; I wanted to love him. I cried out his name when he pushed into me, holding my legs to his sides to deepen the angle. I was so lost in so many different feelings and emotions that my mind completely zoned out for a moment and when I came back Edward was still hovering above me, waiting.

He had wrapped my legs tightly around his hips and was supporting most of his weight on his arms. I reached up taking his shoulders in my hands and rocked my hips against his. He rocked back in return, a teasing smile on his lips. We traded playful thrusts back and forth for several minutes before the rhythm turned serious and soon the only sounds filling the room were our labored breathing mixed with deep moans, and the soft slap of skin on skin.

I reached up again at one point taking Edward's face in my hands and brushed his long hair out of his eyes. "You need a haircut," I whispered to him.

"I'll take care of that when we get back."

"Not too short, you know I like something to play with."

"I thought there something even longer that you enjoyed playing with."

I grinned and rolled my eyes at him. And then I bucked my hips hard to shut him up. I came only moments after he did, moaning his name loud enough that people in the next room would be able to hear it if anyone was in there. He collapsed on top me, his head on my heart.

Words were left unspoken between for what felt like hours. We eventually shifted so Edward could hold me cradle me to his side and stroke my waist, as was his habit after sex almost every time. I stared at my engagement ring for a long time still unable to believe that it was real. I looked up the line of the body of the man beside me and caught his eyes staring at my ring as well.

"What are you thinking?" he asked me when he saw that I was staring at him.

I pushed myself up onto one elbow so I was half hovering above him. "I'm thinking…I'm thinking that I don't want to wait." I whispered.

Edward's eyebrow quirked. "What do you mean?"

"I don't want to wait years, or even months. I want to marry you."

He sat up now and so did I. We stared at each other for a long time before Edward dropped my gaze and started shifting his eyes around the room. I reached out stroking some hair off his cheeks before leaning in and kissing the side of his face.

"I'm serious, Edward."

"I know," He was silent again for a full minute before turning to look at me, taking my hand in his. "Why so suddenly?"

"Because…" I bit my lower lip in thought. I knew exactly what I had to say, but I wanted to make sure I delivered it correctly. "Because this fall is going to mark a new beginning for me; a brand new chapter in my life, a fresh start, Edward. Something I've needed for over a year now." I cupped his face with one hand stroking the line of his cheekbone with my thumb.

"I want you, always. I dream about being with you forever, and I want that forever to start now. I love you so much, and nothing is ever going to change that. This isn't a plea for security. I'm much stronger than I was at the beginning of the year, and that's almost entirely thanks to you. You helped me to realize that living with pain, and just simply living are two different things. And for the longest time I thought I was just living with my pain. Surviving. I wasn't.

"I was a zombie, Edward. I was just floating through the days of my life going through the motions because they brought some form of comfort to me, but never digressing was holding me back from _really_ living. And you helped me to see that. I owe you my life."

"You don't owe me anything."

"You saved me, brought me back to life. When I thought I had nothing left in this world to love, I remembered that I still had you, even if I entertained the thought that I would never _have_ you, I still _loved_ you. Please, I don't want to wait."

Edward let out a deep breath as I finally finished my speech and responded by wrapping one arm around me and drawing me back down to the bed with him. "I honestly wasn't expecting such a request from you. But I suppose it makes sense. I…I need a little time to think about it."

"Ok,"

"Try and sleep, we have a morning flight."

"I know,"

~*~*~*

Edward's Point of View

_What the hell was I supposed to think now?_

I lay awake all night going over and over Bella's confessions, her request, her answer to my proposal…everything that had led us to this point in our lives. I didn't sleep, while Bella rested peacefully in my arms. I wouldn't have it any other way, but as morning approached and I remembered that we had an 8 AM flight, I was regretting not even trying to shut my eyes.

I suppose her request did make sense in a way. At least for her. She had said it wasn't a plea for security; she just wanted to marry me. Those words had made my heart swell to a size that I didn't even think existed. But they frightened me as well. I wasn't expecting her to ask that, I was expecting to go home today and announce to my sister that she would have a wedding to plan, but she had the next five years to do it.

I had never seen myself being married until I was done with college, and Bella was asking me to do it now as soon as possible. Could I? I love with every fiber of my being, but just thinking about taking that last step was horrifying. I could ask her to marry me, yes that was terrifying enough, but to actually walk down the aisle with her within the same twenty-four hour period?

I needed air.

I got out of bed and pulled my shorts on crossing the room and opened the window. The early morning air was a little crisp, but it felt good. It helped to clear my head. I turned back around when I heard movement and saw Bella inching over into my place that I had recently abandoned. She sighed happily in her sleep burying her nose in my pillow.

The image of her finding comfort like that pulled at my heartstrings. This was something I could get used to seeing every morning. Suddenly an entire life flashed before my eyes.

_Bella and I were almost done with college, looking for a house together…something not too big, but not too small. Just the right size to start our family in. With enough room to grow of course…_

…_Two little children ran past my legs, one with vibrant bronze hair just like mine falling down her back in perfect ringlets. The little boy she was chasing had thick brown hair that stuck up at different angles. They both turned to me, one pair of green eyes and one pair of brown eyes staring at me. _

"_Daddy!" the little girl called, waving at me. "Aren't you going to follow us?"_

…_I sat down in the chair next to Bella's bed as the nurse walked over and placed a tiny wrapped bundle in my arms. I looked down into the most beautiful hazel eyes I had ever seen. I looked back up at Bella who was smiling down at our newborn child the same way she had when the first two had been born…_

…_Today was our second daughter's wedding day. Bella and I were in the room with her making sure everything about her was perfect. Her dark auburn hair was styled into a perfect elegant knot at the back of her head, the veil tucked ever so gently around it. I watched Bella's eyes tear up as she draped the front of the veil over our daughter's face and told her how beautiful she looked. _

"_I'm scared," she whispered, turning to look me in the eye. Today was also her nineteenth birthday. "Are you two sure you're ok with this?"_

_I took my wife of thirty years into my arms reminding our youngest that we had been the same age when we married. Our children had grown up seeing us fight only a dozen times or so. And no matter how mad we got at each other, we never went to sleep angry, and we told them that. _

_Growing up in a stable family with loving parents had done wonders for all three of our children and the eldest already had children with their spouses. Hearing all of this gave our youngest daughter strength and courage. She beamed with absolute radiance as I walked her down the aisle…_

I had collapsed into a chair as all of these images passed before my eyes. I tried so hard not to cry, but I was so _scared_. I was scared because I _wanted_ it, all of it. I just never expected to want it all so badly so soon.

Yes, I decided, I wanted to marry Bella.

"Wake up, sweetheart." I whispered a little while later into Bella's ear, rubbing her arm gently. "Wake up, we have somewhere to be, remember?"

"No…I don't want to get up." Bella grumbled flipping over so she faced away from me.

"Oh I think you do and I know the reason why."

Bella turned back over; her eyes level with mine since I was crouched at her side. "And what exactly is that?"

"Because I called the airport and switched our flight to an afternoon one. We have somewhere very important to be in two hours time."

Her eyes immediately lit up with what I meant. There was no erasing the radiant smile that graced her features as she realized that in two hours time…she would be my wife.

~*~*~*~*~*~

A/N: **PROFILE UPDATE FOR THIS STORY AND "LITTLE BUNDLE".** Sorry I didn't mention LB earlier, I forgot. "Heaven's Grace" will be returning shortly as well.

Thank you everyone for reading!!! Please review!!!


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